Chapter Four
I Should Have Known Better
I'm being tortured by B. Well, okay, she's not actually torturing me, least not in the real sense of the word. But trust me, it's definitely torture just the same. I'm laying in bed and B is, as she put it: "getting to know me".
How'd I end up in a sitch like this? I agreed to it because I guess I'm some kinda fucking idiot or somethin'. B said it was only fair and then she was being all "Buffy" on me, and the bottom line is I'm now all jacked up.
Last night me and B had sex for the first time…times…and man, oh man, what a fucking night it was. And I mean it just like that. I've imagined us going at it ever since I met her, so it's only natural that doing the deed for real was gonna have to be a little bit of a letdown. No way could it ever live up to my fantasies.
Right. About that…
There was no letdown anywhere in sight at any time. It went way the hell past anything I ever came up with and headed right into the "Fucking Shoot Me in the Freakin' Head This is So Fucking Fantastic" category, and that was just for starters. It just kept going, getting better and better, like some kinda urban myth you just know has gotta be a lie, but then you find out that shit really happened.
We'd still be going if I hadn't made myself stop. I didn't wanna kill her our first time out, not the second time either…which this is, if you're keeping score by days and not actual separate screwings. I've got no clue what number we're on if you're going by incidents.
Last night I took charge, and what a ride. B'd never been with a girl before, so I figured it was up to me to steer her the right way, show her the ropes a little. Nothing wrong with that, 'sides when it comes to sex I'm always in charge, on top, in control, whatever anybody wants to call it. That's just the way I am.
Add in that I was a little on the excited side…Well, let's just say I made sure B stayed a pillow queen the whole night through. I had her coming like there was no tomorrow and I never let up on her 'cause I wanted it to be the best she'd ever had. She musta come ten times, and that's not counting the little ones either. I fucked her 'til she was out cold, and yeah, don't hold your applause 'til the end. I like hearing it all the way through.
It was all about her and that was just how I wanted it to be. 'Sides, I got off plenty. Just being with her was enough to have me losing it. And as the night rolled on I helped myself along as necessary. B's got some sexy as fuck knees and thighs, and we matched up just perfect in other places too. It was a good night, my best ever by a landslide, and all I wanted was to do it all over again.
Leaving her alone in bed when the morning showed up actually hurt. I begged G-Man to let me skip my "extremely important responsibilities", but he was an asshole about it.
"Faith, unless you can give me a reason, I must insist that you…"
"I gave you a reason already, three fucking times!"
"Well I'm sorry, but I don't consider: 'G-Man, I got way better things to do' a sufficient explanation at all."
What was I supposed to say to the guy?
"Yeah, hey. I fucked B last night for like fifty hours and I'm gonna do it all again today. Don't call us, we'll call you."
Last I heard we were still keeping it secret, and since we haven't talked yet about any status change, I had to pull myself away from the only place I will ever wanna be. It took me like twenty minutes to do it, so I was late for my first class. No big, the kids sure as fuck didn't give a shit, but Giles was standing in the back waiting like he didn't trust I was gonna show. If he only knew I had to slip out from under B's arm and leg, feeling her pussy rubbing against me the whole way, he might have a little more respect.
I left her the stupidest note, it was like the sixth one I wrote. The others were too much –me telling her what a great night I had, how she was the most beautiful woman in the world, how I couldn't wait to be with her again, and how I loved her so much she was probably gonna need a restraining order from now on.
But it all seemed too over the top and too fast. It wasn't the time to start going on about how much I loved her. I didn't wanna scare her, `specially since we'd just had our first fuck. She was already dealing with plenty as it was, no sense shoveling more on top of her. And just because I was wanting to go another round, maybe she wasn't or maybe she needed some time to adjust…or how the fuck would I know?
I just knew that I didn't wanna blow it by pushing too fast and maybe having Buffy get all worked…Then I was on my ass and that little bitch Satsu was grinning down at me. She always waits until B distracts me, then tags me one. I usually like a dirty fighter, it's smart, but not when it's me who's getting schooled. Plus I know why she's got the red ass: she wants B.
Well sorry, fucker, that ain't ever gonna happen 'less I'm dead and I won't know about it then, so yeah…never gonna happen. I acted like I was getting up, but instead I swiped her legs out from under her. That smart ass smirk was gone along with all of her air as she hit the mats hard. I pinned her, leaned down and whispered into her ear:
"Feel for ya, but won't stop me from endin' ya either. Back off, kid."
She knew exactly what I meant, but she wasn't scared at all:
"Fuck you."
See? That's why I like her so much, she's got balls. Shame I'm gonna have to cut'em off at some point, but today's not that day. Instead I just laughed and hopped up, pulling her along for the ride. Least she's got great taste in women.
The day dragged on like time was tag teaming with Giles to try and kill me. When it came to an end, which was about twenty-five minutes sooner than the clock said, and screw that because the fucker'd been fucking with me for hours, I headed to my place for a quick shower and a clean-up. I was hoping Buffy wasn't freaking so bad she didn't wanna see me at all, but I knew it was a definite possibility.
When I got to my room, I noticed two things right away. One – I got slammed hard against the front door as soon as I shut it, and two – Buffy's tongue was down my throat so she probably wasn't freaking and would be okay with seeing me. We went at it for a couple, then I pulled back as much as I could since I was smashed against a solid wood door.
"B…"
Nothing. Buffy was obviously not interested in communicating with words.
"B…I need…"
"Me too."
Her hands were in my hair and her knee came up between my legs, actually lifting me off the ground. I groaned and she smiled against my throat as she began kissing her way along.
"But I was gonna shower and…"
"Were you?"
Just the way she said that got me all fired up. It was so fucking sexy, like she didn't give a shit what I wanted, like she was in charge. I started stuttering like a moron:
"W…well, yeah…I wanted…I mean…I was gonna…"
"Change of plans, F. I like you like this."
Just like that I was at full speed. I tried to move away from the door again which didn't work great since my feet were still off the floor. I shifted 'til I felt my toes touching, but all the squirming did was rub my sweats along B's leg, bunching them up and against me in just the right place.
That meant I had my legs under me again, but they weren't too interested in holding me up. Which was okay because B lifted me again, and this time my groan came out as a really loud and long moan. She laughed sexy and low, and her lips brushed against my ear when she whispered:
"And where do you think you're going?"
My whole body jumped at that. Then we were kissing again and at some point we made it to my bed which B had put clean sheets on. We fell down kinda hard, Buffy on top, and she smiled at me. She was beautiful, and all I wanted was to keep her happy and smiling forever…which is the pussy attitude that got me in the mess I'm in.
My hands are holding tight to the headboard and I'm not allowed to use'em. Buffy wanted to explore, wanted to look and feel and taste without interruption, and she begged me to let her. Okay, all she did was kiss me and ask, but in my book I'm gonna call it "begging". I gotta have some pride someplace.
It's pretty clear things have changed. I'm dealing with Buffy now, so I gotta be ready to do shit different, shake it up a little, learn to be patient and relax…but for fuck's sake, it's a clit, okay? You touch it, rub it, suck it…you do some damn thing to it before I go outta my fucking mind.
She's got her own in the exact same place, so why the hell do we need a big drawn out exam? It's like she's never seen or felt one before and I'm supposed to just lay here and not even…Oh man, that was so sweet. She kissed it all soft and gentle.
Okay, I guess I can keep quiet and not move all over the place or grab her and show her the right way to examine things. It's only fair since this is all so new to her, and it makes sense that she wants to look around and see the sights. Gotta say she's seein' some damn fine ones 'cause I got it goin' on from any and every angle. I'm not being conceited either, it's just that I'm really hot and…God damn, her teeth got a hold and her tongue's just resting on the tip.
She's not moving, but I sorta jerk. I can't help it. She makes a noise like a warning and then her tongue starts swirling around. We both hear the headboard matching me squeak for squeak and she laughs, which makes me jump again 'cept I can't because B's got an iron grip on my hips.
It feels weird to move, but not budge at all. Usually when I wanna move, I move, but then I don't usually have another Slayer holding me in place either. She's making it clear that I'm doing what she tells me to do, and I can't say I don't like it. It's wicked hot, and even though it should be kinda scary, I'm not scared…not with Buffy.
Her tongue is perfect, but that's not what makes me come. Nope, it's the feeling of her hair brushing against my thighs. It sends me skyrocketing and I vaguely feel her pulling back to watch me. When I'm done, she smiles and heads right back in. Jesus, this exploring shit is amazing.
I don't have a clue how long it goes before she's back and looking me in the eye.
"Okay, I think I have a better understanding now of where things are."
"Are you talkin' to me? `Cause my brain dribbled out about twenty minutes ago."
"Oh, is that what that was?"
I laugh and she kisses me, rolling onto her back and pulling me into her arms. I snuggle in like a total girl, my head on her chest, my arm and leg flung over her all loose and relaxed.
"Besides, you have nerve after last night, F. I still haven't recovered."
"You liked it?"
I hear and feel her purr right against my cheek.
"'Liked'? Faith, it was a life altering experience. I had no idea sex could even be like that."
"Didn't want you missing out, Princess."
"You were amazing…incredible…mind blowing…amazingly, incredibly mind-blowing."
I lifted my head and scooted up a little so I could look her in the eye.
"So did you miss me today?"
"Miss you? You mean you weren't here?"
I slid all the way over until I was on top of her.
"Really wanna play it that way?"
"All I'm saying is I didn't notice you weren't…"
I started tickling her and she tried to shove me off. No way was that happening.
"Faith! Stop!"
"Not 'til ya admit you missed me."
"Stop!"
"I'm seeing a bed pissing in your future, B."
She was all red and messed up, gasping for air as she tried to quit laughing.
"You're…such a…bitch…"
"Whatever, better just 'fess up."
We struggled for maybe another minute, but she couldn't bust loose and I wasn't stopping. She finally caved:
"Okay, yes, I missed you!"
"Yeah?"
"Yes!"
I stopped the tickling, but I didn't move off of her. I pushed some of her hair back from her face and smiled at her.
"For real, B?"
Her hands, which I'd let loose of, hung over my shoulders and met behind my neck.
"Of course for real. I haven't thought of anything but you all day, hence the enthusiastic greeting."
"Yeah, that was really somethin'. Even better than having a dog waiting for me."
She pulled my head down closer:
"Last night was so wonderful, Faith."
"For me too. Was like a dream that stays good the whole way through."
She kissed me all soft and sweet and girly.
"You're beautiful. You know that, right?"
"Sure, B. Always been wicked hot and…"
Her lips met mine again, cutting me off.
"Don't do that. You know what I mean. Everything about you is beautiful, inside and…"
I started to get up because she was making me uncomfortable and wouldn't let me blow her off with a joke. She held me right where I was.
"Hey?"
It took me a few to meet her eyes.
"You don't need to hide from me. I see you, Faith."
"Guess maybe you do."
"And I see how hard you are on yourself sometimes. We both are."
"So it's a Slayer thing? Then how come Kennedy can't be harder on herself?"
Her smile was back and she loosened her grip on me, although I knew she could go all Tough Girl on me again at any second.
"I'm thinking maybe it's something we could work on together."
"Sure…long as we can do other stuff together too."
Moving my hips like I was made it obvious just what I wanted us to work on.
"…God, you can do that all night."
"Well, had some other things in mind too, but this is pretty good."
We ended up doing "other things" like five times, counting the shower we took together. All too soon it was time to go do our jobs, so I got out and dressed first. I went to her room and grabbed some shit she needed, then sat in the chair by the bed and watched her getting ready. Damn, does B ever clean up nice. By the time she was finished, she looked all professional and it was crazy hot.
I had trouble keeping my hands off her and I messed up her makeup enough that she had to go fix it. She was pissed at me, as much as she could be when she was smiling so big.
"You're worse than a man, Faith. No more kissing me."
I waited until she was done, then faked a move. She let out this cute girly squeal of terror, but her body didn't budge. I just kissed the top of her head.
"You look great, B. I'll be good."
She seemed kinda disappointed at the news, but she nodded and thanked me as she grabbed her keys. They hit the floor and when she bent over to get'em, I was right behind her.
"Damn, wish I had a strap-on."
Her whole body did this jolty thing and I let her straighten up just enough to ease any pull on her back muscles. Then I grabbed her hips and pushed flush against her as I moved mine in a slow, tight circle.
"Faith…"
I leaned over to nuzzle into her neck:
"You smell so good, B. Let's get back in bed…"
She actually considered it, at least her body did. She moaned and thrust back into me, her hips matching mine move for move, her hands coming up to lay on my arms.
"I wish we could…"
I kissed along her neck, breathing out my comments into her ear and making her shiver with every word:
"We can. Just gotta walk about five steps…take off our clothes…and…"
"I…I have to meet the parents."
"Tell'em you were busy savin' the world."
That made her crack up. The last Parent Meet and Greet, B had shown up covered in demon blood and guts, carrying a head in a bowling ball bag to show Giles. She'd totally forgotten that twelve parents were waiting for her in his office. Two of the moms passed out, one of the dads too, and Giles had some wicked damage control to do that night.
"Somehow that never seems to impress them like you'd think."
"Well I'm impressed, B. Fact is: everything you do impresses me."
She turned her head, kissed my cheek and then pulled loose:
"I need to go, and you do too. The newbies can't take themselves out on patrol."
"Sure they can. Or better yet, I'll palm'em off on Rona or Vi."
"They need you and Giles needs me. We have to go."
I let out a huge dramatic sigh:
"Yeah great, everybody's 'special needs'. Had no clue fuckin' the boss would be so hard."
"Well, it has its perks too."
"Yeah, your headlights can't be any perkier."
She was busy checking herself out in the mirror.
"Meet back here when we're done?"
"Maybe at yours would be better. I don't have anything…"
"In your fridge. Big surprise."
"Hey! I always eat at your place."
"Don't I know it? They have a name for people like you."
I stuck my tits out at her and turned on the charm:
"Sexpot?"
"Moocher."
"Damn right! I can smooch your ass off, Blondie."
Her hand grazed my breast as she walked past me.
"Bed's still right there, B."
She thought about it again, I saw her eyes glaze over, but she straightened her shoulders and that was that. The Slayer was on the clock.
"Let's go."
Before we went out into the hall we tried to make ourselves look normal, like we were just two friends who'd been hanging out. We still hadn't talked, but it was okay. I'd rather fuck than talk anyway, even though I was wondering how long we were gonna have to be a secret. There was no time for any questions, let alone answers, and I still wasn't gonna rush her. We'd get to it when we did, so I tried to just put it outta my mind and act like I was supposed to.
We walked together as far as we could, but then I needed to peel off for the side entrance and she needed to head to Giles' office. We stopped and she turned to face me.
"So…"
"So I'll see ya after patrol at yours."
"I can't wait. Be careful, okay?"
"B, careful's my middle name."
"This from the woman whose best plan is still counting to three."
We both laughed at that and I took a step towards her, but then a couple Potentials came down the hall. I stepped back to let'em pass and put some distance between me and B. No PDAs allowed, plus she was still rockin' the make-up.
"Okay, I'd better go. You watch your back, those parents are worse than any vamps."
She smiled, that sexy half deal she does, and fuck me runnin'.
"See you later, F."
"Count on it, B."
Then I was out the side door and doing a headcount. I was early, so of course I couldn't bitch that everybody wasn't there. Not like I was ever usually on time myself anyway, so I tend not to get too pissed as long as people aren't too late.
I said hi to the kids who were waiting around, then just sorta stared off into space while they talked about what the night was gonna be like. I heard the door open, but I didn't bother turning around to see who it was. Well, not 'til I heard the Potentials snapping to attention and a few even saying "Ma'am" and respectful shit like that.
It was either Buffy or the Queen of England. I was relieved to spot the blonde hair because the Queen? I just don't get that whole thing. Anyway, B was nodding and smiling as she walked through the group on her way over to me.
"Hey, B. What're ya…"
"You forgot something, Faith."
I was totally confused until she grabbed me, pulled me flush against her, and laid one on me. Not a peck like friends do, but a full-on, passionate, "I Can't Wait to Fuck Your Brains Out" kiss.
When she let me go, I could feel myself grinning like an idiot from ear to ear and you coulda heard a pin drop.
"Your make-up's messed up, B."
"I'll live."
There still wasn't a sound as Buffy turned and walked back through the crowd to the door. She looked at us before she went in, smiled and said:
"You guys stay alert out there."
Then she was gone, and every head turned to look at me. A few of the girls were grinning like they'd caught me with my hand in the cookie jar and couldn't wait to spread the news, but most of'em just had their mouths hanging open. Mine kinda was too because even though I knew it was making me look wicked stupid, I could not stop smiling.
Buffy Summers was my girl.
I shoulda known better with a girl like you
That I would love everything that you do
And I do…Hey, hey, hey…And I do
Whoa, whoa I never realized what a kiss could be
This could only happen to me
Can't you see, can't you see
That when I tell you that I love you
You're gonna say you love me too
And when I ask you to be mine
You're gonna say you love me too
So I shoulda realized a lot of things before
If this is love ya gotta give me more
Give me more…hey, hey, hey…Give me more
Whoa, whoa I never realized what a kiss could be
This could only happen to me
Can't you see, can't you see
That when I tell you that I love you
You're gonna say you love me too
And when I ask you to be mine
You're gonna say you love me too
You love me too
You love me too
You love me too
-Should Have Known Better - The Beatles
This is Easy
Finally my day is over and I head back to my room as fast as I can. Several people ask me questions, but it doesn't slow me down in the slightest. I've perfected what Will calls my "celebrity walk", the one where I smile, make as little eye contact as possible, and above all keep moving while I answer. Add to that the fact that I practically skip everywhere I go, well good luck to anybody who tries to slow down my exit strategy.
Especially when I'm exiting to go meet Faith. Because I will admit right up front that I like nothing better than doing things that involve Faith, be it going to her, seeing her, or thinking about what I'm going to wear when I see her. Although that last one's not exactly true. What I actually spend most of my time thinking about is what she might be wearing and how fast I can get it off of her.
I also spend mega chunks of my time daydreaming about how dark her eyes can look despite the fact that they're really a medium to light brown. Whatever they are, they're always the kind of color I could just fall into and swim around in all naked and warm. I could do everything all naked and warm with Faith.
I am so ready for sex with her anytime, anywhere. She's already done it with me fifty ways from Sunday as well as Monday through Saturday, and I sure wish there were more days in the week. Or maybe more hours in the day. Something definitely needs to increase time wise, that much I know for sure.
There is absolutely no wrong to be found in wild Slayer sex at any and every available opportunity, and now that I'm well past that initial hurdle, well, I'm fully locked and loaded and ready at the drop of a stake. It makes me respect her even more because she knew this was waiting for us and she didn't get mad that I made us take things so slowly.
She just let me go at my own pace, even when I was being way too scaredy cat, without applying even the tiniest bit of pressure. I had no idea she could be so patient and gentle, but she was and she is, and I'm nothing but impressed and grateful.
I'm fairly certain if our positions had been reversed…if our positions…Whoa, now that was a daydream deluxe.
Anyway, if our roles had been reversed I would have been pressuring her like crazy, so yes, I'm in awe of her self-restraint, especially when she pretty much shows absolutely no self-restraint with me at any other time. Not that I'm all that calm either.
I've essentially become a sex maniac and to make matters worse, I'm nothing but happy about it. I couldn't be happier in fact, and that's not just an expression. I love sex, at all times in all ways…Call me: Buffy, the Nympho Slayer. But who can blame me? Faith is…Well, Faith is a sex goddess and she's crazy good at everything.
She should teach classes, except I don't want her touching anyone else. So that means she could verbally teach classes, but that'd be it. No physical demonstrations, unless she's demonstrating with me, although that's the one thing I'm not comfortable doing with her.
Public sex is out, although she has managed to seduce me in some kind of dangerous places. And yes, okay, it was me who had to have her in the supply closet at the club. But that was so not my fault because she knows how I feel about her in leather and why would a janitor need to mop at 10:30 at night on a Saturday?
Anyway. I can't believe how good we are together. True, we were very close friends before and still are, but now there are all these fantastic benefits as well. Faith and I are friends with benefits, benefits with friends…Heck, I'll bet even our benefits have benefits. The point I'm trying to make is that we fit together perfectly in every way.
The sex is phenomenal, the slaying is even better, and the things we do for fun are just right too, although I'll admit most of our fun time has been filled with sex. We have however, managed to watch some TV and a couple of movies, and I'm happy to report no trouble there either. The best part is how one minute we're just friends and the next we're having sex on the bathroom counter, her kitchen table, the floor by my bed, and anywhere else we can get a grip on each other.
We just went right for it once I let us, and there hasn't been even a slightly awkward moment since. I've never had an easier relationship with anyone, it's like I can finally relax and be myself. We slay, we have sex, we eat, we laugh, we sleep, we hold hands, we have sex, we tease each other, we make faces during meetings, and we have sex. She makes me laugh all the time, not that there's anything new about that. Faith's always been funny when she wants to be.
We were just laughing the other night about one of the funniest things she ever did. It was back in Sunnydale when Wesley first showed up. God, he was so annoyingly uptight he made Giles look like a wild man.
I was being the good Slayer, if the good Slayer was a total smart ass, and Giles was trying hard to be a grownup and keep a straight face while I ridiculed the new guy every step of the way. It wasn't going well, and then Faith arrived.
She came sauntering in all sexy and cool, then walked over to us and looked Wesley up and down.
"New Watcher?"
"New Watcher."
"Screw that."
And then she just turned around and walked out.
That memory never fails to make me smile. It's just so Faith – short, direct, and right on the money. I loved it then and I love it now.
It wasn't much longer before things went bad, "bad" being the understatement of the universe, and what made it all so much worse was that I never stopped feeling Faith. Not once, not ever. She was there from the moment we met and she never left, no matter how awful everything got.
I felt our connection the most intensely when we had our rooftop fight to the death. That horrible night was loaded with everything: hate, hurt, anger, betrayal, revenge, sorrow, and the nearly overwhelming sense that everything was all wrong. I wanted to scream out to her to stop, to tell her that we were going in a direction that wasn't ours, but I couldn't.
Angel's life was on the line, I had to keep going, but as crazy as it sounds my thoughts weren't with him. They were with her – totally and completely, and although I was doing what I believed I had to do, what I thought was right, it also felt like I was doing the wrong thing. But Faith was the one who had put us where we were, she was the one who had set it all in motion, and suddenly there was no turning back, no way to stop it.
I wanted to hurt her, make her pay for what she had done, but despite all of my big talk, I never planned for it to go as far as it did. Of course just like always when it came to us, we couldn't control ourselves and all too quickly everything escalated until it truly became a fight to the death. There was no way to pull back, no way to stop, and when I finally stabbed her I was shocked beyond anything I'd ever felt before. I'd really done it: I'd stabbed Faith.
She was so crazy, she was actually proud of me. We just stood there looking at how far we'd gone, how far she'd pushed me, and then in typical Faith fashion, she kicked it into an even higher gear. She congratulated me on killing her, but I knew that wasn't true. I'd stabbed her to hurt her, not kill her, and I'd made sure to miss everything vital. But I'd somehow forgotten who I was dealing with.
She hit me, knocking me down, and our eyes locked as I laid there. I think both of our hearts were breaking, and I know I didn't want it to be like that moment was, not for us. I could see she didn't want it either, but it was there and for Faith there was no turning back. I saw it all then: the sorrow, the regret, the pain, and the something huge neither of us had ever had the courage or sense to name.
"Shoulda been there, B. Quite a ride."
I always thought that was my Faith who said that, the Faith who drew a heart on the window for me in front of the whole Chem class.
I still can't believe she did that and I still can't believe I responded to her the way that I did. I hesitated at first because I wasn't sure what it really meant, and even now I can't begin to express just how much I wanted to understand what she was doing. I sat there wondering, desperately trying to figure it out, but then I just couldn't sit there anymore. I knew enough to know that something was on the line for us…and so I went to her.
God knows what my fellow students must have thought. I mean, even Willow and Xander were confused and suspected it maybe meant something else. Faith had drawn a heart on a window for me and I sat there blushing, scared and confused. No wonder my "Class Protector" umbrella was all sparkly and rainbow colored. I don't know how the situation could have been any gayer. Sure there was the obvious vamp angle involved, well obvious to us, but there was something else going on and I felt it.
And now here we are: all gayed up and loving it. If I'd have known what being Faith's lover was all about, we would have been doing this a long time ago. But that's okay, this is working so well now because we're the people we are. If we'd done this any sooner…I guess we could have done it a few years ago after we destroyed Sunnydale, but any sooner and we wouldn't have been ready. Not like we are now.
It's all perfect, and a wonderful bonus to us being together is that Faith hasn't left once. No mysterious disappearances, no vanishing acts, not even any brooding for no apparent reason…and no, I am not stupid and yes, I've figured it out.
Faith was leaving because of me, well, me and my boyfriends. I'm not sure why I didn't get it before, but it's pretty obvious when I look back on it now. Okay, so maybe I am a little stupid. Or maybe just slow…although that's not really all that much better.
I want to talk to her about it, but despite the fact that things are great between us, Faith is still Faith. The sex and intimacy have made us closer, but she still isn't the most open, talkative person when it comes to emotional stuff about herself. And I still believe the same thing I did when we weren't having sex: she has a right to keep some personal things personal. Just like always though, it's tough to know sometimes where the line is that I don't want to cross.
But I do know that we need to talk about it at some point, although sometimes I'm not exactly sure why I think that. In one way it doesn't really matter anymore, but in another…well, girlfriends need to talk things over and I feel bad that I was so oblivious about her feelings for so long. I cringe when I think about how I kept trying to set her up with guys because I thought she was lonely…which she was, but for me. Seriously, how stupid could I be?
"Faith, you look so sad, but cheer up. I've found the perfect guy for you!"
So I think we need to talk, but I just hate to bring up something crappy and negative when we're right in the middle of the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship. I don't want to rock the boat before I have to, although I know we should just put up a permanent sign that says:
Don't come a-knockin' if this boat's a-rockin'!
Because our boat, whether it's from fighting or sex, will always be in motion. It's just who we are, how we are with each other, and I can't see that ever changing. We just make each other hot in every way possible, and excuse me, but I defy anyone to see her topless and not get all fired up. Her breasts are…they're mine now, so everybody just keep your eyes on your own paper.
I guess I'm being stupid, which unfortunately seems to be a theme here, but I really don't want to bring up any issues with her right now. This affair we're having is just so fun and light, and I haven't had fun and light since I became a Slayer. The whole thing has been like the best gift ever because no matter what other crazy, horrible, scary thing is going on in my life, I'm totally fine with it because I know I have Faith to look forward to. We're in a groove, a sex groove, a fun sex groove filled with fun groovy sex, and I just love it here.
And it's not like I can't talk to Faith later. I've been doing it for years and it's been nothing but a great thing. Yes she can be difficult, but so can I, and we've learned how to communicate and help each other out.
I'm really good at handling her, better than anyone else anyway, even though it's not like she's a pushover. She's definitely hard to deal with sometimes, especially when the topic is about her. At those times, talking to her is like trying to steer a car when the ignition gets switched off in mid-drive. Everything seems just fine at first, then you realize you're no longer in control, probably never were, and are heading for the biggest cliff you've ever seen.
The trick with Faith is not to be scared. She'll try everything to distract you, so you just have to ignore her when she starts acting like an ass. You can't let her go too far though, you have to call her on it before she gets it rolling. If you do that she'll respect you and back off.
She almost never pulls any of that crap with me anymore because she knows it doesn't work, and she also knows I'm not afraid of her. I always just give it right back to her and when the dust finally settles, she still has to talk to me…only now I'm mad. Trust me when I say that is never a good thing for her.
But all of that stuff can keep until another day. Today we have three hours and nine glorious minutes of alone time before we have to start getting ready for our first ever double date. Just thinking back to the look of horror on Faith's face when I told her makes me laugh out loud.
"What? I'm not doin' that!"
"But I already said we would."
"Well either unsay it or tell'em you don't speak for me."
She looked like I'd signed her up for ballet lessons with a bunch of Yankee fans.
"It's not that big of a deal, Faith."
"Says you! No way am I gonna go out on a date with that bitch."
"How can you talk about my best friend like that?"
"Funny B, you know I mean Kennedy."
She fell down onto the couch and put her boots on my clean coffee table. I gave her a look, she gave it back, and her boots stayed right where they were. This was going to take some persuading.
I walked over and straddled her legs without touching her.
"I'm not asking you to 'date' Kennedy, Faith. You're dating me and we're going out with another couple, a couple you know, a couple comprised of two people, one of whom you like immensely."
"Yeah? Well I can see Red whenever I wanna, so I don't need…"
I put my knees on the couch and eased down onto her lap, my arms wrapping around her neck.
"Are you saying you won't go?"
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying."
"Really? There's no wiggle room at all?"
I found plenty of room to wiggle.
"B…"
"F?"
I began kissing her neck, paying close attention to the spot that always drives her crazy.
"How's this…fair?"
My breath was in her ear as I answered:
"It's not. Please, Faith?"
Her boots were now on the floor, her hands holding on tight to my butt.
"I don't…Fuck…"
My tongue was teasing the little secret place behind her ear.
"Just one time and if…you don't like it…never again…"
My breasts were rubbing against hers and my mouth was doing its thing. She was moaning now and her breathing was ragged.
"Such a…fucking…bitch…"
"I know you are, but I'm talking you through it."
She took a handful of my hair and pulled me back.
"Fine, Princess, I'll go."
Then she kissed me hard as she picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. Afterwards when we were all cuddled up, I apologized for saying we'd go without asking her first.
"It's okay, B. Same thing woulda happened anyway. It's cool."
Willow and I got more excited as date time neared. We'd decided on a place we didn't usually go to; it's nice but not so fancy that Faith will feel uncomfortable. Will made what she called "our very first gay reservation", and then kept telling me how excited she was just to be able to see me for a few hours straight...in a fashion, I suppose.
"It's gonna be so fun, Buff! We haven't spent any real time together since you and Faith 'fake' kissed…not that I'm complaining. Well, okay, I guess I kinda am, but I totally understand. Anyway, it's our first lesbian date together! But with other people!"
"I'm just hoping Faith and Kennedy don't kill each other."
Willow was already shaking her head and frowning:
"I told Kennedy I'd turn her into a rat if she wasn't on her best behavior and she promised me. If there's any trouble, it'll be coming from your woman."
"That's definitely still a possibility. I haven't gotten anything like a promise out of her yet, so…"
"But see, that'll just add to the fun! Like bringing nitro and dynamite with us and seeing which one explodes first."
The excited joy on her face made me laugh.
"Wow, it has been a long time, Will. I'm totally out of the loop when it comes to what's considered fun these days."
"It's 'lesbian' fun, a whole different thing."
I nodded and looked serious:
"And it's because of situations like this that I need the manual. How can I be expected to be a good lesbian if I don't even know the rules?"
"Buffy, I've already explained this to you. The Lesbian Council knows you don't need the manual. I refer you to the still unseen Slayer Handbook, which you totally rewrote anyway."
"True, plus I did figure out how to work the coffee machine timer all by myself."
"Exactly! Manuals be damned. Besides, I hear you're doing a great job on the lesbian front."
"Yep, I seem to have found my true calling."
"Faith says you're a natural."
I felt myself blush, probably fire truck red.
"I can't believe she talks to you about our sex life."
"Buffy, it's Faith. Of course she talks about your sex life, except she doesn't."
"What?"
"Not a peep except to say that you're beautiful, the best, shit hot, general stuff like that."
"Oh."
Willow laughed:
"And you're still blushing."
"Well, yeah. Isn't that like the sweetest thing ever?"
"It's pretty big with the sweet all right, and so totally not how I thought she'd be if you guys ever did it."
"Maybe she tells Xander more?"
"Nope. All she's said to him is that you're perfect and he's a pervert. Otherwise not one word from the sexiest Slayer ever…this side of Kennedy. And you, of course. But not to me. Or Faith either. To me, not you. She hasn't said anything."
I loved that Faith was keeping the details of our sex life private. It was so unlike her, I had to ask.
"Fuck B, that shit's special and it's ours. I wanna keep it that way, just between us, you know?"
Anyway, the big night has finally arrived, and I feel nothing except happy when I get to my room. Faith and I are going to spend some quality time together before we go out, and that sounds like nothing but heaven to me. We haven't had much down time lately, but now we have almost three whole hours with nothing to do but be with each other, and I'm going to make the most of it.
I don't mean just the sex part of it either. I also can't wait to be snuggled up with her, talking about whatever or not saying anything at all. I love listening to her heart beat, smelling her hair, feeling her fingers on my skin as she slowly strokes back and forth over my…I did say I love the sex part too, right?
Once I got inside, I headed straight for the bedroom. I heard the shower running, so I took a seat in the chair in the corner and waited. It only took a few minutes before the water shut off and I heard the stall door opening and closing. Faith was swearing under her breath, clearly pissed off about something.
"How am I s'posed to call…"
She came into the bedroom, her face obscured by the towel she was using to dry her hair. Her body was on full display and I have no idea how anyone could ever be any more perfect. Even though I've seen her naked many times, even though I've explored and studied her from every possible angle, I have never seen her look so stunningly beautiful.
Water was rolling down her perfect skin at a perfect speed, perfect beads and perfect trails were caressing her all over the place. Her perfect muscles were flexing on and off as she rubbed her perfect hair, and her perfect legs were moving her at a perfect pace that let me look my fill. I could feel my mouth hanging open as I tried not to drool.
"…for backup when I'm fightin' for my life?"
She spun and tossed the towel into the bathroom, giving me a perfect view of her backside as she headed out to the kitchen for a beer. It wasn't long before she returned, her head tipped all the way back as she chugged her Sam Adams in one long go.
"Fuck, that's good! Just need B now."
"That can be arranged."
The bottle just missed my head and her scream of terror made me laugh.
"Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you sneakin' around for?"
"I don't think sitting in a chair in my bedroom can be called 'sneaking'."
"Well when ya don't say shit it is. You okay? I didn't hit you, did I?"
I stood up with a smile as my eyes kept travelling all over her perfect body.
"Nope, Slayer reflexes passed the inspection with flying colors."
"Not sure mine have."
"Well, you would have hit anyone but me, plus you did scream less like a girl and more like a womanly superhero…if I grade you on a curve."
"Shut up, B. I didn't scream."
"You didn't?"
She was close enough for me to touch her, but I waited.
"No…I uh…I bellowed."
"And you're bragging about this?"
"Yeah, I did like a warrior's battle cry."
I couldn't wait anymore and I wrapped my arms around her waist.
"True. If the warrior was a scared little girl, you sounded just like him."
She didn't laugh or even smile. Her face stayed serious and angry, but somehow her dimples deepened and I could see the laughter in her eyes.
"See, this is the kinda talk that gets your ass in trouble."
"And it's the kind that gets yours fondled."
I did just that while I watched the pleasure cross her face. I'm sure it crossed mine too because feeling Faith's naked ass is one of life's best pleasures. The skin is so soft over such a round, firm…It's perfect.
"So, B?"
"Uh-huh?"
"I've had a rough day."
"So I heard."
She brushed a hand along my cheek, then let it travel behind my head to caress the back of my neck. I sighed and tilted my head to encourage her.
"And I got a real tough night ahead of me too."
"Faith…"
"But I'm gonna be good. Have a nice meal with friends and enemy…"
She's such a smart ass.
"…dance with my girl and make her happy, then come back here and show her how hot she is…all night long."
"That's your plan?"
"Yeah, so if I'm gonna make it through all of that, I'm gonna need some attention now. You know, to build up my strength."
"I see. Maybe I can help you out."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"My girl will really appreciate that."
I kissed her and began dragging her to the bed as I walked backwards.
"Be sure you do that warrior bellow thing when you see her. It'll drive her crazy."
We landed with her on top, a position she more than loved.
"Tell ya what: why don't I make you bellow instead? Can show me how it's done."
"Perhaps you've noticed you're naked, Faith."
"Yeah, and?"
"I think that means I'll be in charge for a while."
She ripped my shirt in half, then my bra was gone before I could even yell at her.
"Oops. Guess I fucked up the chain of command."
I wanted to smack her. I loved the shirt she'd just destroyed, the bra too, but I had kind of dared her, at least in "Faithspeak" anyway.
"Okay, now I'm pissed."
"Wish I had my boots on so I could shake in'em."
She had that cocky smirk on her face, the one that makes me crazy and mad and happy and a million other emotions. She was so going to pay.
I quickly rolled us over and kissed her until she was breathless, then pulled back just enough to meet her eyes:
"Oh, you're definitely going to shake, F. I guarantee it."
And just like a good Slayer should: I always keep my guarantees.
Yes I see we're roaming on
Over unfamiliar ground
Wait a minute look around
Oh this is easy
Yes I see we're moving on
Maybe trouble's all we'll find
But compared to what's behind
Oh this is easy
And there were nights when we knew
The sunshine would never ever reappear
It's not a good time all the time
Baby let's grab hold while it's here
Baby, baby do I need
To explain or can you tell
That I'm feeling oh so well
Oh this is easy
And I know there's not one thing
That could ever drag us down
Wait a minute look around
Oh this is easy
Remember this when the dreams you treasure
Are scattered like bowling pins
It's not a good time all the time
Well nobody always win
Oh this is easy, oh so easy
If we're crazy well we don't care
This is easy, oh so easy
Like falling falling
Falling through empty air
And there were nights when we knew
The sunshine would never ever reappear
It's not a good time all the time
Baby let's grab hold while it's here
Oh this is easy, oh so easy
If we're crazy well we don't care
This is easy, oh so easy
Like falling, falling
Falling through empty air
-This is Easy - Marshall Crenshaw
