Chapter 6: Whose Choice?
FAITH & BUFFY’S ROOM – NEXT MORNING – 7:03 AM
NICKY’S POV
Buffy and Faith are still sleeping. Not me though, I’ve been up for a while, since the sun came up for sure. Slowly, I get out of bed and wrap myself up in the blanket that hangs over the reading chair. Not really wanting to see who else is up, I curl up on the chair and watch them sleep. They both need it; it’s been a hard time for them these past couple of weeks, Mommy and Daddy told me it would be. I sigh, I miss them so much. We talked about it ever since I can remember, but I still didn’t think it would be this hard.
The vision last night was weird, like I was standing in the desert, and I’ve never been to the desert or even seen a picture, but I knew what it was anyways. It was the first real vision I’ve had since Mommy died. I mean, I knew when Faith was going to wake up, cause I just knew, it wasn’t like a real vision.
That’s why I was crying last night, cause I miss them. I didn’t mean to, I hope everyone here doesn’t think I’m a big wimpy jerk now. It’s just that visions are scary sometimes and that one was really scary. Buffy was so nice though, she did just what Mommy would have: picking me up and cuddling with me until I fell asleep. I like her. At first it was weird cause she looks like Mommy’s sister, well if Mommy had a sister, she doesn’t though. At first, I felt like maybe she wanted to take her place, but I know now she doesn’t, she told me so last night before I fell asleep.
“Hey there.”
I shake my head to see Buffy is awake and getting out of bed, “Good morning,” I whisper, seeing Faith’s still asleep.
“Want to come downstairs with me? Faith still needs to catch up on some sleep,” she says softly.
“I’m up, just resting my eyes,” Faith mumbles.
We both laugh, then Buffy goes to her and places a kiss on her forehead, that’s sweet. “Stay and rest, we’ll bring you coffee. Won’t we Nicky?”
“Yeah,” I agree, “and breakfast, Emma taught me how to make pancakes.”
Buffy turns back to Faith, “Hungry?”
Faith smiles at her then nods as she runs her hand down Buffy’s arm then squeezes her hand, “You know I’m never gonna say ‘no’ to breakfast in bed, B.”
“Well, looks like we have our marching orders then,” Buffy looks at me, “Ready?”
“Yeah!” When we get to the stairs I look up at Buffy, “Are you really gonna let me make them all by myself?” That would be so cool.
She smiles and puts her hand on my shoulder, “You bet, I think you’ll do fine, especially if Emma taught you.”
I’m going to cook breakfast all by myself; this is going to be the best day ever! When we get downstairs only Emma and Sophia are in the kitchen. Em’s reading her textbooks and Sophia is browsing the newspaper. Both are drinking coffee.
“Hey guys,” Emma smiles at us, “you’re up early.” It’s Monday, so she has an early class today. I know because I memorized her schedule the second day I got here.
Buffy rests a hand on her shoulder as she makes her way to the coffee pot, “Morning Em, test today?”
“Yeah, and I have a late lab so I won’t be home for dinner. Can you tell Andrew for me?”
Buffy wraps her hands around the mug and nods, “You got it. Nicky’s making us breakfast this morning; have time to join us?”
Emma turns to me with a big smile, “You going to give it a shot on your own?”
“Yeah!” I shout as I start pulling out the flour and eggs.
She laughs, “Cool, I’m in.”
So a half hour later we were all around the table eating pancakes and you know, they were really good! We didn’t have to bring Faith hers because she came downstairs a little while after we did. She said she wanted to watch a ‘master at her task’. I think that meant she wanted to watch me make them.
“Hey, why didn’t we get the breakfast invite?” Dawn and Andy walk in and survey the goodies.
I stand wide-eyed, then, “Hi, Andy, Dawn, come on, don’t worry, there’s plenty more, I made enough for everybody.” I jump on the little step stool and heat up the skillet to make a fresh stack for them.
By the time I finished with Andy and Dawn’s, Willow and Kennedy come down. So then I have to do it all over again. Man, cooking is a lot of work. It’s almost 8:00 am when Emma leaves for school then Faith looked a little tired so Buffy brings her upstairs. The rest of us just hang out in the kitchen until classes started at 9:00.
Sophia is helping me clean the kitchen now. And after we’re done, she is going to tell me about the battle with the First Evil. I know the story cause my Dad told me before, but she was there, so she’s gotta know a ton of really cool stuff that happened. I can’t wait.
FAITH & BUFFY’S BATHROOM – 8:37 AM
BUFFY’S POV
After breakfast, Faith said she wanted to nap, so she crawled into bed as soon as we got back upstairs. She looked kinda beat, so I thought it would be a good idea to let her sleep and I’d grab a quick shower. Turning on the taps, I think about this morning. Breakfast was a lot of fun and Nicky, man; she was just busting her buttons that everyone loved her pancakes. I don’t want to put the jimmy-jammy on us, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like everything’s going to be ok, at least for a little while, for now. How long will ‘for now’ last this time?
As I lean my head under the warm water, I sigh. Can this really be it? Can we really be together, be happy, live our lives together? I turn around and let the water run down my face. Half of me wants to finally believe it is true, the other half is scared I’m tempting the Gods by even thinking of it. Will they ever truly allow us to be together for more than a handful of moments? Shaking my head, I vainly try to steel myself against the thought that the madness of our lives can be anything other than just that: madness.
And as I slide down the tile wall, I try to stop my tears, but it’s no use, I need to cry them. I sit in the tub as the shower beats down on me, it’s crying with me in my moment of weakness. We cry for the lost time, the ache of separation and the promise of an early death that we have incredibly managed to, so far, evade. Can the Gods be so cruel as to not allow us more than this?
I so want to be optimistic, I want to wrap myself up in Faith and know in my heart we’ll be able to live ‘happily ever after’. But that’s a life for other people, not us. Ours is to save, to protect, then if we’re lucky, we can have a few stolen moments together before our world is thrown into chaos again.
Pulling myself together, I finish washing up, throw on my robe then go and check on Faith. When I walk out of the bathroom, I see she’s in the same position I left her in. Trying not to be worried, I go to her and place my hand on her forehead, “Faith?”
She doesn’t answer me; she’s just lying there, far too still. Ok, now I’m scared. Putting both hands on her shoulders I shake her, “Baby, you ok?” I’m completely unprepared when she reaches up and flips me onto the bed. Hovering over me, her wolfish grin spreads, “Better than you think.” Scooping me into her arms, she slowly rains kisses over my face, jaw, neck. I close my eyes and rest my head back allowing her to graze her tongue and teeth along my throat then up my neck.
“You scared me,” I say half breathless, half pouting.
She unties the wrap of my robe, “Didn’t mean to.” she mumbles as her mouth covers mine then makes another trail to the nape of my neck.
Groaning, I know I have to stop her and her wandering hands, “Faith,” I gasp, “We can’t, you have to, we have to…” How can I stop her when it’s the very last thing in the world I want to do? Reaching my hands up to bring her face to mine, I know I have to do this, “Babe, stop.”
“Nuh-uh,” she shakes her head, “I’m ok,” her hand gently runs down the length of my body making me shiver, “I’m better than ok.” Her eyes reach out to mine, “we waited long enough.” I can’t seem to fight her on this; I just don’t have the willpower. Swooping back down, she languidly alternates between kisses and nibbles lavishing such attention on my mouth that I hardly feel her hand blazing a trail up my thigh until it finds its destination. And when it does my heart leaps to my throat. Could I have really forgotten how incredible she makes me feel? How her very touch makes me literally melt into her?
“God, Faith...” My long dormant desire for her rapidly wakes from its slumber as my body begins to pulse in time with her. My robe falls away as I raise my leg up to meet her. I need for her to feel this too; to be this high. Because that’s what I am, utterly and irrevocably high on her, on us, and I want her to be as lost in me as I am in her. Gasping, I let out a moan as her fingers circle teasingly while she sucks deeply on the smooth skin just behind my ear.
My hands are lost in her hair as I start to arch into her. She pulls back to look at me, breathing heavily, smiling, “I love you.” Then she rocks into me and it’s just too much. I wanted to hold back, to revel in the feel of her, but we’ve been apart too long, I’m completely consumed by her touch. She’s moving with me and soon her breath is halting too, I can’t even get my hands on her yet and she’s leaping off the edge with me. “Buffy,” she manages to sputter out as I hold onto her for dear life while the shocks run rampant through our bodies. She rides it out with me, slowing bringing us down.
She’s lying on top of me; we’re both trying to catch our breath. I pull her face to mine, “God, I missed you,” then I kiss her slowly, very slowly.
“I missed you, more than I can say” she smiles at me as she leans on one arm, taking some of her weight off me. Her hand trails back and forth on my stomach.
Kissing her again I gradually make my way to her ear where I whisper, “I think you just cleared my whole morning schedule.”
“Yeah?” She smirks, “Then how about I start working on the afternoon one too?” She pulls her T-shirt over her head then lies back down on top of me, kissing my shoulder.
I think every nerve ending in my body is jumping for joy at the feel of her skin next to mine. “God, you feel so amazing,” I run my hands up and down her smooth back as I nod slyly, “I think my afternoon is starting to look pretty clear too.”
There’s a knock at the door then the door knob turns a bit, “Buffy? Faith?” Jesus, it’s Nicky! Then we hear another voice, and I’m thanking every God and Goddess I can name for Sophia right now, “Hey, Nicky, leave Buffy and Faith alone, they’re taking a nap, besides they know all about the story of the First. Come on back downstairs.”
I look at Faith and smile, “Guess we’re gonna have to get used to having a kid in the house.”
She laughs then buries her face in my neck, kissing my throat, “So, good thing I locked the door when you were in the shower, huh?”
And as I scrape my nails down her back, I murmur, “Mm-hmm, baby, it’s a real good thing.”
DAWN & ANDREW’S OFFICE – 5:13 PM
ANDREW’S POV
“You think you can modify it after all this time? Because Willow, that would be incredible.” I can’t believe it; this might be the key to so many problems.
Willow sets her jaw tightly, “I’m not 100% yet, but I spoke with Ms. Hartness and she thinks it’s possible. I’m going to go with Emma when she stays for her healing training in June. Hopefully I’ll have more answers from the Coven then.”
“Then Buffy and I can start on the Profile program, oh, this is fantastic.”
She laughs, “Whoa, do you need a minute?”
“Sorry, but it’s exciting. I wish Buffy and Faith would get down here I want to get started.” Ok, I know if I hadn’t seen Dawn in a year, and when she came back she was near death, the first second she was healthy I’d lock us up in our room too, but this is going to be so cool to figure out.
Will shakes her head, “They’ll probably be down soon, you know how Slayers hate to miss a meal and it’s way past lunchtime.”
“Man, did you say lunch?” Faith asks, as they walk into my office, rubbing her stomach.
“Thank the freaking Gods, please both of you sit, Will has some incredible news. I’ll make you a sandwich in a minute.”
The redhead turns to them raising an eyebrow, “Have a nice… nap?” She just can’t resist teasing them.
“Yeah, yeah,” Faith laughs, “like you and Ken would be any different. Where is everybody?”
Oh my God, this is killing me. “Ken and Nicky are down in the rec room having a foosball tournament, Dawn and Sophia went over to Willy’s for happy hour, and Emma’s still at school. Please Willow, they’re making me crazy.” I start to pace frantically.
The redhead laughs at my eagerness, “Ok, Andrew, don’t have a cow.” Then she turns to Buffy and Faith. “I overheard Sophia telling Nicky the story of the First and the end of Sunnydale. Listening to it after all this time from someone who was there, but I didn’t really know at the time was kinda weird. It’s like, she was just another confused and scared kid that we were trying to protect you know? Hearing your words come from her lips made something click.”
“So I called Ms. Hartness and we talked about the problems the Slayers have been having,” she continues, “and we think the lion’s share of the problems the girls have is because they are just too young to have that kind of power.” She looks hard at Buffy, “When we decided to do the spell, we were thinking about saving the world, not what was going to happen to a newborn with Slayer-strength.”
Buffy nods, “But it was the only way to defeat him.”
“Oh, I know, but here’s the thing, when you gave your speech to the potentials the day before the fight with the First, you said ‘So here’s the part where you make a choice’, but Buffy, we never gave them a choice. We decided that ‘every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer.’ We decided that ‘Every girl who could have the power, will have the power.’ None of these girls ever had a choice, but I think I’ve found a way to give it to them.”
Buffy furrows her brow, “You want to undo the spell?”
“No, modify it, make it better,” now Will stands up and begins to pace, “We know 18 is like the magic cut off. No Slayer before you was every called past 18, and Kennedy had just turned 18 before she got to Sunnydale. No one older than that became a Slayer after the spell, so that’s the place to start.”
I can’t help myself, so I jump in, “What if we change the spell so girls would be ‘tagged’ as Slayers but not given their power until they turn 18? We could alert the families when they are children, then the girl and her parents could have time to think it over. Then right before she turns 18, if she wants to accept her Slayer power she will need to take a test that will basically make sure she fits the psychological profile of a Slayer. If she passes, she’ll train and fulfill her duties with us. Now, if she doesn’t pass or if she chooses not to live this life, we would take away any chance of her ever becoming a Slayer, permanently.”
“Holy shit, Red, do you really think you can do all of that?” Faith looks from me to Willow. She’s actually wide-eyed, if I didn’t see it myself, I wouldn’t believe it.
Willow shakes her head, “No, I don’t,” but then she smiles, “but together we can. Buffy, you and Dawn would need to work on the profile. I’m sure Faith, Ken and the other SC Directors will all help there cause they’ve all known what it is to be a Slayer the longest. Andrew will work on the program to administer the test.” Will stops pacing and crouches in front of Buffy, “Buff, between you and Dawn I’m certain you can nail down the perfect profile, the others will help fill in the gaps. Me? I’m going to England with Emma in June. While she’s perfecting her healing spells, I’ll be pulling some quality time with the Coven, so we can work out how to channel the mojo.” She stops now and glances back and forth from Buffy to Faith, “So what do you think?”
It’s oddly quiet; Faith is staring out the window, Buffy at the floor. Both of them are thinking what this means, what it can mean, but not in the same manner I’ll bet.
“If we did it this back then, so many girls’ lives wouldn’t have been ruined.” Buffy says slowly.
Willow takes Buffy’s hands, “Buff, we were in crisis management then. We’re ‘older and wiser’ now. Don’t you dare blame yourself for not thinking about this back then. We were lucky to have been able to defeat the First and get out of Sunnydale in one piece.”
“But - ” her tears are falling now.
And as Willow and Faith try to make her understand that by acting now we can save the future, Buffy is still holding onto those she couldn’t save in the past. How can the shoulders of one small woman carry this kind of responsibility for so many years? It’s a wonder she hasn’t cracked in all this time: her many loses, her separations from Faith, the constant travel to those who need her help. Many say it’s a sign of weakness, but I honestly feel Buffy finds her strength in her tears, in her very ability to shed them.
HIGH ON THE HELLMOUTH - DEMON BAR – 6:21 PM
DAWN’S POV
Willy just got us another buy-back. You have to watch that guy, or we’ll be crawling home, or at least I will. Everyone seems to forget I don’t have that Slayer thing going on where you have to drink like a sailor to get tipsy. Sophia and I have finally taken some time to hang out. Her family had been giving her a hard time about her breakup with Norberto and we haven’t really had a chance to talk.
“It’s not that they’re angry,” she sighs, “it’s that they’re so disappointed.” She rolls her eyes and plays with the label on her beer bottle. “They just always thought I’d settle down with him, that he would be my ticket out of this crazy life.”
Nodding, I sip my beer, “You don’t want a ticket out do you?”
“Nope,” she laughs, “I finally realized I never have. I’ve been talking to Emma about it, and you know what? I love being a Slayer, almost as much as I love being a doctor. And that’s a bizarre thing in itself, saving lives during the day and ending them at night...”
I cock my head and smile, “You’re changing the subject...”
“Oh, right, well, I’m feeling oddly free, like a huge weight has been lifted from me.” She turns to me, “not that he was weighing me down, but, like I was weighing me down when I was with him. I feel like I can finally just be me and not have to worry what he expects of me or my family expects of me.” She turns back to bar and finishes her beer. “God, that’s incredibly self-absorbed right?”
I think about it for like a second, “No, you can’t be happy with someone else unless you’re happy with yourself.” Ugh, I shake my head, “Did that nasty, trite saying just come out of my mouth?” We both laugh. Then Willy comes over with raised eyebrows, “I’m good, but Sophia needs another.” He sets another bottle in front of her and makes his way back to his other customers. “I guess those old sayings are trite for a reason, right?”
“I guess.”
We sit in silence for a while, each in our own thoughts. When I realize how long she’s been here, “Do you have to go back soon?”
“Yeah, Wednesday night, give me a ride to the airport?”
I smile, “You got it. I kinda got used to you being around again.”
“It’s been great being here, taking the time off. But I need to get back, the hospital’s been great, but I don’t want to take advantage.” She laughs, “And, yeah, with you guys, you never know when I might get a phone call to come back, so I have to keep my relationship with the Chief pretty solid.”
Never thinking about the effect Slaying had on her career, “Oh my God, did you get in trouble?”
“Not exactly ‘trouble’; let’s just say I need to pull a month of double shifts.” She catches my pained look, “Hey, don’t, being here for Faith was more than worth it. And I got a chance to get my head together which was definitely necessary. They’ll appreciate a more ‘together’ me, trust me.”
She stops, both of us thinking about what she just said. I let out a breath, “Did Ken talk to you this morning?”
“A little, she still feels really bad about last night.”
Looking over at her, I shake my head, “Thank God you were there.”
“Dawn, nothing would have happened. She would have reigned herself in before it came to anything. You know that.”
Wincing, “I don’t know if I know that for sure. I mean, I’d like to think that would be the case, but, it was kinda like seeing a flash of the old Faith – it scared the shit out of me.”
“She wouldn’t have hurt him; I know that for a fact.”
And for the first time since it happened, I really feel her words are true. Maybe it’s the conviction in her voice, hell; maybe it’s just wishful thinking. But I do, I honestly do believe Kennedy would have stopped herself. “Thanks for being there anyway.”
“Anytime,” she finishes her beer, “Come on, let’s get back and see what that husband of yours is making us for dinner. Jeeze, I’m gonna miss these home cooked meals when I get back to Chicago. I’m in the process of single handedly putting the kids of the folks who own the diner across the street from my apartment through college...” she pauses for a moment, “maybe grad school too.”
LATER THAT NIGHT – DAWN & ANDREW’S OFFICE – 10:23 PM
WILLOW’S POV
It’s funny; there are such a mix of reactions, just like when we told Buffy and Faith. For the most part everybody thinks this will be the answer to a lot of problems. But it was my Ken who brought up a major one it would cause:
“What if the girl fails the test, but still wants to be a Slayer? What if she runs, before you can do the drug/spell thing and she comes into her power anyway? Are you going to call her ‘rogue’ and go after her? Once we find her will we take her power by force?”
Shit, ok, hadn’t thought of that, “Ah, I... I don’t know, “I look to my best friend, “Buffy?”
She sighs then leans back on the couch, “We have a lot to think about before we do anything to change the spell. For right now, we need to concentrate on the prophecy and how to turn it around. We don’t have much time, and of course the fate of the world depends on us figuring it out.” She lets out a deep breath, “Christ, is everyone as sick of hearing me say that as I am?”
It gets a well intentioned laugh.
She continues, “It may very well be that the answer to the Slayer issue may be found in the prophecy itself. I can’t help but think the two are tied somehow. So let’s hit the books and see what our friendly demons have to say”
Andrew immediately pipes up, “I did find something earlier today, the whole ‘God’ connection thing with Nibiru.”
“Excellent,” Buffy sounds relived, “let’s hear it.”
A huge grins lights up his face, “Well,” oh God, I sometimes think he gets off on this stuff, “the Sumerians called Nibiru heaven, and those who lived there Anunnaki, which literally means ‘those who came from heaven to earth.’ If you go through the ancient mythology, regardless of which civilization by the way, there is always a race of beings that are more powerful and enslave and basically play with us lowly humans. To the Sumerians, it was the Anunnaki, which all of the Gods are based on.”
Faith narrows her eyes, “And how does this tie in with the prophecy?”
“Well, it’s just background,” Andrew deflates, “I thought we should know who we’re dealing with.”
Faith smiles, “I’m sorry, Q, you’re right it is important. It’s been a while since I was in ‘research mode’ you know it’s not my bag. What else did you find?”
“They might not want to wipe us out as much as enslave us for all eternity,” he adds slowly. “They are higher beings, stronger, smarter, more powerful. That’s why humans worshiped them, called them Gods. There are references to them in all the religions; you just need to know where to look. But they see us as slaves to do their bidding.”
“What about the judgment thing Wills was talking about last night?” Buffy asks.
He hangs his head, “I haven’t gotten that far yet. You’d be surprised how much information there is and I haven’t found anything on the monolith that depicts a story of ‘The Three’ yet; there’s so many to go through.”
Dawn puts a hand on his shoulder, “Babe, for one day, you found a lot. And you got started on the profile program. We have three years; you can’t solve the whole thing in a few hours.”
“I know, I just want to get it going, you know?” He looks around the room. “I don’t want to let you guys down.”
Buffy scoffs, “Right, like you ever have in the past? You’re crazy to even think that.”
“She’s right Andrew; we couldn’t have managed half the things we’ve done without you, so stop. It’s far too early in the game to get down on your progress,” I give him my resolve-face. And I know it worked because I see a grin start to form on his face.
Buffy slowly looks around the room, sizing up her Generals… again, “Let’s get some sleep, we have a lot of work cut out for us.”
And that’s how we left it, a little up in the air, but I guess it’s always like that at first. We have so much to do. I’ve been replaying everything in my head as I lie here, not sleeping. Thinking about the prophecy, the spell, what Ken said, damn, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.
“If you’re not going to sleep there are other ways to pass the time,” she pulls me into her.
Turning around, “I didn’t know you were still up too.”
Ken fluffs her pillow then lays back against the headboard, pulling me to her chest, “Who can sleep with the tossing, turning, sighing, hell I think I can even hear you thinking – and that’s scary,” she laughs. “Want to talk it out?”
“I don’t know, just restless I guess.” I snuggle into her, “I didn’t mean to keep you up. Last night was the first time you slept through the night in very long time.”
She gives me a squeeze, “Don’t worry, you weren’t, I’m just teasing, my mind was buzzing too. You’re nervous aren’t you?”
“Yeah, this can change so many lives; it can finally make it right.”
Lifting my chin to look in my eyes, “Why didn’t you ever tell me you felt guilty about the girls not having a choice?”
“You would have told me I was being silly.” She raises an eyebrow at me and I lower my gaze, “Ok, you wouldn’t have.” I sigh, “It was just always something that gnawed at me, you know in the background. I’ve always felt there was nothing I could do to change it, so I tried to keep it out of my mind. Then…”
She nods her head, “Then I flipped on Andrew last night, you overheard Sophia this morning, then dwelled on it all day and finally had your epiphany?” Ok, that was SO not a question.
“Kinda?” I squint as I look up at her.
Her hand reaches up to cup my face, “You’re so cute, I can’t stand it.” She smiles then dips down to give me a kiss, “I’m ok babe, really I am. I hadn’t been sleeping, then Faith came back messed up, then losing Sara,” she shakes her head, “It fucked me up good, but I’m dealing, I promise. Last night was a huge wake-up call for me.” She kisses me again, “So sleep, cause like Buffy said, we have a lot of work cut out for us.” She pulls me tight against her, “And I’m not about to let the world end; I’m planning on staying right here with you, so you’re stuck with me, Red.”
I smile as I nuzzle into her, “Good thing we have the same plan.”
“Willow?” She rests her head atop mine.
“Yeah?”
She pauses for a moment, “I don’t think we should take away a Slayer’s power by force if she fails the test.”
I sigh. I’ve been thinking about that too.
She turns me to face her, “If it were me, and I failed, and you were going to take my power…” she shakes her head, “I couldn’t go back Will, there’s no way I can be a regular person again.”
“First of all, you’re helping design the test, so odds that you’d fail it… pretty slim.” She sighs out the laugh I was hoping to get then I join her, “Secondly, I think Buffy’s right, we should concentrate on the prophecy for now. In time the logistics for modifying the spell will work themselves out.”
Nodding, she kisses the top of head, “I just wanted to let you how I feel about it.”
“I know, babe, I feel the same way. We need to figure out an age to cut off, then going forward do it as we discussed. But like I said there’s plenty of time for all the details.” I wrap my arms around her and lay my head down on her shoulder, “We’ll work it out.”
As I feel her arms tighten around me, I know I have my Ken back. I can feel her quiet confidence envelope me as warmly and as surely as her arms. It’s been missing these last few weeks, but the conviction of her tone only mirrors her determination to do the right thing by all the Slayers. My rock, our conscience, it’s good to have her back.
