Chapter XI

"I love..." She opens her eyes and looks into mine. "...you."

I wake up with my skin all hot and sweaty.

Shakin' the dream out of my head, I sit up and throw my legs over the side of my bunk. The cold floor feels like a welcome change to the fire I feel on my skin. I get up too quickly and the room starts spinnin', so I sit back down on my bed and try to make it stop.

That shit I bought offa Deb musta been cut with fuckin' drano. The worst part about it is, it didn't fuckin' make me forget nothin'. I just fuckin' saw her face and everything we'd done through a psychedelic fuckin' haze. The room stops spinnin' finally, but I get that waterin' in my mouth and  just make it to the toilet before I make a mess on the floor.

"Hey, baby, you pregnant?" I hear from the cell next to me when I'm done spewin'.

"You want me to make you pregnant?" Another person asks and the inmates who heard are all laughin'. "I got a hard on right here for ya."

"Don't you know she's retarded? Your baby'd come out lookin' like fuckin' Shrek or somethin'."

"Man, fuck you! I don't gotta stick around to raise it, just fuckin' put it in her."

"Hey, motherfuckers!" I recognize Rico's voice. "You don't got a fuckin' dick, so shut your fuckin' stupid ass mouth. `Sides, if you did have one, baby girl in there would rip it off and shove it down your throat. Now shut the fuck up, the buzzer's about to go off in ten and I wanna catch some more sleep."

"Hey, Rico, man. I was just havin' some fun, man. No offence." The one who wants to be my baby daddy says, like a scared kid.

"Shut the fuck up and none'll be taken." Rico says.

"Cool, cool. Sorry, man."

Rico lets out a big sigh, but doesn't say anything. Guess she's hopin' she'll just shut up now.

I wipe my mouth and lay on the cool floor.

When the buzzer sounds, I get up all shaky. Least I don't have to dress `cause I never got undressed last night. Just took that shit and passed out.

I feel like I'm walkin' on marbles and the person behind me in line has to put their hand on my back or I would've fallen into `em.

I go through the motions of takin' a shower and no one says shit to me. They don't even look at me, just like it was before.

Standin' in the breakfast line I'm shakin' like a leaf. Onetta takes one look at me and gasps.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong? You sick?"

I shake my head no. Knowin' her, she'd call a guard to take me to the infirmary and they'd figure out that I was on somethin'. Then I'd get hole time.

It's fuckin' funny. Everyone knows there's drugs goin' around here like it's fuckin' candy, but nothin's done about it. Some of the guards even get paid to look the other way, but if you're found takin' it, you get solitary. Dumb.

Onetta looks at my eyes and she can see it. The disappointed look on her face is like a smack to mine and I have to look away.

"Here's your plate," I take it from her without lookin' at her. "Don't eat it too fast. I gave you an extra carton of orange juice. Be good now, ya hear?"

I nod and take my tray to a table that's in the corner and not too crowded.

I don't even know why I'm botherin' to eat this, it'll all end up in the toilet like everything lese has this past week.

That's how long it's been since she was here. Since it felt like someone reached into my chest and pulled out my heart. Since I found out that all the good I've done and bein' in the Warden's good graces means dick.

I thought about askin' Will to modify that part of her memory, but she'd probably melt her brain down to liquid and I'm not gonna chance Phyllis' life like that.

I don't even wanna fuckin' see Willow anywhere near here right now. I'd probably jump through the fuckin' glass and strangle the bitch.

"Damn girl, you look like someone fucked you upside down."

I close my eyes and hold onto the edge of the table for strength. Deb's been tryin' to get to me all week, she thinks I had somethin' to do with her fuckin' Buffy tattoo. She probably did put drano in the fuckin' junk she sold me, but my Slayer healin' fought it off.

"You hear me girl?!"

"I heard you." I say through clenched teeth.

"Yeah? Good, didn't know if your hearin' was retarded too."

Some of her crew laughs. One of the guards comes over and breaks them up, has them go sit at different tables. Deb comes and sits right across from me.

"Mind if I sit here with you? Didn't think so." She adds without waitin' for an answer.

I feel like I'm Daniel-san in the "Karate Kid" and Deb's the fucknuts in the Cobra Kai. What's that asshole's name? Johnny.

"You gonna eat that?" She says with a mouth full of food, pointin' to my cornbread biscuit.

I don't answer her.

"Girl, I said," She raises her voice. "You gonna eat that?"

I look up into her eyes and the look on my face makes her flinch a little, but to her credit she recovers pretty quickly.

 "You didn't say, you asked, and yeah I'm gonna eat this fuckin' thing. You got a problem with that, Johnny?"

"'Johnny'? What the fuck are you on, girl? Oh yeah, wait, that's right, I sold it to ya." She starts laughin' so much she's chokin'. I stand up and punch her in the back so hard it echoes off the walls. She rears up and gets into a fightin' stance, but the blow to her back is clearly botherin' her.

The guards move in and pull me away, and Deb's yellin' about thinkin' her lung might be punctured.

They haul me off and stuff me in the hole. The guard doesn't say nothin' to me. Not how long I'll be here, or if they'll let me eat my breakfast down here. Nothin'.

And I don't really care anymore.

"Hey, Faith." Eddie whispers. "Here's some of Onetta's cornbread and some water."

I stay layin' on my bunk.

"C'mon now, get up and get this stuff. You know I'm not supposed to be givin' you cornbread."

"Go `way, Eddie."

"Faith, you can't eat nothin'. You're just gonna get sicker."

"I'm not sick. I took some shit I bought off Deb."

"Girl! Why'd you go and do that?"

"You wouldn't understand, or remember apparently." I added that last part on in a whisper and it sounds so funny to me I start laughin'.

"Faith, stop actin' crazy. You get up off that bunk and you come here and get this, `fore I tell Onetta you think her cookin' is disgustin'."

Fuck, low blow. Onetta would come down and shiv me herself.

Still, I'm not really hungry.

"Eddie, I'm sick." I moan.

"You just told me you wasn't sick, that you took some junk. Well you better get over here and get this."

I roll off the bunk and let myself fall to my hands and knees.

I feel like such a kid, helpless and angry and made to do somethin' I don't wanna do. I wanna scream my guts out.

"Good girl." He says when I take the food and water from him.

The cornbread smells fuckin' awesome and I shove it in my face faster than I can chew it down. Eddie asks me how it is and I can't talk so I scull some of the water.

"It's awesome." I finally manage to say.

"Told you you were hungry."

"Yeah, you did."

"Heard you been prayin' to the porcelain gods after every meal."

"Yeah," I sigh and sit on the bunk, drinkin' the rest of the water down.

"Some shit's goin' around that you're pregnant."

"Well, that's all it is. Shit."

"You're gonna laugh, but I heard it's mine."

That does make me laugh, until I think about what Onetta thought when she heard that.

"Don't worry, Onetta laughed too."

Phew, damn. Fuck, that's all I'd need.

"I'm sorry, Eddie."

"For what?"

"I don't know, I'm just feelin' sorry."

"You're lookin' sorry lately."

"Thanks, man. `preciate that."

"I mean it, you don't look like you used to."

"I'm in the hole, how the hell can you tell?"

"Just the past few days, you haven't looked right for a while now."

"I got some bad news."

"Yeah? I'm sorry to hear that." He says, sincerely. "Somebody die?"

"Kinda." I dunno, I feel like such a pussy pinin' over Buffy, and then I think of Angel. "Yeah, a good guy. Was my savior."

"That's a shame."

"Life goes on though, right?"

"That it does."

"So when do I get outta here?"

"Two days." He says, soundin' kinda sad.

"Damn," I sigh. "Guess it's better than a week."

"Warden's not too happy. You were doin' so well."

"Yeah?" Shit, I'm confused, I would've thought all that was lost.

"'Course. Stella Groves gets out today."

"Outta where?" I wanna see if he's talkin' about what I think he is.

"The psych ward. She doesn't get to go back to GP, they're puttin' her in Cellblock D."

Cellblock Demented. It's the cellblock for all the suicides and people who'd get preyed on and killed in GP.

 "I saved her, right?"

"You sure did."

"They ever figure out why she was tryin' to off herself?"

"I thought you knew why?" He sounds surprised.

"Naw, man. No one ever told me."

"She was in love with you. Or so they say."

Fuck. Thanks Red.

"Damn. I didn't know."

"I'm sorry that I was the one that had to tell ya. Guess it's better than one of the other inmates usin' it against ya."

"Guess so."

"Well," He stretches out. "I better get goin' or they'll think I'm tryin' some funny business."

"You're just visitin' your baby's momma." I joke.

"Don't even start anything like that. You know my thing would be cut up so fast and in tomorrow's stew…"

"Oh, gross dude. Thanks, now I'll never be able to eat Onetta's stew again."

"Too bad, too. She makes awesome stew."

"Get outta here, Eddie."

He laughs.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks for the food, man."

"You're welcome."

He leaves and I hang onto hope that the Warden remembers some of the good stuff I did.

"What's going on with you, Faith?" Brian asks at our counselin' session. This one's a week late, `cause I did hole time and it had to be rescheduled.

I shrug.

"I'm not too happy with you, so you'd better start giving me some solid answers."

"Whadda ya want me to tell ya?"

"Why you've gotten solitary three times this past month."

"Couldn't be helped."

"Well, I can maybe agree with the second incident, but the first and the last one? You brought on yourself."

I'm not sure what those other two "incidents" are that he's talkin' about. This shit is so fucked up, I'm gonna kill Willow if I ever get outta here.

"I didn't mean to hit Deb so hard, she was chokin' and I thought I was helpin' her out."

"You know you're stronger than most people, Faith. You can't hit them like that."

"I'm sorry, Brian. Guess I panicked."

He narrows his eyes at me.

"Well," He looks in his book. "The second incident happened because you were trying to stop Sasha from being beaten. I know you were protecting her, so I can't really blame you for that."

Fuck, that's a relief. I would've tried to help her.

"But this business with Wilma DeJohns. No one was actually able to prove that you tried to kill her, yet you ended up in solitary while they investigated. This one's troublesome."

"I didn't do it."

"I know that, but the parole board doesn't know that." He sits forward in his chair. "Phyllis had to pull a lot of strings to get your parole hearing bumped up by six months, Faith. She's putting a lot on the line for you."

Fuckin' Hallelujah!

"I know, Brian. I won't let her down."

"I'm glad to hear that." He takes a paper out of a manila envelope. "I've got an application for your GED, you've got to start thinking of taking your education seriously. I'd also like you to start helping me in the psych ward."

"Me? Why?" I sit up in my chair.

How the fuck would I help them?

"Because you know what it's like to feel helpless, and I think you'd be good with them."

I rub my hands on my knees a few times and look down at the floor.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Faith. You're a smart girl."

"Does the Warden want me to do this?"

"Yes, she thinks it's a good idea."

"Gimme the application. I'll fill it out now."

"Good." He says all excited.

Damn, I'm pretty happy with myself. Seems most of the stuff is like it was, just no Buffy.

Fuck.

Two days later and I'm in my cell readin' the booklet for the GED. Looks pretty okay. Kinda like I'll be able to do it without a problem. Maybe the math might suck, but I'll get by and Brian said he'd help some.

"Mail call! Lehane, it's your lucky day. You finally got a letter." It's the guard who brought me Dawn's letter the day before B left.

I wonder who the fuck this is gonna be from?

When I get up to the bars, he smirks at me. "You got a groupie? The handwritin' looks like she's fourteen. You like `em young, huh?"

My hand starts shakin' as I take it from him.

"You should get off the junk," He nods at my hand. "You're gettin' the wiggles."

"Yeah, thanks." I wait until he leaves and I sit back on my bunk with the letter in front of me on top of the blanket. I'm starin' at it like the return address is from the Unibomber.

I finally get the balls to open it.

Dear Faith,

I just mailed that letter I wrote and realized I forgot to include some pictures I thought you might like. There's that one of me, you and Mom at Christmas. Oh yeah, and a one of you and Buffy that night, too. I stole it out of her drawer. Don't tell her. I think she liked it because you're totally checking out her cleavage in that slut bomb of a dress she was wearing. I think she was secretly wishing you'd show up, because she usually just wears a dress that would make Mother Theresa tell her to "lighten up a little."Anyway, I thought it might help you to remember all of us in better times.

Take care of yourself and Buffy. Thanks for helping her. I know I've said it before and I sound like a broken record, but I'm really, really happy that she's with you. It makes me feel like things are gonna be okay.

Love,

Dawn a.k.a Squirt, Short Stuff, Pip Squeak, Squeaker, and Fart Mouth. (I hated that one by the way.)

I look at the post mark. It's a couple of days later than the one that she sent me the last time. I put the pictures back in the envelope and stuff it in my cubby. The other letter's still there.

Guess Will's spell wasn't as clean as it could've been. Shit, what the fuck else did she fuck up?

After lunch instead of goin' to one of my other jobs, I go with Brian to the psych ward. He gives me a tour of the place and then one of the attendants, Malika, comes and shows me the real ropes.

I'm gonna be helpin' `em with activities and stuff. Maybe read to `em and shit.

"Faith, this is Wilma, can you help her put this puzzle together?" Malika asks me. Wilma's just sittin' there with some puzzle pieces in her hand. This is gonna somethin'.

"Sure." I say with a half-hearted smile. She probably won't remember me which is good, `cause I can't fuckin' blow this job. It's part of my ticket outta here, so even though I wanna make her eat the puzzle pieces, I fuckin' sit down and start to put the puzzle together.

When she notices me sittin' next to her she gets all freaked out.

"Guhhh, guhhh!" She says and points to me.

"Huh?" I look at the puzzle. "You don't want me to do it? I swear this piece goes here."

"Guhhh, guhhh!" She says again, and this time she shows me her top teeth. Like she's vampin' out.

Holy fuckin' hell.

She pushes her chair out away from the table.

She thinks I'm a vamp?

"Is everything okay here, ladies?"

"Wilma's a little upset." I say, holdin' my hands up, showin' I don't have nothin' threatenin' in `em.

"That's the first time she's tried to say anything since she woke up." Malika says all shocked, and then she asks Wilma. "You need to use the bathroom, Wilma? I told you, you just go when you need to. You've got a diaper."

Ew, dude.

"Maybe I better go help someone else." I say.

"That might be best." Malika agrees.

I leave to go into the other room where I help someone tryin' to put a tower of cards, I keep an eye on Wilma though. I can't fuckin' believe she remembers what happened to her. The question is who does she actually remember doin' it?

The next day I go back to the psych ward and tell Malika I think it might be good to see if Wilma will let me help her today. She agrees idea and lets me go read a book to her.

I pick out one that has pictures.

When no one's lookin' I slip the photo Buffy outta my pocket and into the book. I hold it in front of Wilma and her eyes go wide.

"Guhhh! Guhhh!!!" She shows her upper teeth again and I have my answer.

She remembers Vamp B.

Malika comes rushin' over, and just misses me slippin' the picture back into my pocket.

"What happened?"

"I dunno, I showed her the picture of this seal and she got all upset. You think she hates wildlife?"

"I don't know, Faith. Maybe she's just not ready to be around people."

"Damn, I'm real sorry. I wanted to help."

Malika gives me a really warm smile, "You've been a big help. Dina over there couldn't stop talking about what a good card stacker you were."

I look over at Dina and she smiles at me all shy. I give a small wave.

"Go ahead, go help her. I'll take care of Wilma."

"'Kay."

When I get back into GP I ask to make a phone call. Hafta give Red a heads up about Wilma rememberin'.

I'm finally allowed to make it the next day. Gotta love prison life.

I dial Red's number and wait for about five rings before she picks up.

"Hello?"

My heart flies into my fuckin' throat. It's not Red.

"Hey, I can hear you breathing. Is this that pervy guy from the video rental store? We don't care that "From Dusk `Til Dawn" is overdue, we'll bring it back when we're done."

I clear my throat, "B, it's me."

"Faith?" She sounds totally confused.

"Yeah."

Fuck my heart's poundin' so hard I wonder if it's gonna explode.

"What's wrong?"

Everything since you left.

"Is…uhhh…" I fuckin' sound like Wilma.

"Is what?" She lets out an impatient sigh. "Faith, I'm just about to go patrol and I'm sure you have prison lovelies to do. Can at least string together a coherent sentence?"

"Is Willow there?"

"What do you want with her?"

"She…" Fuck. I didn't think of what would happen if Buffy answered.

"She…? Did you have a lobotomy recently?"

I want to ask her if she really got her soul back, `cause she's bein' such a bitch. Then I remember this is normal for us.

"Fuck, B…"

"Can't say I'm lovin' the language, Faith. I'm hangin up now."

"Wait!" I shake this lovestruck feelin' outta my mind and stay focused on why I called. "Listen, she called me, I'm just returnin' the call. Tell her to get in touch with me, she'll know why."

"Are you scheming?"

"Yeah, I'm runnin' a fuckin' pimp stand and I'd like for you and her to…"

The dial tone lets me know she didn't like my little joke there.

I hang up the phone and notice my hand is shakin' again.

I'll just go get somethin' to take the edge off.

When they tell me I have a phone call, I lift my head off the floor. Just seems easier to sleep down here. The bed's too far off the ground. And it's got too many good memories. I don't wanna remember anything, `specially not the good stuff.

"Faith, Buffy told me you called. Is it the spell?"

"Yeah, your double and triple checked fool proof spell's got some holes in it."

"What's wrong? Wait, let me go get a pad and a pen."

I sigh. Why doesn't she just write it with fuckin' mist in the air?

"Okay, shoot."

"First of all, there's a woman that B attacked that remembers her."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, she remembers bein' drained by her."

"How does she know it was Buffy?"

"She made a vamp face."

"But how did she know it was Buffy?"

"I…"

"What?"

"I showed her a picture."

"Of a vampire?"

I let my head fall backwards and look up at the ceilin'. How did she ever fuckin' graduate with such high marks?

"Of Buffy, Red."

"Where did you get a picture…" She lowers her voice. "…of Buffy?"

"Two letters I got from Dawn that were sent before you did the spell."

"Oh. But why would you help the woman remember? I mean she could be giving everything up to the fuzz as we speak. Well, unless she's mentally challenged. The spell I designed doesn't have any effect on someone like that. It'd take too much away from them and they can't really afford to lose anything to begin with. It'd just be cruel."

That explains the real reason she left my memory intact.

"Okay, Red. I guess you've thought of everything. Sorry to bother."

"It's no bother. I'm glad you called. I just wanted you to know that things are going well thanks to you."

"Great."

"Oh, did you need me to make those letters and pictures disappear?"

Fuck, what the fuck else does she wanna take away from me?

"Nah, got rid of `em already."

"Oh, okay. Is there anything else you needed to tell me?"

Yeah, you fuckin' ruined my fuckin' life, thanks.

"No, that was it. You probably won't hear from me again, everything else seems copacetic with the spell."

"I told you, it was the most brilliant thing I've ever done. Giles can't stop gushing."

"Sweet."

"I'm really grateful to you, Faith. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

How about you design a spell to make me remember how she smells, how she feels in my arms, how she tastes on my tongue or how she said she loved me and meant it?

Oh I forgot, you already did.

"Take care, Red."

"You too, Faith." Before I hang up she calls my name.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want that sweater Dawn knitted? It's really a sight to see."

I let out a small laugh, "Nah, don't waste any postage on me, Willow. Be good, yeah?"

I hang up and feel like that's it. It's over and I should just deal like a grown up.

`Cause I'm so mature and that'll happen.

Surprisingly I make it to the six month mark without another trip to the hole or anything else that's gonna jeopardize the progress I've made. What's awesome is that Phyllis is almost exactly like she was before, bein' my mentor and havin' me try and keep the peace in GP.

The parole hearin' is comin' up next week and things are lookin' good.

I've even gotten Wilma to play nice. She's been my personal project. I know I should fuckin' hate her, and believe me I don't love her, but I'm feelin' kinda guilty and I got enough guilt as it is.

I've got just a few guilt issues. It's the remnants of my good Catholic upbringin'. Well, not exactly good Catholic `cause most of the priests that were at my church are in jail for tryin' to hump the altar boys. Makes me feel okay that they can't judge me for bein' in jail.

Fuck, why am even I thinkin' of shit like that?

Phyllis calls me into her office for our weekly meetin'.

"Faith, have a seat."

"Thanks, Phyllis."

She just sits there and looks at me with a smile on her face.

"What?" I say after a while, she's startin' to freak me out.

"I've been looking at your progress and I'm just so pleased. You're going to have some tough questions from the parole board next week, but I think you'll do fine."

"I want to do good for you."

"Faith, you're doing this for yourself. Don't worry about me, my election is mine to win or lose. You're just helping me look better, that's all."

"Yeah, but that's what I'm worried makin' you look bad."

"It's not going to happen. You've already proven yourself. I'm so grateful to you for everything you've done, and I'm just so proud."

"Thanks." I say, not really comfortable with compliments.

"We have to start thinking about what you're going to do when you get out of here."

Shit, I haven't even thought of that possibility. All I wanna do is make a good impression with the parole board for Phyllis, I haven't been thinkin' of them as my ticket to gettin' out of here.

"Not really gettin' my hopes up."

"Well, I am, and I think you should start making plans. You know what they say about failing to plan?"

"You're…I'm…They…I got nothin', what do they say?"

"You plan to fail."

Sounds about right.

"Well, it's hard, ya know? I mean I planned on spendin' the rest of my life in prison, I'm havin' a tough time switchin' gears."

"That's where I can help." She looks all excited. "I can get you in touch with some outreach programs, and of course your parole officer will help you as well. Have you decided where you're going to live? Will you go back to…" She looks at my file, "Sunnydale?"

My heart starts beatin' faster.

"I don't know." I whisper.

"You have some painful memories there, don't you?"

"Yeah, a few."

"Well, there are many places you can go so don't worry too much about that. You'll have to stay in the state, but it's a pretty big state." She smiles.

Not big enough.

I smile back, even though I feel like cryin'. Such a pussy. One mention of somethin' to do with Buffy and I'm right back to square one. I'm thinkin' of callin' Will and takin' her up on her offer of helpin' me out. I just wanna not remember anymore.

The next day I get another phone call granted, and I with my heart in my throat again, I call Sunnydale.

This time no one answers, so I leave a message, "Hey Red, it's me Faith. Get in touch when you can, I wanna take you up on your offer. It'd probably be best if you came for a visit."

Sure enough, right before my parole hearin' she's on my roster for visitors. I get excited `cause I'm finally gonna be free.

When I walk out to where the booths are I have such a feelin' of hope that it makes a smile break out on my face.

Then my world stops. Red's playin' a joke on me and is wearin' a Buffy costume.

She's sittin' there all hurt lookin'.

I feel like tellin' the guards to take me back to my cell, but somethin' else in my body is causin' me to sit down. Some automatic pilot bullshit. She must have some magnetic field I'm attracted to. No brainer there.

I pick up the receiver, she's still sittin' there starin' at me. Maybe she remembers what we did and is out for revenge or somethin' cause she thinks I took advantage. After a minute of sittin' there with the phone to my ear, I look at her and point to her phone. Man, it's no wonder her and Red hit it off so well.

She picks up the receiver without even lookin' at it and puts it to her ear.

"Hey," She says.

"Hi."

"I'm sure you're surprised to see me."

"A little, yeah. Kinda thought Willow was comin'."

"Sorry about that, but I thought you might not want to see me, so I signed up as Will."

We sit there in silence for a few more minutes.

"We don't get a lot of time, B. What's up?" I can't believe how calm I sound, it's like someone else has taken over for me.

"I just wanted to know if you knew…"

Oh fuck, the jig's up. 

"Yeah, I know."

"Oh," She says quietly, I'm surprised `cause she's takin' this better than I thought she would. "Willow said you might not have known."

What?

"Wait, what're you talkin' about? Just wanna make sure we're on the same page here."

"Angel." She says with tears formin' in her eyes.

Of course.

I nod my head.

"Yeah, I heard."

She keeps goin' like she needs to get it out.

"Did you hear how it happened?"

Why she feels I need to know this from her is beyond me, but I go with the flow.

"Yeah, I heard."

She looks uneasy at that.

"I'm so sorry, Faith. I know how much you cared for him. I didn't…"

I stop her with a hand up.

"I've made my peace with it. Don't go gettin' yourself all worked up."

"But…I need to…"

"Yeah, I get why you're here." She narrows her eyes. "You're doin' the twelve step for ex-soulless vampires. I get it. You're doin': `Make direct amends to those who've harmed you.' Little odd, in my opinion, should be the other way around but what do I know? So, what step you got next? Let's see…"

"Faith, don't joke, you don't know what I've been through."

`Neither do you.' I wanna say, but she looks upset enough as it is. Don't need her hatin' herself more than she already does.

"So what do you want from me, B? You want me to tell you that I don't hold it against you?"

"…You're the only slayer left in the world now, Faith."

Ah, I see what her deal is. And for some fucked up reason I wanna make her feel better so I get serious.

"It's only a title, Buffy. Doesn't change what's in here." I point to my heart.

She points to her own heart and says shakily, "But what's in here doesn't beat."

I shake my head, she's one fucked up lil' sis. I wonder if she'd stayed in here if it woulda been better for her. No use cryin' over what coulda been. Gotta make her stop the self pity.

"Ya don't need it to beat to for you to feel somethin'." I should know I've had no heart for the past six months since you left, baby. "For it to tell you what you're doin' is good; that you're on the right track."

She looks like that somehow made her feel better. Like it clicked in her mind. She's got that small smile on her face and I feel sick. Sick in love and I can't do anything about it.

She's got bigger shit than me to deal with, so I decide to make things easier for her.

"You'll be okay, Buffy. You're always okay."

"I wish I had someone to help me…"

"Ya got tons of people helpin' you, just don't shove `em off."

All of a sudden she looks at me, like deeply and I get worried. She doesn't say anything, she just stares.

"What? I got a smudge on my face or somethin'?"

"I just realized what color your eyes are…" She says in a whisper.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm gonna kill Red for real, all this fuckin' cryptic shit.

"Yeah, shit brown, nice huh?"

"I remember something…"

Oh fuck, here it comes.

"What, B?" My heart is startin' to get that fuckin' hopeful feelin'…

She looks like she's embarrassed about somethin', then she says, "I don't know…I guess I saw Angel's eyes when I saw yours."

Of fucking course.

"Well, B. I'm glad you came here today, it was really enlightenin'. Did a lot for me. I feel all grown and stuff."

"Faith, do you think I could…" I don't say nothin', don't wanna get my hopes up. "Do you think I can…be what I was?"

`Cause if I get my hopes up then shit like that happens and I'm crushed.

"I'm thinkin' you already are, you just gotta believe that. Take care of yourself, Buffy."

From a couple stalls over I hear, "Buffy?!"

Oh shit, it's Deb. She gets up from her visit and comes over to the glass in front of B who looks horrified.

"Is this you?!" Deb's showin' her tattoo to B.

The guards come and haul a freaked out Deb away. She's gonna get another trip to the hole, this day's not lookin' so bad afterall.

"Did you…did you tattoo my name on that woman's arm?"

"Me? Nah. She used to date that porn chick `Buffie the Body' before she hit her head and ended up in jail. Now she can't remember how she got the tat."

"Oh…but I think that woman spells her name…"

B knows a porn chick? Fuck, she's killin' me. I wanna forget her and all she does is make me love her more.

"Deb's stupid too, she can't spell. Look, I gotta go, Buffy. You'll be fine, just lead."

"Thanks, I will." She says sittin' there kinda puzzled. I hang up the phone without lookin' at her again and leave.

Gotta do what Red said and just go back to doin' what I was doin'.

Turns out my parole hearin' couldn't be sped up, so much for havin' the Warden on your side. I had to wait another six months, I just had it yesterday and now I'm goin' to see Phyllis. They only make a quick decision like this when it gets rejected, and it wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy meetin'. Felt like I had an anal exam with a bazooka.

Now I gotta go in and hear Phyllis' good news about her election.

"You wanted to see me Phyllis?"

"Faith, did you see it? Did you see the news?!"

"Yeah, L.A.'s got some freaky thing goin' on with the lights, they forget to pay their power bill or somethin'?"

"No, not that! Well, yes there's something going on that I'll need to investigate further, but…"

I smile at her, "'Course I saw it, what're you crazy? We held a party in your honor in good old C block. We were gonna invite you, but…ya know…"

She laughs.

"I'm very grateful to you, Faith. I know you don't think so, but you've helped a tremendous amount." She takes off her glasses and comes to stand right in front of me. "You were an inspiration for me to go after what I wanted."

I'm thinkin' maybe she's standin' to close.

"Is this still about the Mayor thing? `Cause…"

She looks puzzled for a second and then laughs. "Oh, Faith! You really are a funny girl." She says and steps back a bit. "Sorry, when I get happy I tend to crowd people."

"S'ok."

"There's some more good news today, you know."

"Oh yeah? Is it burrito day in the mess hall?"

"No, you're getting out of here today."

What? "Say that again, I must've heard you wrong."

"You're going to be released in a few hours." She says all excited. "You're getting out of here. Your parole was granted."

"You're a funny girl too, Phyllis. Don't play."

Her face gets serious, "I mean it. As soon as I sign your release papers you'll be processed and out the door. I wanted you to be here when I signed them."

She presses a button on her intercom thing and tells her secretary that we're ready.

Eddie, Onetta, Brian, Malika and Jerome come in with a big cake on a cart and are all smilin' at me. Onetta's got tears in her eyes.

"No…really?" I'm stunned.

Phyllis nods, she's got tears in her eyes too.

She waits until everyone's gathered around and she goes to her desk and picks up a pen. It's a really nice lookin' pen.

She bends down, and I don't check out her ass, then she signs the paper on her desk and comes over to me and hands me the pen. I'm fuckin' still stunned. She gives me a hug and I finally return it after a minute.

"I'm going to miss you, but I'm so happy for you, Faith. You have no idea."

"I don't know what to say…I can't believe this."

"Just blow out your candles." Brian says and I notice they've got the cake all lit up.

I look at it and my vision goes all blurry. I've got the tears goin' now too, and that hasn't happened in a while.

Someone says make a wish and I close my eyes and when I've got a solid one, I open `em up and blow out the candles.

Eddie asks what I wished for and Onetta hits him, "Don't you know it won't come true if she tells?"

"Well, it kinda already did."

"It's wonderful, isn't it?" Phyllis says.

It was.

"What're your plans now, honey?" Onetta asks. "You got anyone waitin' for ya?"

"Sorta, but she doesn't know it yet."

I get some laughs and a blush from Malika, Jerome and Phyllis, guess they didn't really know I liked girls.

"Well, here's to you and her, huh?" Eddie lifts his paper cup of punch. Everyone else toasts to that and I start feelin' a little nervous.

It's actually happenin'.

Damn, maybe I shoulda called before I came here. Don't wanna come all this way just to get tossed on my ass.

I'll probably get the door slammed in my face, but there's some major shit goin' down and I can help. So maybe I've got a chance.

I just hope she sees it that way.

I buzz the door and wait. When she opens it I see hopefulness then disgust. She looks way tired.

"What are you doing here?"

"Thought you could use some help from a Slayer."

She looks like I said that to hurt her, then recovers, "Aren't you supposed to be locked up for like a gazillion years?"

"Twenty five to life, and I got out for good behavior."

"I'm serious Faith, all I need is more trouble."

"I'm serious too. You got a spare bed for an ex-con?"

She slams the door in my face and I then I hear her yell, "Come in."

I knew it. I just smile and shake my head.

Fuckin' Cordelia, always the mega bitch.

Chapter XII

"Yes, Faith! Oh my God!" She gasps and groans as she comes in my mouth.

When her thighs finally calm down and release my head, I slink my way up her body and outta the top of the covers. I hover above her, watchin' the look of joy on her face.

"Mmmm, Faith." It sounds like she's purrin'. "Who needs an alarm clock…"

"When they've got me?" I laugh. "Shut up, Cor."

I flop down on the bed and roll over onto my back.

"Mmmm…" She's baskin' in the afterglow. "Tell me something, Faith…"

"Yeah?"

"How long have you been here now?"

"'Bout a month."

"And in all that time you've never let me return the favor." She turns over and props her head up on her hand lookin' at me. "Isn't that frustrating for you?"

"You complainin'?"

"No, I just find it curious."

I look at her and shrug, "I figured you ain't a dyke, I like givin' pleasure, it's a win-win."

"It seems to me like you're trying to erase your memory of someone else."

Fuck this. I throw back the covers and sit up on the side of the bed, "Not that I don't appreciate a shrink session…but you're not my shrink."

"Faith, you should call her." Cordy says and lays a hand on my back.

"Fuck you talkin' `bout, Cor?" I shrug her off and get up to grab my towel.

"You know exactly what and who I'm talking about, Faith."

"No, Cordy, I don't." I say, as I go into her bathroom.

"I can see…"

I just slam the door, cuttin' off the rest of her sentence.

I turn on the shower and put both taps on full force so it drowns out her naggin' me through the door. I like her and all, but she's such a fuckin' bitch.

Cordy and I sorta got together the night I came here. I'd just fought my way through L.A. to get to Angel's old digs and she was freaked outta her mind `cause she and Gunn were the only two left from their crew. We did each other a solid. Or as she just pointed out, I did her a solid then got myself off in the shower. I've been doin' it the same way ever since.

She hasn't mentioned anything about anyone else. `Til now.

We've just been fightin' and fuckin' since I got here. And sometimes we fight demons.

Seems that before Angelus got dusted by Buffy, and set this Beast thing free and the sun got blocked out around L.A. So for the past month we've been tryin' to keep the demon population down, while also tryin' to hunt and kill this fucker.

Well, I say "we" but it's just me and Gunn most nights. Cordy's been gettin' these visions that put her outta commission for a while, so she can't be out in the field. `Sides, who'd want her taggin' along complainin' how "drab" everything looks and how much of a shame it is that the spring collection isn't gonna be out this year? She's been on my fuckin' back to beat this bastard so she can wear the "hautest of couture", or whatever the fuck she said.

That's me, Faith the Fashion Saver.

When I get out, she's waitin' for me. Leanin' up against the wall, lookin' at her nails and ready to unleash all the shit she's been savin' since I slammed the door in her face. I walk out naked and go to my pile of clothes.

"Don't you ever slam the door in my face again, Faith! Do you hear me?"

"What? You do it to me all the time; I thought it was like foreplay for you."

I find my pants, but not decent shirt.

"Stop being such a stubborn bitch. Look, I'm not suggesting you call her to declare your undying love for her. Did you think of calling her to help with the Beast?"

"You don't like how I'm doin' my job? I'm not good enough for you?" I say all irritated.

I feel her warm hand on my back and it relaxes me for a second…until she opens her mouth again.

"You're more than good enough for me, but you should be with her."

I sigh and pull away. The black shirt I have in my hand'll do, I pull it on.

"Cordelia, please, I'm only gonna ask this once. Can you please stop talkin' so much shit? `Specially when I have no idea who you're talkin' about."

"Buffy Summers. 5'2" bottle blonde. Tragic fashion victim?"

"She's not really a bottle blonde." I say, before I have a chance to censor myself.

"Oh no?" Cordy smirks at me. "Pray tell how you know that, Faith."

I sigh and start lookin' for some socks.

"I'm not `pray telling' nothin'."

"I knew you two got together back when you first came to Sunnydale! Xander owes me some cold hard cash."

"No we didn't, so slow your roll, slick." I can't find any socks `cept the ones I took off last night. I get down on the floor and snag `em from under the bed.

"Oh, that's gross, Faith. Here." She goes to a drawer and picks out a pair of socks.

"I'm not wearing your Victoria's Secret crap; they don't work with the boots."

"These are yours. I don't know why you can't remember I've given you a drawer, even though you have a whole room of your own."

Since I've been out, I don't really like sleepin' alone. It's fuckin' weird and I can't really explain it. Maybe it's from bein' alone all that time in the joint. Or maybe from when I wasn't.

I take the socks from her and get up to sit on the bed. She sits right next to me and keeps yappin'.

Mostly I block it out, `cause you really have no idea how much this girl likes to hear herself talk. When she starts sayin' me and B were meant for each other, and that I'm a fool for not callin' her, at least to tell her I'm out and helpin' in L.A., I kinda tune in even though I don't wanna.

When she finally takes a breath I get up to get my boots. Her hand catches mine and it stops me.

"You know I like you, Faith, but I'm not her. Call."

I close my eyes and gather strength.

"I gotta go check the weapons." I mutter while pullin' my hand away from her. I snatch my boots off the floor and leave the room.

And yeah, you better believe I slammed that fuckin' door, just not full force.

I go downstairs and start gettin' the day's weapons in order.

"Morning, Faith." Gunn says as he's comin' down the stairs. "I felt the walls shake, so I figured you were finally up."

"Yeah, whatever," I grunt. "Where the fuck did I put my axe?"

"Hey, no need to take it out on me. I was just joking." He puts his hands up defensively.

I give him a look and he stops the bullshit.

"It's over behind the desk. You said you were gonna sharpen the blade."

"Yeah, why d'you think I'm lookin' for it." Shit, does everyone have to fuckin' get on my last nerve?

Gunn snaps to it, he can feel fuckin' with me won't get him anywhere today. That's why I dig the dude. Xander would just keep pushin' until I snapped and took his head off, but Gunn gets it and shuts the fuck up.

"So, you gonna call that Slayer friend of yours?"

Or not.

He keeps goin' when I don't say anything, "We could really use the help."

"Yeah? Well it turns out I'm all you got." I hold the axe up and look at the blade. Then I look at him. "You got a problem with that?"

"Yeah I lot's of problems, but I know you're not gonna listen right now, so let's get going."

"Smart man."

We sharpen and check the rest of the weapons and then gather `em all up to take with us.

"You gonna tell Cordy we're going?"

"She fuckin' knows everything already, why bother?"

He can't argue with that, and just shrugs. He holds the door open for me. Dude's got manners, I'll give him that.

Feels weird to be slayin' at eight in the fuckin' mornin', but that's what happens when there's no fuckin' sun.

When we get back later that night, Cordy's all laid out on the couch. Probably had another vision.

We don't disturb her and I go grab another shower while Gunn goes to do what he does.

She wakes up when I kneel down to check if she's breathin'.

"Hey, you…" She sounds fuckin' wiped.

"Hey, you too." I smile, she looks relieved at that.

"I'm sorry about before."

"Ya can't help it, I get it."

"Have you been back long?" She goes to sit up, but it looks like she's in some pain so I stop her.

"Long enough to grab a shower. You okay?" I ask as I massage the back of her head a little.

"Mmmm, yeah." She moans and sighs.

"You have another vision?"

"No, I'm just recovering from you."

That makes me laugh, "Hey, you don't want me to bother you? Start lockin' your door."

"Yeah, like a lock's gonna stop you." She sits up and I take the seat next to her.

"It could."

She quirks an eyebrow at me.

"For a minute or two," I smile.

"Try two seconds and then I've got a broken lock and a splintered door jamb, no thanks." She rolls her eyes at me.

"Hey, it's not like I'm a brute or somethin'."

"No, just brutish," Her face goes from playful to serious. "How'd it go out there?"

I shrug, "Same old, same old. Can't find the Beast, but killed a shit load of vamps and demons."

She gets a concerned look on her face, "I don't think I'm up to it tonight, Faith…I mean…"

"Don't worry." I smile. "I took care of it, now all I need to do is eat."

"I'll call for something. You okay with pizza?"

"Who isn't?" I look at her like she's nuts.

"Pizza it is. I'll call the one that has the armored delivery."

She leans forward and picks up the phone from the coffee table. I feel playful and pull her onto my lap, tryin' to tickle her and make her laugh.

"Quit it!" She laughs. "You're only hurting yourself here you know…what if I order wrong?"

"It's pizza Cordy, the only way you could order wrong is if you called the Chinese place instead." Damn, now I'm thinkin' about Chinese.

"I saw that look," She presses the end button on the phone and redials. "Yes, I'd like to place an order for delivery. Three large beef lo meins, three General Tso's chicken dinners all with fried rice, Faith stop! No sorry I was talking to my friend. Three large orders of spare ribs. One small sushi, extra ginger," She covers the mouth piece. "Charles do you want anything?"

Gunn's walkin' past the couch goin' to the front door, "Yeah, I'll take the Happy Family, Brown rice and a spring roll."

"Happy Family, Brown rice and a spring roll."

I'm payin' more attention to tryin' to make Cordy laugh than what's goin' on at the door. I shouldn't fuckin' do shit like that…

Gunn announces we have a guest.

`Cause when I get distracted, shit like this happens.

Cordy quickly orders more sushi, then gets up off my lap like it was made of fire.

"Buffy, how was your trip?" She overcompensates with a way too cheery attitude and her special brand of word vomit. "Do you need something to drink? How's Xander? Oh! I ordered you sushi, we're getting takeout."

Buffy's standin' there tryin' to process what she just saw and then shakes the image outta her head.

"Cramped, grape juice if you have it, he's a little chunkier and great, I'm starving."

Cordy's all wide-eyed and scared, "I'll go get drinks." I'm surprised she even has the nerve to look at me when she asks, "The usual for you Faith?"

"Nah, make it a double. Forget it, just bring the whole fuckin' bottle."

"You know you're not supposed to have it! I'll bring you a coke, and you can pretend there's something else in it."

Buffy's just standin' there like she's waitin' for somethin'.

My heart feels like it's gonna explode in my chest, but I don't let on that her bein' here is gettin' to me.

"Where are my manners? Gunn this is Buffy, Buffy this is Gunn."

They shake hands, and Gunn chickens out and says he's gonna help Cordy in the kitchen.

Fuckin' assholes.

"So what brings you to L.A., B? Wanna work on your not-tan?"

She ignores the joke and just quirks an eyebrow.

"I thought you could use some help."

"Really? Why? I got this."

"Yeah, I can see how you've `got this', Faith. I slayed more vampires at the bus depot downtown here then I did in all of Sunnydale last week."

"You sayin' I'm sloppy? That I can't handle it?"

"I'm saying I'm here to help. Are you saying you don't want it?"

"Yes, we do!" Cordy says comin' out of the kitchen and givin' Buffy her grape juice. "We absolutely do." Cordy shoots me a look. "Faith?"

"Cordy?"

"Play nice." She hands me my coke.

"Screw this." I put the glass down on the coffee table and go upstairs.

When the door slams closed part of the door jamb splinters off and knocks over some of the things on Cordy's dressing table. Her bottle of perfume smashes on the floor.

Oh fuck. She's gonna kill me.

It takes me a while to get my breathin' under control and the perfume ain't helpin', `cause it's the same shit Buffy wears and I feel like I'm gonna choke.

I get up and open the door. Buffy's standin' there about to knock.

"Come to punch me out, B? What's new, right?"

I can't tell her I'd take a shit load of her punches if only she remembered one minute of what we had together, but she doesn't, so I go back to bein' the Faith she remembers.

I push past her and she follows me, "Faith, wait…"

"For what, Buffy? For you to show me all the ways I'm not good enough?"

"What?"

"Nothin', look, just go back to Sunnydale, I'm takin' care of this."

"Why can't you let me help you?"

I don't answer, `cause I don't have one to give her. Least not one that makes sense, but I ain't admittin' shit.

I make my way into the room that's supposed to be mine and go to slam that door, but she's right behind me and sticks her hand up to catch it. Sounds like a fuckin' bomb went off when her fist hits the wood.

"Shit, B." She must be gettin' frustrated. "Ok, stay, whatever. I don't really fuckin' care what you do. Just stay outta my way."

I sit on the chair across from my bed and pretend to check my weapons chest. I can still spot her outta the corner of my eye, she's standin' in the doorway tryin' to see what's inside my head.

"When were you going to tell me?"

My heart races faster than it was already, but I don't admit that either.

"Tell you what?"

"That you got out."

`Course. She was worried about gettin' dusted.

"What, I gotta report to you now?"

She waits a little before answerin', "No. But it would be nice to have a heads up."

"Well, I wasn't gonna come and kill ya, so I figured ya didn't need any kinda heads up."

"It still would have been nice to know."

"Why?"

"So we could help each other."

"You don't need any help…" I look up at her hammerin' this point home. "…`specially not mine."

For a second she looks like I kicked her in the gut, then she tones it down.

"Well, I need it now." She narrows her eyes at me. "There's a lot going on in Sunnydale at the moment."

I point to the window, "And there's not a lot goin' on here? What's up in SunnyD? The Espresso Pump run outta mocha?"

"No. The First is back."

Oh shit. I sit back in my chair feelin' like an asshole.

"The First that made Angel wanna kill himself?"

She nods, lookin' sad.

"Yes, that `First'.There's really only one."

Back then, I wished he'd died that night, I was so pissed at him for hoggin' B. I was lookin' forward to spendin' Christmas with her, I felt like somethin' mighta happened. She had mistletoe over the door in her room…fuck, gotta cut this shit out.

 "What's it doin' now?"

"It's trying to end the Slayer line and then the world." She shrugs, "You know: the usual."

"So, it's tryin' to end the Slayer line, but it's in Sunnydale?" I say, feelin' bitter. "Fuckin' typical."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just another way I'm showed how much I don't matter."

She looks hurt by that, but I must've imagined it.

"The First is starting with the potential Slayers, we figure it's going in order."

"All the potential Slayers are livin' in Sunnydale?"

She nods, "In my house, as a matter of fact. Kinda sucks because there's still only the one bathroom…"

"So how come you're here? Shouldn't you be there, makin' speeches and teachin' `em how to slay in those cute boots of yours that got no traction?"

She narrows her eyes, "Just because I slipped on some demon blood and had to grab you to stop my fall, that doesn't mean you have to throw it back in my face three years later."

"You ripped my leather."

"So I'll get you a new one! There are tons of lovely recently vacated stores I'm sure'll be to your liking."

"Want. Take. Have. On an epic scale, huh?"

She laughs and shakes that question off. Things go quiet between us.

"Can you let me help you?" She asks, softly.

"What's in it for you?"

"You come back with me and help with the First."

I get up from the chair and walk towards her, and she steps to the side lettin' me pass.

"I smell General Tso's." I mumble over my shoulder. "Time to eat and then you can come with me. You're not ready when I am? You can stay and listen to Cordy."

She shudders, "Got it."

The whole dinner part of our night was pretty much spent in silence. I ate mine standin' at the counter facin' away from them. Didn't wanna see `em tryin' to make small talk with their faces lookin' like a bomb was about to go off.

When I got done washed up and then grabbed my jacket.

"Ok, we're keepin' this huntin' party tight."

I say that every night as we're gettin' ready to go out. It just sounds funny to me. Gunn laughs at it too.

"I'd say three was pretty tight." Buffy says, pullin' on her jacket.

"Most nights it's tighter, right Chuck?"

"Oh, definitely. The tightest."

"That's the word of the month." I point at Buffy. "Tight!"

"Faith, I get it," Buffy's startin' to get annoyed. "It's tight. Can we just go?"

I look at her and wait until she looks at me again before sayin', "Tighter than a nun's…"

"FAITH!" Both Cordy and Buffy yell at the same time.

"…habit." I smirk. "What'd you two sickos think I was gonna say?"

They both roll their eyes at me. Funny that I see a lot of their personalities in each other.

Me, Buffy and Gunn leave the hotel.

"Be careful, dude. We'll see you back here later."

"You got it, Faith. See you later." He says and walks off in a different direction.

"He's not coming with the tightest hunting party in the world?"

"It's only funny when I do it, B. And no, he's got his job. He should be back at the hotel when we get there."

"What's his job?"

"None of your business." I say, leavin' her behind to slay a vamp that's preyin' on a junkie.

"So glad I came," Buffy mutters and I let it slide.

As we approach City Hall Buffy gets a puzzled look on her face.

"They've put barbed wire around City Hall?"

"Yeah, keeps the demons from tryin' to climb the walls. `Sides I think the Mayor gets it at a discount."

"We're going to see the Mayor?"

"Yeah, she's kinda a friend and I help her with stuff."

"You're working for the Mayor again." She says like it's funny to her.

I stop in my tracks and she almost crashes into my back.

My eyes are closed and I'm tryin' to keep calm.

"I'm sorry," She says quietly. "I'll shut up now."

"Good."

I keep goin' and the guards at the door don't even ask for I.D., they just let me in.

"They don't do security checks?"

"Don't need to."

"Do I want to ask?"

"Better if you didn't." It's really nothin' complicated: some infrared thing I've got on the lapel of my jacket. The glass in their protective goggles has somethin' in it to detect if it's legit. Plus, Cordy called and told `em I'd be bringin' a guest. I'm just messin' with B and makin' her think we've got better shit at our disposal than she does.

We get up to the top floor and more guards are there. They wave us through.

"Faith, I'm so glad you got here in one piece." Phyllis gets up from her desk and comes around to give me a hug.

"Damn, Phyl, you got some fortress out there. Every day there's more and more stuff surroundin' it."

"Like you've taught me, you can never be too careful when it comes to demons." She says when we break from the hug. "This must be, Buffy." She holds out her hand for Buffy to shake.

"It's an honor to meet you, your…honor?"

"That title's not good enough, B. Phyllis here's a `Your Excellency'."

She sees the bullshit in my face, "Shut up, Faith."

"Just call me Phyllis, Buffy. I'm glad to meet you."

"Likewise."

"So, what's the what on the Beast, Phyl?"

"He's most likely hiding out in a warehouse down near the docks."

"The one they're doin' all the renovations in?"

"How did you know?"

"Place is full of marble and concrete, probably feels like he's with family down there."

Phyllis laughs and Buffy gives me her confused face.

"The thing's made of fuckin' steel, reinforced titanium and molten hell rock. Cracked a rib when I brushed up against him."

"He can't be broken?"

"We're gonna find out," I nod at Phyllis. "You get the stuff I asked for?"

"It's already on its way to the Hyperion."

I give her a smile, "Damn, now that's what I call service."

"This office aims to please." She winks at me.

Buffy keeps lookin' at her with a confused face. I wonder if she's tryin' to place her.

"What's being delivered?" She asks.

"Rocket launcher.  You'll be usin' that. Some grenades, grapplin' hooks…Stuff that'll help hold him so we can blast through that outer shell and hurt him."

"I'm glad he's down at the warehouse. They're blasting in the area for construction, people will just assume it was that." Phyllis says.

"God bless capitalism, huh?" I laugh. "Apocalypse goin' on and they keep right on buildin'."

Phyllis looks at me and she's got that "Mom" face. Well she's still a MILF, but I don't perv on her as much since I've been gettin' some almost every night.

"Besides all of this, how are you doing, Faith?"

"Couldn't be better."

"You're getting to your parole meetings on time?"

"Yep, when we have `em, that is."

"I know, and I'm trying to work on that, but since I've had to pull all the desk people to help out in the streets, things have been a little loose."

"I get it, don't worry. Not like I'm complainin' or nothin'."

"Well, I'm grateful for that. And for everything you're doing for the City, you've saved my behind so many times…"

"Hey, uh uh. You're the one that saved me, remember? So cut the crap."

She sighs and gives up, she knows she can't win.

"Will you call me when you're done with the Beast?"

"As soon as we kick his ass."

"Please becareful. When will I see you next?"

"I'll be around, just let me know if you need me."

"Thanks for coming by."

She comes over and hugs me again then slips me what I really came here for. She says goodbye to B who's been real quiet.

On our way out she starts bein' unquiet.

"So you told the Mayor about vampires and demons?"

"This isn't Sunnydale, B. We actually deal with things here and don't just shove it under the carpet. `Sides when I came here she was waist deep in `em."

"She knows you're a Slayer?"

"We don't talk in those kinda terms. She knows I can kick some major ass and we leave it at that."

"How did you meet?"

"In prison."

"She was an inmate?"

"Yeah, they let convicted felons run the city."

"Do you have to be such a bitch?"

"I don't know, do you?"

She stops and looks at me. I see a million fuckin' questions and things she's dyin' to let come out, but she doesn't say anything. She just gives me that holier than thou Buffy "fuck you" face and starts walkin' again.

We spend the rest of the trip back to the hotel in silence. Fine by me, `cause she'd probably start askin' about how me and Cordelia hooked up and if it's serious and if we were "goin' steady" and all that other kinda relationship bullshit that I don't like dealin' with. At least not with her.

When we get back, Cordy's tryin' to stop the bleedin' comin' from Gunn's head.

"You got jumped?"

"What else is new?"

"You find him?"

"Yeah, and he kicked my ass."

"Who?" Buffy asks.

I look at Cordelia and she nods her head.

I let out a long breath before sayin', "The Boy Watcher."

"Wesley?"

I nod.

"What's…?" Buffy sees the look on Cordelia's face and the light bulb goes off. "He's a vampire?"

"A fuckin' good one too. Gotta give him that." I say truthfully. "Fuckin' English are ruthless, dude! If Giles ever gets turned, I'm fuckin' goin' into hidin'."

"You're goin' out there every night trying to kill him?" Buffy asks Gunn.

"No, just tracking him."

"Why?"

He starts to answer, then looks at me and stops.

Buffy looks at me, "Why?"

"You're not the only one who deserves a soul."

Her face looks like it's one of those Claymation things, so many thoughts and questions are goin' through her head, but for some reason, she doesn't ask `em.

"How can I help?" She finally asks.

"Well, since Wes knows we were lookin' for him, that ship's sailed for tonight. So we go after the Beast now."

"I'm sorry, Faith." Gunn says.

"No need, Chuck, you did what you could. We'll try again tomorrow. You rest now, me and B got this other thing."

"You sure?"

"'Course." I give him a wink and a smile.

Cordelia smiles at me, and Buffy goes to the door.

She turns back to us and says, "Delivery's here."

"Tell `em to go to the service entrance."

After they finish droppin' off the stuff we open the boxes. Damn, it's like Christmas for Slayers! Buffy takes out the rocket launcher and fuck, if she doesn't look good with it.

Okay, gotta stop thinkin' shit like that. I don't need it. It's hard enough just bein' in the same room with her.

"How do we get all of this stuff there?" Buffy asks.

"We don't. We load up what we can and the rest we leave here.

"Aren't you afraid of robbers?"

"Let `em try," I say as I take a huge knife outta the box and unsheathe it.

"Now, how'd she know I wanted one of these?" I smile.

Buffy rolls her eyes, "You and the knives."

As we're strappin' ammo and shit onto ourselves and packin' stuff into the bags, I suddenly realize somethin'.

"You need blood, B? We got a boat load in the downstairs freezer."

"No, I'm good."

Somethin' else pops into my head. Since when do vamps eat sushi?

I don't wanna get into it with her right now though. `Sides she probably just wanted to save face in front of Cordy. Ya know, actin' like nothin's different.

"Are we ready?" She says when she shoulders her bag of stuff.

I pick up my bag and sling it over my back.

"Let's do this."

"I've heard of Slayers being extraordinary beings." The Beast says after he using his fist to pummel me into some empty oil barrels. "I'm disappointed to find they're like this…weak and unstable." He gestures towards me.

"Well excuse fuckin' me." I moan.

"And such language that is used."

"She's got a problem. Like Tourettes." Buffy says, matter-of-factly, takin' aim at the Beast tryin' to get a shot at him.

I groan from where I am and turn over tryin' to get to my feet.

"So have you," The Beast says and holds his hand out, the rocket launcher springs into it like he's made of magnets.

Oh fuck.

"Buffy, look out!"

She scrambles and jumps over a low wall as the rocket sails over her head and blasts out part of the warehouse's outer wall.

"I don't like these…human weapons." The Beast says and then crushes the rocket launcher like it was made of paper. "I prefer a more civilized way of fighting."

I stand in front of him and start pummelin' his chest. I'd laugh if I wasn't so shit scared, `cause he's standin' there like I'm a two year old punchin' on her Dad. I'm hopin' to distract him long enough for B to get some more of the weapons.

Either that or for her to think of some way to beat it, `cause that last blow to my head isn't helpin' me do my best thinkin'.

I can see Buffy movin' outta the corner of my eye and I just keep wailin' on the dude, tryin' to keep him distracted. She stands behind him and pulls yankin' some of his outer shell right off of him. That must've hurt like shit, and he back hands me and I go flyin' into a wall.

One of the things I see through a hazy fog is Buffy holdin' the piece of the Beast she broke off and lookin' puzzled. Then I see her get that look like she understands, and stabs she him in the back with it.

Light shoots outta him and up through the ceilin' of the warehouse.

I see his big ass dust and crumble before I decide to go with what my body wants and pass out.

As I'm goin' under I hear Buffy say, "Giles was right, the only thing that can kill the Beast is himself. Faith?"

I can't answer her `cause I'm already out.

I hope I'm dreamin' `cause if this is how it is when I'm awake I'm gonna be fuckin' pissed. It's all pitch black and I feel like I'm bein' held down by a ton of elephants.

Wait, do elephants weigh a ton by themselves? Oh fuck, not good, I'm babblin' in my dream.

Some mist clears and I see Buffy in a flowy white dress. I call to her thinkin' it might be one of those Slayer dreams, but it's not `cause she can't hear me.

"Is she going to be okay?" Cordelia in a black flowin' dress comes up to her and asks.

"The doctor said it's temporary, she should be out of it in another day or so."

"I'm glad you were here to help, Buffy."

Damn, I must not be dreamin' so much as hearin' what's goin' on around me and my mind's fillin' in the blanks.

The Cordy in my head goes over to Buffy and hugs her. Soon they're kissin' and rubbin' on each other.

Fuck, man. Those are definitely some awesome blanks my mind is fillin' in.

"Faith?"

My eyes blink open and Cordy's there, sittin' beside me on the bed.

"Hey," It comes out a bit scratchy.

"Hey yourself," She smiles. "You were moaning, so I figured you might finally be joining us in the land of the newly restored sun. Isn't it great? Buffy did it."

"Could you pull the curtain, it's too bright."

"Well, it was good while it lasted." Cordy sighs and gets up. "You want something to drink."

"Like you wouldn't believe. How long I been out?" I try to shake the cobwebs from my head.

"A day and a half."

I sit up and somethin' pinches at my hand. Fuck, an IV. I pull it out and Cordy winces.

She notices me lookin' at her and explains, "Phyllis sent a doctor." I keep lookin' at her and she gets it. "Right, what did you want to drink?"

"Orange Juice would be good. Bring the carton." I stretch out and feel my bones and joints pop and crack. I let out a huge sigh and flop back down into the pillows. Wouldn't mind Cordy waitin' on me hand and foot for a couple of days, feels like I'll need `em to recover.

When I hear her comin' back I ask, "Buffy leave?"

"No, she didn't." Buffy says bringin' in the carton of juice.

I close my eyes for a couple seconds and try to calm down. I open `em to her sittin' on the bed handin' me the carton.

"Don't drink it too fast."

I take it from her and open it up. Tippin' my head back, I lift the carton and let the juice fall down my throat. Whole thing's gone in like four seconds. Gotta be some kinda record.

I let out a huge burp and crush the carton in my hand. Buffy looks annoyed as she fans the air.

"Nice one." She says.

"I try."

"How are you feeling?"

I think about it for a couple of seconds, then I bring up both my hands like I'm holdin' a basketball, "Big head,"  Then I pinch my thumb and fore finger together to make it look like I'm holdin' a grape. "Tiny body."

"You did take a couple blows to the head that really made me cringe."

"How `bout you?"

"Nothing really, you took the brunt of it."

"Was tryin' to keep him occupied so you could do what you," I don't say it in a bitter way. Everybody knows B always makes somethin' outta nothin' and wins in impossible situations. That's what makes her Buffy.

Who am I to fuck with that shit?

"I can't believe a little passage in the biggest book ever was what it took to defeat that thing."

"Good deal you listened to Giles."

"Only partly," She looks guilty and I wonder what she means.

I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"I got jelly on my shirt and was trying to get it out." She shrugs, all embarrassed.

"Mmm, damn I could use a jelly donut or seventy right about now."

"Cordy's ordering some food. It should be here in a little bit."

"You stickin' around long?"

"Well, the deal was you'd come back to Sunnydale with me, right?"

Right. Damn I was hopin' she'd forgotten `bout that. Don't really feel like leavin', and givin' up the nightly sex me and Cordy've been havin' and bein' with a mind wiped B. `Cause I'll just be takin' orders, and not matterin' to her. Not to mention havin' to see Red and not kill her. Though, that one might still happen as an accident. Shit happens.

"Yep, that was the deal."

"Are you up to traveling later today?"

I stretch out a little, listenin' to what my body tells me.

"I should be okay in a couple of days. Tell ya what, why don't you head back and I'll be down soon, yeah?"

She looks at me for a moment then nods and asks: "Is your head bothering you much?"

I stretch my neck and move my head from side to side, "Not much, it doesn't hurt to move it or nothin'. Guess it's just as hard as the Beast was, nothin's gonna break it."

"Good." She says as she gets up.

 If I'd known the slap was comin' I woulda done somethin' about it, but all I can do now is sit here fuckin' mute and taste the blood from where my teeth cut into my cheek.

"What the fuck was that for?!" I say when I'm finally over the shock and the bulk of the pain.

"For being a fucking liar, that's what!" Buffy's pissed and hoverin' over me like she's ready to slap again.

I push the covers back and get outta the bed.

"What fuckin' lies?! I told you, I'll be down in a couple of days. You don't believe me? That's your fuckin' problem!"

"Five thousand times!" She says, all angry.

Five thousand times? I wrack my brain.

Oh, shit.

"'Oh, shit.' is right!" She spits out.

Fuckin' FUCK!

"You can read my thoughts?"

"No, I can see it written on your face, and yes, you're in so much fucking trouble right now…"

"For what?!"

"For lying to me, for keeping everything from me. You knew about the spell and you didn't say anything to me about it. Why were you protecting Willow?!"

"Protectin' her? I wanted to fuckin' kill her!"

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

I sit down heavily on the bed. Tryin' to think of what the fuck just happened, and how I'm gonna explain why I didn't tell her.

She moves to stand directly in front of me with her arms crossed waitin'. I look up at her briefly and feel like shittin' my pants. She's so fuckin' mad right now, I'm surprised she's not vampin' out.

Finally after tryin' to think of an answer that's not gonna get me slapped or punched or harmed in any way, I can't think of a good one so I chicken out.

"I don't know."

"I don't accept that."

"Whadda ya want me to say, Buffy? You want me to say sorry? I'm sorry, okay?"

"No, not okay. I want to know why you didn't tell me." She sounds calm but I can hear the danger in her voice. Makes me wonder about how glued that soul is to her. "Are you going to start talking?"

I fall back on the bed frustrated.

"I thought it was what you'd want." I say with my eyes closed.

She laughs but it's not a happy one, "I would want my memory erased?"

"I had nothin' to do with that, Buffy. Why don't you ask your best friend that shit?"

"Oh believe me, she's been dealt with."

I sit up, "You killed her?"

"No, I threw her out of the house."

"Where's she livin' now? On the street?"

"No, she's back…"

The confused look on my face stops her from talking.

She continues, "It's complicated."

"How?"

"Tara was killed by a bullet intended for me. Willow tried to end the world, Xander stopped her. She went away, I went away. Some other stuff happened and then I forgave her."

"You're right about it bein' complicated." I sigh. "Sorry to hear about Tara, she was nice."

Buffy narrows her eyes at me.

"Yeah, okay, well, I made fun of her when I was wearin' your face, but she looked nice. I could tell that."

"I don't care. You're not answering me."

"Fuck, B."

"Was that an offer? Because I thought you were only fucking Cordy now."

Oh my God, I'm in real deep shit right here.

"Fuck this. Whadda ya wanna hear? I didn't love you enough? I didn't care that you got ripped from me? Is that what you wanna hear?"

I get up and walk over to the window, lookin' out at nothin'.

"If it's the truth then fine, but don't lie to me!" She yells at my back. "If you don't love me, if you only told me that stuff to get me through so Willow could get me my soul back, then tell me that. But don't tell me a bunch of lies and expect me to believe them just to get me out of your hair!"

When she talks again it's quieter, "You said I could kill you five thousand times and your answer would still be the same. Were you lying to me? Was it just about the sex for you?"

She'll never think I'm anything but a fuckin' slut.

I turn around and get right up in her space, pullin' her to me.

"This what you want?"

She feels so fuckin' good, so right, that I just wanna stay like this forever.

I can tell she wants it, but I can also tell…

Yep, slapped again.

I let her go and she leaves the room. I run out after her.

"Hope you got all your jollies out, `cause you're not fuckin' touchin' my face ever again!"

She picks up her jacket and doesn't answer me.

"Thanks for everything, Cordy. I really appreciate it."

Cordy gets up and they share a hug. Thought they hated each other. Huh.

"It was nothing, Buffy. Thanks for all your help; we really can't thank you enough for bringing the sun back."

"Gunn, it was a pleasure meeting you." She shakes Gunn's hand when she and Cordy stop huggin'.

"Likewise, Buffy and if you ever need anything…"

"I might, I've got your number, I'll give you a call."

She looks at me and just shakes her head but says, "I'd still like to have the help of the Slayer, if you're not too busy. Don't worry, I won't ask you any more questions."

This calm Buffy is scarin' me more than when she was just yellin' at me up in the room. I feel like fallin' at her feet and beggin' for her forgiveness, but since my head is like rock, that also means my heart is that way too. Or that's what I tell myself.

"Like I said, I'll see you in a couple of days. I keep my word now."

She nods and just leaves.

I rub my cheek, probably still got her hand print on it.

Cordy just stands there lookin' at me kinda like I just farted or somethin'.

"Does your face hurt?"

"I just got slapped twice by a Vamp/Slayer hybrid, whadda ya think?"

"Yeah, well it's killing me too."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

She rolls her eyes at me and leaves to go upstairs.

"She's no longer a vampire by the way." Cordy throws casually over her shoulder.

I look at Gunn and he shrugs.

Fuck me.

Chapter XIII

As I'm leavin' for Sunnydale, Cordy comes down to the door to see me off. She gives me a hug and tells me to take care of myself. I pull her in close and plant one on her. For a minute, she let's herself get lost in the kiss, then pushes me away gently and looks into my eyes.

I'm gettin' freaked out by havin' to go see Buffy and I decide I wanna tell Cordy somethin'.

"Look, Cor, there's somethin' I wanna tell you."

"If you're gonna give me the old `If I don't come back tell Junior I love him' line, Faith, save it. Besides, we both know you're not coming back."

I don't even listen to what she's sayin'. Much. I'm serious here and I don't wanna fuck this up.

"I love you," I say, softly, givin' her the most sincere look that I know how to give.

She looks stunned for a second and then breaks out into uncontrollable laughter. I mean the kind that has her snortin' and bendin' over `cause she can't catch her breath.

"What the fuck, Cor?"

"Oh-oh, F-Faith…" She tries to get control of herself, but she's havin' trouble. Guess what I said was the funniest fuckin' thing she's ever heard. "Y-you…you're not…" She realizes that I'm not fuckin' around here. "You-you can't be," She takes a few breaths and calms herself finally. "You're not serious?"

"I am. I love you."

She looks like she's gonna laugh again and I think I might slap her this time. She doesn't really know how much I hate rejection. Probably figures since I'm used to it by now, it doesn't matter.

She's lookin' into my eyes and sees somethin' that makes her think twice about what I said and she stops the smart assed look.

"No you don't, but thanks for saying it." She leans in and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek.

"What the fuck is your problem, Cordelia? I tell you I love you and you laugh at me, then call me a liar?!"

"You are a liar and you know it! You've been lying to yourself since before you came here. You don't love me, Faith. You love Buffy. You always have."

I pull away from her and pick up my bag. "I'll see ya around." Don't need her to hit the point home that I'm fuckin' hopelessly in love with Buffy and it's never gonna go anywhere.

She pulls the strap of my bag holdin' onto it, tryin' to prevent me from leavin'.

"Hey, now wait one minute, missy. First of all," She struggles with me a little, `cause I'm not makin' it easy on her to keep me where she wants me. "You can't just say something like that without warning."

I stop movin' and look at her, "I told you I had something to say."

She doesn't seem to hear that and keeps goin'. "And secondly you're so in love with Buffy it's not even funny."

"The fuck makes you so sure?" I'm lyin' so fuckin' hard through my teeth, but I'm also stubborn and I tell myself she's full of shit.

Until she tells me about the time when she first noticed it.

"I saw it that night at the Bronze. If a lightning bolt had come down and imprinted `I love Buffy Summers' on your forehead it couldn't have been clearer."

It's true. I felt like I was struck by Cupid's arrow, `cept the fucker shot it out of a Howitzer aimed directly at my heart when I saw Buffy standin' outside the Bronze. I never considered myself gay before, but it threw me for one hell of a loop, that's for fuckin' true.

"Yeah, well I was just a stupid kid back then. You can't hold that shit against me anymore than anyone can say you're still that shallow bitch whose life revolved around cheerleading."

"You're right. I can't hold that against you."

"Thought so."

"But what I can hold against you is what you're throwing away now." She looks deeper into my eyes and doesn't let me look away. "There's something there Faith, I saw it. You might want to live in denial and tell yourself you mean nothing to her, but that love you feel for Buffy? It's mutual. She's so sickly in love with you…"

"Save it Cordy. I'm goin' down there to help destroy the First, then I'll be back."

"What makes you think we want you back?"

"Oh, so it's like that now? I fuckin' give you head almost every night and you're gonna toss me out on my ass?"

I really shouldn't do this kinda shit to my face. Her slap was definitely not as hard as Buffy's but my inner cheek was still healin' from that one, and the pain's makin' my eyes water.

I hold my hand to my cheek, "Thanks, Cor. I'll treasure that one forever."

"Don't you dare leave after saying that to me." She holds onto the strap of my bag in such a way that if I wanna leave I gotta drag her along with me. "You knew exactly what you were doing when you came onto me."

"Hey, you didn't seem to mind."

"No I didn't, but I knew you didn't love me and you knew I wasn't Buffy, so I was okay with helping you out."

"Helpin' me out? How's you layin' there like a…" I stop talkin' `cause there's fire behind those brown eyes of hers. I sigh, "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you are sorry. You're a sorry mother…"

"Cordy!"

"Listen to me, Faith. I'll never forget what we had, but I'm not going to lie to myself and say it was something that it wasn't and neither should you."

I sigh, "It's too late now, Cor. She's mega pissed at me for not tellin' her about the spell."

Her eyes narrow at me and my stomach sinks, she's gonna agree with me.

"Why do you hate yourself?"

"What?"

"You were the only one that knew about your relationship with Buffy and you didn't tell Willow to reverse the spell. Why would you do that to yourself?"

I stare into her eyes for what seems like an hour. I finally lean in and give her a soft kiss on the lips. No tongue this time.

"See ya `round, Cor."

She pulls me in for another tight hug and whispers in my ear, "Don't you die, you stupid bitch. You hear me?"

I pull back from our hug and give her a big smile, "Loud and clear, Queen C. Loud and clear."

"What, no `five by five'?"

I shrug. "It's a new thing I'm tryin'."

"You better get going."

"I'm gonna miss you."

"You're coming back to help with Wes and for your parole meetings."

"Yeah, still gonna miss you though."

"I'll miss you too."

I walk away without lookin' back and she calls out to me.

"Tell Xander he owes me fifty bucks!"

I turn around and walk backwards, "I thought the bet was about us gettin' together back in the `Dale?"

"Nope, the bet was you'd get together by the end of next year. I've got a whole year to spare." She smiles and I just shake my head and turn back around headin' for the bus depot.

Sunnydale or bust.

"I think we should vote."

"No wait, we don't get to vote until I've had a chance to bake cookies and…"

"Buffy, this is my house too." Dawn steps up in front of her. "I think you should go."

Fuck, I could slap that Pip Squeak right upside the mother fuckin' head for doin' her sister like that.

I been in Sunnydale for about three days and already two potentials have been killed or captured, Xander's lost an eye, and they've just voted to toss B out on her ass.

Me and her haven't been in the same room for more than five minutes since I got here. Seems she doesn't wanna give me the fuckin' time of day. Okay, I'm not exactly bein' fair. It's been fuckin' nuts here and one of us is called away to do somethin'.

She grabs her jacket and doesn't turn around to say nothin' to anyone, she just leaves the house. I follow her out to the porch and call her name.

She stops, but doesn't turn around to look at me.

"You've gotta know I didn't want that in there."

"Well you've got it. Just lead them, Faith."

"Where you goin'?"

"I don't know."

"Buffy…" I feel like tellin' her somethin', anything to make her feel better. It sucks so hard to feel not wanted.

"Don't Faith, even if you meant it. I…" She stops and then shakes her head. "I've gotta go."

I don't stop her `cause I can't think of anything that would be right. Good thing she didn't turn around, I musta looked like a fuckin' fish tryin' to say so many things, but havin' `em all die on my lips.

When I get back inside everyone's tryin' to be the leader, but no one wants to be the person who makes the hard decisions.

"Hey!" I yell, grabbin' everyone's attention. "Buffy left. She was your last hope of gettin' your voices heard. I do shit different and I'm not gonna pussyfoot around with any you. Let's get plannin'." I nod to Giles and he nods back. Before I leave the livin' room I give out a couple of orders, "Red, can you handle a locator spell?" She says she can and sounds surprised I spoke to her, I haven't exactly been friendly to her since I got here. "The rest of you get the weapons ready."

"You need me to do anything, Faith?" Wood, who looks like Gunn's older brother, asks.

"Stay by your phone, when I need ya, I'll call."

He looks disappointed as I head off to join the gang in the kitchen.

Sorry dude, you're not small and blonde, I got no room for ya.

"So what do you suggest, Faith?" Giles asks.

"Exactly what B said. We're hittin' the vineyard again."

"What?!" Kennedy gets up in my face.

I keep lookin' her dead in the eye as I ask Willow, "Red you into bald chicks? `Cause this one you've got here's about to get scalped."

"Kennedy…" Willow tries to reach her deaf girlfriend.

"Why are you being such a bitch about this, Faith?" Kennedy keeps right on pushin'. "I thought we voted."

"First of all — you call me a bitch again and you'll be a memory. Second of all — you dumb asses voted to kick out the only person who was gonna get you through this alive. I'm not Buffy, I don't got what she does."

"Faith…" Giles starts and I stop him.

"Save it for the troops, G, they're gonna need it. I'll be back in five."

I go out to the back porch and take a deep breath. The cool night air's helpin' calm me down. When I hear the door open behind me and smell patchouli, I know Red's come out to talk to me. I take my smokes out and light one up.

"Red?"

"Faith, I wanted to…"

I hold my hand up stoppin' her from continuin'.

"But you have to know, I would have never…"

"But you did and I let you. Doesn't matter that you didn't know, I knew and that's what she's pissed off about."

"What're you gonna do now?"

I shrug and take a deep drag, then let out the smoke slowly from my nose.

"Nothin' I can do. Guess I just gotta do the job I came here to do…after that we'll see…"

"I'm so sorry…"

"Red, don't…really." I see why Buffy said she'd beat me to death if I ever apologized to her for everything I'd done. A five letter word's not gonna do the trick to heal something so fuckin' devastatin'. It's just wrong.

She sighs but thankfully goes quiet.

After a while she says, "She's somewhere on Camino Real. Can't tell exactly which house though."

"Thanks."

"Not a problem. Let me know if you need anything else."

Somehow I don't think askin' her for a "Good fuck with Buffy" would go over well. She'd probably choke on her spit.

Hmmm…Nah, we need her for the battle with the First.

"Faith, what are we…"

"Faith, can we just…"

"Faith…"

"Faith, I have this…"

"Faith, are you listening?"

"Faith!"

The sound of me slammin' the door sets off a shit storm, but I'm not gonna deal with that right now. Let them fuckin' deal with what happens when you vote Buffy off the island.

I start to light a cigarette, and stop. Somethin's pullin' me so I put the smoke back in the pack and start walkin' down the street in the direction of Camino Real.

When I get to the middle of the road, I start feelin' it. The vibrations are gettin' stronger with every step.

I look at the small house to the left of me and all the hair on my body stands on end. Hope my hair doesn't look like a troll doll right now.

She's in the upstairs bedroom and I feel her feelin' so unwanted it takes all the breath out of my lungs.

Was a time I'd have used somethin' like that to my advantage. Rub a little salt in the wound, maybe some lemon and acid too, all just so I could get off on feelin' better then her and pretendin' my world wasn't' crumblin' around me like it always was.

This wasn't gonna be one of those times.

"Hey," I say, as I stand at the door.

"I'm not in the mood, Faith."

I really wanna make that into a sexual innuendo, but I know I'm walkin' on really thin ice already, so I don't.

"Go ahead," She says. "Dirty that one up, I know you're just dying to."

"I'm not here to give you grief, B."

"Then why are you here? Shouldn't you be busy leading?"

I shrug, "Left Andy in charge, he's gettin' ready to take the girls to the vineyard."

I think I just saw her have a heart attack.

"Damn, B. Why're you so gullible?"

"They voted me out."

"Who the fuck cut your balls off?"

"I'm pretty sure I was born without them, Faith."

"You mighta been born without them, but you fuckin' grew a pair the size of the moon."

"Can we not talk about humongous testicles right now? I'm tired."

I can see how tired she is, she looks like she hasn't slept in a few months.

"Mind if I just sit with ya?"

"Do what you want, but I'm not getting into any big heart to hearts."

Fuck, that stung a little, but I suck it up `cause I understand and what do I expect after L.A?

"Not gonna bother you, B. Just wanna…" I stop what I was gonna say.

"Wanna what?"

"Dunno."

She sighs `cause she knows I just pussied out.

"Figures."

Why the fuck is this shit so hard? Why can't I just let my feelings out? Besides the times when people fuck me over. I mean, that shit I sing from the fuckin' rooftop, but when it comes to lovin' B, I go mute.

Things go quieter than quiet for like five minutes, then I feel her hand on mine. Nothing's said though. Guess nothin' needs to be said.

I can tell she's grateful I came lookin' for her.

"Did I leave scars?" She asks so quiet, I almost didn't catch it.

"Scars?"

She points to the spot on her neck where Angel fed from her.

I shift myself on the bed and point to her favorite feedin' place, "Just there, it's no big deal. Looks like I got two old school booster shots."

Her eyes narrow as she looks at the spot, rememberin' all the times she fed from there, then ate me out. Shit, I'm gonna get myself all worked up if I keep thinkin' like that.

Then I see her tongue come out to lick her lips, and I have to get up off the bed and walk over to the window.

"What did you come here for, Faith?" The tension's back in her voice.

"To keep my word, B. Gotta kick this fucker's ass once and for all."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Thought you didn't want any heart to hearts?"

She lets out a frustrated sigh.

Why do bother openin' my mouth? Shit just fuckin' falls out of it without me thinkin'.

I look out at the night and gather strength from it.

"I came here to see how you were."

"Why?"

Fuck.

"'Cause I didn't like them tossin' you. Thought you'd be feelin' pretty shitty."

"Why now?"

"Why what now?"

"Why do you care how I feel now? You didn't seem to care in L.A."

I wonder if I jump from here if I can clear the roof.

How could she think I don't care, even if I acted that way?

I'm about to answer her when somethin' vibrates. It's not our connection, it's comin' from her pocket. She takes her cell out and looks at the display, then sighs and tosses to me.

Talk about shit timin'.

"Yeah?"

"Faith, I think you need to come home right now. There's a situation."

"Is it Wes?"

"Hello, Faith. Happy to hear from your old Watcher?"

"Always. Hey, just sit tight, Wes. I'm comin' to see ya and we can catch up."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, but do hurry."

I close the cell and toss it back to Buffy.

"I gotta go."

Before I do, I walk over to the bed. I lean down and look her in the eye, then give her what I hope's a meaningful kiss on the mouth.

"Because I love you, that's why." I say when I break the kiss.

She's all wide-eyed and stunned as I pull up the window, slip through it onto the roof and jump down to the lawn below.

I give a glance back up to the window just before I start runnin' like I'm in the hundred meter, the look on her face gives me that hopeful feelin' I was goin' for, and I sprint all the way with the biggest smile on my face.

Smile's gone when I get back to the house.

"Faith, we're…"

"G, I don't have time…"

"You've got all the time in the world, Faith." Wesley comes out from behind the stairs with a shit scared lookin' Cordelia. "Well," He smiles and nods his head to the side. "I do. You'll all be dead in about an hour or so, give or take the couple of you that I'll keep as pets…"

I take a quick look around the room and I can see Andy holdin' his hand to his neck. He must've been the one to open the door and invite Wes in like a dumbass.

"Looks like you've got quite a party goin' on here, Wes."

"Isn't it lovely? And it's all in your honor."

"All for me? Nah, I think this is all for you."

The door open behinds me and I can feel her, she's a little winded. Must've run out after me. Gives me such a fuckin' boost.

"What's going on here, Wesley?"

"Ah, Buffy, the real Slayer. Welcome." Wes says, in that smarmy manner he has. "Now the real party can begin."

Wes pushes Cordy towards me and grabs Giles. I catch her before she goes face down on the floor.

She looks like she's been tortured, "…Faith, it was awful…"

"Shh, you're gonna be ok…Where's Gunn?"

"He's…"

My stomach sinks.

"He's on his way down here, Wesley left him a videotaped message."

"You want the whole gang down here, huh, Wes?"

"Why not? Everyone likes a rip roarin' good time, don't they?"

Cordy's practically whimperin', I hope it's just from bein' cut and not from some other kinda tear he might have given her.

"You'll be ok, Cor." I give her a kiss on the forehead and hand her off to Xander. "Take her to the couch."

"Got her."

Wes has a gun held to Giles' head.

"Don't worry, Faith. They were only shallow cuts. Remember? Just enough so I wouldn't go unconcious."

"Not that it matters to you, but I'm not that person now."

"Not that that matters either, since you'll be dead soon. But I'm glad you've reformed. I suspect Buffy had a hand in that? Or a tongue…a few fingers perhaps?"

I close my eyes to keep calm.  

"Well, I have to say, this is a monumental occasion. Never has any vampire had the opportunity to kill two vampire Slayers, a legendary Watcher and a gaggle of potential Slayers…" He looks around to some of the other people, like Dawn, Anya and Andrew. "…and sundry."

"Yeah, I'd say it was a fuckin' coup, but you're no Fidel. Your ass is goin' down."

Buffy's doin' the same thing I'm doin' right now. Scopin' out some kinda angle to get to him without killin' Giles in the process.

"Speaking of going down. I smelled you all over Cordelia's sheets." He closes his eyes and looks like he smells the best fuckin' food he's ever. "Mmmm, that must have been something."

I look over at Buffy and she doesn't look pleased, but she's not givin' me the evil eyes, so I hope to Christ she doesn't hold it against me…anymore than she already has.

"Why don't you shut your fuckin' stupid mouth, Wesley?"

"Say, here's a question: Have you spoken to your friend the Mayor lately?"

"Yeah, talked to her last night." I'm not lettin' this fucker see that I'm scared, but if he fuckin' killed Phyllis he's done for.

"She sends her regards."

"Great. Anything else you're dyin' to tell me?"

"Dying. Excellent word choice. How very apropos." His face goes serious and he lowers his tone. "She's dead."

I hear a gasp come from a couple of people.

I shrug, "Figured as much."

"Oh, did you now? And why is that? Because everyone you get close to, who tries to help you ends up horribly disfigured, a vampire or dead?"

Buffy starts to slip away.

"Ah, ah, ah." Wes says. "I find it very rude that you'd leave before the party's begun, Buffy."

He cocks the gun and Giles closes his eyes.

"Your Watcher wouldn't approve. And neither would Giles."

Suddenly, a fuckin' Kermit the Frog mug sails in courtesy of Xander and hits Wes in the head. Giles elbows him in the stomach and grabs onto the gun. They're strugglin' and Buffy looks at me and nods, I can tell what she's gonna do. She tackles Giles outta the way and I fly at Wes knockin' his arm up and grab the gun. I pull his finger on the trigger of the gun, emptyin' the barrel into the ceilin'. Everyone takes cover.

Wesley kicks me in the shadow nuts and I stagger back. I can't believe he fuckin' kicked me in the crotch. Buffy's up and in front of him, lettin' him talk a bunch of trash while she waits for him to drop his left. She's a fuckin' excellent boxer and I hope she fuckin' cleans his clock.

Man, you wouldn't think gettin' kicked in the crotch would hurt for a girl, but it makes me wanna scream from the outside in. I try and work through the pain, but it really fuckin' hurts, I don't think I've ever been kicked there and I thank Christ I don't have balls.

Buffy's tradin' blows with Wes and she almost has him worn down when she hears me moan and is distracted for a second.

He blasts her in the face with a right cross and she goes down. Fuckin' bastard. Giles bumrushes Wes and it gives me the in I've been waitin' for.

Xander throws me some rope and I catch it with one hand and get behind Wes who Giles has pushed up against the banister. I get the rope around his neck and pull him back towards the bars and hold him there while they get the spell ready.

He cries out in pain and I wanna pull harder just for punchin' B in the face like that, but I give the rope slack so I can move up the steps a little, givin' Willow a clear shot to do her thing.

"Don't fuck this up, Willow. No one needs me losin' my soul." I say.

"Shh, Faith. Let her concentrate." Buffy says, holdin' a hand to her cheek. Fuckin' Wes. I pull the rope just a little tighter and grin when he grunts in pain.

Man, it's a fuckin' sight to see in this room right now: There's some weird chantin' goin' on, some mist and a fuckin' hell of a light show. Then a bright light in a ball comes down and hover's over Wes' chest before blastin' through through it. Mother fuckin' light shoots from his eyes and mouth as he looks up towards the ceilin' all stretched out like Jesus.

It's in-fuckin'-tense.

And then it's done.

I let go of the rope and Wes drops to the floor on his hands and knees. He's fuckin' bawlin' like someone who's just been told their whole family's been killed and it was their fault.

Buffy kneels down and whispers somethin' to him, then gathers him in her arms and sits there, listenin' to his pain. I look around and see that the place has been emptied out, `cept for the Scoobs.

Anya and Xander are tendin' to Cordelia, and Squirt's huggin' Giles.

I go over to check on Cordelia, and kneel down beside her on the couch.

"I knew you'd be the one to do it, Faith."

"I had help, Cor."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. Let her help you. It always turns out better."

I give her a smile and a kiss to the cheek and get up.

I don't know why, but I feel like I need to go sit somewhere by myself. I climb the stairs and shut myself in her room.

Buffy opens the door and I get up off her bed, kinda like I'm a dog that was caught on the furniture.

Damn, the look on her face is…I almost don't believe she's got a soul. I get ready for a fight, `cause she's got it written all over her.

She stalks over and gets right up in my space, usin' her presence she backs me up into the wall. My heart is poundin' hard `cause I'm gettin' fuckin' turned on here and scared at the same time.

"Did you mean it?"

I look at her, hopin' my fuckin' mouth works and nothin' stupid comes out.

"Can't you see it in my face?"

She looks at me like she's tryin' to see through my skull, then leans in closer.

"Am I out of line here?" She asks.

"Never, B."

We kiss and it's so fuckin' hot and intense I think my brain might explode. Soon, she's pullin' my shirt outta my pants and undoin' the buckle. I know I should stop her `cause there's so much to say, but I just can't do that to myself.

Doesn't look like she wants to do that to herself either. She stops workin' on my pants and pulls back from our kiss to pull her own shirt off. I reach in front of her to unhook her bra. When it's off, I immediately bend down and take one of her nipples in my mouth. She gasps and threads her fingers through my hair, pullin' me closer to her. I can feel her kissin' the top of my head. She's moanin' in between kisses.

She starts walkin' backwards towards the bed and I let her lead me there, but I don't let go of her nipple. It tastes so fuckin' good and the sounds comin' from her tell me she's needed this for a long ass time.

Her legs hit the bed and she brings me down with her.

"Faith, oh god, Faith!"

I bring my head up to look at her and capture her mouth in another hungry kiss. When we break for air she kisses my face and anything else she can reach.

"I've missed you so much, I can't even believe…"

"I'm here now, baby, not goin' anywhere." I say, as I kiss my way down her body to take off the rest of her clothes.

After I get her shoes and socks off, I move to her pants. She quickly lifts her hips for me to take `em off and I make sure her panties come with `em. They end up somewhere behind me on the floor, but I really don't fuckin' care if they ended up on Giles' face. She's open and ready for me and I've been waitin' for this for fuckin' ever it seems.

"Jesus Christ, B." I breathe out. She smells so good.

"Take your clothes off, Faith."

I stand up and do as she says. But I'm not sure how I'm doin' it, since she's got her hand on her pussy and lightly strokin' her outer lips while she watches. One of my boots gives me a problem and I get so pissed off at it that when I finally yank it clear, I throw it. I don't even know where it went, but Buffy starts gigglin'.

"What?"

"I hope no one was standing on the lawn. They probably just got the fright of their life."

"Fuck `em."

She smirks and whispers, "Fuck me."

'Bout to, girl. You just fuckin' hold onto your hair. I must look like the Wolf eyein' Little Red Riding Hood.

I slide up on the end of the bed and walk slowly towards her on my knees. When I get to her legs I stop, she's got `em bent and ready for me to dive right in. I put my hands on her knees and hold her legs open so I can slide myself in between `em.

She groans and my heart gets all fucked up as I slide my pussy against hers.

"Fuck, oh, fuck…Faith! That feels…" After a few thrusts of my pelvis into hers, I lean forward holdin' myself up with my hands on either side of her head.

My hair falls around us as I look into her eyes and start a slow, grindin' rhythm, takin' her breath away.

"I love you." She gasps and I lower my head, sharin' a deep and needy kiss. My mouth opens to let her tongue in and she's fuckin' me with it in time to my thrusts into her pussy. If there was ever any time that I wanted to grow a cock, just for a few minutes, it would be this one. But my fingers'll have to do, and I don't think she's ever complained.

This night, it's just gonna be me and her, nothin' else's gonna fuckin' matter, and if anyone comes knockin' on that door they're dead.

I snake my hand down between us and slip my fingers through her wetness. She groans into my mouth and I groan right back into hers. It just feels so fuckin' good. Like I haven't had sex in over a year. Guess it just wasn't with the right person.

Fuck, I feel like such a shit. I pull my head up and stop my fingers from what they were just doin'.

She can feel something's not right and opens her eyes to look into mine. I can see she's searchin' for what's wrong.

"It's just you and me here, Faith. No one else. Be with me…"

I love when she says that.

I give her a kiss and she gasps into my mouth when I push two fingers into her and thrust my hips behind it. Each time I push forward, I rub her G spot and her breath hitches in her chest. The noises comin' from Buffy tell me she feels this everywhere possible.

Her moans are makin' me thrust faster and by the time she comes, we're both fuckin' yellin' and screamin'. It was like lightnin' shot out from the light fixture and zapped both of us with a bolt of "full body orgasm".

I take my fingers out of her pussy to hold onto her, `cause it feels like we're gonna fall off this bed. My pussy's still spasmin' and I'm grindin' on hers makin' her moan all breathy.

Fuck, it sounds so good to hear her breathe. I can't even fuckin' imagine that I would be sayin' somethin' like that, but it's true.

Finally, we both come down from the high of that monster orgasm. She smiles and gets all giggly. Kinda like she's on some high grade coke/h cocktail. Not that I know what that's like or nothin'.

"Faith, holy crap, are we still alive?" She finally asks.

"Don't know, and don't care, B. As long as we're together, I don't mind bein' dead."

She's still tryin' to get control of her breathin', "Not-not that it doesn't sound wonderful or anything…but I kinda want to beat the First…first."

I laugh and plant kisses all over her face.

"Mmmm, tiny kisses, I love them."

"I…love…you…Buffy." I say sincerely, still kissin' her face.

"I'm so glad you're back…I missed you so much, F."

Damn, that makes me wanna cry.

We kiss for what seems like hours and finally she gently pushes me away. Before I have a chance to stop her, I'm flipped and laid flat on my back.

"It's been a while, Faithy." Oh fuck, my pussy just throbbed at that. Fuckin' Vamp B talk makes me fuckin' hot!

She keeps goin' with her voice on "sexy bitch" mode, "I'm hungry. You know what I want, don't you?"

"A sandwich?"

I almost got her to crack and laugh, but she keeps control of herself nicely.

"No, a taste. Are you gonna be a good girl and give me a taste?"

"Oh fuck, B. Just take it…take all of it…fuck…"

She slides herself down my body until her head is between my legs. No teasin', she just dives right in and my head fuckin' feels like it's a balloon about to pop.

I'm not sure what the fuck I'm sayin' as she's workin' my clit and shovin' three fingers in and out of me, twistin' `em around and hittin' my spot just right. She has my legs practically bent back to the mattress and I'm glad that I'm fuckin' bendable or I'd be in traction after I came. I look down at her and she looks like she's a starvin' person just let loose at a buffett.

That blows my mind and it shoots right down to my clit which she's currently suckin' on. When she bites on it a little, my legs shoot up and capture her head between my thighs makin' sure her head stays right where it is. I let out a fuckin' moan that comes from the depths of my soul, and I think I hear dogs barkin' in the distance when I'm done.

She's holdin' on to my body like it's a life raft bobbin' in the fuckin' waves from "The Perfect Storm".

I'm not sure how long I was out when I finally open my eyes she's smilin' down at me.

"Nice to have you back."

I laugh at that.

"Christ Buffy, that's a fuckin' awesome way to die."

Her face goes serious, but her eyes show she's playin'.

"No, no dying. Here at `Team Buffy' we give the soulless their souls back and new life to those who were dead."

That makes me think of what I wanted to ask her earlier.

"That was supposed to be funny, Faith. You're going quiet on some of my best work." She pouts.

I smile at her, "It was grade A quality `Buffy quippage' or whatever you call it…but I…"

"What?"

I run my hand along the leg that's draped over my stomach, "So warm…and alive…"

"It was you…"

I feel my face go all "scrunchy", `cause I don't understand what the fuck she means.

"Your blood, Faith, it gave me my life back."

Somebody says what?

"How?"

"I don't really know. Giles tried to explain it, but what it comes down to is this: I drank your blood for a good month and when Will did the spell to bring my soul back, it gave me my humanity back too."

Holy shit, this is a lot to take in.

"I know, I'm still trying to figure it all out. Bottom line is: even though I was a vampire, you were willing to risk your life for mine. I owe you everything."

"No, B. You don't owe me shit, baby. I owe you a lot more than that. This is all because of you, all for you."

"That's sweet," We share another kiss. "I love when you call me that." She says a little out of breath.

I smile at her, "I love bein' able to say it."

She leans in and gives me another kiss and I can feel the love pourin' into me from her soul. Fuck, I'm in fuckin' heaven.

Later, when we're done tryin' to kill each other with sex, we settle down into a happy heap and whisper what we've been wantin' to say to each other for what feels like forever.

"What are we gonna do now, Buffy?"

"Sleep, stop Wes from trying to kill himself, kick some First ass, and then find the closest spot out of earshot of the gang to relieve the hungries and hornies."

Sounds like a fuckin' plan.

"Shit," I say and start to get out of bed. "I need to call Phyllis."

"I did that when I was downstairs. I forgot to tell you."

"Did you tell her we might need some backup?"

"She said she'll have a bunch of her people on standby."

"Fuckin' Wes tryin' to fake me out."

"He sucks."

"Apropos choice of words there, B." I laugh and she tries to tickle me into peein' the bed or somethin', `cause she's merciless. "Water…sports…turn you…on…don't they?" I manage to get out.

"Everything turns me on with you."

Halle-fuckin'-lujah

"We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side."

Fuckin' brat.

Xander says somethin' about the Gap and Starbucks, but I'm not listenin', I'm just starin' at the back of Buffy's head. I can tell she's thinkin' about everything that just happened and everything that she's ever done in her life that led her to this moment. I can also tell that she's got a great big smile on her face, and it fills me with pride to know that I played a part in puttin' it there.

When Dawn asks Buffy the same question I asked her last night, she turns around without a word and holds her hand out to me. I take it and we walk back to the bus with everyone else eventually followin' behind.

I know that ever lastin' life is what most people wish they could have. But it's the love of someone who makes you a better person just by bein' with them that makes it all worthwhile. Somebody who makes you happy with the smallest smile, and your heart beat out of your chest when they say they love you…that's what the whole world's after.

Hey look at that: guess I did make somethin' of myself after all.

The End.