Chapter Eight

So we waited, and life carried on. B was getting better and better as each day passed, and there were no more fights, no more sneak outs, no more big temper tantrums. She was spending time with Willow and Xander, and she was acting much more like her old self. She was way into our routine, and the main reason for that was because she loved the sparring after breakfast.

There are only two Slayers in the world, and it was so cool to be able to fight and not have to worry about hurting the other person. You could just cut loose and let everything you had in ya come right the fuck out. The person on the receiving end could take it, and she could give it right back. Add in the feeling of belonging, at least for me, and it was totally addictive.

We'd go at it, and Willow and Xander would watch...Yeah, less said about their crazy ass cheers and songs, the better for everybody. Me and B challenged each other every time, taking it right to the limit. We couldn't have had more fun if we'd been stuck inside a barrel of monkeys.

Yep, was going good, and the day was just like all the other ones. Lunch was over and we were all in the front room. Red was doing some computer bullshit for her job, and Xander and B were watching some soap opera on the Spanish channel. I was completely stretched out, nodding off on the couch and doing my best to pretend like I wasn't. Was just about at that stage where there's no return, when the doorbell rang.

Red announced to three completely uninterested people that she'd get it. Yeah great, you do that. Take pictures, make notes, and I'll catch ya on the flip side. I let go, and just as I headed off for the best nap ever…

Willow came back into the room followed closely by Giles and Dawn. That sight woke me right the fuck up, and I took a deep breath and sat up. Time kinda stood still, and the only sounds in the room were in Spanish.

Everybody was looking like just about every emotion you could think of, and it was tough to think what to say. Xander didn't seem too affected. He jumped up and grabbed Dawn in a hug that had him twirling her around:

"Dawnster! Now you are a sight for sore eye!"

She laughed, giggled actually `cause what else could she do when Xander turned on the charm? He finally put her down, then treated Giles to his very own bone crushing hug.

"Hi, Giles! Welcome home!"

"Thank you, Xander."

Then that was over, and only the people who spoke Spanish felt like talking. I knew I had to hop in, and I also knew nobody was gonna be greeting me all happy and nice any time soon. People tend to get pissed when ya order'em around, threaten'em, and lay all the guilt ya can on'em. Go figure.

"G-man, Squirt. Glad you're here."

"Faith." "Psycho."

"So how was your trip?"

"Like you care." "Quite pleasant for a flight of that duration."

B wasn't talking or moving, so I guess Giles decided to take the bull by the horns:

"Hello Buffy, it's good to see you again."

"Is it?"

"Yes, of course it is."

B was all ice and anger:

"Gee, how long's it been this time?"

Giles looked more than a little pissed, but before he could answer Dawn jumped in:

"Hi Buffy, can I get a hug?"

"Do you want one?"

"Of course I do. I missed you…a lot."

"I hear that tends to happen when you move to the other side of an ocean."

Props to Dawnie `cause she ignored Buffy's bullshit and forced the hug anyway. What she received for all her hard work was the shittiest return hug I've ever seen.

And it didn't last long because B pulled away:

"Excuse me."

Her eyes had pretty much been burning a hole in me since the arrivals had arrived, and with one last look of fire, she headed up the stairs. We all heard her door slam shut, and the second it did, Giles spun around to face me:

"Ah yes Faith, I believe we can all see just how imperative it was for Dawn and myself to return. Clearly Buffy is beside herself with joy at our presence."

"Look, I get it's hard, but B's just freaking right now. This is a total blindside for her, and she doesn't know how to act."

Dawn piped up:

"Maybe trying not to be a complete bitch would be a good way to go."

"Agree with ya there, but…"

"Besides, she didn't look scared to me. She looked mad."

"Yeah Squirt, she is. But it's not at you guys, she's mad at me."

Dawn looked at me maybe a little surprised, but she recovered quick enough:

"Oh, okay. Well in that case, I'm fine with her whole bitch approach."

"I know this is tough on you guys, but I also know you love B and want her back. It's not gonna be easy at first, and it's not gonna run perfect, but it will get way better real fast if you stay. Buffy needs you guys here."

Giles looked a little unconvinced:

"And your assessment is based on what exactly?"

"My gut and my own experience with what B's going through."

Dawn's eyes just about rolled offa her face:

"So we should all listen to you because you used to be a crazy bitch too?"

"I get it, okay Dawnie? You're mad at me, probably for a whole shitload of reasons, but you know I'm only trying to help out. So far, I've been able to. Could ya just try and put stuff aside and work with me here? For B, if nothing else?"

She stared down at the floor for a few, then looked me right in the eye:

"Okay, for Buffy. But I'm still mad at you."

"Understood. G-man, where ya standing?"

He sighed and had that look people get when they're doing the exact opposite of what they think they should be doing:

"I suppose where I always am…at Buffy's side. We shall follow your lead, at least for the time being. I'm aware that you care a great deal for Buffy, and I fully recognize that your insight into this situation is not something to be taken lightly. We shall place our…"

He gave me a smile. It was tiny but hey, I took it and was happy to get it.

"…faith in you."

"Okay, that's great! Red and Patch can fill ya in on what you've missed. I should head up and talk to B."

"Should we call 911 now, or just wait until we see your body parts come flying down the stairs?"

I laughed, even though in one way it wasn't funny. But it was, ya know?

"Wow, great pep talk. No matter what Dawn, I'm really glad to see you again. I missed you."

"……I missed you too…And thanks so much for all the calls and letters. They really meant a lot."

"I know. Later, okay? Can barely handle one pissed off Summers chick at a time."

"Definitely later…you can count on that."

Scary talk, and she sounded just like B when she said it. Least she was smiling a little though, and I just caught myself before I ruffled her hair. Christ, would that have ever been the fucking kiss of death.

Five plus years had passed, and it was clear Squirt was no longer a little kid. Should probably stop calling her that, but shit, I loved that nickname. Maybe I could negotiate down the line somewhere.

The four of them sat down to catch up, and they looked like just what they were: a family getting back together. Figured I looked like just what I was too: an outsider going it alone as usual. Shitty how the things you'd like to change, never really do. It sucks.

I took a wild stab and decided I shouldn't have the self-pity cranked all the way up when I talked to B…But fuck, why do I always find myself in these crap ass situations? I mean, in case nobody got the memo, I'm reformed now. I'm all about fighting the good fight, taking one for the team, doing the whole "rah, rah, rah" deal.

Yeah, I'm on the good side now, and still I get this kinda shit for my reward. Maybe I oughta go all evil again. Was good at it, and at least I got a kick ass apartment outta the deal.

Course there was the mental breakdown, and then B carving me up like a Thanksgiving Day turkey. Pretty big downside when ya think about it. Just about the biggest one ever.

Screw that, that's not me anymore anyways. I'm all about the good deeds now, so I knocked and waited. By my unofficial count, she made me wait almost three minutes.

"Come in."

I braced myself, hoped for the best, and went in.

"Hi."

She was sitting in a chair by the window, facing out, but she turned to greet me.

"Wow, I can't believe it's you. You never knock, I didn't think you even knew how."

"B, I know you're mad, but right now the important thing is…"

"Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"…I'm sorry, really I am, but I'm not sorry I asked them to come home. I'm not sorry I didn't tell you either."

God, her eyes were so cold.

"Why Faith, that is the best apology I've ever heard. Gee, when something's so beautiful and heartfelt, well what else can I do but forgive you? Apology accepted."

"I know it's a big fucking mess B, but shit's gotta get done no matter what. I am sorry, but no way could I give you the heads-up."

She smiled at me, but it didn't make me feel better:

"Boy, you really don't listen to a word I say, do you? I just said I accepted your apology, so don't worry about it anymore. No hard feelings."

The tone in her voice and the look on her face weren't doing a thing to sell her words. She was mad, she was scared, and she looked really hurt.

"Much as I wanna say different, you know as well as me if I'da told ya, you wouldn't be here right now."

"Maybe. I guess we'll never know, will we?"

"Okay B, you can be as pissed as ya wanna, but…"

"Thanks for your permission."

"…right now you need to go downstairs and give this a real chance."

She stood up slowly, that scary smile back on her face:

"Or?"

"What?"

"What do you plan to do about it if I don't? You gonna try and make me, F? Huh? Gonna get all tough and mean again?"

She shoved me back a step or two, more than spoiling for a fight.

"Whoa, never said anything like that. Not making any threats here, was just making a friendly suggestion."

"Oh, I see. So is that what we are now? Are we friends, Faith?"

"…Like to think so."

"Yeah, I'll just bet you would."

I wanted out, but I had nowhere else to go.

"…B…"

"Again I have to say I'm surprised, I had no idea you were even capable of offering a friendly suggestion. I mean, I know you can do all kinds of things…God knows I've seen them all."

"Don't do this."

"It's quite a list, isn't it? Remember how you tried to torture me? That was nothing but big fun, right? Just like when you smacked my mom around. And what about the time you tried to kill Angel? Boy, you sure are a great shot with a bow and arrow. It's a shame you couldn't see for yourself just how much he suffered."

I told myself to walk away, but it was like my legs weren't attached to me, so I just kept standing there staring at the floor.

"Hey, what was that Professor's name? You know, the man you murdered just because the Mayor told you to? Now that is true devotion, killing someone without really even knowing why. You never told me what he said right before you killed him. Did he cry? Beg for his life? Was he brave or did he try to run?"

I kinda collapsed down onto the bed, and just sat there. There wasn't much else I could do, not much else I felt like doing.

"Well, whatever. My point is: I knew you were an expert at murder and betrayal and causing pain, I just never knew you could offer up the delicate touch a `friendly suggestion' usually requires. You're just full of surprises, I guess I forgot that somehow."

My voice came out all shaky `cause that's what I was:

"…So you're mad, coming through loud and clear. Doesn't mean you gotta haul us all the way back to……"

"Gee, you don't look so good. It's not something I said, is it?"

"……Giles and Dawn are back, they're right the fuck downstairs. Really wanna blow it `cause you're pissed at me?"

She actually paused like she was thinking it over, but we both knew she already knew what she was gonna say. The delay was just to make it hurt more, to make it seem like there was any chance for me at all before she yanked it away.

"You're right. I don't want to ruin something this important because of you. You're not worth it."

"…"

"I guess I should just look at this like you had my best interests  at heart. That is what friends do, isn't it?"

She headed for the door like she had no worries or cares:

"Besides, we're both big girls. We know sometimes things can get a little rough, and sometimes even the best of friends upset each other. I've done a lot of that recently…"

"B, don't…"

"…just not to the right friend. But don't you worry, I'm positive I can make up for it now that I understand the situation."

There was nothing left for me to say, and she turned to go.

"Oh, and F?"

She waited until I brought my eyes up to meet hers:

"Thank you for being my friend. I'll do my best to show you just how much I appreciate it."

Willow came up about half an hour later to check on me. I was still just sitting on the edge of B's bed.

"Faith, how'd it…Never mind, I can see how it went. What happened?"

"…It's okay, just head back down."

"It's obviously way far from okay. Tell me what she said."

"Willow…I just need a little more time here and I'll be fine."

"But…"

"Please? Please just go back downstairs."

She didn't look at all happy about it.

"…Okay…if you're sure."

"I'm sure. Don't worry, okay?"

She hugged me, then left looking all worried. I knew I had to pull myself together because based on her reaction, I must have looked like shit warmed over.

Okay, I was tougher than this, and now I had to prove it. I'd known from the second I placed the call that B was gonna be pissed, and I also knew it was gonna change things between us. Well she was and it had, no surprise there. I'd said I could handle it, now I had to.

`Sides, it wasn't like B'd torn me a new one. It was just the same old one, complete with the big door slam to keep me out. But it meant the closeness we'd been sharing the last few weeks was all over now, and no matter how I tried to make it otherwise, that thought had me feeling devastated.

It had felt so good being her friend, but now that was gone. We were heading right back to the beginning, and I didn't wanna go there, but going there, I was. B was taking us back full speed ahead, and there was fuck all I could do about it.

The problem was, no matter what shit I'd been spouting, no matter how many warnings I'd given myself, I'd let my guard down and started hoping again. I'd been feeling closer to her than ever before, and I'd been loving it. The longer it went, the more I started kidding myself it meant something. Like maybe somewhere down the line it was gonna maybe somehow mean something else.

I am such a fucking dumb ass. Here we were, standing right at the goddamn critical point, and I was trying to blow it all by going to pieces like a lovesick little girl. I'd let myself get all caught up in the dream of being Buffy's whatever, even though I'd been show time after time that I would never really mean anything to her.

Wasn't anything new. I'd known all about it when I'd first signed on for this do or die mission, so I couldn't pretend I never saw it coming. Couldn't blame anybody else, not even B `cause it was my own stupid fault. I'd just let the last few weeks wipe what I knew to be true right the fuck outta my head.

Well, it was time to toughen up. Yeah I felt like I could cry forever, but I didn't have time for that. Was best just to focus on something positive like……uh…well…the worst was over now. I'd gotten smacked upside the head with a painful dose of reality, but shit, I could deal. I'm nothin' but a realist.

That part about the worst part being over? That wasn't real at all, the worst was still coming. Buffy knew exactly how I felt, that's why she'd had all the "friend" comments going. She'd attacked me right where it hurt the most, and it wasn't likely she was gonna be stopping any time soon.

Fine. B could be a real bitch when she put her mind to it, absolutely. I'd learned that from years of experience, and no way was I gonna pretend I didn't know her, the good and the bad.

But I was starting to see some other shit, and that's all this was. None of it had anything to do with why I was here, this thing between me and B didn't matter at all. Well okay it mattered, especially to me, but it didn't matter to the matter at hand is what I mean.

Point is, this was all just a big fucking smokescreen that was only gonna get us off track if I let it…Never gonna happen. Nice try by B though, deliberate or otherwise.

Everything was coming to a head now, and that was where my attention had to stay. B could blow all the smoke she wanted to, let her blow it outta her ass if that floated her boat. But me? I still had a job to do, and I was gonna do it, no matter what.

I like to finish what I start, even if it kills me. At this point, that possibility looked like more than even odds. Guess that makes it kinda tough to know where to place your bets.

It's not really tough at all though, just seems like that when you're looking at the surface shit. Ya gotta dig down to where the real stuff is, then it all gets clear-cut as hell. And if I was betting, I'd bet it all on me, even my ride home money.

There's not too many things in this fucked up world anybody can call a sure thing. Gotta grab onto those when ya manage to spot'em, so I'm sending out notice to anybody who gives a shit: time to grab right the fuck on.

Buffy Summers is not getting away, no way, no how. There's not a surer thing in the whole fucking world, and I guarantee it. Talk's cheap though, so I'll put my money right where my mouth is: I'm all in now, everything I got.

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