Chapter Nine

The meeting was scheduled to take place in about two hours, and Buffy was chomping at the bit. They'd left a signal for the Scoobies yesterday, and the Slayers had received their answer last night. The meeting was at 3:00 this afternoon, and if something prevented it from happening, they would all try again tomorrow at noon.

Faith didn't understand the system and she didn't bother trying to learn it, despite all of Buffy's arguments that she should:

"But Faith, if something happens to me, you'll need to..."

"Nothing's gonna happen to you that doesn't get me too."

"Maybe, but just in case you..."

"B, can ya pipe down? That shit's boring, and all I'm looking for is to grab some Zs."

"Okay fine, but don't come crying to me if I get killed."

"Promise I won't say a word. Hey why don't you try doing that right now, show me how it's done?"

"Very funny smartass."

"I do what I can."

Faith leaned back against a tree and pretended to sleep, but that wasn't possible with all the fidgeting Buffy was doing. She knew Buffy wanted to pace, but she wasn't quite ready for that yet. Technically, she was nowhere near ready for that.

Her back still hurt her, her ribs were still tender, and she was generally sore and weak. She was way too thin, she was still covered in cuts and bruises, and she had deep dark circles under her eyes. Physically she was off, but mentally she was all Buffy.

She let out another Slayer-sized sigh, and Faith gave in.

"Okay B, wanna talk or something? Might help pass the time."

"That'd be great."

"What do ya wanna talk about?"

Buffy shifted awkwardly, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Well...maybe it's more what we'need' to talk about."

"...Yeah, probably."

"So how did everyone react when you showed up?"

"'Bout like you'd expect. Red damn near incinerated my ass."

"What stopped her?"

"They were all so scared for you, had to hear me out."

"Yeah, I guess they've been a little freaked."

"'A little'? B, nobody's got the right words to explain how worried they've been. Fuck, even G-Man was losing his cool."

"Giles?"

"Yep, your Watcher was starting to melt right the fuck down."

Buffy smiled and shook her head slightly at the thought:

"Wow, you don't see that every day."

"Not every day they think you're getting the shit beaten out of you."

"Yeah."

Faith began fiddling with the grass next to her leg.

"Uh...Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"Um...What about..."

"Know where you're heading, but maybe we oughta just let that lay. No sense complicating the sitch with..."

"I think the'sitch' is already way more than complicated. Besides, I need to get things as clear as possible, and that part's still a little fuzzy and confusing."

"Like that for me too, and I wasn't even under a spell."

"See? It'll help you too if we talk about it."

Faith gave her an incredulous look:

"B..."

"Maybe you could just tell me what you experienced, how it was for you?"

"Pretty sure you don't wanna hear any of this, Blondie."

"Since I'm the one who's bringing it up..."

"Yeah, but do ya even know what you're bringing up?"

"Look, can we stop with the cryptic stuff and just talk honestly to each other?"

Faith sighed and stared off into the distance looking nervous and uncertain. It took a while, but when she finally turned back to Buffy, she seemed resigned to her fate.

"Okay B, honest talk. Not so run-of-the-mill when it comes to us, but I'll give it a shot if you will."

"I'm in. Okay, so what was it like when you got the...what should we call them? Visions, dreams, messages?"

"Musta been the first night you got caught. Was sleeping in my bunk, then all of the sudden I could hear you. Was real faint, not like that time we...you know, after our big fight. When I woke up I was freaked'cause I could still feel how scared you were. But then I figured it was just my fucked up mind messing with me, so I kinda forgot about it."

"What changed? How'd you finally figure it out?"

"Kept hearing you, then I started getting a look. Saw what they were doing to you and then I got these little flashes of things, the things he was making you think were true. Saw Red as a vamp, saw Xander getting his heart yanked out, shit, I saw it all. I could feel you fighting to hang onto what was real, and I felt it when it slipped away from you."

"God, that's amazing."

Faith began pulling up blades of grass and letting them float away on the breeze.

"Then it got more intense, like I was standing in the room with you. I tried to get through but I guess the pain and confusion were too much. Got so even awake I could hear you calling to me, begging me to come...so I finally did. How'd you know I'd come B?"

"I don't know, I just did. I'd overheard Spiran and his Mystics talking, and I thought it might be possible for you to enter the barrier. If it wasn't, I knew you needed to be in Sunnydale in case I couldn't hang on and the barrier fell."

"As if that'd ever happen."

"Anyway I trusted you, and I was obviously right to."

"So far. Wouldn't start countin' my chickens if I was you."

"Don't try to play the'Bad Slayer'. I know that's not you anymore, and you know it too. Just be 'Faith'."

"Not always too sure who the fuck that is."

"Well if you've got any questions, just ask me. It turns out I've finally figured her out."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Buffy spoke up:

"Faith, I never sensed you. I mean, not like what we shared when...you know, the Mayor thing."

Faith sat there dreading what was coming, but there was really no way to avoid it.

"Yeah."

"But there was one time I did feel you."

"..."

"Faith?"

"Not sure what you're getting at B."

"..."

"Anyways, what time ya got? Maybe we oughta..."

"Faith?"

Buffy's voice was patient, but her eyes had now lasered in on Faith.

"Christ B, just leave it."

"I can't...I need to know."

"And ya gotta know right the fuck now?"

"I'm thinking I needed to know a long time ago."

"Don't we got plenty going on? Can't see the sense in just prying open the biggest can of worms and..."

"I won't force you, not if you truly can't do it. But if you can, please try Faith. I really need to talk about this."

".........Fuck me, this never fucking changes, does it?"

"What?"

"You, me, us! Every fucking time I'm near you...Buffy, what do you want from me? I already said...Jesus, it doesn't matter. Not like it's gonna change a fucking thing so..."

"Everything's already changed. I just want to talk about this while we're both conscious and sane. I'd let it go but with our track record, well I'm thinking that's way on the risky side. I need to talk to you about this, I need to hear you say it."

Faith stood and began pacing. She seemed angry, and Buffy left her alone. It was a long time before she finally sat back down:

"Fine, let's get it over and done with. Ask your questions and I'll answer'em."

"Thank you."

"Yeah whatever, go."

It wasn't the most inviting opening, but Buffy took it anyway.

"Okay...So um, that picnic dream...That was really us, wasn't it?"

"...Yeah."

"But how? I mean, do you have any idea how we did it?"

"Maybe."

"Faith, I know this is hard, but one word answers aren't really answers at all. Could you please just..."

"I'm not sure. Just know I was all worried about you like last time when The Ascension was...you know."

"So you were concerned about me?"

"...Yeah."

"Even after we fought back then, after I...stabbed you, you were still..."

Faith began fidgeting as she fought the urge to stand and pace again.

"Listen, just wanted you to hang on is all. Not something we gotta analyze to death, just how it was."

"And it's happened twice now. I'm thinking maybe it's you who makes it..."

"Hey, I got a great idea! When we get outta this, you and Giles can figure it all out. He'll definitely be able to come up with..."

"...happen. Anyway, this time you just kind of went along with the scenario. Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

"...Tried to give ya the heads-up, but I couldn't. All I could do was kinda go along, was having enough trouble just sticking there."

Buffy was staring off into space as she thought back:

"It was weird because I could feel that something was different. I guess I must have known it was you."

"Had to settle for giving you a pep talk, was all I could seem to do. Tried to stay, but I woke up and could never get back. Was like a wall went up."

"Maybe Spiran figured it out and blocked you somehow."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Well I guess that explains it all."

Faith looked incredibly relieved.

"Yeah, guess that answers..."

"Did you mean what you said?"

Faith remained silent as her relief evaporated just like that.

"Did you?"

"...B c'mon, this isn't gonna take us anywhere good."

"I think you're wrong about that, but I still need to know."

"And it's always gotta be your way, yeah?"

"That isn't fair and you know it."

"Seems to me I've had plenty of unfair shit just rainin' down and last I looked, nobody was crying about any of it."

"Would it help you if I..."

"Wanna know what would help? Be a big help if you fucking dropped this and let us both forget how I spilled my guts to you like some dumb fucking girl. Think you can do that Buffy?"

"Is that really what you want?"

"Between the two choices I got? Fucking right that's what I want."

Then the silence was back, and it lasted until it was broken by Buffy's soft question:

"What if you had another choice?"

"Huh?"

"What if you had another choice?"

"'Another choice'?"

"Yes."

Faith shot to her feet looking angrier than Buffy had ever seen her. She stalked over and thrust her face right in front of Buffy's, her lips pulled back in a snarl:

"You listen to me and you listen good: I am not playing this game with you. There's too much riding on the next few days and no way can I...You know, I never thought you'd pull this shit. Sure you can be a little self-involved sometimes, way oblivious at others, and we all know you've got the whole'holier than thou' thing down cold. But that's just you, and I'm cool with it most of the time. Hell, guess I'd have to say I even dig it most of the time, but I never, and I mean even at your worst, never thought you were such a fucking bitch."

Buffy labored to her feet, her own anger pushing Faith away from her and into an upright stance.

"You wanna talk about'self-involved'? God, just like always you think you know it all and you don't know a damn thing! But hey, don't let that stop you for a second F, make sure you strike first before I can hurt you. I can't believe how stupid and infuriating you are! Do you think any of this is easy for me? You're a girl Faith, and so am I! None of this has ever been..."

"Oh geez, please forgive me, Your Highness. Know it's gotta be pretty upsetting to realize a homicidal dyke's in love with you. But no worries B, anybody'd feel like you do. Your precious rep's still all pure and intact."

"Faith..."

"Sincere apologies I scare you so fucking much, but hey, ever think about me? Last time I went nuts 'cause I couldn't have you. Yeah that's right, the master of the one night stand, the one who lived by the motto'Get Some, Get Gone', went and fell for a little uptight girly girl. What kinda sick fucking joke is that?! Never loved anyone my whole shitty life, then I gotta get saddled with you."

"Will you..."

"Jesus! I know you're way outta my league and I know for damn sure you're always outta my reach. You don't gotta explain it anymore, alright? I get it."

"Faith, will you just..."

"Fucking got it the first goddamn second I saw you. You're The Slayer, the one who always does the right thing. Me? Just some big cosmic joke, a fuck-up who wouldn't know the right thing if it bit me in the ass wearin' streamers. But don't worry, came to terms with that. I'm not gonna go nuts again and jump sides when it starts going down. Just gonna do what I'm told and then I'm heading my ass right back to..."

Buffy kissed her, softly at first, but then with a passion that set them both on fire. When they pulled apart, Faith looked stunned and Buffy looked happy.

"Okay, at least I got you to shut up."

"...What...What the fuck did you just do?"

"Well I admit I'm not at my best, but surely you could tell that I was kissing you."

Faith raised her hand to her own lips, tracing them slowly, almost reverently:

"Kiss was fine...best I've ever...What the fuck were you..."

"Faith, I'm trying to tell you that although I'm confused...I feel something for you. Yes it throws me, boy does it throw me, but I don't care anymore. I'm through running."

"You're'through running'?"

"Yes. I think maybe I've always been scared or maybe I was just stupid, probably both. I guess it doesn't really matter anymore."

"Exactly what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I don't know what it means, but I want us to figure it out together. Obviously this isn't the time or place, but I want you to know that I have feelings...I mean, feelings for you. Not just feelings either, but'feelings' feelings. I don't know what I'm feeling, but I do know I'm feeling'feelings' feelings when it comes to you. And I know they're the kind of feelings that make me feel..."

This time it was Faith who shut Buffy up. When they broke apart this time, they both looked dazed and happy.

"Damn B, kissed a shitload of people and it's never been like this."

"I understand completely."

"You do?"

"I do."

The smirk on Faith's face was all the warning Buffy got:

"...Hey, did we just get hitched?"

"Shut up, you idiot!"

"But B, you said you do, and I sure as hell do! Man, this is great! Always wanted a wife to cook for me and do my laundry and fetch my slippers."

"I don't cook, I shrink everything, and you don't wear slippers."

"Aw, why ya gotta ruin the fantasy?"

"That's your fantasy?"

"Well when it comes to you, guess I got some others lined up."

"You do?"

"Still with the vows. So tell me B, just how long you been jonesing to tie the knot with me?"

"Oh, you wish."

"Guess we'd better swing by a jeweler's and score ya a ring. Do we still gotta get an engagement one, or is the whole ball and chain thing gonna be enough?"

Buffy could not stop laughing. Faith was back in her element teasing and embarrassing her, and they were both having a blast.

"Okay, let's go."

"What?! B, I'm shocked! Supposed to wait'til the ring's on your finger'fore ya start puttin' out. Gotta admit though, if you're offering, I'm happy to take you up on it."

"I meant, let's go meet the gang."

"Now that could get sorta tricky. Don't think they like me all that much. Didn't wanna say anything B, but your family's kinda irrational and judgmental sometimes. I mean, what's a little attempted murder between in-laws? See that shit on'Jerry Springer' all the fucking time, and those people seem okay."

Buffy was still laughing and it felt good. In fact, it felt wonderful.

"Would you please just turn around? I thought you could give me a ride now, and that way I'll be able to walk when I see them."

"Be happy to give you a ride, but if I do it right, well no way are you gonna be walkin' when it's over."

"Faith!"

"What?"

"You know what."

"Alright, gonna be good now."

"I'll have to see it to believe it."

Faith turned her back to Buffy:

"Hop on. Gotta go show'em their girl's okay."

They began making their way to the checkpoint, staying under as much cover as they could while carefully avoiding the deep shade.

"Think they got any ideas how we stop this fucker?"

"Maybe. If they don't, they'll come up with some soon."

"Hope so,'cause I really want him dead."

"I'll see you and raise you on that want."

They continued on in a comfortable yet alert silence, aware of every noise and movement around them.

When they arrived at the rendezvous spot, Buffy slid slowly from Faith's back. She looked almost nervous as she straightened her clothes and ran her hands through her hair.

"How do I look?"

"Like The Slayer."

"That'll work."

"Sure does for me."

Buffy smiled at her shyly, their eyes meeting and holding.

"Hey B?"

"Uh-huh?"

"You're really something."

"You're not so bad either."

"Maybe, sometimes. But you? You're money in the bank."

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