Chapter Five

I got her into the shower without anymore trouble, then made her sit in the front room while I worked on her weapons. I didn’t say a word about the shape they were in, but she knew I knew, ya know?

She wouldn’t talk or even look at me, but I just went about my business and didn’t push her. About four hours later we had lunch, and then I let her go back to bed. She looked at me like it was a scam, but I could see she was ready to drop and I wanted her as rested as she could be. The night figured to be a busy one.

“No tricks B, just looks like ya need some sleep.”

“Oh thank you so much, Faith. You’re too kind.”

“Yeah, always did have a soft spot.”

As she walked up the stairs, I heard her mumble:

“Fucking bitch.”

I let it go, even though about a thousand comebacks went through my mind. Sometimes you just gotta be the bigger Slayer, and this was one of those times.

The day passed peaceful enough, me with the weapons, her with the sleep. As sunset got closer, I got my boots and jacket on, grabbed a few stakes, and slid my knife into its sheath on my leg. Then I just sat back down and waited.

Wasn’t more than ten minutes before I heard her. Only a Slayer coulda, she was quiet and she was quick. She was also gone, and I let her go. After a few, I left a note for Red and headed out.

I picked up her trail in no time, but I stayed back what I hoped was a safe distance. Figured whatever she had left in her system was probably still fucking with her Slayer sense, but who could really say for sure? Didn’t much matter, but I was hoping to surprise her.

The joint she chose was loud, and it was packed. It was also a pretty shady crowd, but I made it to within fifty feet of her with only two busted fingers, not mine of course. I stood back in the shadows and just watched her.

She was dancing with some slimeball dealer, obviously looking to score something to take the edge off. The guy was completely under her spell, and as much as I hated having anything in common with him, I had to admit I knew exactly how he felt.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The way she was moving, it was all about sex, and it took me right back to when she’d danced like that with me. That had been a great night, the best. Of course as is my way, it was also the start of everything bad too.

That was the night before I killed Allan Finch and went one hundred percent completely crazy, but before that whole downward spiral got to spinning, oh man, what a great fucking night. I thought I had a shot at her then, like maybe she really did feel something for me. Seemed like for just a little while there, the same thing was moving through her that was moving through me, like we were sharing something important between just the two of us.

Then of course Angel had to show, and she zoomed right over to him without a second’s hesitation. I just kept dancing, what the fuck else could I do? I couldn’t beg her to stay with me like I wanted to. I couldn’t walk over and stake Angel like I was just itching to do, and I sure as hell couldn’t hold her to me like I needed to. All I could do was keep dancing like I didn’t even notice she was gone, like it didn’t matter to me.

I watched them outta the corner of my eye, and ‘cause I was petty back then, it made me feel better to see how fucking uncomfortable she was making him. She was all worked up and sexy from being with me, and she was just pouring it all out on him, the guy who couldn’t do shit. He looked like he was being tortured, but not nearly enough as far as I was concerned. I wanted him to hurt, and I wanted him to hurt bad.

I’ve done a lot of looking back over my life, and I know now that was the real moment when I snapped. It wasn’t when I killed Finch, although nobody’s claiming that helped the sitch any. But the real moment came when I had her this close, and then just like that she was gone. Off and running to her dead boyfriend, despite everything that was burning through us...well, through me.

What that moment told me was the truth: I was never going to get her, never. And that moment made it all too clear that I’d just been dreaming. There was no chance she’d ever really see me or the love I felt. Even if she did, she’d never return it. I was always gonna be alone, even if she was standing right next to me.

I’m not sure what I was thinking. She was as straight as a fucking ruler, how had I just overlooked that fact? Plus she was way, way, way outta my league, and then there was another big ass obstacle. It was the biggest roadblock of’em all: she loved Angel. The forever kinda love they write songs and books about, and that was the end of the goddamned heartbreaking story…

‘Cept the story just kept right on going. I came back to help her with The First, then stuck around trying to be a part of the team, and maybe even her friend. Fat chance. I got flattened at each and every turn.

She wouldn’t let me in, hardly ever even looked at me with anything you could remotely call affection or friendship. She still didn’t trust me, and the truth of that was always staring out at me from the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. Still I kept at it because I wanted to be there for her, there wasn’t anything else I could do.

The whole First sitch was rough, and it turned out she was glad for the extra help. Then Xander lost an eye, the Scoobies lost their fucking minds, and we all kinda lost the way. The argument was going, I was fighting her too, but I missed just how crazy it was getting.

I never expected them to turn on her like they did, I still don’t get what the hell happened. The Potentials didn’t count, what the fuck did they know? Same with Wood. But the others? What the hell were they doing? Only thing I can come up with is that the energy streaming outta The Hellmouth had’em acting like a buncha crazy assholes. What the fuck else could it have been?

Anyway, before I knew it they’d tossed her and made me their new leader. B took off, and I had no fucking clue what to do. Course I ran after her all ready to talk her into coming back inside, but when I saw her face, I knew she’d had it. The hurt and betrayal I saw there, made all the words I was prepared to say just fucking disappear into nothing.

See, I could see what she was thinking. She was thinking she’d done so much, given so much, and none of it had been enough. She was thinking that she wasn’t good enough, and now the people she loved didn’t think she was either.

I shoulda told her right that second that wasn’t true. I shoulda told her that nobody believed that, but I didn’t. I didn’t really say any of the shit I shoulda to her because I didn’t know how.

I messed up because I was suddenly someplace I’d never expected to be, and I wasn’t good with words anyway. She told me not to be afraid to lead them, and then she just walked away. I headed back in, sure that everybody was gonna be coming to their senses any second. ‘Til then, I was gonna hold the fort.

My plan was to show her I could do something good, something that would actually help her. She’d come back, I’d hand her the reins, and we’d all go back to the way it was supposed to be. Great plan, but nothing went anything like that.

I got a bunch of us killed, everything fell apart, and of course the only one who came out looking like they oughta was B. No surprise there ‘cause no matter what goes down, it’s B who knows how to get it done. I think we all forgot that.

So she comes back, we have our little moment, and I’ll be damned but I swear I felt it again. It was just there, this warmth, this connection that seemed to have fuck all to do with us being Slayers, and everything to do with us just being me and her.

God how I wanted it, wanted her. It was just a little thing really, but it gave me hope that when the dust settled, maybe we were gonna get a shot at something good. Something that was real, maybe even something we could call a friendship. Fuck, I wanted that so bad.
 
But first we had the big battle to live through. We fought and then unbelievably, B went down. It was bad, and for a second I wanted to go with her. But as usual, Buffy was first and foremost The Slayer, and she did the exact right thing. She handed me the fancy axe, and told me to hold the line.

No way could I do anything else. She’d asked me to do something, and I was gonna or I was gonna die trying. Wasn’t long before it looked like the dying option was making itself the big winner. I was down for the count, but then I felt it. It shot through me and I knew…The Slayer was back on her feet.

So much strength poured into me, I flung like four or five of them ugly fuckers offa me. I flipped to my feet, and there she stood. Buffy was up and fighting like just what she was: the very best this world has to offer. She was incredible, and it was then I knew we were gonna win. She wasn’t gonna let it go any other way.

When I tried to figure out later what it was exactly that I’d felt surging through me, I realized it had to be because that Slayer deal had made it back into her hands. It gave us all some mystical Slayer energy blast, but when I brought it up to the others, they had no clue what I was jawing about. That’s when I realized, it wasn’t any Slayer thing, it was something powerful between just me and her. No way can I ever explain what that meant to me.

Okay, so the big battle’s wrapping, The Hellmouth’s collapsing, and what do I see? It’s B, running to her newest dead boyfriend. But there was no pettiness from me this time. Spike was going out in a blaze of glory after helping save the world, he deserved whatever he could get.

I screamed at her to get moving, but when she threw a glance my way, I could see she was only gonna move when she decided to. I also knew he loved her, he’d get her to go. Besides, it wasn’t my place to get between’em, not my right. I had to let her do what she needed to do, so I left her there.

I hopped on the bus and Wood started hauling ass, going way faster than was factory recommended. Almost everybody on board was hurt or dying, and we drove for our lives. Don’t think any of us were surprised when we heard her hit the roof. Know for sure I wasn’t or I never woulda left her.

She’s The Slayer, and I don’t give a shit what the odds say. Buffy is one tough fucker, and she always does the impossible. No way was she not catching up with us, she’s only going down for good when she says so.

Anyway, the big evil’s defeated, the fight’s all over, and it’s a brand new day. Except for me and her. We were right back where we’d always been. Nothing had changed at all, not one fucking thing. Can ya believe it? I sure as hell couldn’t.

I tried, not a bastard anywhere who coulda tried harder, but she wouldn’t let me in. I did everything I could think of, plus a buncha shit I musta been channeling ‘cause I got no fucking clue where it came from. Still I couldn’t get anywhere near her, and then I finally understood: if I didn’t get away from her, I wasn’t gonna make it. She was killing me in just about every way there was except for outright murder.

So I left her, and I stayed away. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do ‘cause this time it was just me. No comas, no prison bars, just me and my own restraining order.

Since the first second I’d laid eyes on her, everything about her called out to everything inside of me, and God knows all I wanted was to keep right on answering. It felt like I was born to answer her, but I finally just left, and that hurt me way more than anybody’s ever had the words.

Oh fuck, talk about your big ass sidetracks. Would say I’m gonna make a long story short, but you know the joke. ‘Sides, this here’s not exactly “Memory Lane”, not even close. It’s just a sleazy fucking club in the here and now, and The Slayer’s fitting herself right into it way too easy.

She was still all over the asshole, and he looked so outta his depth it woulda been funny in some other circumstance. In this one, I wasn’t amused in the slightest. Fact of it was, I wanted to kill him, but instead I made my way up to her and said loud enough for everybody around us to hear:

“Hanson, Chief wants us back at the station, pronto.”

Christ, the guy’s face. He went from confused to scared shitless ‘bout as fast as ya can. B looked annoyed when she heard my voice, but that changed to pissed off real quick as it hit her what my little announcement had just done.

It kinda looked like she found it a little funny too. Don’t know if that was due to the size of my balls or the wicked creativeness I had going on. I didn’t much care.

“Faith, what in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Sorry to blow your cover, but we’ve been pulled off. Chief says the Feds are taking it from here. He wants us back, and he’s way pissed at the power play, so let’s move. Don’t want it being my ass that gets chewed.”

B’s dance partner wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer:

“You’re…you’re a cop?!”

I grabbed him by the arm:

“Whoa, wanna bring it down a notch, scuzzball? What’re ya tryin’ to do, tip-off your partners?”

The dumb ass went white.

“Partners?! What?! No, I don’t have any partners, honest! I deal alone and…uh…”

“Save it pal. We’ve been stinging you for months now. Hanson’s got more than enough to earn ya an easy dime. Only chance you got’s if you cooperate with the Feds when…”

He pulled loose and took off running. Me and B watched him go, and when he was outta sight, she turned to me. The look in her eyes let me know I was gonna get my ass kicked, but good.

“That was great, Faith. Very convincing.”

“Yeah, gotta say I’m pleased. Nice to know my time with the state wasn’t a waste.”

“No, clearly it wasn’t.”

I smiled big at her, guess I like to live dangerous:

“Figure when word spreads, nobody’s coming anywhere near you with so much as an breath mint.”

“Yes, I’d have to say that’s a pretty accurate assessment.”

“Well B, they do say drugs aren’t good for ya.”

“You know, I think I heard something about that.”

There was already a big space around us, and the dance floor was thinning out so much it was starting to look like a ghost town.

“Hey, I got an idea. Since you can’t get yourself all fucked up right now, how ‘bout we go patrol? Might be able to scare up that demon that’s got Red all hot and bothered.”

She just stood there staring at me, and then there it was. A smile, an honest to goodness smile lit up her whole face. She just caught herself before she let out a laugh, but she couldn’t stop it from showing up in her eyes.

“You Faith, are unbelievable.”

I smiled, but just like that, the moment was gone. Her mask came back up, followed closely by her right fist.

She knocked me back and I sailed right over the bar, smashing about ten bottles into pieces, as well as a stack of nicely polished glasses. My boot clipped the bartender on the chin and he went down hard, out cold. I finally stopped when my head and shoulder exploded the mirror hanging on the wall behind the bar.

I was sprawled there in a daze…Fuck, she didn’t even give me time to enjoy that smile. I staggered not too gracefully to my feet, and she was right where I’d seen her last. ‘Cept now she was kicking the bouncer’s ass, and the whole freakin’ place was fighting.

There were five guys headed her way, but she didn’t look too worried. Okay, she didn’t look worried at all, but I still hopped the bar to help her out. Least that was the plan.

What really happened was I went down again. I slipped on all the booze and glass under my feet, and unfortunately for the bartender who was just coming to, my elbow caught him hard in the temple. He was out again, and Jesus, could I just stop beating on the poor guy?

I tried the jump again, and this time I made it to B’s side. I was a little surprised because it was just as crazy looking from my new position. I was in a bar fight with Buffy Summers. Little Miss Tightly Wound was in a bar fight, and let me tell ya, the look in her eye was backing off a whole buncha people.

I clocked some dumb asshole who was swinging a pool cue at my head, and I saw B smile again. It was another real one, and man, I just couldn’t get enough of them. Was looking like between us, I was the one you could call some kinda addict.

We fought back to back to the door, then we were out and running like two kids caught shoplifting. We cut down a few alleys, staying off the main drag in case somebody came looking. We quit running when we hit this way deserted place, and it was obvious we were in the clear.

It was then I had the time to notice what a pretty night it was. The moon was out and shining down bright, and it made her hair look like white gold. She was still smiling, and she looked so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her.

“I should be kicking your ass.”

“So how come you’re not?”

“Maybe because that was so much fun.”

“Yeah it was, B.”

She quit smiling, but she still looked like Buffy. Only now she was all serious.

“Faith, I get that you’re trying to help, but I don’t want it. I don’t want to hurt you either, but I will if you force me to. Just go home, you’re off the hook here. Please, just go before it gets rough.”

“Gotta tell ya, you being like this already hurts me. Know you can make it a lot worse, but no way am I off the hook. I gotta see this through B, you’re too important to too many people for me not to get it done. You gotta stop now. I wish you’d do it on your own, but if you won’t, then I’m gonna do it for ya.”

She started pacing then:

“What is wrong with you?! Don’t you have any pride?! I don’t want you here! I don’t need you! You’ve been gone a long time, and guess what? I haven’t missed you at all! Now leave me alone!”

“No.”

She whirled around to face me:

“God, you really are pathetic. Who are you trying to impress? Me? Willow? Xander? Yourself? Listen to me: whenever I look at you, all I see is a pitiful dog that keeps coming back for a beating with its tail between its legs. You totally disgust me.”

I stayed calm and spoke quietly:

“Might be some truth in that, but you’re still a liar. You miss me B, maybe not for the reasons I wish ya did, but you miss me. You miss having someone around who can take the blows, somebody who really knows what it means to be a Slayer. You know I understand you, we’re The Chosen Two, and you miss that connection we share.”

“Right, whatever Faith. I don’t give a shit what you’ve got to say. The point is, I do not need a chaperone. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, so…”

“Oh yeah, can all see what a bang-up job you’re doin’. Look B, you’re just wasting our time here. Don’t matter to me what you say or do, I’m not letting go of you. You wanna die so fucking bad? Then you’re gonna have to take me with you, and I don’t wanna die. Gonna be a big ass fight, but hey, good luck with that.”

She started rubbing her head like her headache was back. I guess maybe I was giving her one.

“Are you incapable of hearing me? I do not…”

“I hear ya, loud and clear, but I’m not the one who needs to listen. Ya know, takes a lot of energy to keep that anger going, B.”

“Well you’d know all about it, wouldn’t you? The psycho Slayer who wouldn’t listen to anyone about anything. God, how many times did I try to help you?”

“’Bout a thousand.”

“And?”

“Guess I needed a thousand and one.”

She kinda snorted and took a small step towards me:

“Oh I see, I gave up on you too soon. It was all my fault.”

“Nah, was all on me. Never had anybody care about me before, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Nobody’d ever given a shit about me in my whole life, not once, and no way did I know how to trust it when you did.”

“Great, time for all your excuses.”

“No, just trying to explain. But since you brought it up, what’s your excuse? You been loved your whole life, how come none of that matters anymore? I mean, you know you’re hurting everybody, but ya just keep right on going. What’s that all about, Buffy?”

“Shut up! You don’t know anything about it!”

I could see her plain in the moonlight, and she was not looking anything but upset.

“C’mon, that’s not true and you know it. I couldn’t see a way out either, couldn’t see any way to stop it, but thanks to Angel and then finally myself, I learned how to do it. You can get out of this B, I can help you.”

“Really? How’s that, Faith?”

It was my turn to take a step forward:

“I know you and I know what you’re feeling. I can match you every step of the way ‘cause I been right where you are, and way past it too. I know what’s in store for you if you don’t stop doing this. Just let me help you…please, Buffy.”

“Have you ever been tested, I mean officially? I seriously think you’re insane or maybe even brain damaged.”

I ignored her completely:

“I know you’re gonna cause me a lotta pain, but I won’t let it make a difference. You are not going down this path, B. You don’t belong here, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you get clear of it. Whatever ends up going down, it’s not gonna go down like you want it to, I’m not gonna let it. Be easier if you’d just accept that.”

She spun away and began pacing again:

“You’ve got no right to do this.”

“Maybe not.”

“There’s no ‘maybe’ about it! You left, you’ve been out of the picture for years now. God, this is crazy! You’re crazy! Why would I trust you or want your help? All you’ve ever done is hurt me anyway!”

“B, that hurt’s been swingin’ both ways for a long time now. I don’t bother keepin’ score anymore, what’s the point?”

I hopped up to sit on some crates.

“I’m here, and I’m staying. Do what ya gotta, that’s what I’m gonna do. But while you’re fucking around, why don’t ya take a good look at yourself? When’s the last time ya did that without all the bullshit you use to justify what you been doin’?”

I hadn’t planned on having this talk with her now, but she wasn’t running. She was leaning against a pole, and she seemed to be listening. I had to take my chances where I could get them.

“Think you can’t stand lookin’ at yourself now? It doesn’t get better Buffy, ya don’t ever get used to it. Just gets worse until even the bullshit doesn’t help. Then it’s just you and the pain all the time, and it never goes away, not even for a second. It hurts like you can’t imagine, and that’s what’s waiting for you if ya keep heading down this road.”

She didn’t make a sound, and I didn’t either. We just hung in the alley, and I let what I said sink in. When I thought it had, I started up again.

“Where’s it gonna end? What if some monster in the night doesn’t get you? Wanna know what it’s like to be the monster? Well I’m your girl, got the inside info for ya. It’s a thrill, a rush like ya can’t believe. You’re like God, holding lives in your hands. You listen to’em beg and cry, and it’s all up to you. They live or die on your say-so, no rhyme or reason, no justice or reward. You do it just like God does it, take’em out just ‘cause you feel like it.”

B’s head was down and she was leaning heavier on the post. When she put her hand up to her face, I was pretty sure I saw it shaking a little.

“No one can stop ya, it’s the biggest high ever. But there’s a downside: you start feeling your soul drip away. First it’s just a drop at a time, all slow and steady, and you get used to it. Seems like a fair trade-off. Then that bitch is running out so fast it hurts. Before you can do shit about it, the darkness starts filling you up, replacing what ya lost. It’s so cold, but you let yourself fall back into it ‘cause it’s all you got left, it’s all that feels like home.”

“That’s you, not me.”

I ignored her again and just kept going. I was getting to her, and I could see it.

“There I was torturing Wesley. Best night ever. I had so much power, so much control. Had him screaming and bleeding, just short of begging. I coulda done him all night. Then Soulboy shows up, we go at it, and I let all of that darkness loose on him. He didn’t stand a chance. I told him he was gonna die, and he was gonna. He couldn’t take me, nobody coulda. Then just like that, I went empty. All of that darkness had just poured outta me, and I had nothin’ left. The pain came at me and I couldn’t stand it, it hurt too bad. I wanted to die, tried to get Angel to kill me, but he’d caught on and he wouldn’t do it.”

“Is there a point to this very long and very boring story?”

She was trying to sound tough, but her voice wasn’t coming out that way.

“Point is, I got so lost I couldn’t see my way back. Didn’t see how I could ever fix things and make amends, so I just kept going. I thought I couldn’t face the pain and live through it, but I was wrong and you are too, B. You think there’s only one way you can go, so you just keep plowing on ahead. You made a choice somewhere, and now ya think you gotta stick with it. You don’t.”

I jumped down off my seat and started walking over to her, all slow and calm:

“You made a bad decision, but that’s all it is, just a bad decision. You can change your mind, just do things another way. Nothing’s set in stone, you can change it all right now if you wanna. It’s still under your control B, you can do it all different right now.”

“…”

“Just think about it. Maybe talk it over with Willow and Xander. They wanna help, they’ll listen to you. If ya want, you can talk to me, I’ll understand. But whatever ya decide, you gotta quit doing this now. Pretty soon, the cost is gonna get too high for you to pay. Please, B.”

She straightened up, her shoulders all thrown back, and she looked me right in the eye:

“I don’t want to hear this. Just let it go.”

“It’s not too late, I promise you that. There’s not one person who loved you before that still doesn’t. Giles, Dawnie, Angel, they’ll all be back in a flash if you let’em.”

“We’re done now.”

I knew I was running out of time, so I barely even paused:

“Know it makes you mad you can’t lose their love, but that’s just how it is. You’re Buffy, and whether you like it or not, that means a whole lot to a bunch of us. No matter what goes down, nothing can change that, it’s just a fact. I know you think it’s a burden, but look inside B and you’ll remember that it’s not. It’s what keeps you strong, what keeps you ‘you’.”

“Thanks for the big talk. I’m leaving now.”

She turned to walk away, and I grabbed her arm to stop her. I jerked her around until she was facing me again.

“Just open up and let us help you carry some of this. We all wanna do it, we’d do anything for you. No matter what you believe right now, there’s nothing that’s happened that can’t be fixed. This can all change right here, right now, all ya gotta do is stop. You’re going the wrong way B, I swear you are. Just stop, and let us help you.”

“Let go of my arm.”

“Gonna claim what I said doesn’t make sense?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“The hell it doesn’t!”

“Yeah okay, fine, maybe it does to you. Now if you don’t let go of my arm, things are going to become extremely violent.”

I’d gotten through to her, otherwise she wouldn’t have stuck around as long as she did. I could see she was trying to shut back down, and that was okay on one level. But I gotta admit that I’m human, and after my big passionate speech, well I wanted more from her.

Know Rome wasn’t built in a day, stages of grief don’t go from beginning to end, yeah I get it. But standing there looking her right in the eye with my hand holding onto her arm, well I guess I got kinda childish and stupid.

I didn’t let go, and I made it worse by grabbing onto her other arm too. I just stood there smiling a big smart ass smile at her, right in her face, up in her grill. Call it whatever the fuck you want to.

“You wanna take off so bad, B? Then make me let go.”

I saw the anger flare up, but she pushed it back. Now not everybody knows this, but that’s the worst with B. Means she’s really mad and taking her time to go back over the list of all the things she’s already mad at you for. Hmm…what could she be mad at me for?

Early rise and shine, making her eat, physically controlling her, humiliating her in front of Willow and Xander, flushing her drugs, cutting off her supply in town, throwing Giles, Dawn, Angel, and her mom in her face…Man, how far back ya think she’s gonna go?

Ever found yourself right in the middle of doing something you knew was a huge fucking mistake? Well this was one of those moments for me. I was standing in an alley restraining the Slayer, while she calmly went over all the reasons she hated my guts.

Could say I was definitely holding the tiger by the tail, and everybody knows ya can’t do that. But then who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to just let go?

“I think I’ve been more than patient Faith, but this is starting to annoy me now. Let go, and get the hell away from me.”

Listen, know I’m not all that bright, but I got a pair like you wouldn’t believe. There’s nobody who can dig deeper or faster than me, even if they got a bulldozer.

“Hey B, free country last time I checked.”

“Maybe, but it’s not a free body you’re holding onto. I don’t want you here, and I sure as fuck don’t want you touching me. What’s so hard for you to understand?”

Her eyes looked scary as hell, least what I could see of them in the moonlight.

“Guess it’s hard for me to understand just how fucked up you are. It’s hard for me to understand that your weapons chest looks like an advantage for the other side. Way hard to understand that you’re so gutless now, you’ve just given up.”

She tried to tug her arms free, but I hung on tight.

“Can’t tell you how hard it is to understand that you keep deliberately hurting everybody who loves you while you try to get yourself killed. Just as hard to understand how you’ve become such a mean and selfish bitch. Anything in that you don’t understand? Figure there probably is since you’ve got your head stuck so far up your ass.”

I was pretty sure trouble was coming. Not just anybody could pick up on it, but I’m an expert when it comes to B’s temper. Been making her mad since I met her, I got a knack for it, and unlike other people I can always read the little signs.

For example, I was suddenly being knocked around the alley like a pinball, bouncing off walls, dumpsters, light poles, and a buncha other things a person shouldn’t oughta smash into. It was subtle yeah, but I was picking up on the fact that B was mad, and she seemed way determined to beat the shit outta me.

I fought back, of course I did, and I got in a few good shots of my own. But B was furious and despite being a Slayer myself, I didn’t stand much of a chance. ‘Cause although I’m her equal, when everything’s all even, well she’s always gonna be able to take me. She’s just that little bit better than me, and that difference explained why I was now flat on my back with B sitting on top of me, all set to just start wailing away.

She had my arms pinned with her knees, and I couldn’t bring my legs up high enough to throw her off. I tried to pull loose, and it was then I discovered that my shoulder had somehow popped outta joint and hurt like hell.

To her credit, B seemed way concerned because the instant she saw me wince, she jammed the heel of her hand right on it. I screamed, and she just smiled as she leaned in closer.

“Something the matter, F?”

She pushed again and I yelled again. Sweat started pouring down my face, just like that…Fuck, it hurt.

“I’m tired of these games, and I’m not going to play them anymore.”

She shifted her hand, and I started seeing stars.

“This pain you’re feeling? It’s nothing compared to what I can make you feel. I keep saying the same thing to you…I wonder, are you listening to me this time?”

Again she dug in, and again I was screaming and sweating.

“Now here’s how it’s going to go…You Faith, are heading back to wherever you came from. Thanks so much for stopping by. I, on the other hand, am going just wherever the hell I choose to go. Are we clear?”

Fuck her, I wasn’t answering.

She put steady pressure right on the joint, and it was suddenly like an elephant was sitting there. Or maybe it was just a Slayer using her Slayer strength to strike up a friendly conversation. Whatever was fucking with my shoulder, it had me moaning constantly now.

“You know, when I ask someone a question, I really like them to answer me.”

“…”

“Faith, I’m not really into torture, although I am finding when it comes to you…”

I let out another scream as she pushed this time with a twist.

“…I’m more than willing to make an exception. Now I asked you, ‘Are we clear?’”

She followed her question with a rocking and rolling motion that made it seem like torture was something she was way into.

“…Yeah.”

“’Yeah’ what?”

“Fuck…Never pegged you as a dom…AAH!”

“Let’s just stick to the script, shall we? ‘Yeah’ what?”

“…”

“’Yeah’…”

“Aah…shit!”

“…what?”

“God……Yeah…we’re clear…bitch.”

She stood up, almost making me pass right the fuck out because when I tacked on my “bitch” comment, she decided to get up with all her weight on my shoulder. I stayed down on the ground, just glad my shoulder was only killing me instead of “killing me” killing me.

“I hope we don’t need to do this again.”

“Bullshit, B…Recognize…the signs. You…enjoyed that.”

“Don’t push me, Faith.”

“Maybe not the torture…not yet…but at the very least…the pretending. Course… problem with that is…you pretend long enough, pretty soon that’s…what you become for real...I’d watch out for that if I was you.”

“I guess that’s advice from someone who knows.”

“Absolutely.”

She turned to head off into the night and whatever trouble she could find.

“Hey B, one thing.”

“What?”

“Seriously, you going?”

“I believe I just demonstrated how serious I am.”

I laughed at her then:

“Yeah, suppose most people’d take it that way.”

“Not you though? Want me to refresh your memory?”

Her eyes met mine, and I struggled to keep a hold on my fear. B doesn’t really do idle threats.

“No thanks, that was plenty for me. Don’t want any more of that for like maybe ever.”

“Then shut up because with that arm, I could take you easy.”

“Yeah, you could.”

“Then goodbye.”

She turned around again and started to leave.

“Course so could anything between here and your place.”

She stopped walking then, and slowly turned around to face me.

“…What?”

“I said that anything between here and your house could take me. We’re out in the middle of the bad part of town, nothing good in sight, and I need you to snap my shoulder back in. No way can I do it myself, not after how bad you messed it up.”

“…”

“Course you do that, means I can give ya a fight, and that means you’re not going off by yourself.”

Gotta admit the second I realized my shoulder was fucked up, I was hoping I could use it to test her somehow. Fact that it was going so smooth was a nice change of pace for a change.

“Well tough girl, what’s it gonna be? Feel like rollin’ the dice tonight, see if ya can get a little blood on your hands? My blood? Gonna take that risk B, or you still all about doin’ the right thing?”

She just stood there not moving. She looked like somebody’d just told her that the shirt she was wearing didn’t really match her pants. She looked confused and outta place, like something just wasn’t adding up right.

Damn right it wasn’t adding up ‘cause no matter what she thinks she wants to do, no way is Buffy Summers ever leaving somebody at risk if she can help it. Even if that somebody’s me.

“………Fuck you, Faith.”

“Hey now B, don’t tease me.”

She walked over, grabbed a couple of handfuls of my jacket, and yanked me to my feet about as painfully as she could.

“OW! Easy there, Slayer.”

In a matter of seconds she had my shoulder back in place, and it was all like it was supposed to be. The pain started easing right away as the good old Slayer healing kicked in, ya had to love it.

Without another word, we started our patrol. She was mad as hell, but me? Well I was grinning like a fool. Why? Because no matter what shit was on top of her, no matter what she tried to do to make it otherwise, underneath where it counted she was still all Buffy.

Gotcha, B.

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