Chapter Eighteen
When Faith finally made her way up to her bedroom, correction, Buffy’s bedroom, she found her bag outside in the hall and not packed with what anyone would call the greatest of care. The message was clear, but she tried the door anyway. Locked.
She stood there contemplating breaking her way in, then decided against it. She was too tired for a big fistfight, and she knew it wouldn’t be fair on her part. She was the bad guy here, and Buffy deserved the right to toss her out, at least for now.
Shouldering her bag she spun around, her eyes landing on the room directly ahead at the end of the hall. She let out a deep breath, put one foot in front of the other, and took what seemed to be the longest walk of her life.
When she reached the door and gripped the knob, she saw that her hand was shaking slightly. Angel…Dead by the same hand she was now staring down at, dead because there just wasn’t any other way out of it for any of them.
She turned away, there was no way she could go in. Even though it probably stood empty or more likely had Giles’ books back in it, it was still Angel’s room and always would be to her.
She’d gone five steps before she turned back and re-approached the door. She was not going to walk away, she was all done with that. Everything she wanted, everything she needed was here, and she wasn’t backing down. It was just a room, one that represented hope and a fresh start and betrayal and death and crushed dreams, true, but she wasn’t going to let it beat her.
A minute went by, then two, and finally she flung open the door, strode in, and hit the lights. The room wasn’t empty, but it wasn’t Giles’ mini library either. It was still Angel’s room, all of his stuff left just like she’d last seen it, and it more than surprised her.
She dropped her bag where she was and closed the door behind her, her heart pounding. She began walking around slowly, touching this and that, the items she remembered him liking the best. She gently picked up a delicate looking snow globe that contained a tiny man and woman holding hands as they strolled downtown at Christmas time.
She shook it and watched the snow falling on them, a smile lighting her face. There they were: B and Angel still caught up in that corny Christmas miracle that had happened so long ago. They were strolling hand in hand forever, in love or friendship, it didn’t make much of a difference.
It had meant everything to him, that sign he’d been given that he mattered and had a purpose in the world. She’d bought him the cheap Christmas decoration for just seven bucks, and it was worth a million times that. It never failed to make him smile whenever he looked at it, and Angel had never smiled enough as far as Faith was concerned.
She gave it another shake, then sat it back in its spot carefully as she continued on her journey. She paused at the bookshelf and saw that some of the books were still out of order, she’d never come back to put them straight. Crouching down she made quick work of it, then stood up to admire her handiwork.
The closet was next and she opened the door hoping to be overwhelmed with his comforting scent. There was nothing, not even the musty aroma of age or dust. Clearly someone had been keeping the room clean because it smelled nothing but fresh and lived in.
She quickly found the shirt she’d given him years ago on his birthday. That was the year it’d been just him and her living and working together, fighting the good fight as they built upon a bond that would never be broken.
She laughed under her breath as she remembered the look of surprise on his face when she’d handed him the wrapped present.
“What’s this?”
“What’s it look like, dumb ass? Happy birthday.”
“…Is that today?”
She’d stood looking at him, doing her best to keep the sadness from showing:
“Yeah, it’s today. Angel, damn, ya gotta keep track of shit like that.”
He’d looked stunned, and then he’d looked touched:
“I haven’t had a present in…It’s been a long time.”
“Well that shit’s gonna change, startin’ right now. So? Open it!”
He’d unwrapped it slowly as if he were trying to make the moment last. When he finally got it out of the box, Faith could see in an instant that he loved it.
“Faith, it’s…it’s…”
“It’s wicked cool, is what it is. Put it on, we gotta motor.”
“Huh?”
“We’re headin’ out to celebrate. Not every day ya turn 400 years old.”
He looked at her, his eyes totally serious:
“I’m nowhere near 400. I’m only…”
“Whatever. Ya act like somebody’s grandmother no matter how old ya are. So let’s move it, we’re hittin’ the town and tyin’ one on.”
“Faith, I appreciate the gesture, but I can’t…”
“Here’s a gesture for ya.”
She grinned as she stuck up her middle finger at him.
“That’s what I think of your ‘stick in the mud’ act. We’re goin’ out, Soulboy. You’re gonna be safe as houses, give ya my word.”
“But…Faith, I don’t…”
She was already pulling off the shirt he had on, buttons flying everywhere:
“Look, I’m not gonna fuck you and neither’s anybody else. That means the soul’s safe, and there’s no rule that says you can’t have some fun. We’ll dance, drink, and make fools of ourselves. Good time for sure, but not gonna be anywhere near perfect happiness…Slayer’s honor.”
She had the new shirt on him and was buttoning it up as he stood before her in a daze.
“But…”
“No ‘buts’, Birthday Boy. We’re gonna show’em how to tear this fucking town right the fuck up.””
And they had.
They hit club after club, and they drank and danced in all of them. Angel was the worst dancer Faith had ever seen, but after a few lessons and many drinks, she had him moving in a fairly respectable fashion.
They went at it until just before sunrise and had to make a mad dash back home before Angel combusted. As they burst to safety through the front door, they were laughing and giggling like teenagers.
“Damn Soulboy, cut that a little close.”
“Yeah, I kind of lost track of time.”
“Me too. Guess we oughta hit the sack, yeah?”
“That sounds good, I’m pretty worn out.”
“With ya on that. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”
She headed for the stairs, but his voice stopped her:
“Faith?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. That was the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
She could see the emotion welling up in his eyes, and she knew she should keep it light.
“Me too. Watchin’ you do the funky chicken, well no way can anything ever top that.”
He laughed and hugged her, his lips brushing along her cheek before he let her go.
“You’re just jealous.”
“Oh yeah, you got some mad skills for sure. Happy birthday, Angel.”
“Thank you, Faith.”
That had been a good time, a great time. Getting Angel to loosen up and have some fun had meant a lot to both of them, and it was the least she could do for the man who had saved her life.
She had loved him, and despite everything that should have made it otherwise, he had loved her right back. He’d understood her in ways no one else ever had, and he’d shown her how to fight for her redemption. He’d been rock solid throughout her struggle, and she knew there was no way she could have ever made it without him. She had trusted him without question, and he’d proven time and time again that her belief in him was not misplaced. He’d stood solidly by her side no matter what went down, and he had been proud to call himself her friend.
She shook her head, making herself shake off the memories for the present. It was okay to be in his room. A little sad, way more than a little bittersweet, but it was comforting too.
She picked up her bag and tossed it onto the dresser, then stripped and hopped into the shower. The water rushed over her as she stood there enjoying the heat and the feeling of washing away the parts of her past she no longer wanted clinging to her.
When she’d had enough, she stepped out and grabbed a clean towel from the rack on the wall. She dried off in the loosest sense as she walked back over to the bed and pulled the covers down. She was tired, it’d been a rough few days, so she gave herself a quick exam. Most of her injuries were well on their way to healing, by tomorrow she’d be all shipshape and raring to go.
She threw her towel aside, hit the lights, and got into bed. She left the covers flung down, she felt kind of warm. The room was dark and she stared up at the ceiling wondering what Buffy was doing. Was she already asleep or was she also lost in her memories?
Faith wished she could just hold her and feel that silky skin against her own. She wanted to hear the soft regular breathing that meant Buffy had drifted off and was just where she wanted to be. Being with her had always made Faith feel like a miracle had happened and that all was right with the world.
She would lay there awake, waiting for the moment when Buffy would snuggle in even closer in her sleep and it was then that the snoring would start. It was such a loud noise that came from such a tiny body, but the sound of it was always soothing as it lulled Faith to sleep with a smile on her face.
But Buffy wasn’t with her, and it was now just a “one day at a time” deal. She was going to have to be patient because when it all came down to brass tacks, she didn’t even deserve another chance. She’d hurt Buffy, and the fact that she was forcing the issue anyway made her one selfish bitch. The only thing that made it okay was that Faith knew Buffy wanted her too.
They belonged together and that was never going to change, no matter how stupid either of them acted. It was all cool with Faith, she was going to do what she had to do. If she needed to grovel, she was going to do it. If she ended up having to seduce Buffy, that wasn’t going to be a problem either.
Sleep came for her then, and she let it take her away. She was tired and she needed her rest for what was to come. As she drifted off, she saw Buffy throwing away her only real weapon to save her, felt the warm strength when their hands met in their customary high five. She saw those hazel eyes flashing with passion and anger, and she was sure she could hear the sound of snoring. She fell asleep with a smile on her face.
*************************************************************
After spending two hours confined in a small space with Faith, Buffy had had enough. She stormed into her suite, gathered up Faith’s things, and tossed them haphazardly into her scuffed and worn bag. She opened the front door and flung the items into the hallway, then slammed and locked the door with more force than was strictly necessary.
“Fucking arrogant bitch.”
She headed for the shower, furious with Faith and furious with herself. How she could still be so attracted to her, how she could still want her so badly was something Buffy could not understand.
As she stripped and stepped under the warm spray, she knew what the problem was: she still loved Faith, just as much or more than she ever had. She wanted her, needed her, and God help her, she didn’t know how much longer she could last. Every time Faith looked at her, touched her, offered another infuriating comment, Buffy felt herself dissolving into a puddle of lust.
Those beautiful brown eyes still looked right through her, they could still read everything she was feeling. Then that smirk would show up, those incredibly sexy dimples would deepen, and Buffy wanted nothing more than to kill her…right after she took her again and again.
Faith looked harder, leaner, tougher, all things that didn’t seem possible, but whenever Buffy looked her way, Faith seemed to soften. Her whole being gentled, her voice became warmer, her eyes more tender, and everything about her seemed to settle. Even when Buffy was letting her have it, Faith still looked like she was right where she belonged, like she would never be anywhere else.
She turned off the shower with a murmur of disgust.
“I must be out of my mind.”
Because Faith had already proven that she would more than willingly be somewhere else, and she would be there for more than two years. She would screw other people, unnecessarily risk her life, drink herself to sleep, and then get up and do it all over again the next day. Faith threw love and happiness away like it didn’t matter, and Buffy knew it was all that mattered.
She got into her pajamas, determined to stop thinking about Faith. She’d been over and over it, and nothing had changed. Yes she still wanted her, but she was not going to act on it. She was just going to bide her time until Faith finally left again, and then she was going to be miserable, unhappy, unsatisfied and lonely. She was going to spend the rest of her life waiting for Faith, waiting for a woman who would never return. One who would never stay even if she…
“Enough!”
Buffy decided to watch some TV, but that idea fell by the wayside when she approached the couch. It still smelled like Faith, and Buffy’s body reacted instantly. She whirled around and headed into the kitchen, but after devouring two non-fat yogurts, she knew it wasn’t working.
She thought briefly about handling the problem herself, but she rejected that idea almost as fast as it entered her head. To solve a problem, you first had to admit that you had one, and there was no way in the world that Buffy was going to accept that. Not without a fight.
She didn’t want to be turned on and she sure as hell did not want to be extra turned on because of Faith. She wasn’t going to accept that she was in a bit of a situation and she wasn’t going to succumb to her urges. Buffy had way more self-control than that. Way, way more.
After prowling around her suite for nearly an hour, she gave up. She yanked open the door and headed to the one place that always calmed her. For over two years she’d gone there and it had never once failed to soothe her. She felt close to him there, as if his presence was all around her, and she felt loved whenever she sat still and listened for him.
She opened the door and entered quickly. She doubted anyone else would be walking the halls at this late hour, but she didn’t want to be spotted. This was her private place and she didn’t want to be disturbed. She locked the door and headed for the bed without turning on the light. She didn’t need it, she was intimately familiar with every nook and cranny the room had to offer.
Buffy sat down on the edge of the bed, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness as her mind kept whirling away. She was so hoping that the calm and serenity Angel always offered to her would find her tonight, but it took just seconds for her to realize it was not to be.
Even here she could smell Faith, the faint scent of her perfume and the much more tantalizing aroma of just her. Buffy wasn’t calming down, in fact she was revving up. Her body was suddenly painfully alive, every nerve fairly singing with desire.
Her nipples hardened, she became wet between her legs, and her breathing sped up until it could only be described as panting. It was confusing and she tried to control herself, but couldn’t. She wanted Faith and she wanted her now, it was all she could think of.
She started to stand so that she could escape what was supposed to be her sanctuary, when a strong hand grasped onto her arm and pulled her backward with a twist. She landed hard on an obviously naked body, and the scent that had been driving her wild invaded every molecule of her being.
No words were spoken, no movement happened as time stood still. Buffy could see Faith’s eyes staring into hers, could feel the want and desire flowing between them like a living entity. Faith looked frozen except for the tip of her tongue that involuntarily snuck out to lightly moisten her lips.
Buffy knew she needed to leave, she could hear a voice way off in the distance telling her to “go and go now”, but she stayed where she was. She was mesmerized by Faith’s smell, her smooth skin, her lips, and that tongue that was now hidden from her sight.
After a few more moments had passed, Faith released her hold on Buffy’s arm.
“I’m sorry, B. I…”
“Shut up.”
Buffy’s mouth slammed down, her tongue almost choking Faith as it invaded. Her hands roughly grabbed at her, pulling her hair as she jerked her head slightly to the side and forward to allow the kiss to deepen. Faith groaned, whether it was from pleasure or pain, neither of them knew.
She moved to touch Buffy, but before she made contact she heard the order:
“Don’t touch me. Keep your hands above your head.”
She complied and Buffy went back to devouring her. Faith made no move to stop her as her hungry mouth left a trail down her body, biting painfully until Buffy made her cry out. Her tongue quickly soothed the pain, only to move on to inflict a new injury.
Faith could do nothing except take what Buffy was handing out, and Buffy was not at all interested in being gentle. Her hands began roaming, twisting and pinching until she had Faith pleading:
“B, please…”
“I said, ‘Shut up’.”
Buffy reached the juncture between Faith’s legs and she never hesitated. Her tongue thrust in, penetrating as deeply as it could, and Faith’s cry was more of a scream than anything else. Buffy’s hand found her clit, rubbing almost too hard, and just like that, Faith was coming.
Buffy never slowed, her tongue plunging in and out, her hand moving faster and harder. Faith felt insane as she came again, more intensely than she had before. She could say nothing, do nothing, except go where Buffy was taking her.
Faith regained her senses to find that Buffy was now kissing her thighs, her fingers trailing along casually for the ride.
“Jesus, B…”
“Shhh…”
“What the hell do…Ow!”
“I don’t wanna hear it, not one fucking word.”
Faith was prepared to argue, but then Buffy’s lips and tongue were swirling all around her center, and once again she was lost. She was trembling, shaking, pleading, but this time Buffy would not grant her release.
She focused on teasing and tormenting Faith, driving her right to the brink time after time, then pulling back until she had calmed again. Her fingers shoved in hard and fierce causing Faith to moan and squirm, but Buffy never established any rhythm. It was torture, clearly payback time, and Faith could do nothing except beg.
It went on for a long time. Faith kept her arms above her head, even though everything in her needed to touch, then wrap around her tormentor. She didn’t know how long she could take it, but she was determined to ride it out.
Eventually Buffy took some pity on her and entered her with three fingers. She set the pace, slow and deep, and she quickly had Faith moving with her.
“God B, just like that…”
Buffy didn’t respond, at least not with words. She increased the pace, leading Faith right to the brink of her orgasm…and then suddenly, she pulled out.
“B, please…”
Buffy stood, her eyes fierce and glittering:
“I told you to shut up, F.”
She never looked away from Faith’s eyes as she removed her pajamas, slowly revealing her body inch by inch to a totally captivated audience. Faith again had no choice but to follow orders, she couldn’t have uttered a word if her life had depended on it.
Buffy climbed back on top of her, sliding along until their centers were perfectly aligned. She intertwined their legs together and sat up, pulling Faith right along with her. She began moving, slowly at first, then rapidly increasing the tempo until they were clinging to each other just to hold on.
Faith was moving with her, her hands wrapped tightly around Buffy’s back. There was just enough light to illuminate them, the sweat on their bodies glistening, their muscles rippling as they worked together. It wasn’t long before Faith’s hands slid down to Buffy’s ass, pulling her even closer as they both exploded into the most powerful orgasm of their lives.
Faith collapsed back onto the bed, pulling Buffy with her as they struggled to catch their breath. Buffy’s exhales were blowing loudly in her ear, yet Faith made no effort to move away. Her hands shook as she raised one to caress Buffy’s hair, letting the other rub slowly up and down her back.
It was quiet in the room with just the faint sounds of breathing, and then Buffy roused herself and began to sit up.
“Don’t leave, B, please.”
“Let go.”
“B, c’mon, stay here with me. I just wanna hold you and…”
Buffy pulled Faith’s arms from around her:
“You must be out of your mind if you think I’d let you hold me.”
“Maybe I am, but you want it too.”
Buffy sat up on the side of the bed, the scorn on her face perfectly matching the contempt in her voice:
“God, what do you think this was? I was just post slayage horny and you were convenient, you could have been anyone. It meant nothing except I wanted to get off and I used you to…”
Faith grabbed her suddenly, pinning her roughly to the bed.
“Don’t lie to me. You’ve never had casual sex in your life.”
“Well it’s something I learned how to do while you were away.”
Faith’s eyes darkened and her grip tightened to a bruising force:
“Fucking liar. You want me just like I want you.”
“Wow, I guess that means you’ve gone insane again, because…”
Faith kissed her, so delicately and so lovingly that Buffy could feel herself melting. She fought to stay still and not respond, but when Faith’s tongue slid slowly and softly over her bottom lip, Buffy gave in.
She kissed her back, their tongues meeting sweetly. She groaned and Faith released her hands, preferring to slide her own all over Buffy’s body. Buffy tangled her hands in Faith’s hair, pulling her head closer, and wrapping her legs around her waist.
“B, please…Let me be with you.”
Buffy wanted to stay removed. She wanted to stand up, calmly put her clothes back on and walk right out of the room. But she couldn’t.
The woman she loved was hovering above her, touching her and kissing her in the way only she could, and Buffy wanted her…she needed her.
“Yes.”
That one word was all that Faith needed. She spent the next two hours worshipping Buffy, making love to her in every possible way, showing her how much she loved her, how much she needed her, and how sorry she was that she had ever left her. She poured everything she was, everything she felt into her, and Buffy opened wide to receive it all.
Faith could have gone on forever, but she finally made herself stop when Buffy fell asleep. She grinned as she looked at her and kissed her way back up to her face. Yep, it was still the most beautiful face she’d ever seen.
She struggled to pull the covers up without waking her, and when she’d managed to do that, she eased Buffy into her arms and covered them both. She kissed the top of her head and smiled, deliriously happy to be where she was.
There were still a couple of hours until daylight, and she just wanted to savor every minute until then. She had the woman she loved all wrapped up in her arms, something she’d thought was an impossible dream just a few days ago, and she didn’t want to miss a second of it.
Suddenly Buffy moved and Faith froze, but all that happened was that Buffy murmured in her sleep:
“Mmm, Faith.”
She then snuggled in closer, and it wasn’t thirty seconds before the snoring began.
Faith’s smile grew larger; she was so fucked. There was no way in hell that she could stay awake now, no matter how much she wanted to. Still, she wasn’t a pussy, so she gave it her best shot.
She didn’t last long. The easy rhythm of the loud, grating noise emanating from the gorgeous blonde in her arms had Faith’s eyes fluttering against her will. She kept struggling, but in just minutes she could feel herself going under. She finally gave in, uttering her last words of the night:
“I love you, B.”
