POV Buffy

The next few hours seemed to have flown by, as soon as we got back to the hotel we assembled the troops for some heavy-duty research. Even Faith's mother helped out on the research front, to which Faith seemed utterly indifferent, on the outside. On the inside however, she seemed happy and more than a little shocked her mother was actually here and was willing to help with the research. Did she really think her mother wouldn't come back for her?

Of course she did, family loyalty isn't something Faith knows a lot about at the moment. It still really pisses me off to think that the good guys did this to her, they were supposed to be working on our side. They were supposed to help the slayer save the world, not treat her like she was an inanimate object, like a sword you could use to behead a demon. A sword that you'd just put away and forget about until the next time you needed a demon taken out. It's no wonder slayers never lived that long, they didn't want to. Spike had told me that it's because all slayers have a death wish, they are so obsessed with death and dying that eventually they just give into it. As per usual, Spike was sorta right and mostly wrong. It's not because we're obsessed with death or because we love death; it has more to do with how we are treated. I believe it's because they got tired of being used, tired of not having a life, of never being allowed to actually live.

After a while of just existing like that, it is very easy to lose sight of what you are fighting to save, of who you are fighting to save and most importantly why you are fighting to begin with. And that is the reason Faith took the potentials to the Bronze, it wasn't because she was being irresponsible, it's because she knew what could happen if they were just kept cooped up, constantly being reminded they were going to have to fight, or more than likely die trying. Making them live like that with no reprieve, fuck if I wasn't exactly like the Council.

I also stopped getting close to them because they were more than likely gonna die and there wasn't anything I could really do to prevent it, and I couldn't deal with losing somebody else I cared about. Maybe that's how it happened with the Council too, maybe they just got too close too many times, yeah right, naïve much Buffy. At least I've realized that no matter how much it hurts to lose a potential or how much it will hurt to lose one of the new slayers, it would hurt that girl even more if we didn't get to know her. Faith understood this more than I did, but I guess she would considering the fact that she was once the new slayer who nobody wanted to take the time to get to know. I swear that won't ever happen again cause Faith and I are going to work together, and with our past experiences, we won't let ourselves ever be like the old Council. Unfortunately all the plans we've come up with cost money we don't have right now. Hopefully, Wesley can help us track down the Council's funds, and whatever organization they have left.

We still aren't sure where or what we are gonna be doing, thankfully Giles was just joking about there being a hellmouth in Cleveland. I'm definitely leaning toward New York, cause I'm fairly certain that's where Faith is going to want to go. I'm actually kinda excited about it, New York is really awesome, I've always wanted to go there and hey it's a city so nice they named it twice. Yeah, I'm a dork, whatever. I also know that Willow already has plans to relocate to New York, although she hasn't told me about yet, but I heard her and Kennedy talking about it. And Xander will go where Anya goes, and Anya has to go where Faith goes, so he'll be with us. And if Giles goes back to London, it's a shorter flight from New York than California so he'll be closer, but I am hoping he's going to stay with us. I also think moving will be good for Faith and I too, we can go into a new town with a fresh start, it won't be like Sunnydale. It won't be she's in my town, or I'm in her town, we'll both be in our town.

As we researched I felt really bad for Faith because a lot of the research centered on the memories in her head, none of which were pleasant, happy memories. This really must be her worst nightmare, having everyone find out about her past, complete with all the gory details, and let me just say that whoever came up with these scenarios is one sick and demented bastard. And sure Faith has been told none of those memories are real, but in her head it's still very real, it's still very much a part of her, it still affects her deeply. Everyone in this room has read some of the memories she was given. It certainly didn't help that whenever anybody read those transcripts they would just look over at Faith in absolute shock and horror, which made Faith shift uncomfortably in her seat, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, even me. I could feel how upset she was about it, the depression, the shame, and the utter disgust she felt toward herself about those memories. I just wanted to wrap her up and take her far away from here, far from those awful memories in her head.

I also felt bad for her mother, I can't imagine how hard this is for her, seeing how upset her daughter is and not being able to go to her or comfort her, or just show her that she cares. Even though Faith is happy her mother is here, she is still completely untrusting and suspicious of her, which meant she wouldn't let Rose touch her at all or even get near her. It's like Faith doesn't want to get her hopes up about her mom only to be completely disappointed, so she's keeping her distance. I can certainly understand that because if my father was ever inclined to show up, wanting to participate in Dawn's life, or mine I know I would be acting the same way. But it's not like that's ever likely to happen, he's got a new family now, he doesn't need or care about me at all. And he apparently never even showed up to my funeral, imagine that, my own father couldn't be bothered to even show up then. My friends and Dawn have been really good at keeping that little fact from me, but Spike was only too happy to share that piece of information.

It was getting late, and I had read the same freaking paragraph over like fifty times and still had no idea what it said. Faith had gone up to the room a few minutes before to use the bathroom and hadn't returned yet. I was wondering what was taking her so long when Rose got up and announced she was gonna take off for the night.

Since research wasn't working for me, and I wanted to know why she wasn't waiting for Faith to come back downstairs so she could say goodnight to her, I got up too. I walked her outside, and as we stepped out into the cool night air, I had to ask, "Are you sure you don't wanna wait for Faith to come back down before you leave?"

She chuckled slightly and looked amused, "Faith isn't coming back down...at least not tonight..."

What the hell does that mean? I decide to be a little less confrontational so I ask, "What do you mean?"

"I'm sure she's asleep..."

I must have looked confused because she explained further, "My daughter always has a lot of energy, but when that energy runs out, she's done, she'll fall asleep as soon as she stops moving. She's always been that way, when she was little naptime and bedtime were always a problem; her brothers were so much easier. Faith never wanted to sleep; there was always something else she just had to do. Usually she'd just sit quietly and play with her toys for a few minutes and then she'd just fall asleep. My husband and I used to joke that she must have narcolepsy or something because one minute she'd be playing and the next she'd just fall over asleep."

I laughed at that, "Awwww..."

Rose smiled a little as she continued, "I guarantee she's sprawled out on her bed, with her jacket and shoes still on, fast asleep. She probably figured she lay down and just close her eyes for five minutes, and get up again."

Rose paused for a moment losing her smile before she continued, "I'm really worried about her, about how she's gonna handle everything if she gets her memories back. Our family isn't the same as it was five years ago; a lot of things have changed since she's been gone. I just don't know what she'll do when she finds out about..."

She didn't get a chance to finish because Gunn came out and asked, "You ready?"

She smiled at him and replied, "I'm all set..."

I looked at her not understanding why she and Gunn were going anywhere together; she must have caught my confused look because she chuckled again. It was so weird to hear that chuckle come from somebody other than Faith, she and her mother don't look a lot alike, but the eyes are the same, and obviously the chuckle. But it was the eyes that had made me realize she was indeed Faith's mother, of that fact I was absolutely certain. Rose explained about her and Gunn leaving together, "Angel seems to think I need a body guard, and since finding out about what goes bump in the night, I have to say, I'm more than happy to accept his offer."

Oh, that makes a lot of sense actually, thank God at least Angel was thinking clearly, it certainly would be fucked up if Rose were to be attacked by vampires cause Faith and I forgot to make sure she got back to her hotel in one piece. I gave her a hug goodbye, partly for her benefit because I'm sure she missed being able to hug her daughter, and partly for mine cause I really missed getting motherly hugs. Somehow I don't think my mom would mind me getting them elsewhere, she'd probably be happy somebody could do it while she couldn't. Rose reminded me to look out for Faith while she was gone. Unfortunately that reminder was about five years too late, and after last night I can't believe she's still trusting me to do that but I pushed the thought aside and promised her I would look after her daughter. I stood and watched Gunn's truck as it drove down the street until I could no longer make it out and then made my way back inside.

I told the gang I was done with research and was gonna head to bed, they all looked at me with smirks, knowing Faith had already gone upstairs and hadn't returned. Xander had to kiss Anya so she wouldn't say out loud what everybody else was thinking. Even Angel was making with the smirk, you'd think he'd be a little jealous or something cause back in Sunnydale he practically had a kitten when he smelled I had been with Spike. And I can't believe I just thought that cause the whole smelling thing is really gross... I just shook my head and continued up the stairs, ignoring all of them and their smirkiness.

I opened the door to our room, yes that's right, our room. As in Faith and I were sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing...all right I gotta stop being a dork even if it is only in my head. Rose was absolutely right, Faith was sprawled out on her side of the bed, jacket and boots still on. She looked so beautiful lying there asleep I just had to stop and watch her.

After a few minutes, I stepped over to the bed; I wanted to at least take off Faith's boots, mainly cause I didn't wanna get accidentally kicked by one as I slept next to her. I got the first one off no problem, but as I was just getting the second one off, she started whimpering in her sleep. I wasn't sure if I should wake her up, so I just sat down next to her and caressed her arm gently, speaking soft soothing words, trying to calm her down instead which seemed to work until I got up and then it started up all over again.

She kept whimpering and then she started crying, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, please stop...please don't do this...I'll be good..."

I stood there for a moment watching, not being able to move, in her restlessness she had rolled onto her side, begging whatever images she had in her mind not to hurt her anymore. I finally broke out my frozen state, I slide onto the bed behind her and put my arm around her and pulled her body close to mine, the crying and whimpering stopped as soon as I laid down. A few minutes later, she slid her arm around mine, keeping me wrapped firmly around her. This so wasn't how I saw this relationship working, whenever I would imagine Faith and I sleeping together, I never imagined that I'd be the one holding her, I always kinda thought she'd be the one to hold me. Not that I'm complaining cause either way there's some holding going on.

The last thing I thought before I drifted off to sleep was that I had forgotten to turn off the light and I was wondering if I'd be able to sleep with it on. I woke up sometime during the night to realize she wasn't in bed with me, she wasn't even in the room and the light had been turned off. I got up slowly, stretching slightly, I noticed the CD player was missing and it didn't take me long to figure out where Faith most likely was...the roof. What is that girl's obsession with rooftops?

I slowly made my way up to the roof, I opened the door and stepped outside, and she wasn't very hard to spot. She had on headphones and the music could be heard blaring out of them as she danced around on the roof, lost in her own little world. I made a mental note not to tap her on the shoulder, remembering what happened last time I did that, I rubbed my jaw absently as I continued to watch her.

I was mesmerized watching her, watching the way she moved her body; the way her movements seemed to just blend with the music. I was so into watching her, thinking thoughts that are probably illegal in about ten different states, I hadn't noticed the vampire that had snuck up behind me. I'm really falling off my game cause he scared the crap out of me when he said, "Hey..."

I nearly fell down as I tried to back away from him, he gently grabbed me to stop me from falling and he joked, "Are you really that afraid to talk to me?"

I quickly disengaged myself from him; I was afraid Faith would turn around and see me hugging Angel. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea I didn't want her to think I still wanted to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I love Angel, I probably always will, but I'm no longer 'in love' with him. I'm not sure that I ever really was 'in love' with him, oh sure I loved the idea of being in love. It was all very much like those trashy romance novels my mom used to read, all star-crossed lovers, and heaving bosoms, which doesn't even grab my attention on soap operas anymore. And truthfully, I cried more over Faith joining the Mayor than I did over Angel leaving, now if that doesn't tell me something, nothing ever will. It felt really awkward all of a sudden and I had to say something, "No...I...uh... guess I didn't hear you come outside..."

"Um, I didn't just come outside, I've been standing next to you for a few minutes now..."

I just look around nervously cause that meant he saw me watching Faith dance, "Oh..."

I got even more nervous when he looked at me seriously and said, "We need to talk Buffy..."

I figured here comes the speech, a thousand reasons why Faith and I will never work out as a couple and how we're crazy to even try it, "Angel...uh...if this is about Faith..."

"We don't need to talk about Faith, she's fine, for now. And just so you know, I don't have a problem with you and Faith getting together, I'm really happy for both of you Buffy, and I know you two will be good for each other. I think you know what we need to talk about. The fact you were in..."

Before he can finish I interrupt because I really don't wanna hear it; I don't wanna be reminded where I was and what happened there. "Look, I'm fine, there's no need to talk about anything...ok?"

I tried to hold his gaze, tried to convey I was really all right and didn't need to talk about anything, but I had to look away. I'm really not good with the whole lying thing.

"Tomorrow morning, 8 am, in the back garden, we'll talk, work out...it will get better Buffy..."

Yeah, of course it will get better cause we're not gonna be talking about anything. "I'm fine Angel, really...I don't need..."

He didn't seem to take 'no' as an answer, he just looked right at me and said, "Please don't make me come looking for you..."

He was seriously starting to piss me off, "I don't need anything...I'm fine. I can handle everything on my own, I don't need anybody..."

He interrupted me, "Yeah, I can see you're all...5 x 5..."

OK, that was low, telling me that I'm acting like Faith, although it does give me an idea, "You know what Angel, I don't think Faith would be too happy about me spending all that time with you..."

>From across the roof, a voice said matter-of-factly, "Faith doesn't have a problem with it."

Huh? Uh...how'd she hear that? The music is still blaring out of the headphones, so I have no clue how she heard me. I have no clue how much she heard, and I also wonder if this whole rooftop thing was a set-up. Yeah, I'm a little paranoid, and you know just because you're paranoid doesn't necessarily mean nobody's after you.

Ah crap! I sighed in defeat cause I know this is just hopeless, they'll never give up, I'll never win this argument. Plus I'm sure the rest of the gang would be in full agreement with them so I gave up trying to argue. Of course that didn't mean I was actually gonna cooperate, maybe I could pull off this lying thing after all, "OK, fine...whatever..."

Faith shut the music off and the rooftop became eerily quiet; the only sound that could be heard was Faith sitting down on the picnic table, lighting up a cigarette. Again, I wonder if this is all an elaborate set up, I know it's not, but I do know they've been discussing me, I know they decided Angel should help me. I just don't get why it's him helping me and not her. The smell of the cigarette got to me and even though I had quit, a cigarette seemed like a good idea about now, so I quietly took the pack and the lighter from her as I sat down on the picnic table next to her.

If either one of them were shocked by my lighting up, they didn't say anything about it to me. I had quit smoking, and Spike at the same time, which was only fair cause I started them at the same time. I probably should have done the whole drowning my sorrows thing instead, because maybe that woulda prevented the other two from happening at all, not to mention it would have killed my little hitchhiker buddy. OK, probably shouldn't bring that up again, before I bring dinner up again, cause just thinking about it makes me wanna puke. And I'm sure Angel will not appreciate that, Willow told me that I puked all over him, his bed, and his carpet, I'm actually surprised he's still speaking to me.

I was, at the very least, expecting a lecture about smoking from Angel, but there was none, although maybe that will happen tomorrow, or today in a couple of hours. Or maybe they just realize I'm stressed nearly out of my mind, and I seriously need the distraction. The only thing Angel said was, "Wesley called a little while ago."

Faith asked him, "What did he find out?"

I was still a little freaked out thinking about everything, so Faith quietly started rubbing small circles on my back, which did make me feel a little better. The gesture was not lost on Angel but he didn't say anything, he just smiled at us. God my life just keeps getting weirder and weirder doesn't it? I mean, the three of us sitting here having a civilized conversation? Not to mention the fact, I've dated one of them and am currently dating the other and at the moment she's rubbing my back right in front of him. You'd think there would be some serious hurt feelings going on here, but nope, Angel seems to be genuinely fine with the whole me and Faith thing. It's just really...comfortable, and since when is my life comfortable?

As Angel began his story, Faith and I tried to keep our interruptions to a minimum, no need to drag this story out any more than it needs to be. "It seems the Council went through some serious political upheavals right around the time Buffy became the slayer. It seemed there was a power struggle when the previous head of the Council died abruptly, the struggle ended with Quentin Travers being appointed as head of the Council. Wesley's father, Roger, had also been in the running, and he wasn't so happy with the new leadership. Roger and his cronies thought the Council should revert back to it's older traditional ways, mainly treating the slayer like she wasn't anything more than a convenient tool to be used to fight evil as the Council saw fit. He also believed that if a slayer didn't perform up to par, they should be allowed to 'euthanize' them, he also thought that a slayer shouldn't be allowed family, or friends as they would get in the way of the slaying duties. While his ideas were a bit too radical for most Council members, there were some that seemed to buy into his ideas. When the second slayer was activated, the demands for stricter Council control became too much and Quentin caved. He didn't wanna lose the top spot at the Council, so he threw the second slayer to the wolves to protect his job."

I wasn't really too shocked at Quentin actions, he didn't strike me as the stand up type of guy when I met him, either time. I'm kinda surprised the Council never really came after me, then again, they would have had to deal with my Mom, and she could be downright scary at times. Also, Willow, Xander and Giles could be equally scary if I had been threatened in a serious way. I had thought that Wesley's ominous words about not turning my back on the Council, about me not knowing what I was doing was just him trying to save his job. But I guess that was one time Wesley knew more than I did, after all that fucking moron Roger Wyndam-Pryce raised him, believe me when I say if I ever meet that man, it's gonna be hard not to 'euthanize' him.

"Roger didn't oversee the project himself, he appointed, Bernard Crowley and his adopted son, Robin Wood to the project."

At hearing his name, Faith and I exchanged a glance but didn't interrupt as Angel continued, "The only guidelines they were given was to make Kendra into the perfect fighting weapon by any means necessary. They used memory spells, brainwashing techniques, their training methods consisted of putting her in a cage with a vampire or demon and making her fight for her life. As if all that wasn't bad enough, they found a way to locate the next slayer, which of course was Faith. They kidnapped her like they had done with other slayers through the years, but when it seemed her disappearance was going to make national news, Roger didn't want to risk getting found out, so he sent the Council's special team to Boston. Where they found a girl about Faith's age, height and weight, and used a glamour to make her look like Faith and then pumped her full of enough heroin to kill her and left her to die."

Oh God, I can't believe they would just kill some poor girl to cover their tracks. How could they do that? I wonder how they picked that girl; I wonder who she was, or how her family must feel horrible wondering what happened to her. I also wonder why Faith isn't shocked the Council would kill, then again, the Council had been willing to kill her so maybe that's why she's not shocked.

Faith looked up at Angel and quietly asked, "Do you know who she was?"

Angel nodded and added, "I had some people from Wolfram & Hart notify the Boston Police of her identity and where to find her. They also managed to arrange it so the police don't need to talk to you about your disappearance or why this girl was buried under your name. Oh, and I used the firm to have your death certificate removed, and insert copies of income tax statements for you for the last five years, as well as a history of withdrawals from your account. If anyone ever asks, you spent the last five years on the island of St. John in the Caribbean living off your trust fund."

Faith asked curiously, "Trust fund?"

"Yeah, your mother has all the information about it when you're ready to deal with all that."

Faith nodded slightly but didn't say anything, so I asked the question instead, "What about the people responsible for murdering that girl? Are they all dead?"

"Everyone involved is now dead, except for this Robin guy and Wesley's dad, but there is absolutely no evidence to connect either of them to the kidnapping nor the murder."

Faith quietly asked, "How's Wes? Finding out all this stuff must be rough on him..."

"He's...pretty upset about it but he's dealing. This whole thing might actually be good for him, he's always kinda been under his dad's control, and finding out about this stuff has enabled him to stand up to him. Especially when Roger announced his intentions on reorganizing the Council, Wesley told him there was no way in hell that would ever happen. He told them that the Council's funds had already been turned over to Giles, you, and Buffy. Roger was told you both know about the memory spells, and if he wanted to discuss any future Council business he'd have to go through you and Buffy, so I don't think he's gonna be a problem anymore."

Faith and I just nodded, I wouldn't have minded putting Roger straight on a few issues personally, but at least Wesley did it. Angel continued telling us about the Council, which I almost would prefer he didn't cause I'm sure we won't like what we hear.

"After they took Faith, they readjusted her memories, and then they stopped Kendra's heart long enough to activate Faith as a slayer. A couple of months later when Kendra died, there was another shake up at the Council when Quentin found out what Roger had done and he used that to oust him from the Council altogether. But Quentin didn't put an end to the project; he kept both Bernard and Robin on board and let them continue their work. Although, he didn't like the fact of two men being the only people around a young slayer, so he sent a female watcher, his own daughter, to be part of the team, and to keep an eye on the situation."

"Everything went well throughout the summer, Faith was making a big dent in the demon/vampire population of St. Louis, and then September came, along with Faith's 18th birthday, when all hell broke loose. Kakistos had been captured by a team from the Watcher's Council and was to be used for Faith's test. Unfortunately, they didn't take into account his crew would be looking to get him back, which they did, and while they were at it they took Faith, Anna and Bernard with them, Robin supposedly barely managed to escape using magic. By the time he notified the Council and they assembled their team, Bernard and Anna were already dead and Faith was on the run with Kakistos following close behind."

"Quentin became irrationally angry at Faith because his daughter died, so he didn't send anyone from the Council to help Faith. Two weeks later when she showed up in Sunnydale, and Kakistos was history, he sent Robin there to continue keeping track of her. He ordered Robin to make sure Faith stayed isolated, and alone, and to put spells on us to make us keep our distance, it seems Quentin wanted Faith to suffer because of Anna. And this is where the Council's records and Robin's records deviate from each other, and from what actually happened."

"Even though Quentin was acting irrationally, he and the others became suspicious of Robin when Gwendolyn Post showed up in Sunnydale. They knew Robin was in Sunnydale, and he knew that Gwendolyn Post wasn't a real Watcher, but he didn't notify them. Then later with the whole Finch situation, Robin never notified the Council then either, Wesley notified them instead, and with Wirth, same thing, Wesley let them know about that too. There is only one thing that happened in Sunnydale that is the same in both accounts. The Council ordered Faith to shoot me with the poisoned arrow, she had no choice in the matter, Robin made her do it. Wesley finally confessed that he knew that fact all along. When he had called the Council about getting the cure, they told him they wouldn't help stop something they had ordered. He was told if he kept quiet about it he might get to keep his job, so he didn't mention it, then he got fired and left town. And by the time he started working for me there really was no reason to mention it. And well, later he was sorta angry at Faith so he didn't mention it then either. It wasn't until he found out about the memory spells that he felt the need to tell me about it."

Faith and I just sat there in stunned silence, I don't know if Wesley mentioning it would have made a difference, it might have but it might not have, cause I remember how angry I was when Faith casually asked if Angel was dead yet. Telling me the Mayor gave her the poison, and I know without a doubt she didn't know about the cure cause she faltered slightly when I casually mentioned it. I never gave a thought about why the Mayor, who cared so much about Faith, would do that to her. And if he could do that to her, then why was he so upset that Faith was hurt, shouldn't he have been expecting that phone call? I'd like to solve the puzzle please; the answer is because it wasn't him.

The Council ordered the use of a poison that only a slayer's blood could cure. What were they playing at? They had to know finding out that fact would make me go after her, was that their plan? To make us fight until there was only one of us left standing. I remember how she wasn't fighting hard, she was holding back, but how she won in spite of that fact, how she held me at the edge of the roof and hesitated. Did she hesitate because they wanted her to? Because that's not how it was supposed to go, I was supposed to win and she was supposed to die.

The small circles have started up again on my back, how is it possible she could care about me after being reminded I tried to kill her? I look up at her and our eyes meet and I have my answer, she cares about me because she loves me. It's kinda scary to look at someone and realize that no matter what you do to them they'll always love you. I could abuse her a thousand different ways and she'd never stop loving me. Having that much power over somebody is thoroughly frightening, and the only reason I could live with it is because she has just as much power over me. My eyes are saying the same things as hers, it doesn't matter what you do to me, I'm always going to love you.

Of course my eyes haven't always said that, cause mostly I tried to pretend my feelings for her didn't exist. How upsetting must that have been? In all her memories, everybody she has tried to love has used that love against her, and abused her with it. And there she was again stuck wanting to love somebody who acted like they could care less, all I can do now is just swear never to let her feel that way again.

It is right at this moment I realize why it's so important that I talk about everything, I can't keep all that pain inside because sooner or later it'll find it's way out. And who will bear the brunt of all that pain inside me, Faith will, and she'll put up with it because she loves me. I also realize why it has to be Angel helping me and not Faith. It's because she won't force me to deal with it, she'd try to protect me from it, and wind up being the target. So I guess it's time for me to step up to the plate, deal with everything now, so I won't hurt her later.

I wanted to kiss her so badly right then, but I didn't wanna do it right in front of Angel, but I noticed he had turned his back to us, so I kissed her, slowly, reassuringly. Trying to convey we were gonna be ok, neither one of us would use our love to make the other suffer. And she kissed me back with just as much tenderness and affection, which is something that I wouldn't have thought her capable of just a few weeks ago. When we broke apart she had the softest, sweetest smile on her face and I just wanted to see that over and over again. I gave her my best smile to match hers, and we stayed like that for a few minutes, just sitting and smiling at each other.

Then she called out to Angel, "Ok, you can turn around now, all activities that might cause you to lose your soul have ceased for the moment."

Angel laughed in spite of himself as he turned around to face us again. He shook his head at Faith in a 'what am I gonna do with you' gesture, Faith just shrugged as if to say 'what did I do?'

Angel continued his story, "Anyway, after Faith ended up in a coma, Robin was ordered to report back to Council headquarters, but he failed to show up. So they declared him a rogue and have been looking for him ever since then. And since they had no idea what he had done to Faith, they decided they couldn't trust her so they sent a team to the Sunnydale hospital to take her out, but they weren't able to enter her room in the hospital."

Faith asked, "What do you mean? Who stopped them?"

"Magic stopped them, there was a spell on your room. They couldn't physically get inside the room, they tried to pay off several orderlies to do it, but then the orderlies weren't able to enter the room anymore. The Council assumed Robin had done it, but I don't think so. I think the Mayor was more than likely responsible for that, he would have tried to protect her while she couldn't protect herself. That's pretty much everything the Council had on Faith, once she turned herself in, they stopped trying to kill her, but they monitored her progress carefully, paying off one of the guards to gain information about her. When the First persisted in killing off the potentials, the Council had planned to send a team to the prison to enlist Faith's help and then respond directly to the Hellmouth. But then the entire headquarters blew up, as well as several of their field offices, so they never got the chance to do it."

"Oh, and here's something that's interesting, not sure if it is important, but it is interesting. Throughout it's existence, the Watcher's Council was never able to determine who the next slayer would be, they could only find her after she was activated."

I had to jump in because I knew that information was inaccurate, "What a second that's not true. The Council pointed Giles in the direction of a lot of potentials..."

"That's where the interesting part comes in. It seems that once they activated Faith, the Council tried the re-use the spell so that they could find out who the next slayer would be, but when they used the spell they couldn't see the next slayer. They could see hundreds of potential slayers, but they had no idea which one would be the next slayer or even if there would be a new slayer. Quentin and the rest of them believed that by using the spell to find Faith and then activating her they way they did compromised the entire slayer line, and allowed a lot of bad things to happen, like allowing the First gain access to this dimension."

I had to ask, "Huh? I thought the First got into our dimension because I died..."

"It wasn't your death, it was Kendra's because she didn't die in the 'line of duty' like you did, they purposely stopped her heart to activate Faith."

Faith couldn't help adding, "So the Council not only doesn't help us do our job, but they allowed the First to get into our dimension...boy I'm sure gonna miss those guys."

Angel smiled at that and said, "There was even some speculation that Faith might have been the last slayer, although they couldn't actually find that out cause Faith is really hard to kill."

Faith grinned at that, "Yeah, great...you can put that on my headstone. Oh hey, maybe I'm like immortal or something."

Angel added, "Yeah, we could start calling you 'The Immortal', or not cause that name is already taken...

I couldn't help grinning either, "Well I don't know about immortal but she is pretty durable for a slayer, maybe she could teach me that skill..."

"I don't know, the Immortal doesn't tell just anyone, you'd have to be worthy. And well with you dying at the drop of a hat all the time, we'll have to wait and see. Maybe if you go five years without dying again, I'll think about it."

God she's a pain in the ass, but she is a funny pain in the ass, so I just mock scowl at her.

She ignores my scowl and continues, "But seriously, can you both do me a favor?"

She paused and waited to make sure she had our full attention before continuing, "Can you two please hold onto your souls for awhile, cause I'm really getting tired of having to track them down for you guys all the time..."

Angel and I exchanged a look, and we both starting walking toward the door, Faith didn't take the hint and kept right on talking. "Immortal people have got lots of important things to do ya know, can't always be following you two around, trying to save your souls all the time...."

POV Faith

The next morning Buffy and I got up in time for her to meet with Angel, to say that she wasn't looking forward to talking with him was an understatement. You'd have thought she was going off to face a Mexican death squad with the way she looked this morning. It's understandable though, I know exactly how she feels, I wasn't all that thrilled to talk about my life either, but at the time I really needed to, just like she does now. I have to admit it was a lot easier getting her to go than I thought it would be, and maybe it would have been more difficult if we hadn't had that little moment of understanding last night.

At least now she knows why it's so important for her to talk about it, to try to put her past behind her and move on. She's got a lot of issues to work through, father issues, slayer issues, general life issues. She's been blaming everything on being a slayer, even though things were pretty fucked up before she became the slayer. And then on top of all that, there's the fact she literally went to Hell.

It's kinda hard to explain what Hell was really like; you can't describe the magnitude of it to somebody who hasn't been there. The closest explanation is how JK Rowling describes the Dementors in Harry Potter, how they suck everything good out of you; all the peace, happiness and good feelings are replaced by utter darkness and despair. But even that sounds like a picnic compared to what it's really like.

The good news is the longer you are out of there, the more time that passes, the less you remember about it. Angel said that after a while the only thing he remembers about it is he was there and he never wants to go back again.

But enough about that fucked up shit, it's time to get moving, I got some things to do before Buffy finishes with Angel. I want us to do something fun, to get her mind off everything for a little while, so I'm taking her somewhere she hasn't been to in a really long time. Angel took her once, I was a little leery of going there because of that, and because I don't wanna look like an idiot. But a simple phone call should let me know about the idiot part, plus Willow and Dawn thought it was a great idea, so there ya go. And I made sure the others would be joining us at some point during the afternoon, cause they want to spend time with her too.

I made my way downstairs to Angel's office, I didn't think anybody would be using it, seeing as he was outside with Buffy. And even though I wanted to check up on them, to see if everything was going ok, I didn't cause it's probably best if I keep out of it. I also didn't want to see anything that would upset me, I'm kinda working off the principle if I don't see it, I can't get upset about it. I want to trust both of them, but trust doesn't come easy for me, it never really has, so I'll just stick to ignorance and avoidance.

Unfortunately Giles was in the office going through some paperwork, and he was kinda the last person I wanted to run into. Word around the hotel, and by that I mean Anya and Xander told me, he was looking to talk to me. I think I really need to work on my stealth skills cause he caught me as I was trying to casually make a break for it.

"Oh...hello Faith...I was hoping we could talk about a few things..."

I decided to play it cool, get him out of the office in the hopes I could make a quick getaway after. "Um...ok. But do you think I could use the phone real quick first, I kinda gotta make a call."

He looked like he didn't want to leave, not sure if he was just worried I'd mess up his paperwork or if he was afraid I wouldn't be here when he got back. But he finally gave in, "Sure, I'll just, uh, go get some more tea, would you like me to bring you back anything?"

I wasn't expecting that, but I quickly covered, "Uh, no...I'm good. Thanks..."

Yep, that's right Giles, you just go to the kitchen, don't you worry about me. I tried to look sincere, even smiled at him as he made his way out of the door.

I closed the door behind him, I was nervous enough about calling; I didn't need an audience. I quickly sat down at the desk and took the number out of my pocket and dialed.

"Good morning, thank you for calling the Century Wilshire Hotel and Suites, my name is Russ, how may I help you?"

"Room 312."

"Thank you, please hold."

Oh great, the muzak version of the 'Light My Fire' by the Doors, could this morning get any worse?

"Hello?"

"Hey...um...Mom?"

I could hear her laugh slightly on the other end of the phone, "You can question it all you want to Faith, it won't change the facts."

"Oh great...sarcasm, do you really think that's the way to go?"

She laughed again, but this time so did I, at least this mother has a sense of humor and hasn't once sent me to fetch her a beer, so go me.

"I assume you're calling because you need something..."

OK, are mothers always this scary with their intuition? "No...I...you know I could just be calling to say good morning to my dear sweet mother..."

"Well that settles it, now I'm even more convinced you need something."

"Ok, Ok, you're right, I am calling because I need to ask you something..."

"No, you can't get a tattoo..."

I seriously wasn't expecting that and laughed, "Yeah, you're a little too late on that one. And how did I get a tattoo anyway? Seriously, what kind of mother lets her underage daughter get a tattoo? That's gonna cost you valuable good parenting points ya know..."

I was worried that perhaps I went too far, I know I meant it as a joke, but maybe she doesn't. But it doesn't seem to bother her as she answers me.

"Well, first of all, I wouldn't use the word 'let'. Second of all, it wasn't just you, you and your older brothers all came back from a 'road trip' to New York City with them, and before you ask, no, none of you had permission for that either."

"Now that sounds like an interesting story."

"Yes it was, and so was the two month punishment you got for it."

"Two months? That's kinda harsh don't ya think?"

She laughed again, "You said that then too. So what was it you wanted to know?"

"Oh...um...I know this might sound weird, than again it's not nearly as weird as you telling me I'm gay, but...um do I know how to ice skate?"

"Yes, you do know how to ice skate, as a matter of fact you actually took figure skating lessons."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

I took figure skating lessons? What kinda geek girl was I? Great, now I want to kick my own ass. "Oh, that's...good cause I'm taking Buffy ice-skating this afternoon. I kinda wanted to make sure I wouldn't look stupid or something."

"Ah...now I understand. So is this like the first date?"

I don't know why I felt so comfortable with her on the phone, especially when it feels like anything but comfortable in person. But it did feel really comfortable, so I kept talking to her, forgetting about trying to get away from Giles for the moment. "Yeah kinda, I guess it could be considered our first official date."

"Are you nervous?"

"Extremely...I think the butterflies in my stomach had kittens or something, kinda crazy huh?"

"No, it's just...it's normal Faith, everybody gets nervous before a first date. I bet Buffy is nervous too."

"No, she's not. She doesn't know about it yet, it's kinda like a surprise date, she's having a rough time lately so I thought it would be cool to surprise her with it. And then everybody else is gonna meet up with us around 3:30, if you wanted to...um stop by, we're...uh going to the Culver Ice Rink."

Now I'm even more nervous, not sure if I want her to say yes or no here. God, I'm so freaking retarded, of course she's gonna say no, it was stupid to even ask her. I'm sure she's got better things to do than to hang out and watch us ice skate. I'm such a freaking idiot sometimes I even surprise myself.

"Sure, I'd love to stop by."

Huh? What happened? "Ok, so...I guess I'll see you then?"

"Yes...have fun sweetheart, I'm sure you'll be fine..."

Again I say, huh? "O-Ok...bye..."

After I hung up the phone I just sat there, I'm kinda stunned she called me 'sweetheart', even more stunned she said she'd love to stop by. Great now what am I gonna do? She's gonna be bored out of her mind, sitting there all alone with nobody to talk to cause we'll all be skating, or trying to. The soft knock on the door gives me an idea; and since I'm gonna be stuck talking to him anyway, might as well use the opportunity to rope him into coming with us. It will be good; they can sit and chat about, uh, whatever British types chat about, maybe they can compare notes about tea brands or something.

I take a deep breath as he opens the door slowly and sees me sitting behind the desk, "Oh...you are still here..."

Gotta give Giles some credit there, he knew I was planning on ditching the chat session. He looks almost confused until he notices the large smile on my face and he says, "I should be worried shouldn't I?"

I continue smiling, "Very..."

He closes the door behind him and comes all the way over to the desk, setting his tea down before taking off his glasses to clean them in the trademark Giles way. "Ok?"

Guess that's my cue, "Well, ya see, I'm kinda taking Buffy out this afternoon ice skating and, everybody else is gonna join us later and I sorta invited my mom, I don't know why I did that but I did and she said she'd come but I don't want her sitting there all by herself bored out of her mind so I was wondering if you'd come too cause that way she has somebody to talk to, and..."

I finally make myself stop so I can catch my breath, where the hell did all that come from. Maybe hanging out with Buffy and Willow isn't such a good idea, cause since when do I babble? Giles looks like he'd rather face a horde of horny demons than come with us. Horny as in they have horns not the other one, or actually I'm sure he wouldn't want to face a horde of either one now that I think about.

Giles isn't saying anything, just vigorously cleaning his glasses, I'm a little worried he'll say no, so I ask as sweetly as I possibly can, "Please Giles?"

"Oh all right, I'll be there this afternoon, but only if you agree to sit and talk with me now..."

I was about to agree, but he held up his hand to stop me and added, "However, no topic is off limits..."

I wonder about all the topics I would consider off limits, there are quite a few of them, but I'm thinking this off limits stuff is most likely about Buffy. It might be a good thing to get it all out in the open, get that conversation over with. I can also work the no off limits clause to my advantage as well.

"OK, deal cause I want to talk to you about stuff too and the no off limits stuff might come in handy."

"Good...I...uh...what?"

I just give him a take it or leave it look and he sighs, "Fine...fine..."

I take a moment to think about how to word this without coming off like well...me. "You're gonna come with us right? This new organization for the newbies, you're gonna be a part of it right?"

"I...uh...well, I haven't really given it a lot of thought."

Yeah, sure he hasn't, I know he's got some sort of idea what he's gonna do, he's not one to live all spur of the moment is he? I give him a look that clearly says 'I don't believe this bullshit.'

"All right, yes, I have given it some thought, I'm probably not going to be involved."

"So you're just gonna go running back to England?"

He sighs again, "Faith...I'm not running anywhere. I-I've got a life in England and I would like to get back to it, and..."

"Oh please Giles, I'm not buying it. What did you do in England? Sit around reading books, drinking tea, feeling lonely?"

He doesn't make eye contact and sighs and I know I was right, he had no life back in England, he missed them just as much as they missed him. Man these people really do need me, they need me to cut through all the bullshit and find the happy. There will be no moping while I'm around.

"You should be where you're needed, and you're needed right there with them. Don't you get it Giles, you are the only positive father figure those four have ever had, they look up to you, they need you. Buffy needs you..."

"Buffy doesn't need me..."

"Yes, she does Giles. Don't buy into all the bullshit she was spewing back in Sunnydale, she wants you to stick around. She'd never ask you to stay, but believe me she wants you to. Like it or not Giles, you're like a father to her, much better than her own who couldn't even be bothered to come to her funeral."

He looks shocked, "She...how do you know about that?"

"I know because she told me, she's known for a long time..."

"How? Who would have..."

"I'll give you one guess..."

He says the name with disdain, "Spike...of course. I should have known he wouldn't keep quiet about it. If he wasn't..."

"Yeah, well, if he wasn't dead already, I'd be looking to stake his sorry ass too...if ya know one of the others hadn't already."

He laughed slightly, I'm not sure if he knows how much truth was in my last statement. Some of the girls really did have plans to stake him after everything was over. Ok, most of them probably wouldn't have done it, but there was one in particular who I believe would have, and that girl just might share her name with a famous family from Massachusetts. But I ain't one to gossip so you didn't hear that from me.

"And you know, Willow might be impressive with the magics and the books and stuff, but she's not you. She doesn't have the experience nor the training that you do, so get over yourself and just come with us."

"Faith it's not that easy..."

"Yes, it is, you just get on the same plane we do, you find a place to live around where we do and you show up everyday and be the young, cute ex-librarian we all know and love."

He blushed and smiled, I knew that would get him. He's still a sucker for the young and cute line.

"Ok...I'll come with everyone for a little while, help get things up and running, but I'm not promising I'm going to stay."

"That's good enough for now."

He turned a little more serious, "You...really care about her?"

I nod and add, "I more than care about her. You know...I...It won't be like before, I won't..."

"I know you won't Faith. But I am curious to know why you stayed in prison after you found out the man you were convicted of murdering was alive and well?"

Damn, my turn on the hot seat. "I...I stayed for a couple of reasons, I needed to get over the things that happened to me. I just...I couldn't handle slaying anymore. And there was no way I could afford all the help I needed, and I needed to be where I couldn't go out slaying. Angel said that I could stay with him, but if I was with him, I woulda helped him and that wouldn't have helped me. It just...it was the best option available to me at that time and after I was inside it was just easier to stay there. So I tried to get everything out of it that I could and basically for the last few months I've just been hiding in there. Angel had been bugging me to admit that I was done, I was ready to move on but I still wasn't convinced until Wesley told me Angelus was back and I knew ready or not I had to help him."

He smiled warmly at me, "That's pretty much what Angel told me, but I wanted to hear it from you. You have a lot to be proud of Faith, and I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that. I know you may not want to hear it right now, but I am truly sorry I wasn't a better Watcher to you. If it hadn't been for that spell I'd like to think I would have done a better job. And if I had known any of the things the Council was doing to you I would have done my utmost to put a stop to it."

There are a lot of things I thought about saying to him, but I settled on just saying, "Thanks...

He nodded in acknowledgement but changed the subject. "I also wanted to let you know that between Willow, Fred and I, we have managed to design a spell that will unlock your memories. It's fairly innocuous; there might be some mild dizziness, but that's it. So now it's up to you, when do you want to do it?"

I can feel the panic starting already; I'm not ready for this. I know my mother seems like a nice person, but I don't know. I mean I know it's something that I should really want, but actually doing it? And the whole magic thing kinda freaks me a little, not the actual magic, just the part that gets all fucked up and comes out wrong. What if it doesn't work, what if I don't remember anything? Then again, what if I do, and it's bad? And what do I do when memories I think are made up turn out to be real? I hate hearing the panic in my voice as I answer him; "I don't want to do it, I-I'm just not ready..."

He didn't seem surprised; he didn't even argue about it, which kinda surprised me. He just asked, "When do you think you'll be ready?"

"I don't...I don't know Giles, next week? Next year? Maybe never? I don't..."

"It's ok, Faith. Nobody is going to force you to do something you don't want to do. When you're ready, just let me know."

I really want to get away; I feel so very trapped right now. God I wish Angel was here doing this and not Giles; cause Angel understands me, he gets me. He always knows exactly what to say to me, he could make this seem like no big deal.

I'm hoping Giles is all talked out, "Is that it?"

"Um...no, not quite, I also wanted to talk to you about Anna Travers..."

And the hits just keep on coming. "It's ancient history..."

"Nothing off limits..."

I just sigh cause I knew he was gonna say that, and then he says, "I just...I knew her..."

Oh shit, here we go. "I'm sorry Giles..."

"Don't be...she was a real...bitch."

I never heard Giles talk about somebody like that, but I thought he was testing me, so I didn't take the bait. "Yeah, she had her moments..."

"Quentin never should have sent her to anyone, she failed the entrance examination into the Watcher's program several times. I didn't know she was your watcher until last night, they never told me her name, now I understand why. Do you still blame yourself for her death?"

Swing and a miss for the watcher...guess I should just explain this and get it over with, "I don't blame myself for her death, I never did."

Now Giles looks confused. I guess he thought he had me all figured out, he's not the first person to get it twisted. Everybody always assumes I loved my watcher, they assumed I would blame myself for what happened to her, like she was something I didn't want to lose. But she was really nasty and mean, and those were her most likeable personality traits.

"I hated her Giles. I wanna her gone in the worst possible way, of course that doesn't mean I wouldn't have saved her if I could have, and it didn't mean I wanted her to suffer like she did, but I didn't mourn that loss. I think that's what upset me the most about it was that she died, I watched it all and a part of me didn't care. I wanted to, I thought I should have cared but I just couldn't get past the things she said and did to me."

He prompts me quietly, "What did she do to you?"

"Are we really going to do this now, after all this time? Look Giles, I don't need to talk about her; all my issues with her are long since over. It's a dead issue...literally."

I looked up at Giles and he didn't seem to be buying it, I could tell he was three seconds away from reminding me again how I agreed to a 'nothing off limits' discussion with him, so I kept talking. "I wanted to finish high school, I wasn't aware I had already graduated, but I asked her if I could go back. I thought I only had like 5 credits left to get, but she just laughed at me. Told me I wasn't going to live long enough for a high school diploma to make a difference. She followed that up by telling me I probably wasn't smart enough to finish anyway. And for the finale she told me it was strictly prohibited for a slayer to attend school anyway. Imagine my surprise when I got to Sunnydale and saw Buffy still attending school, kinda pissed me off."

"I can imagine how difficult that must have been..."

"Yeah, thanks..."

I let out a long sigh, I know I could just get up and walk out, he wouldn't stop me, he'd let me leave. I even know he'd still show up this afternoon. But I did agree to this so I'll stay and answer his questions. I understand he's not doing this for his benefit, he's doing it for mine. I'm mostly over this stuff, but going through it is just...really painful; I know now that I had no control over the situation. There was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened to Michael. I sorta lied to Buffy, telling her I never had any friends or buddies, I did have one, I had Mikey, of course in the end, he wound up hating me, wishing he had never met me. I'm thinking that negates the whole being friends thing, which means I didn't really lie all that much.

I had met him in St. Louis, every night I'd blow off an hour or two of patrolling time to hang out at this club, The Complex. Yeah, some things are the same no matter where you go, but I wanted to be around kids my own age. I just wanted to fit in somewhere, I always feel like such an outsider to everything, I was never like other kids. Nobody ever taught me to ride a bike, or to play board games, or read to me, or well you get the idea. I'd go and hang out and while I hardly talked to any of them, for a little while I could pretend that I knew them all, that I was just like them.

Then came Mikeyboy, he was totally gay, but a really good dancer, after a few nights of dancing together we kinda started talking, starting hanging out. He felt like an outsider too, although he told me it didn't bother him one bit, he liked being different. We hung out for weeks at the club, he eventually followed me, he got tired of my whole 'I'm mysterious, don't ask a lot of questions' bit and wound up needing to be saved from some vamps. After that he wanted to come patrolling with me. I didn't really see the harm, he told me he was gonna be following me anyhow so I figured I might as well enjoy his company ya know. Also if he was with me I could keep an eye on him, make sure the vamps didn't get to him. He was just 14, but he seemed a lot older sometimes. Guess he got that from being on the run from his family, he had to learn to take care of himself. He told me the reason he left was because his stepfather pulled a gun on him and pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed and he was able to get away.

Unfortunately, Anna somehow found out about us hanging out, and since friends are strictly prohibited for slayers who aren't named Buffy Summers, the bitch called the cops who immediately picked him up and called his family. By the time I found out he was already in custody, but they let me talk to him for a few minutes and I really wish they hadn't because he was pissed at me. He blamed me for getting caught, apparently they told him I ratted on him. He told me his stepfather was going to kill him and it would be my fault. And he wasn't kidding either because Michael never made it out of St. Louis alive. His step-dad came to pick him up and when they got outside he fucking shot him. Anna was only too happy to let me know about it, after that I stopped giving a shit because it hurt too much. It wasn't like I stopped caring all at once, everything that happened cause me to lose another part of myself, until one day I looked in the mirror and I had no idea who I was anymore.

I was lost in my own thoughts, I almost missed it when Giles prompted me, "Faith?"

I wiped away the tears quickly, not really caring if he saw them or not, "Sorry...I was just...thinking about this kid I used to know..."

"He didn't exist Faith."

"Huh?"

"Your friend, Michael, he didn't exist. He's just a memory they gave you."

Suddenly I understand the reason for this whole conversation, Giles didn't give up on the spell, he just wanted me to realize on my own why I should want to do it. I can't believe I let Giles play me like that, I can't believe I've spent the last five years remembering shit that didn't happen. What a fucking joke...I got therapy for shit that never happened. Boy I'm really glad I didn't actually pay for it because then I'd be pissed.

I might not be all that enthusiastic about the family issues, but I can't keep wondering which memory is real and which isn't. I have to put my reservations about it aside and just do it, after all fortune favors the brave.

I take a deep breath and tell him exactly what he wants to hear. "How soon will the spell be ready?"

"We'll probably have it all ready to go sometime this afternoon."

"Fine. We can do it tomorrow."

I got up and walked out of the office, whether we were done talking or not, I had enough for now. I wanted some time to deal with all that shit, I really wanted to talk to Angel but he was with Buffy and she needed him more than I did. In the lobby both Dawn and Willow were waiting for me. I was going to tell them to go without me, but Dawn looked so excited to be going to the mall with me, I just couldn't do it, I didn't wanna break my promise to her. She's had enough disappointment in her short life I couldn't bear to add to it. So I pushed all that crap to the back of my mind, put on a happy face and went shopping.

In search of ice skates for Buffy cause apparently she wants a special kind of ice skate. Yeah, of course the princess needs some sort of special skates. I swear one of these days I'm gonna put a pea under the mattress just to check and see if she can feel it. I'd bet the trust fund, she'd at least be uncomfortable.

I'm not really upset with Buffy, and I shouldn't take it out on her, she didn't do anything wrong, it's just because I really wanted to talk to Angel. But come on, she really does act like a princess sometimes, doesn't she?

After the whole mall thing, Willow and Dawn took off for the Starbucks down the street, mumbling something about Iced Caramel Macchiatos, whatever the fuck that is, I'm guessing it's something loaded with sugar and coffee so I jumped all over that. Unfortunately, I had to play the mommy and dole out some more cash to buy Macchiatos for the kid, Willow, me and surprise surprise the princess.

As I walked inside the hotel still grumbling about her being a princess, I saw Buffy walking down the stairs. She must have just finished taking a shower cause she looked all clean and shiny with her hair up in a ponytail. I took one look at her and stopped in my tracks because she looked very much like every princess in every fairy tale I ever heard about or read. When she noticed me standing at the bottom of the stairs she gave me this really huge smile, it's kinda weird to realize that smile is just for me. She's happy to see me, damn I feel like I've waited forever for her to look at me that way.

But I'm way too cool to tell her everything going through my mind whenever I look at her. "Hey baby..."

She stopped a few mere inches away from me, still smiling, "I think you owe me something?"

I almost forgot I had to promise her lots of hugs in return for her talking to Angel. Did I mention she's a really bad negotiator? I gave her a hug and a long, lingering kiss, then promptly said, "Mmm...I really love the smell of Pantene."

Her eyes widened in fake surprise, "What a coincidence, so do I. And it's been like forever since I've been able to use it. Do you have any idea how much a house full of teenagers costs to feed? I was never so relived when the owner's of the grocery store left town and the grocery store became free. Of course by the time I got there all the Pantene was gone as well as most of the other good stuff. And you know I think the Bringer's stole all the Häagen-Dazs and that's just plain evil."

I just smile at her; I could listen to her talk about nothing all fucking day. Anybody else I'd be like, I gotta go, but her, she's so freaking cute sometimes. I'm glad she's feeling better now, she's not as disjointed as she has been since finding out about being in Hell.

She realizes she was in full on babble mode, stops, looks a little embarrassed, "So, uh, anyway, where were you coming from?"

"I can't tell you. That information is classified, top secret. As are the plans I have for us this afternoon."

She smiles really big again as she asks, "Plans? There's plans?"

I just nod in confirmation and she says, "Would that plan include some kind of caramel macchiato?"

"No...and what is the obsession with this macchiato thing anyway? What the fuck is it?"

"The Carmel Macchiato is only the best thing like ever. It's espresso shots and caramel in a bath of cool comforting milk which all fuse together to create a cup of absolute deliciousness."

"What do you work for Starbucks now?"

"No, I just go there..." I give her a look, and she admits, "um...a lot. You never had one?"

"Oh, of course I did, didn't I tell you about Macchiato Thursdays at the prison?"

She looks at me with confusion, "They have macchiato's in prison?"

I sigh, shake my head and say, "You're a real blonde aren't you?"

She gives me a scowl, "Hey!!! You know what, keep it up and you ain't getting any..."

Have I mentioned how much I like this girl? Trying to cut me off before I've even gotten any, isn't she just the cutest. "I ain't getting any now."

"Well that's not my fault sleepyhead."

I figured that was my cue, cause I ain't sleepy now so I started pushing her back up the stairs, making sure to kiss her with every step we take up the stairway. Then the Macchiato's arrived, I almost ended up in a heap on the stairs as she ducked out of my arms and took off down the stairs. Damn...tossed over for iced espresso shots, I don't know if my ego can handle that.

I came back down the stairs and she came bouncing back over to me, yes, she was literally bouncing, telling me to drink up.

I took a sip and could feel the rush of the caffeine and sugar hit my system, "Holy shit! This is gonna keep me awake for like a week."

Buffy gave me a wicked grin as her eyes traveled up and down my body, "That's what I'm hoping..."

I was momentarily stunned, she doesn't usually make comments like that, that's usually my job, and where'd she learn to look like that. I think I now know how gazelle's feel right before the hungry lions pounce them on. I'm really not used to feeling like the prey, usually I'm the predator, but the thought doesn't freak me like it would if that look would have come from anybody else. I don't have time to make any additional comments cause she just kept right on going, "So, what are the plans? Where are we going? When do we leave? Can we go now? Tell me, tell me, tell me..."

She's all giddy and shit and I don't think it's possible for me not to love this girl. I took her by the hand and starting walking us toward the door. We both yelled our good-byes as we stepped outside.

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