Chapter Sixteen
"Jesus Christ! What the hell was that?"
There was no answer, and Faith felt like her head was filled with cotton. She struggled to open her eyes and when she finally succeeded, she was met by an incredibly well lit room. She winced at the brightness, but she forced herself to keep looking. More than a few painful moments passed before she could comfortably tolerate the glare, but when she could, she moved on to her next trick.
She tried to sit up, only to discover that she was restrained to some sort of hospital bed. Her arms and legs were strapped down tight, and not with standard issue straps either. The ones currently holding her in place were definitely Slayer strong, and she couldn't budge an inch.
"Hey, any..."
A coughing fit struck her as she tried to yell out, and it didn't improve her mood. She cleared her throat and tried again:
"Anybody out there? Hey!"
Seconds later the door swung open cautiously as a somewhat startled man poked his head into the room. He didn't make a sound as he stared at her, then quickly ducked back out as he closed the door firmly behind him.
"Wait a sec! Mister, wait!"
She struggled against her restraints, then began swearing:
"Fucking shit...What the hell is...Somebody wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?!"
She was right in the middle of a full-blown tirade when the door reopened and Buffy herself entered. She looked a little shaky, but just the sight of her had Faith calming down almost instantly.
"B, man am I glad to see you. What the hell's..."
Buffy approached the bed slowly, her voice soft and low:
"How are you? Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Little fuzzy around the edges and I want these fucking things the fuck off...But yeah, I'm okay."
"Do you know where you are?"
"Not a clue. Wanna fill in the blanks?"
"What's the last thing you remember?"
"What's with the questions? Rather you supplied the answers while you get me the hell outta these."
"Faith please, just humor me for a minute."
She could feel her anger beginning to build as she looked at Buffy.
"How ‘bout you humor me by untying me?"
"Please?"
She couldn't ignore the pleading look in Buffy's eyes, so she decided to cooperate.
"Okay, last thing I remember...Red mowed The Brothers down, you staked Spiran, I dove into the Hellmouth, you and the gang hung on ‘til you could pull me clear. Was all happily ever after, then there was a light and I woke up tied to a bed. That's all I got."
"Okay."
"'Okay'? B, it's gonna take a lot more than ‘okay' here."
"Are you thirsty? What am I saying, of course you're thirsty."
"B..."
Buffy moved to bedside table and picked up a pitcher:
"I'll bet you're just..."
"I'm just getting pissed off because you won't tell me what the fuck is going on!"
Buffy continued pouring water into a glass, and Faith could see that her hand was shaking.
"What's the deal? Why are you all shook up?"
"Just drink first, okay? I know how thirsty you are."
"Goddamn it, I want some answers!"
"Here...Please, Faith?"
"......Fine, I'll drink the damn water, but then I wanna know what the hell this is all about."
Buffy held the straw and Faith had to admit it tasted delicious. It was the best water she'd ever had, and she downed four glasses before she was sated.
"Okay, we got the all important water outta the way, think you could start explaining?"
"..."
"Pretty obvious you're not gonna untie me so..."
"No, I'm going to."
Buffy unstrapped her legs, then nervously sat down in a chair that had been placed right next to the bed. Her hand reached out and linked with Faith's, their fingers entwining automatically.
"You deserve an explanation for sure."
"But not my arms untied?"
Buffy looked scared as she blew out a tremulous breath.
"I'm not untying you all the way because...I think you're going to be mad...upset...You're going to be everything."
"B, no matter how mad I get...Shit, I'd never hurt you Buffy."
"What? Oh Faith, I know that. It's just that I need you to hear me out. I promise I'll untie you, but I have to be sure you'll stick around until I've explained it all."
Faith's laugh wasn't an amused one:
"Well damn, doesn't this sound great already?"
"Are they too tight? I could loosen them if..."
"They're fine, now stop stalling. Where are we?"
Buffy took a deep breath:
"...We're in England."
"England?"
"Yes. We've been here for two months."
"Two months?! I was out for two months?!"
"Um..."
"And just where the hell in England are we?"
"We're in a hospital...in London...a private hospital...The Council's hospital."
"What?! Fuck! B, did they hurt you?! Are you okay?! We gotta get outta here! C'mon, let me loose, we have to..."
"Shhh, just listen."
Faith continued to struggle as she tried to break loose:
"I'll listen when we're safe. B, we gotta motor!"
"It's all right, I promise. We're safe."
"'Safe'?!" How the fuck can we be ‘safe'?! These are the same bastards who..."
Buffy's other hand gently pushed Faith's shoulder back onto the bed:
"Faith, do you trust me?"
"Course I do, but what's that..."
"Then please try to relax and let me explain."
"But B..."
"Trust me."
Faith did, very reluctantly, but she did.
"This is fucking nuts, but go ahead."
"I'm not really sure where to start."
"Maybe by telling me how one second I'm fighting the good fight in Sunnydale, and the next I'm here in Hell Central."
"It's complicated."
"Got that."
"..."
"Goddamn it B!"
"Please let me tell you the whole story before you..."
"I get it, okay? No blowing my top ‘til I hear the whole deal. Now would you please fucking tell me?"
Buffy's grip tightened, the pressure increasing until she would have broken a normal person's hand. Faith merely squeezed back.
"B, just say it."
"......It wasn't real. None of it was real."
"What?"
"There was no barrier, no vampire named Spiran. The Hellmouth never opened and..."
"What are you talking about?"
"You remember going to jail in L.A.?"
"Of course I remember! Was in for almost two fucking years."
"You were getting worse. You were suicidal, maybe even heading back to...Anyway, The Council was worried about you."
"The Council?"
"Quentin Travers."
"Travers was worried about me, was he? Buffy, he's the fucker in charge of the goons who tried to waste us! Fucking maniacs were shooting at both of us on that roof. You can't trust that bastard as far as Xander can throw him!"
"That's what we thought too, but we were wrong. Those men, they weren't his people. They were part of a covert group inside The Council. They were trying to take control, and when Mr. Travers found out about them..."
Faith couldn't take it anymore:
"For Christ sake, the guy's lying! The whole deal's nothing but screwy! Yeah sure, I was a little down at first, it was rough. But Angel helped me and I worked through it. Not claiming I was singing and dancing, but I was..."
Buffy shifted closer in her chair:
"Faith, you were only in jail for five months."
"...What the hell are you...B, think I know how long I was crammed inside that shitty little hole. I counted off every single day in there, so don't try telling me..."
Buffy's other hand began stroking Faith's hair in a slow, soothing caress.
"I know it's confusing."
"No, it's horseshit. Why are you..."
"Your memory will start coming back in a little bit."
"'My' memory? Don't think it's mine that needs coming back. Shit, this is crazy!"
"Please, just hear me out."
The look on Faith's face clearly showed her disbelief and anger, but it was Buffy asking her to listen, so she did her best to remain calm.
"...Yeah...Okay, go on."
"Mr. Travers came to Giles and me. We didn't trust him at all, not at first. But we investigated his story, Giles used every contact he had, and it turned out he was telling the truth. The men who came after you were a rogue unit, and they were not operating under Mr. Travers' orders. It's a long story, but he cleaned up The Council, he's one of the good guys."
"Uh-huh."
"He was concerned about you, so he came to me for help."
"Man, this is rich. That bastard doesn't give a shit about..."
"He asked me how I felt about you."
"Why? Was he hoping you'd do his dirty work for him?"
Buffy's eyes left Faith's as her voice spoke the words:
"...I...I said I hoped you rotted in jail. I said if you killed...yourself...I said it'd be just fine with me."
Faith's anger faded just like that:
"Hey, it's okay B. Not like I deserved anything more from you. How the hell else could ya feel? C'mon, it's doesn't matter anyways, that shit's way behind us now."
"When Mr. Travers left, Giles and I had the biggest fight we've ever had. He was so angry with me...I've never seen him so mad. He called me a liar and a coward. He said I had no compassion...that he was ashamed of me."
"Aw B, no way he meant any of that. He was probably just..."
"Oh he meant it, he absolutely meant it. He kept looking at me like I was a stranger he didn't trust, and finally he told me to go home, so I did."
"You know how much he loves you, he musta been..."
"By the time I got home, I was beyond furious. I couldn't believe after everything you'd done, he just expected me to forgive you. I thought he was being unfair and I knew he didn't understand. There was no way I could forgive you, it was impossible."
Faith squeezed Buffy's hand until Buffy met her eyes again:
"B when we get a chance, we gotta hash all of this out. I don't ever want you beating yourself up about any of it. It was all my fault, you didn't do anything wrong, not one thing, B. We need to get it squared away so it can't ever get between us again."
"If that's what you need, okay."
Faith nodded, relieved:
"Okay, good...Alright, so ya went home."
"Yes, and that night I had a Slayer dream."
"Man, no rest for the weary."
"You came to me Faith."
"Me?"
"You were so sweet, just like you used to be. You told me I should cut you loose and never look back. You said I deserved to be happy, that you wanted that for me."
"Great as I sound, gotta confess no bells are ringin' here."
"You told me how sorry you were for hurting me, and you made me laugh when you said I couldn't beat you to death in a dream. God Faith, it felt so good to laugh with you again, like everything was how it was supposed to be. You told me you'd be okay, and then you said goodbye."
"Yeah well as nice as this is, I don't think I..."
"I woke up then, and I finally understood what Giles had been trying to tell me. I went to his house and we called Mr. Travers. He came over and explained all of the options to us."
"Sounds like big fun."
"He got your sentence reduced and had you released into a ‘doctor's' care. We brought you back to Sunnydale, but you weren't too happy about it. You tried to make us kill you."
"I what?"
"You wanted to die. We were barely able...I was barely able to stop you."
"What the hell are you talking about? Yeah sure I tried that once with Angel, but I never pulled that shit again. No way."
But there was something there, gliding just along the edges of her memory, slowly starting to squirm its way in.
She saw herself threatening to snap the neck of some British guy she was holding, heard herself screaming that she would do it. She saw herself doing her best to give the one guy holding a real gun a clear shot at her.
The flashes kept coming and she saw herself escalating everything, twisting and turning until the man cried out in pain. There was no response and in the quiet, the sound of his arm snapping followed by his agonized scream, seemed horribly loud. Still the gutless Council guy would not shoot.
"...No...That never...That never happened."
"Shhh...It's okay, it's okay Faith."
Then she saw her chance. Buffy came running into the room and she tightened her hold, actually cutting off air now as she became desperate. She saw the terror on Buffy's face and she knew she had to use it. She twisted the guy's head right to the breaking point and watched as Buffy's body tensed as it readied to spring into action. She moved subtly, leaving just her head exposed as she offered the Council idiot a kill shot, and a kill shot only.
She could hear her only thought as it repeated over and over and over, "God, please don't make me kill him, just shoot." But the Council guy's eyes were on Buffy, and Buffy was talking to her. She couldn't hear her, all she could hear was the roar of the pain as it began swallowing her whole. Then Buffy was on her, knocking Giles away to safety as the two Slayers fought.
The fight was vicious, and Buffy was at a disadvantage. She was trying to contain and control Faith, but Faith was fighting to the death. It took awhile, but then she had her. She could kill Buffy right now, the Council asshole would have to shoot then. If slaughtering The Slayer right in front of him wasn't enough, what the hell would be?
She looked down at Buffy and she hesitated. This couldn't be the price, could it? How could she ever pay it? And then Buffy was throwing her clear and smashing her in the head with...
"...B? What...What the fuck is this?"
"It's okay, your memory's coming back. Just let it happen."
"Not like I got a choice."
"Do you need me to stop?"
"...No...Think I need you to...to keep going."
Buffy sat back down and picked up the story:
"We brought you back to Sunnydale and we did everything we could think of. We tried so hard, but nothing worked. Then Giles and Willow had to come here to help Will, and when she got better, they started researching to see if they could find anything to help you. They stumbled onto something they thought might work, so you and I flew over. It turned out that it wasn't what we needed, but Giles was so positive they were close, we stayed here and waited. Then they had it, but no one was sure if we should do it."
The flashes were a steady stream now. She saw the fear in the eyes of everyone who looked at her. She saw Buffy's face full of worry, saw Giles as he sat by her bed reading to her. She saw Travers as he spoke kindly to her about the goodness she had inside and about how the world needed her. She saw Angel uncomfortable and unable to relax, a vampire surrounded by vampire killers as he held her hand and told her stories about his life.
She saw Willow glowing white as she murmured some weird words over her. She saw Xander and Anya talking about the movies they thought she might like, and she saw Dawn asking for her advice about "the cutest boy who ever lived." She heard Buffy's voice raised in anger and in fear:
"No! You are not going to inject her with that stuff! There has to be another way. What about that thing Giles and Willow..."
"We've exhausted all our options, Ms. Summers. I'm afraid there's nothing left to try, nothing safe at any rate."
"I'm The Slayer, I'm never safe. How do we do this?"
"Quite simply, we don't. The very idea is insane and you cannot seriously..."
"I've never been more serious in my life."
"I'm sorry Ms. Summers, but I cannot permit..."
"Get out of my way."
"Please listen to reason, the risk is far too great for you to..."
"Get out of my way...now."
Buffy's other hand joined their already linked ones:
"We went on a journey together. It's called, ‘The Truth of the Heart'. It's dangerous and complicated, and there's only been one other time it's ever been done successfully. I think Giles said it was in 1347."
"...And the point of this thing?"
Buffy blew out a frustrated breath:
"God, I'm not explaining this very well."
"Gotta agree there."
"What we did is intense, really intense. Everyone who's ever tried to go as far as we did has either died or gone insane. It's too much emotion, it's too much everything."
"But we came out of it just fine...Why?"
"Because Willow helped us. She kept us safe with magic."
"If it's so dangerous, what the fuck did you do it for?"
"Faith, you weren't going to make it. Your guilt was killing you, and you just kept getting worse. We'd tried everything else, there was nothing left to do. I had to try; I couldn't just watch you slip away."
"And the flashbacks?"
"We had to suppress your memory. Now that the spell's over, you should remember everything fairly soon."
"So exactly how'd this ‘Truth' thing work?"
"It's complicated, but first you have to get a sense of the person's true feelings. I talked with Angel and he thought..."
"Soulboy chipped in too?"
"He wanted to take the journey with you, but demons can't, not even if they have a soul. It wouldn't have worked with him anyway, it had to be me. I knew I had to look for specific things, and then Will just guided me into your mind."
Faith's gaze seemed fixed on a point past Buffy's shoulder.
"This just keeps getting better. What were you looking for?"
"I had to learn about your life from before...I needed to know what was hurting you the most."
"Cool. Hey can I see the consent formed I signed or did I just give you a verbal okay? It's weird ‘cause I don't remember agreeing to let you poke around in my head, fuck I can't even remember you asking."
Buffy swallowed, her throat dry and getting drier with every word.
"...You fought me, I almost couldn't get in. You had these huge walls up and at first it seemed hopeless. But then I kept seeing us dancing together, then you were at my house for Christmas or we'd be patrolling. Whenever you thought about that stuff, your mind would get all light and happy and your walls would disappear. But then the bad stuff would come back, and I'd lose track of you again."
"..."
"I told Giles, Angel and Willow what I'd seen, and we all thought it was worth the risk. We had to come up with the perfect scenario, something that your mind would accept. Once we had it, we did the spell. Our minds merged, and all our fears and desires became real. Most people get lost in their fears, I did at first. Will had to keep helping me get out, and then I was able to focus on the plan to help you. It was hard, but she pushed us both and we finally just went with it. There were glitches along the way, but we both believed it was really happening."
"So who decided what the final scenario was gonna be?"
"..."
Faith's eyes drilled into Buffy's, dark and intense:
"Whose fucking idea was it, Buffy?"
"It was mine."
"Based on what you learned after being in my head."
Buffy's eyes were almost pleading now:
"Faith, you have to understand. I had a choice to make, there was nobody else who could. I wasn't even sure if I was picking the right thing, and we would have died if I didn't get it right."
"Always were gutsy."
"I trusted my instincts, and it fit perfectly with what The Council needed to test."
"...'What The Council needed'...Well fuck yeah, can't ever forget what The friggin' Council needs. Way important, for sure."
"I know how it sounds, but they had to be sure of how you'd react in certain situations."
Faith was smiling, but the sight was not a pleasant one.
"Yeah? So tell me Buffy, how'd I do? I pass with flying colors or they got me scheduled for a makeup?"
"I know how you feel, but it wasn't..."
"Definitely know how I feel, 'bout all kinds of stuff. Just came right on in and made yourself at home."
"It was an extreme situation. You were barely..."
"Let me save ya some time, it's all comin' back. I was nuts, losing my mind big time. The pain was too much, I was lost in it with no way out. All I wanted was to die."
"We...I couldn't let that happen. I had to do something."
"So it was all fake. Just a big experiment to try out on The Council's newest lab rat."
"Yes...No...I mean, it wasn't like that. Faith, I was trying to help you."
"And I'd say you did what ya set out to do. Marbles back in place, got no desire to kill myself or anybody else. I'd say it was all a big success. So what's next? On my way to a nice Slayer proof cell so my new bestest Council pals can poke and prod to see what makes me tick?"
"No, nothing like that. You..."
"Gonna off me if I don't toe the line?"
"Faith..."
"Might be best all the way around. Get some new chick to play Robin to your Batman. No way she can be any worse than what we got."
"That's not..."
"But I do wanna thank you for the mindfuck. Nothing like a buncha fake memories to carry you right over the rough spots."
"...Have you listened to a word I've said?"
"Sure, can even recite'em all back if ya want. No? Hey, how ‘bout I give ya a little sum-up instead? Okay, first there's Faith. She went nuts, probably making her way right back to evil again. Gotta..."
"That wasn't the main..."
"Hey, no interruptions please. Now where was I? Oh yeah, we're already at the good part. So Buffy being Buffy, well she had this big sense of obligation. The kind ya feel when ya see a worthless mangy stray gettin' its ass kicked to the curb."
"That's not how I see..."
"So our hero being the hero that she is, well of course she does the heroic thing. She learns all about the second-rate Chosen One, then risks big danger to use that info to save the fucking day. How am I doing so far, Slayer?"
"...I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to save you."
"Mission accomplished. But FYI? There's all kinds of ‘saving'. Next time ya come running to the rescue, might wanna go with something a little less personal. Just sayin'."
"You don't understand. I..."
"Oh I understand, I understand it better than I've ever understood anything in my whole fucking life. I'm me and you're you. Far as I can tell, that's everything right there. But my hat's off to ya, played your part and did your job just great like always."
"Faith..."
"You're amazing, real inspiration for the rest of us, but now it's time for you to haul ass home. Get to go back to your extra special ‘Buffy' life and bask in that goodness ya practically got shootin' outta your ass. Better enjoy the downtime while ya can ‘cause it won't be long ‘fore the next poor soul's just ready and waiting to be saved."
"Please don't do this. It wasn't like that, just let me..."
"Think you could let go of my hand now? Had about all the comfort from you I can stand for a lifetime."
Buffy let go and stood up. She could barely see through the tears that were trying to break free and pour down her face, and she had to struggle to speak:
"You have to understand, nothing was like what you're..."
"Geez Twinkie, how many fucking times do I gotta say it? I get it, okay? I was crazy, you were guilty, and you rushed right in and did your sacred duty. Big pat on the back for you ‘cause you did it. I'm fine now, it's all good and blah fucking blah. That's it, it's all wrapped up and we got nothing left to talk about."
"What about...What about how we feel about each other?"
Faith laughed, the sound slicing into Buffy like a knife.
"Christ Buffy, grow the hell up. Who the fuck knows what all of that was? Maybe the spell messed up, I got no clue. What I do know for sure is I'm not feelin' it now. Never made sense anyways, how could it? Sure as fuck ain't never been my style and you know that. Maybe some wires got crossed or something, who gives a shit now?"
"I do."
"Yeah? That figures. Well you can feel how ya wanna, but I can't go all starry-eyed about some pretend fucks. Sure I'll admit I've always wanted a taste, but you know I'm all about the one-nighters. Truth is out here in the real world, there's nobody who means any more than that to me. Sorry if you were expecting different, but that's just the way it is."
"Faith..."
"Little free advice: better get a grip or it'll be your turn to visit Nutsville. And Buffy? Much as I wish I could claim otherwise, no way would I put my ass on the line to pull yours clear. It's just not in me, so better not count on it. Hey, send The Council in on your way out, yeah?"
Buffy fled from the room sobbing. She blew past Giles and Willow before they could get to their feet and disappeared into the restroom.
"Oh dear, that doesn't look good."
"No...I guess I'd better go find out what happened."
Giles stood up:
"I shall accompany you."
"Giles, she's in the bathroom."
"Oh yes, yes she is. Still, if she needs me..."
"We'll call you."
"Perhaps I should check on Faith?"
"Yeah...I don't know. Maybe we should wait until we see what Buffy has to say?"
"Yes, I suppose that would be the wisest course. All right, I'll stand at the ready then."
Willow went in and heard Buffy crying as if her heart were broken. She was in the very last stall, and Willow knocked softly.
"Buffy?"
"..."
"Buffy?"
"...Just go away Will."
"We have to talk."
"It doesn't matter. She...I don't wanna talk."
"Buffy come on, open the door."
"Just leave me alone, okay?"
"Okay."
Willow backed up, got a running start and smashed into the stall door.
"What was that?"
"...Ow."
"Did you just try to break in here?"
"Yep...and boy, did that hurt."
"Willow..."
"But as soon as the pain eases off, I'm going to try it again."
"..."
"It's going to be on your head if I break something."
"Just stop and go..."
Again with the impact and again with the:
"Ow."
"Willow, if you don't quit, you're going to hurt yourself."
"Too late, my shoulder's killing me."
"This is ridiculous."
"Well sure, but I need to get in there."
"Listen, you just need one good kick."
"Hey, I never even thought about kicking!"
"The trick is to hit right where the lock is."
"Okay, that makes sense. How do I figure that out?"
"It's easy Will, see the screws?"
"Just a sec...Uh...nope. Where should I be looking?"
"Look on the left."
"My left or your left?"
"Uh...mine, I guess."
"Which way are you facing?"
"Your way."
"I don't see anything, Buff. Are you sure they're here?"
"Yeah, they have to be. Hang on..."
The door opened and Buffy came out to take a look.
"Yeah, see Will? Bend down...See, right here."
"Where? Oh, I see them now."
"So all you have to do is kick right here and the door will open for sure. It's not like they use industrial strength screws...Oh wait, maybe they do...What exactly does it mean if something's ‘industrial strength'?"
Willow thought it over, frowning in concentration:
"I'm not sure...Strong enough for industry maybe?"
"Maybe...Well, whatever. Just kick right there, and you'll be in."
"Good to know, but Buffy?"
"Uh-huh?"
"I don't need to get in anymore."
Buffy looked up from the door and laughed.
"Okay, I guess I got outfoxed. Or maybe I should say I was ‘out Willowed'."
"It can happen to the best of them."
Buffy went to the sink and splashed cold water on her face. She patted it dry with a couple of paper towels, but the tears were still brimming in her eyes.
"She's so hurt, and she's acting like nothing happened."
"Well in a way, nothing did."
"Yes it did! We fell in love, our feelings were real."
"Of course they were."
"Dr. Havers said that's what brought her back."
"I know."
"She's okay now, everything should be good."
"But it's not."
"No, it's not. Will, it's so far from anything good...The way she looked, the way she talked to me..."
"She wasn't like you thought she'd be?"
"I knew she was going to be upset, but I thought it'd be okay. I mean, I love her and she loves me. Everything should be good."
"So you still want to be with her?"
Buffy looked shocked and furious at the question:
"Of course I do! God Will, how can you even ask me that?"
"I don't know, maybe because you're here in the bathroom while the woman you love is upset and all alone."
"...I didn't want to leave her."
"She's Faith Buffy...Faith. She's never going to be easy, and you just told her the thing she's always wanted the most didn't really happen. She's loved you forever, and she thought she'd finally won your heart."
"She did! My heart is completely hers."
"But she doesn't know that now. She thinks it was all fake, just a trick. She's hurt and she's angry, she doesn't know how else to act."
Buffy wiped her cheeks with her hands.
"I know, but..."
"You love her, right?"
"More than anything."
"Well then, go show her."
Buffy looked puzzled:
"...Go show her?"
"Yes. If she won't listen to you, then go show her how you feel."
Buffy's sudden smile nearly blinded Willow.
"I can do that! Will, I can totally do that! I'm going to go show her how I feel!"
"Yes you are. Well? Go get her!"
Buffy hugged her and tore out of the bathroom. She blew past Giles so fast, once again he had no time to get to his feet. He sat there patiently, resigned to the fact that he was obviously never going to keep pace with his Slayer.
There was a loud crash in the restroom, and then a rather sheepish looking Willow emerged.
"I heard a noise, is everything quite all right?"
"Who knew it would really work?"
"Sorry?"
"Never mind. Okay, everything's okay now. Buffy knows what she needs to do."
"Yes?"
"Yep, it's all gonna be fine."
Giles smiled, clearly happy and relieved:
"Splendid! Although I must say I could do without all the turmoil and fuss. I suspect they will offer up quite a lot of that in the coming days...probably the coming years as well."
"Yeah the word ‘calm' doesn't exactly describe them, does it?"
"No it doesn't, but it's clear to see they belong together."
Willow's happy smile made her look like a little kid:
"They're just like peanut butter and jelly."
"Bangers and mash."
"Giles, it has to be something good."
"Fine...cookies and milk then."
"Tea and crumpets."
She looked at him expectantly.
"Willow, I no longer wish to play this game."
"Grump. Hey, wanna buy me lunch?"
"But shouldn't we remain nearby in case Buffy needs our..."
"Trust me, all Buffy needs right now is some alone time with Faith. We should probably warn them at the desk."
"'Warn them'? Warn them of what exact...Oh...Oh yes, of course. Quite right."
His glasses came off, and his handkerchief appeared in his hand as he began frantically cleaning his already spotless lenses.
"Giles just breathe, okay? Just breathe."
"Yes, that's sound advice...I think breathing would be most useful. I'm all right now, it's not as if I wasn't young once myself, you know. It's just..."
"I know, it's just that it's Buffy."
"Yes well I shall have to endeavor to get over it, won't I? Her happiness lies with Faith, and that does nothing but delight me."
"I know. It's just the idea of her doing...you know...that gives you a major wiggins."
Giles indignantly put his glasses back on:
"Well it's not just me! I'll have you know she once told me I couldn't have a personal relationship because I was too old and it was gross."
"Well she's kind of got a point."
"Willow, that's hardly fair. I believe we're all old enough now to understand..."
"Yeah but you're the dad. Nobody wants to think of their parents..."
"Fair enough. Could we please leave this most unsettling of topics?"
"Jolly good old chap. Off to a splendid repast now?"
Giles took her outstretched arm as he got to his feet:
"I'm afraid your accent is still quite abysmal."
"Hey, points for effort would be greatly appreciated."
"I'm not at all certain they're deserved."
"At least I'm trying to assimilate. Buffy's the one who goes all crazy whenever someone mentions spotted dick."
"Yes, it does cause her to behave most immaturely."
They headed for the elevators and Willow fairly skipped ahead of him, then began walking backwards as she went.
"Not me though, no siree. I keep a stiff upper lip."
"All right then, compared to Buffy you're a very good English...
"Buffy's a barmy bird, ain't she?"
"Willow, please."
"Go on guv, don't be such a horrid bint."
"That's not quite the proper usage for that particular..."
"Please kind sir, may I have another?"
"Oh bloody hell."
