Chapter 14: Shutting Down
LONDON – VICTORIA STATION – 1pm (8 am US)
BUFFY’S POV
I left the house silent and stunned. It’s as if Mrs. Pinnington looked up every one of my buttons then pushed them systematically. Pretty much in a daze, I made my way back to the tube and by some great intervention by the Gods I got on the right one. So now I’m back at Victoria station waiting for the next train to Balham.
You know what the funny thing is? She’s right; Vanessa’s death is on my head. She was on the ‘watch’ list, Dawn told me about her and I did nothing. How could I have ignored it? There was documentation, classic signs of over-compensation for insecurities. To raid a vamp nest with no back up, stupid, stupid girl! Fuck, I should have seen this coming. I should have been out here as soon as Faith taught Emma how to cloak her own aura. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but didn’t. How many other girls have I not been paying attention too? Yeah well, one thing is certain; I am going to get my head out of ass.
Searching my bag I fish out my cell. She picks up after 3 rings.
“Hey baby,” God I swear can almost wrap myself up in the warmth of her voice.
“Hey. Did I wake you? What time is it over there?”
“Nah, I’m up, it’s a little after 8. You ok?”
I sigh, “No.”
“The mother laced into you didn’t she?”
I almost see her nodding her head with that knowing smile. “Yeah, and she was right about a lot of things.” I bow my head as I finally speak the words that have been replaying in my head for the past 2 hours.
“Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on yourself? A lots been going on here and you’re only one person.”
“I have no excuse, Dawn gave me the reports and I ignored them.”
“Buffy, you can’t save everyone,” she says it with such sadness; I know there’s more, “I” she pauses again; her voice gets very low, “you just can’t.”
“I know, but I can do my best, which is not what I’ve been doing for a while. I’m coming back tonight. Can you ask Dawn and Andrew to run the reports again? I want to spend tomorrow going over them.”
“You bet. When’s your flight getting in? I’ll pick you up.
“It’s ok, I’ll grab a cab.”
“B” she growls into the phone.
“Alright, ten to midnight. Don’t forget to tell Dawn.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll tell Andrew and Dawn to start putting it together.”
“Ok, I’ll see you later then.”
“I’ll pick you up.”
I laugh, “Yes my stubborn girl.”
“Call me when you get to Giles place.”
“Even better, I’ll call you before take-off and give you the flight info.” As I hang up I realize I have about an hour to work out how I’m going to break it to Giles that I’m not staying. Shit - the hits just keep on coming.
CLEVELAND – BUFFY’S ROOM – 8:30am (1:30UK)
WILLOW’S POV
“Ok, all present and accounted for, let’s begin.” I see the weariness in Faith’s face so I add, “And I promise I’ll try not to grill you too hard.” She winks at me but I know she seriously appreciates it.
“Did the Goddess hurt you?” Emma asks softy. I didn’t really want her in here, at least for this first round, but she basically burst into the room about 5 minutes ago. She must have ‘felt’ something. Guessing she’d just get it out of us anyway we decided it was best to let her stay.
Faith’s eyes made a sweep of the room stopping briefly to meet mine before finally resting on Emma’s. “No, she didn’t hurt me, just tired me out a little bit.”
Emma sighed in relief.
Faith continued, “Red, from what you told me about your walk on the wild side days with Rack, I think she just took a tour. You know to see if I was telling the truth. I didn’t feel her take any power, just kinda explore it.”
“Then why are you still flat on your back Buddy?” Ken was not mincing words.
“Take it easy babe; we’re lucky she’s alive. If she took a mystical tour of your essence it can be incredibly draining. I only know from the son of a Goddess, so from her herself, I can’t even imagine.”
Faith locked eyes with mine, “I know you and Dawn have been warring with the Coven over the multiple texts and interpretations of whether Ereshkigal is good or evil. But I can tell you one thing with certainty; she was genuinely concerned about Emma’s well being. I told her I’d never let anything happen to her, after taking her tour she believed me.” She sits up a bit straighter, I can tell she’s starting to feel better.
“Ok, we stay diligent, but maybe we can lower our status to Defcon 3?” Andrew is hopeful.
“What do you think Red?”
“Yeah, makes sense.”
She slowly sits all the way up, “Ok, I’m ready for a shower and I have to get some of these windows open. B is gonna seriously kick my ass if she finds out I was smoking in her room.”
Kennedy and Dawn head downstairs to make some breakfast as Dawn starts opening windows. “I’ll open them but we’re keeping your door shut, it’s freaking November woman I’m not going freeze us all out.”
Faith chuckles, “Thanks, can you guys stick around for a sec? Red you too?”
“Sure,” Dawn opens another window then stands next to Andrew for some much needed warmth. “Something else wrong? You know besides an ambivalent Goddess on the loose taking un-booked tours of your essence?”
Concerned I sit on the bed next to her and put my hand on her leg, “Are you sure you’re alright?”
She pats my hand. “I’m fine, really. It’s Buffy. That kid’s mom really ripped her a new one. She’s coming back on an earlier flight tonight.” She turns to Dawn and Andrew, “She wants all the patrol and Watcher reports run again and ready for her tomorrow. Whatever that woman said to her it hit her and hit her hard. She’s got major guilt right now that she dropped the ball and is responsible for the kid’s death.” She looks down then back up at each of us, “That’s why I didn’t tell her about last night. She’d just worry on top of everything else. I’ll tell her when I pick her up from the airport.”
“And the reason you motioned to Kennedy to take Emma downstairs was...” I ask her knowingly.
Faith sighs, “I don’t want her to feel like what’s going on with B is her fault, you know?”
“Be careful Faith,” Andrew wags a finger at her. “It looks like you’re getting very good at watching out for the women in your life. It just might become habit forming.”
She smiles at him, “Too late for that.”
“Alright you two, shoo I need to talk to Faith for a second.” I wave as they close the door behind them.
She scrunches her brow and looks at me, “What’s up Red?”
“I’m concerned the Goddess was able to possess the vamp so easily and that she knew to come to you. Are you always cloaked?”
“Fuck yeah!” She was irritated.
“I don’t mean to piss you off, just checking. I’m not sure if she was just hoping you knew where Emma was or if she knew you’re protecting her.”
“And if she knew, how did she know?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, I guess I know what Ken and I will be doing today.” She slowly gets up and heads for the bathroom.
“Thanks Faith, the demon population may not appreciate it, but I’m sure Emma will.”
M25 MOTORWAY – 3pm (10am US)
BUFFY’S POV
“So that’s why I need to go back now.” I just finished telling Giles the whole story. I figured the truth was just easier and he would understand.
“I understand Buffy.” Great but he’s bummed.
“Thanks Giles. It’s important the girls and their families know I care and I’m looking out for them. They have to know someone is behind them 100%.”
“I’m quite sure they already do. You must also realize you need to take some time for yourself. That balance is never easy, but it’s the only way to keep perspective.
Looking into my lap I somberly state, “Slayers are not supposed to have personal lives.”
“And we’re not supposed to have more than one Slayer, Buffy. By changing one rule, you changed them all. Don’t do anything foolish my dear; you were in very high spirits this morning and for good reason. Everyone needs happiness in their lives; you and Faith deserve it more than anyone I know. Don’t shut down.”
Tears are falling now, “Vanessa’s dead because I didn’t answer her cry for help.”
“No, Buffy, she’s dead because she took on an entire nest by herself.”
“But I should have - ”
“No, my dear, the girls you help train are not helpless, flighty things. Victoria Pinnington is a wealthy egotistical ass. She has no idea what goes on in the world outside garden parties and High Street politics. Please don’t take everything she said to heart. She’s hurting and wants to be hurting you as well.”
He pulls over to the curb as we reach the airport. It takes me a minute to pull myself together but I do and we get out of the car. “Will you come to Cleveland soon? I know Faith would love to see you and I really want you and Olivia to meet Emma.” I sling my duffle over my shoulder then cock my head to the side. “Wait, Olivia never met Faith, ok, now you have to come.”
He smiles at me as he pulls me into a hug. “Of course we’ll come. Perhaps in the spring, it’s lovely there in the spring.”
I hold onto him tightly, “I love you Giles.”
“And I love you my dear.” He breaks our embrace a little teary. “It’s best I get going. Have a safe flight and give Faith my love.”
I squeeze his hand, then let go, “I will.”
CLEVELAND – BUFFY’S ROOM – 2am
FAITH’S POV
We’re sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. I’m leaning against B’s big leather reading chair and she’s sitting between my legs leaning back against me. We’re on our fifth log and second bottle of wine. I know it’s only been a little over 24 hours, but we have a lot to talk about.
“So you were speaking in ancient Samarian?” She chuckles then takes another sip of wine.
I nod against the back of her head, “Yeah, crazy, huh? It’s even funnier that good old Willy recognized the language.” She’s so quiet. I pull her closer and kiss her shoulder, “You ok? You must be exhausted.”
“Nah, I’m good right here.” She wiggles her back into me then leans her head back on my shoulder. “And haven’t you heard? Sleep is totally over-rated.” We laugh then just stare into the fire, drinking our wine. She haltingly speaks again, “I’m going to be traveling a lot.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“You ok with that?” There’s a strange tone in her voice.
Putting my glass down I wrap both my arms around her, “As long as we can still have nights like this when you get back, you betcha.” I let my chin rest atop her head. “If I can help you...”
“Thanks, but you have your hands kinda full with Emma and the PtB.”
“Emma’s doing great and the PtB have been quiet so that means stay put. Look, I can help you go through the reports tomorrow. I don’t have the psych degree, but I can spot ‘Teenage-Faith-like’ behavior.”
She turns to face me. Her eyes search mine, for what, I don’t know. There’s something going on in that pretty head. She slides her hand behind my neck pulling me closer until our lips meet. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the myriad of sensations that run through me when we kiss: the softness of her lips, the Slayer tingle in my veins, the sweet ache that creeps into my body. I know she feels the same, but something is different tonight.
She’s lying against my shoulder again, spacing out into the fire. Holding her tightly in my arms I lean to her ear and whisper, “You want to talk about it?”
She looks down and wraps her arms around mine, holding them in place. “No, yes, oh I don’t know.”
“Fair enough.”
She sits up and swings around pulling her knees under her chin. Facing me now she wraps her arms around her legs. She’s looking down then inhales and “Why did you come here?” Just like that she spits it out.
“I...I...” I stammer like an idiot then take a huge breath.
“I mean it’s just kinda weird that you get here the exact same day that Emma does,” she looks up at me, “you know?”
My mind is racing and I don’t know why I’m not prepared for this, but I’m not.
“Faith?” her voice is very high.
I can’t speak; I just hang my head trying desperately to control the pounding in my chest.
She watches me incredulously, “The PtB sent you here didn’t they? You’re here to protect Emma. And this,” she waves her hand between us, “is just what exactly?”
“B, it’s not like that.” I’m really trying to stay calm, but it’s all rushing back so fast.
“Really?” She’s getting angry, great, “Why don’t you tell me what it’s like, F?”
I drain my glass then look at her. Trying to level my voice, “I guess it would be too much to ask for you to trust me?”
Her eyes are welling up, “Oh, my God, why are you evading the question?”
“Buffy, don’t...” My eyes are closed. I’m trying to find my center but her distress is so strong it fills the room. I can’t push it out and it’s feeding my own.
“Why are you not answering me?” Tears are cascading down her face. “Did it all mean nothing to you?”
I get up and put my boots on, “I, can’t, do, this, now.” I breathe out each word.
She follows, whipping me around to face her, “You need to tell me what’s going on.”
Shaking my head I look at the floor, “I really have to go.” Please just let me get out of here before I lose it.
I’m almost to the door then I’m flying into a wall. Before I can regain my balance, B’s foot slams into my chest. Mother fucker! The next thing I know B and I are going toe to toe; punches, kicks – some landing others blocked.
Jesus, what the fuck am I doing? I don’t want to hurt her. Reaching back to reign in some semblance of control I pin her against the wall. “Just stop!” I yell.
One of her hands wiggles out of my grip then makes stunning contact with my face. Then I lose every ounce of control I’ve been keeping under wraps for the past month. “You want me to tell you why I came here?” I snarl at her as I grasp her face in my hands, “how about I show you instead?”
There’s a flash then we’re in the dark place. The first thing that hits you is the smell. The scent of burning, rotting flesh is one that never leaves your memory. I’d forgotten how strong it was, how it almost permeates your very being. She blinks at me as her eyes become accustomed to the murky light. I take her arm and pull her deeper inside. A cacophony of screams is heard, echoing over the walls, and then it stops.
“Where are we?” She looks around confused.
“Another time, another dimension, come on.”
There’s an orange glow that lights the hallway we’re in. B is carefully stepping over the bodies that line the floor. “Can’t we help them?”
I survey them icily, “They’ve already been helped, they’re dead.” I continue to lead her down the corridor.
“Oh my God.” She latches onto my shoulder.
I laugh, “God has absolutely nothing to do with this place.” Stopping at a door I turn to her, “Here we are honey,” I don’t know why I’m taking a sadistic pleasure in watching her discomfort and fear, maybe it’s just being here again. “Why don’t you take a peek inside?”
She narrows her gaze at me then looks through the 4 inch by 12 inch slot in the door. She gasps, steps back, then with eyes widening she looks again. “Faith,” she pushes my name from her lips with great effort as she backs away from the door.
I know what’s inside, there’s really no need for me to look, but just like a train wreck, I kinda have to. And there I am: beaten, broken, incoherent and completely covered in blood. I watch myself scream in pain because my arms are crucified to the wall. How did I live though this? Shutting my eyes tightly I stumble away from the door.
“Faith? I don’t understand...”
“We’re in a dungeon, B, in the hell dimension I spent the last 857 days of my life before coming to Cleveland. It was the price for saving you from the M’Fashnik demon. You see, it would have killed you, Emma and the entire Coven. I was barely alive when they released me.” She’s watching me through the river of tears running down her face. “All I wanted when I got out of here was to see you, to be near you, so I came. And you know what happened? I thought you finally accepted me for me.” I laughed, “But I was wrong.”
Another flash and we’re back in her room. Kennedy looks up at us, “Where did you come from? What the fuck is going on?”
Buffy looks freaked out, a dimension jump can do it, but I think she’s reeling from seeing all of it first hand. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but she pushed me. She’s sobbing into her hands, probably having a hard time processing it all. Ken goes to her as I shake my head and walk out, “I don’t know Ken.”
“Faith,” Buffy comes running into the hall after me, “Please don’t leave. I didn’t know. I couldn’t have known.”
Ken walks out of B’s room and heads back to her and Red’s mumbling, “crazy people.”
Buffy’s holding my arm. “Please Faith, I wigged because you wouldn’t answer me. Please baby.” She’s pulling me back now and God damn it, I let her. She closes the door then guides me back to fire. I collapse into the leather chair as she sits on the floor in front me. “Now tell me everything.”
Chapter 15: Prices
BUFFY’S ROOM – 3:00 AM
BUFFY’S POV
She doesn’t say anything at first; she just looks into the fire. Then her eyes slowly rest on mine, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have brought you there.”
I can’t believe she’s apologizing to me, “My God, Faith could I have pushed you any further? And I pushed it like I’ve always done with you - until you had no other option but to lash out.” I’m too ashamed of myself to look her in the eye any longer so I study the design of the carpet.
We’re both silent for a while. I look around and find our glasses, then pour the remainder of the wine. She leans forward as I hand her a glass.
Taking a sip I decide to just throw it all out there, “On the flight back tonight I was zoning on the plane thinking about Giles. He said that you and I deserved happiness in our lives more than anyone he knew. So I started to think about you and me and how happy I was you were here and how usually when I’m happy something awful happens. Then I start thinking about the PtB and how they send you to different places and I think what if they sent you here? Then I realize that you coming to Cleveland the same day I bring Emma back from Durban can’t be a coincidence. So I asked you and you wouldn’t answer, and then you were going to leave?” I finally look up at her. “So I freaked out, over-reacted and… I am so sorry.”
She’s got that smirk on her face and is slowly shaking her head. “Do you realize you didn’t take one breath through your entire babble-splanation?”
I tilt my head to the side ignoring her attempt at levity, “Faith, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Not exactly the kind of thing that comes up in conversation.” She takes a sip of wine then rests the glass on the arm of the chair.
Shaking my head at her, “How did that happen? How could the PtB allow that to happen to you?”
“Buffy, it goes way beyond the PtB. When we intervened and saved your lives we upset the balance of Good and Evil. It was meant to be a dark time, the loss of the Great Slayer, the most powerful Coven and the girl who could someday bring a great light to a great darkness. The Gods demanded a sacrifice, a price to be paid. The PtB explained it all before I went to you. They told me exactly what would happen to me if we interfered. There was no way of knowing how many would have been lost had we NOT done something, so I agreed to it.” She swirls her glass then takes another sip. Her gaze is once again lost to the flames.
Oh my God, how could I have ever doubted her? Can someone tell me why I am such a freak? Placing a hand tentatively on her leg I look up to her, “How did you live through that?”
She tears her eyes away from the fire to meet mine, “I just asked myself the same question.” Looking down she regards my hand for a moment then thankfully, covers it with her own. “I though about you a lot, it kept me sane. Well, as sane as possible,” she muses. “I would think about the first time we met, when we used to slay together, how close we were getting, well, before Finch. But mostly I’d remember LA and waking up with you in my arms and you kissing me. I would fantasize about what would have happened if Fred never busted in, how different our lives could’ve been. I just kept telling myself the only way I could ever be with you is to make it out of there.”
“Babe, you were barely alive.” I’m crying again. “I can’t believe they...” I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get that sight of her out of my mind.
She pats my hand, “And I can’t begin to tell you how much it hurt.” She looks down to her wrists. I was so blind, I never noticed the scars, and they’re huge. They used stakes, the bastards – irony I guess. “But I survived, just like I told the PtB I would. And when I was released members of a Coven in Mexico came and took me back to their town. It’s a tiny place on the water in the Yucatan called Akumal. I’d been there before, it’s where I go to get patched up when I get back from bad scrapes, only this time I needed more than patchwork. They healed my body and tried to heal my soul. But I knew only one thing would do that: seeing you. So after a month, when I could actually hold a conversation, I called Kennedy.”
“That’s why she didn’t hear from you in years, makes sense now.”
“Yeah, I always wondered if she told you when I’d check in.”
“Just that you were ok, I think she knew I needed to know.” I squeeze her hand, “So, Mexico…”
She finishes her wine and hands me the glass. I put it on the floor. “So Neitcheze was right, it didn’t kill me, it made me stronger. I came out of that place with a ton more mystical power than when I went in. Iliana from the Coven said it was because I continually drew on all my internal strength to survive. Somehow I managed to ‘grow’ both what the PtB gave me and my Slayer strength into something a lot bigger than you realize, hell than anyone realizes. Iliana taught me how to control it, to be in command from the inside, something I was never good at. That’s why I stayed there as long as I did, well, one of the reasons anyway, so I could work with her. I was doing really great too - ”
“Until I freaked on you like a moron,” I move my hand down her calf and rest my head on her lap. “I’m so sorry; I never should have doubted you.” I can’t describe the utter relief I feel when her hand begins to stroke my hair.
“Hey,” she lifts my head in her hands, “Funny thing? You’re probably on the right track I just didn’t know the grand plan. Think about it: the term of my ‘confinement’ was agreed upon, the PtB put the whole you picking up Emma thing in motion, they probably knew how much time I needed afterwards to heal before seeing you. I just didn’t put it all together until now. It makes sense; I can see where you would have thought… that.” She gives me a sad smile then leans back in the chair and closes her eyes.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, just tired.”
Getting up, I reach my hand to her, “Then let’s get you to bed so you can sleep.”
We crawl into bed and my body aches like I haven’t slept in days, maybe because I haven’t. Faith is lying on her back and I curl up next to her. She puts her arms around me as I settle onto her shoulder.
“Don’t ever doubt how much I love you Buffy.”
I kiss her neck, “No,” I wrap my arms around her neck and throw a leg over hers trying my best to hug her entire body, “I never will again.”
SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY – 8:30 am
KENNEDY’S POV
“Freeze,” I call out.
Emma stops in her tracks on the landing to the third floor. “Oh Kennedy, you scared me. Good morning, I was just going to - ”
“Nope. Get downstairs your first class starts in a few minutes.”
“But I just - ”
“Downstairs now, you can talk to them later.”
“Oh alright! Who made you the guard of the house anyway?” She stalks past me.
“Actually, Buffy did.”
She makes her way downstairs in a bit of a huff but I know she’ll get over it. She’s a good kid. I look over to Buffy’s room, close my eyes and concentrate on my hearing. Good, they’re both still asleep. I don’t know what the fuck happened last night but when they get up, someone better have answers.
KENNEDY’S OFFICE – 10:00am
KENNEDY’S POV
I’m trying to get through a mountain of paperwork when I feel her in the doorway. “Hey” I stack one pile on top of another.
“Hey,” Faith closes the door behind her then sits on the couch, “Sorry about last night.”
Looking up from the paperwork I lean back in my chair. I’m so angry with her I can barely speak but I know this is something I have to say. This needs to be stopped before it starts: “Fighting with Buffy like that? That’s a world of major fucked up shit that WILL NOT happen again, you get me?”
“It’s not what you think Ken.”
“Ok then, enlighten me.” I wasn’t about to let this go.
“I… we…” She looks like she wants to continue, then she steels herself and stands, “It’s personal,” she turns to go. Fuck, why does she shut down like that? It’s just like back in Sunnydale, never an explanation.
“Faith,” She stops, “The people here are my family and I’ll do anything for them. I really want you to be a part of it, but if that happens again, I don’t care how powerful you are, I’ll kill you.”
There’s a knock at the door and Buffy pops her head in, “Hey, you busy? Oh, hey.” She sees Faith behind the door staring at her shoes. “What’s going on guys?”
“Nothing,” Faith opens the door wider and slides past Buffy.
I throw my pen down on the desk as Buffy closes the door.
“What the fuck is going on? Why are you two fighting?”
“How about you go first Buff?”
Her eyes widen, “Oh my God, it’s so not what you think.”
“Wow, her exact words.”
“Really Ken, it was completely my fault.”
“Jesus Christ, Buffy,” I slam my hands down on my desk as I stand up, “do you hear yourself? Do you have any idea how fucking pathetic you sound? It’s like you’re reading a script from a ‘Lifetime’ movie.”
“Ken, I…” she stops and closes her eyes, trying to remain calm. “This is exactly what happened last night. I jumped to a conclusion with what I thought was a fistful of facts but in the end all I had was air.”
“Then why don’t you tell me so I can understand why the two of you are beating on each other one second, disappear the next then reappear with you hysterical crying in my arms? I asked Faith and all she says is ‘It’s personal’ this is bullshit, Buffy.”
Buffy sits down heavily in the guest chair and leans her elbows on my desk. “I accused her of only coming here to protect Emma, not caring about me and basically being the PtB’s bitch. When she didn’t answer or explain then tried to leave, I jumped her. When she tried to stop me I back handed her across the face, which royally pissed her off. So she lost it, not by pummeling me but by taking me back in time to the hell dimension where she was tortured for the last 2 years because she saved us from that fucking demon. When she brought us back, there you were.” She starts crying, “I saw it,” she looks up at me, “they crucified her Ken.”
The shock subsides after a second and I jump out of my chair and scoop her up in my arms, “Holy shit, why didn’t she tell me?”
“It’s still too raw and there’s a whole enhanced mystical power thing going too. She’s only been out of there a couple of months.” I nod against her. “Ken, she needs you now, please don’t turn your back on her.”
“I won’t.” I step away from her and she wipes her tears. “I feel like an ass.”
“You didn’t know.”
DAWN AND ANDREW’S OFFICE - NOON
FAITH’S POV
I’m trying not to think about the emotional rollercoaster I’m on right now so I’m sitting on one of the couches staring at the white board. Work is always the best thing when everything else gets funky. See bad, find bad, kill bad – it’s all very simple, just how I like it. Well usually it is. We are missing a chunk on this and it’s right here but I can’t figure it out.
You know I have to be really wrapped up in my thoughts because I don’t feel Buffy come in until she is massaging my shoulders. “Mmmm, that’s nice.”
She leans to my ear, “If you play your cards right, you might get the full body version later.”
“Watch out, I got very good at cards in a number of dimensions.” We both have a light laugh, we both need it. “You talked to Ken I’m assuming.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty much blown away, and feels really bad.” B comes round and sits next to me.
“I’ll drag her out for a smoke later.”
“She’d like that.” B lays her hand on my leg, “So staring at the big board again?”
“Yeah, I’m such an ass not to have remembered ‘the girl who could someday bring a great light to a great darkness’ all this time… Emma, the Goddess, it all makes sense now. She is the key to all of this.” I stand up and write it on the board. “But we’re still missing something. What does she bring the light to?”
“Will and Dawn have been researching everything they can get their hands on. If it was ever written or told in lore, they’ll find it.”
Nodding, I sit back down and sigh, “I kinda wish Ms. Hartness was still here, I need to talk about last night’s loss of control.”
“I’m not sure she’s in Devin, so I don’t even know if you can call her.”
I bite my lip and nod, “Well, that sucks.”
“What about the Coven in Mexico? Can’t you call Iliana?” That B, always using the noodle, except this time it’s not the right answer.
“Can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“She’s dead, cancer.” I lean forward holding my face in my hands. “You can’t save everyone, B.”
She rubs her hand up and down my back. “Oh baby, you’ve had so much to deal with… That’s the other reason you stayed there?”
“Yeah, she helped me so much over the years; I wanted to be there for her at the end. She kinda reminded me of your mom, you know? Don’t know why, just did. So it was important for a number of reasons that I got to say goodbye.”
“Babe, I think you should talk to Willow. If there is anyone here that knows about tremendous power and how to control it, it would be her. And she’s also a really good person to just talk to if you want to vent. I hope you know you can always talk to me, but I understand that sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you’re not sleeping with.” She chuckles at the end.
“What if you’re in love with the person you’re sleeping with?” My hand drifts to hers then I give it a little squeeze.
“Hmmm,” she shakes her head, “that, in fact, can make it even harder.” She pulls me into her arms. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?” She whispers in my ear before kissing it.
A shiver runs down my back, “We better get to those reports...”
“Yeah,” she groans, “Come on, they left everything in my office.”
MEANWHILE IN WILLOW’S OFFICE
DAWN’S POV
“Will?” I’m trying really hard to stay calm, “Oh my God Will!!!” Ok, maybe not trying hard enough.
“What Dawnie?” She comes over to me and the sea of books I’m surrounded by on the conference table that sits in front of her library.
“I think I found it.”
“WHAT? WHERE?” Now she’s hovering over me.
“Here, here and here” I start pointing to various different texts.
She starts reading then looks up at me. I can’t make out the expression on her face.
“Do you think it’s enough to bring the others in now?”
“This is excellent work Dawn. Let’s start putting everything together so it’ll make sense to someone who hasn’t been pouring over it for a month.”
OUTSIDE THE BASEMENT GYM – 4:00 pm
FAITH’S POV
B and I got through most of the reports not finding too much to worry about. She said she could finish the rest of them so I went off to find Ken. I watch the last of the SiTs leave as I stand by the door. I know she can feel me, so I just wait for her to come out cause I don’t want her to feel like I’m cornering her. She looks at me as she walks to the door then stops, “Hey.”
“Come have a smoke with me?”
She kinda half smiles, “You bet just let me grab…” Catching her jacket as I throw it to her, the half smile turns to a full one, “Let’s go.”
We go out the front and I catch B’s eye for a second as we pass her door. I can’t help but wink. Once outside we get hit with a blast of cold air. Nothing like the last week in November to remind you winter is just around the corner. It’s hard to believe we were all hanging out on the back deck last week over Thanksgiving.
Ken cuts into my thoughts, “Faith, I’m really…”
“Wait, I know it looked pretty bad from your end last night.” I shake out a cigarette then light it, “so there’s no need for you to apologize. If I wasn’t so emotionally retarded I would have told you about it when I first got here.”
She looks at me for second then thrusts her hands into her pockets, “You’re not emotionally retarded.”
“Yeah I’m so good at sharing my feelings that things never spiral out of control from misunderstandings. I’m not good at letting people in Ken, never have been.”
She pulls up short and stops me with her, “You’ve been in a hell dimension for the past 2 years, prior to that roaming around with the PtB for what, 8 years? Oh, then you were in prison for another 2 years and before that you were mildly psychotic and a textbook loner. Faith, where the fuck do you think you were going to get these interpersonal skills? Fortune cookie? Cracker Jack box? For what’s been going on in your life, I’d say you’re doing a pretty great job.”
“I don’t know, doesn’t seem like it to me.” I absently kick at the curb then start walking again. “Didn’t feel like it last night with B, or this morning with you for that matter.”
“You let Buffy in and you know it. Look, you talked to her about it after you cooled down, right?”
“Well, that’s different, that’s… different.”
“Ok, we’ll leave the ‘Chosen Two Love Bond’ alone. You let me in back in Sunnydale and you barely knew me, hell you still barely know me.”
“I could see you were cool.” How did this get all about me? I light another smoke. “And I know you a lot better than you think.”
Ken stops again, “What do you mean?”
Oh fuck me, “Ah, the PtB, they showed me stuff about you guys, no big.” I try to shrug it off.
“You’re totally lying, but I’m going to let that go too, for now. Hey, I’m not saying you have to tell me everything, but if you want me to understand you, you’re gonna have to let me know what’s going on with you. That’s the cost of friendship dude - that is if you want someone to really have your back.”
I blow out a huge drag and nod my head, “Let me buy you a drink.”
Ken looks at me kinda weird then looks up and realizes we’re in front of Willy’s. “Sure, why not.”
It was early so it was just Willy setting up. “Hey Faith! How the fuck are ya?”
“Good bud, thanks for the other night.”
“Hey, you take care of me, I take care of you.”
Ken gives me a ‘see?’ look.
I grab a booth with a view of the front and back doors. “Dude, can you set us up with a couple pints of Bass?”
“Coming right up.” He pulls two glasses and brings us a round.
We thank him then Ken and I touch glasses. “To friendship,” she says. After a long swallow on both our parts she looks as if she’s deciding whether or not to say something. Then she does, “So how did those mother fuckers let that happen to you?”
“Ken, it’s not their fault.”
“You say that a lot, my friend, always when I find out something totally fucked up has happened to you. God they abuse the shit out of you. One would think a Champion would rate better than years of torture, but then they used Cordy up until she died, so what do I really expect.”
“These were my choices Kennedy; they tell me everything and let me make the decision.”
“Ok wait, you said before you have to, what was it, ‘figure out what they’re saying’ and now you say they tell you everything? Why are you protecting them?”
“Cause they were there when I had no one else!” Shit, I didn’t mean to yell. Willy ignores us, something he’s very good at.
She shakes her head at me, “You’re wrong about that Faith, yeah the rest of the gang was on the fence when it came to you, but you had Buffy and you had me. We’re here for you now and we would have been then.”
Willy comes over with another round of beer, a bottle of Jim Beam and a couple of shot glasses, “On the house,” then he goes back behind the bar. It’s getting on 6:00, so some customers are starting to filter in.
Ken pours the shots. “I’ve always like him.” She pushes one over to me. We stare at each other then down them. She refills us. “Tell me about your precious Powers that Be, I really want you to convince me they are not the manipulating cock suckers I know them as.” We shoot another round.
I pull out my smokes and light one. “I think I need to take you with me the next time I go. Would you be up for that?”
She laughs, “I’m but a mere lower being, will they even let me in the door?” She catches my glare and sees I’m not amused. “I don’t need to meet them; I just want to see you get out of this indentured servitude.”
I blow a couple of smoke rings then look her straight in the eye, “Not gonna happen.”
“Why the fuck not? You were supposed to find your path to redemption, right some wrongs then come back to us so you and Buffy could live happily ever after. What happened to the plan?”
Motioning for her to pour us another round, I lean forward, “I changed the plan.” Slayer metabolism or no, I feel the warmth of the bourbon seep through my body as I down another shot, God that’s good. Seeing the look of disbelief on her face I continue, “If you make me tell you all this shit then be prepared, we’re going to get completely plastered.”
“Fine by me,” she smiles as she pours another round, “it’s what friends do: talk about the awful things that happen then accompany each other while drowning the sorrows.”
