After Faith kissed me, and copped a feel with a grin, I watched her as she gathered up her clothes and then went over to the drawer. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled at me before disappearing into the bathroom.
That was nearly ten minutes ago, and I'm starting to worry about her, but just a little.
Its not like I wasn't expecting this sooner or later. I mean, my whole plan for tonight was to lose my virginity, and I've already lost it in the technical sense of the word. This is just taking it to that next step.
I'm not scared. No really, I'm not.
Okay, maybe I am...a little.
I know that Faith would never hurt me, and I trust her with all my heart. I know I may not be very experienced when it comes to sex, but any moron knows that its not exactly easy to shove a huge...ahh...you know what I mean.
Its not that I don't want to...its just that I KNOW its not exactly gonna be the best feeling in the world.
At least...not right away.
After my very long and very detailed discussion with Willow about the finer joys of Lesbian sex...she decided to clue me in on the finer joys of the Lesbian sex...accessories.
And let me tell ya...she didn't hold anything back.
So you see, its not that the act itself scares me. In fact, I almost feel like a kid on Christmas. I can't wait to see what Faith got me...but I'm scared outta my mind that its not gonna be...my size.
I don't think I could stand to see the look in her eyes if I had to tell her no. She's been waiting for this night since...well since forever, and to be honest, so have I. Just the thought of feeling Faith that deep inside of me makes my heart flutter and my pulse race.
I mean, I know that its technically not really her, but it is. You know?
I doesn't matter to me that it won't be an actual real part of her in the physical sense, but there is no doubt in my heart that it will be all her behind it.
It will be her above me...her hands touching my skin. Her fingers gripping onto my thighs...my hips. It will be her mouth on my neck...on my breast. It will be her body pressed against every inch of mine...her sweat...her saliva mingling with mine. It will be her lips against mine...her legs tangled with mine. It will be her groin thrusting into mine...her cock buried inside of my pussy.
I don't care if its flesh or silicone...its hers...and that's all that matters to me.
Wow. Wasn't expecting that, but I do tend to get a little defensive when it comes to my girl.
Which brings me back to the current problem.
What the hell is taking Faith so long?
Faith's POV
I can't do this.
There is no fucking way in hell I can walk out there like...this.
I look down at myself and see the enormous thing sticking out between my legs and it suddenly makes me feel like the world's biggest freak.
It sure as fuck didn't look this big in the shop. I can just see the look on B's face right now if I was to walk out there like this. She'd laugh at me and tell me to take it and shove it up my ass...cause there ain't no way in hell its goin up hers.
Hmm...I wonder if she'd let me?
Fuck. What am I thinking? She ain't gonna let me near her with this thing on, much less...
"Faith? You okay in there?"
Her light knock the on door makes me jump and it causes the cock to bounce slightly. I can feel the reciprocating jar inside myself from the vaginal plug and it makes me groan in the back of my throat.
Fuck. This thing just has to be ultra sensitive too. Shit. I'm just destined to be screwed six ways from Sunday...ain't I?
"Ahh...ye...yeah B. I'm good." Fuck. Is that really my voice?
"Okay baby. I was just making sure. You've been in there a while. I was just worried, but you can...you can take your time. I'll just wait back on the...the bed."
I wait and listen for the sound of her footsteps as she disappears from the door and back into the room.
I turn back to face the mirror and let out a deep sigh. I run my hand through my hair and then pull up my leathers. I watch myself in the mirror as I fasten up the belt. I mean, I don't want to walk out there with the thing in my hand and say "Fuck it, bitch." I'm more than sure Buffy wouldn't be too pleased, and I probably wouldn't be fucking anything for a real long time.
So, I think I better take this one a little slowly.
I put my hand on the doorknob and I slowly pull it open.
When I look up, the sight across the room takes my breath away. Buffy laying in the middle of my bed, her golden hair splayed across the sheets, the dark black contrasting against the perfect hue of her skin...and she's naked, from head to toe.
I don't think I can breathe.
"Ah...you ah...you lose something?" I ask as I slowly make my way over.
Buffy looks around the room with an innocent look and a coy smile.
"Hmm...it appears that I have."
She looks me dead in the eyes and her smile turns to a sexy leer.
"It musta been the clothes demon. Tricky little thing."
She's leaning back on her elbows with her legs crossed, hiding her most intimate spot from my gaze, but that's the only spot. I can see every other luscious inch of her and if I didn't know better, I could swear I just felt my cock throb.
I finally make my way over to the bed and then I stop...frozen. I stand here and look down at her body, all words and any thought void from my head.
She smiles up at me and then pulls herself into a sitting position, which conveniently brings her right at eye level with my groin. I see her eyes flash to the front of my pants and then quickly back up to my eyes. She raises an eyebrow and then smirks.
"Well...let's see it."
Okay. That's it.
"Who are you and what have you done with my shy, virginy and not at all sexually adventurous fianceé?"
The look on her face quickly changes from seductive to annoyed. She folds her arms under her breasts...which really does NOT help my situation at the moment...and then raises both her eyebrows.
"Not at all...sexually adventurous? Well, please...tell me how you feel."
Uh-fuckin-oh. There goes that damn mouth of mine again.
I smile at her with my best grin and run my fingers through her hair.
"You know that's not what I meant. I meant...my very beautiful...very sexy...very lusty...very, very gorgeous and forgiving fianceé."
The look on her face tells me she ain't buying it. Oh well, time for plan B.
I quickly lean forward and capture her lips in a heated kiss. She lets out a surprised gasp into my mouth as she falls back onto the bed. I land on top of her and my hands instantly go to work on every piece of flesh I can find. If my mouth can't get me out of this one, maybe my hands will.
I grab onto her breasts with both hands and massage them roughly. I kiss my way down her neck and over to her right nipple. I pull it into my mouth and suck with all my strength. I can feel her buck her hips beneath me and I smile around her nipple.
She's letting out some serious moans and groans as I lavish her breasts with my lips, my tongue, and my teeth. When I feel that they can't take anymore, I kiss my way back up to her ear and nibble on it before whispering low...
"Forgive me?"
B bucks her hips into me again and lets out a strangled moan.
"Yes...oh God...yes."
I kiss her ear and squeeze her breasts again.
"Good," I whisper before nipping at the sensitive skin on her neck.
I place my mouth on hers and leave my left hand on her breast as I slowly trail the other one down between her legs. I instantly come into contact with her wetness and it makes me groan and the cock twitches again. I swear, I think this thing has a mind of its own.
I dip my finger inside of her and I feel her hard clit against my palm. I rub it softly and she moans into my mouth again. When I start to slowly ease my finger inside of her, she clamps her thighs around my hips and start to rub herself against me...and that's when she feels it.
She suddenly pulls back from the kiss and she looks up at me with wild eyes.
"Faith...baby..."
I look back down at her and I wish I could see inside her head. I wish I could know what she's thinking right now.
She smiles the sweetest smile I've ever seen and then she kisses me softly.
I feel her hands snake up and around my hips, her hands barely touching me. I jump suddenly when she grabs my asses and squeezes. I pull back from the kiss and she has that seductive smile on her face once again.
She leans up and pulls my bottom lip into her mouth, sucking on it slightly. She releases it and trails her tongue across my jaw, over my cheek and back to my ear. She bites it gently and then whispers softly...
"Stand up."
OH. MY. GOD.
She's not gonna...is she?
I don't think I could last if she is. I feel like I'm already about to pop, and she's barely touched me. It's fuckin sad really.
"Faith...I said...stand up."
Buffy's pushing at my hips and it breaks me out of my daze. I nod at her mutely and then stand up next to the foot of the bed. She sits up after me and keeps her hands on my hips. I rest mine on her forearms and look down into her deep green eyes staring back up at me.
"I love you Faith."
And then she smiles softly.
I choke back the lump in my throat.
"I love you too, Buffy."
She leans forward slowly and kisses my stomach through the think fabric of my tank. The touch is so light and teasing, it makes me eyes close and my breathing increase. I'm so lost in the feel that I don't notice when Buffy pushes me back and gets on her knees before me. It isn't until I hear the sound of my buckle sliding through the loop and my zipper being pulled down that I snap out of it and look down at the Angel on her knees.
My Angel.
"Buffy..."
It's just a whisper, but it conveys everything I'm feeling.
She places her hands on the hem of my tank and pushes it up my abdomen. I take it as a sign that she wants me to take it off...so I do. She moans against my skin when her hands come into contact with my bare flesh.
She continues to kiss my stomach, across my abs and around my navel. She licks my skin and my muscles retract. She pulls away from me and she's breathing heavy.
"God baby...I love how hard you are."
The pun's not lost on me...or my cock apparently. It's almost like I can feel it coming to life, throbbing with anticipation.
This is fuckin' weird...but I'm so turned on that I don't care.
Buffy grabs the sides of my leathers and pulls down with all her might. I instinctively step back and let her pull them from my body. The only thing that's separating her from her prize are the black silk boxers I bought just for tonight.
She looks at them and smiles pleasantly. She runs her fingers over the cloth and I love the way it feels against the surprising sensitive skin of my thighs. I reach down and tangle my fingers through the silk locks of her hair and I pull lightly. Buffy moans and I feel a burst of her warm breath against the cock through my boxers.
Every nerve cell in my body is on fire. I feel like if she doesn't touch it soon, I'm just gonna melt.
I feel her fingers grip the top of the boxers and then the cold air against my groin. My whole body tingles and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. I feel like I'm drugged.
The sudden sound of Buffy's gasp causes me to break out of my stupor to look down at her. She's looking at my cock with wide eyes, her lips slightly parted. She must feel my eyes on her because she slowly pulls hers up to mine. She licks her lips and swallows hard.
"Faith...its...it looks so...real."
I look down at it and I notice for the first time that it really does. A helluva lot realer than it did that last time I saw it. If I was still able to process logical thought, I might be worried, but at the moment all I can think of is how bad I want it inside of her. How bad I want her around it, pulling me inside her.
"Baby...please..."
I lightly nudge my hips toward her face and she nods at me as she licks her lips again. She slowly turns her attention back to my groin and I watch her as she slowly lifts her right hand and wraps it around the cock.
"Oh...G...God."
I didn't think it would feel this...real, but it does. Almost too real.
When I feel the flick of Buffy's tongue against the tip, I feel like my knees have suddenly turned to jelly and a sharp jolt of arousal shoots through my body. When she wraps her lips around it and pulls me into her mouth, I groan out loudly.
"Fuck Buffy...suck me."
She places her hands on my hips and starts to bob her head back and forth on my cock. My breathing starts to pick up and my heart pounds in my chest. The sensations I'm suddenly feeling are phenomenal.
My eyes roll back into my head and I suddenly lose what little grasp I had left on reality. Fuck. I could get use to this.
I suddenly feel cold air against my cock and I hear the sound of Buffy pulling herself to her feet. I open my eyes to see Buffy's staring right back at me. They are the deepest green that I ever remember seeing them. She places her hand on my cheek and pulls my lips to within a breath of her own.
"Faith...I want you inside me. Make love to me Faith."
Then she kisses me. Gentle and slow at first, but when I step forward and the head of my cock rubs against her pussy, she starts to kiss me harder, moaning into my mouth and tugging on my hips.
She steps back until her knees hit the bed, then she falls back onto it, pulling me down on top of her. Our hands start to wander each other's flesh.
I pull on her nipples, and she squeezes my ass. I kiss her neck, and she sucks on my ear lobe. We both moan into the darkness of the room. Our bodies begin to perspire and our hearts start to beat in sync.
Buffy wraps her legs around my hips and pulls me hard against her.
"Baby...put it inside."
I moan into her breast and slide my hand down between us. Her legs fall away from my hips and she bucks them up in anticipation. But instead of putting myself inside her, I decide to make her nice and wet first.
I start to play with her clit, rolling it between my fingers and pinching it lightly. I dip my finger into her pussy and spread her wetness around.
I want it to just slide right in.
I break away from my kisses on her neck to watch the emotions play across her face. Her eyes are shut tightly and she's gripping onto my hips with all she's got. I watch as her head slams back against the pillow when I put two fingers inside of her. It's a little rougher than I'd normally be at this stage, but for some reason I knew she could take it.
Once I feel like she's ready, I pull my hips back and place my hand on the cock. She slowly opens her eyes and looks up at me. I wait for her permission and I get it in the form of a soft, yet passionate kiss.
I place myself at her entrance and I close my eyes as I slowly slide it into her.
We both moan out at the sensation, and then I hear her light gasp of pain. I start to pull it back out of her, but she grabs onto my hips, stopping me. She shakes her head and pulls me down for another kiss. She starts to tug on my hips and I take it as a sign that she wants me to move.
I slowly start shallow thrusts into her. Buffy's nails dig into my back and my hip, causing me to moan out again.
I pull away from the kiss and place my forehead against hers. I look down into her eyes to make sure it's not too much.
"Are you okay baby?"
She nods and a shallow gasp escapes her throat. Her breathing starts to increase and I watch as her face changes with each thrust. I see winces of pain and looks of pure ecstasy.
My thrusts into her start to pick up and I feel her squeeze the cock, pulling it deeper inside of her.
"God Buffy...baby...you feel so...so...good."
We both start to moan again, our hearts and our breathing starting to speed up. She grips onto me tightly and I hold onto her with all my strength.
The feel of her sweaty body slapping against mine...her thighs trembling around me...her lips against mine...being inside of her...her inside of me...it's too much.
I'm gonna come.
"Buffy...I'm gonna...I'm gonna come...now."
She pulls out of our kiss and shakes her head.
"Not yet baby. Please...wait for me. I'm almost...there."
I nod and kiss her again. I try to concentrate on anything...everything but coming. But I can't. The feel of her flesh against mine as I thrust into her, her deep breaths in my ear...I can't wait.
"Buffy...now."
She buries her fingers in my hair and screams out my name as her orgasm over takes her. I'm not far behind as I moan out her name and feel myself come inside her.
Over and over and over again.
I collapse on top of her and we are both breathing heavily. Our flesh sticks together and her heart beat resounds in my ears.
"What...what was that?" I hear her whisper.
I blink my eyes and try to regain my composure. I place my hands on the bed beside her head and slowly lift myself up. I stare down into her eyes and I see her soul staring out at me. I only hope she can see the same in my eyes.
I shake my head slightly as I lift my hand to wipe a sweat slicked strand of hair from her forehead.
"I don't know baby...but it was amazing."
She smiles up at me all soft and dreamy like.
"It was baby...it was."
I smile back at her and lean down and kiss her softly.
I pull away from the kiss and my smile turns to a grin.
"Now...about this ass thing..."
Buffy grins up at me and then slaps me on the ass. I let out a little growl and bury my face in her neck, kissing and lightly biting her flesh.
She squeals and giggles under me trying to squirm away. I grab her wrists and pin them down to the bed. I pull back from her neck and smirk down at her.
"Resistance is futile baby."
She raises an eyebrow and smiles sweetly. I watch as her tongue slinks out of her mouth to run over her lips.
"I guess I'll just have to find some way to distract you then."
The smile turns to a leer and she suddenly lifts her legs and wraps them around my hips, pulling me back inside her.
I let out a loud moan and I lean down to capture her lips.
Willow's POV
I slowly open my eyes and lean forward to blow out the candle. I smile as I look down at the pile of herbs spread on the blanket before me.
I get up and tuck the evidence away before slowly padding back over to the bed and climbing in with Kennedy. I settle in and push myself back into her embrace. She lets out a little moan and then kisses my ear. She places her arm around me and pulls me tightly against her.
"Where ya been?" she whispers sleepily.
I shake my head as I place my hand over hers.
"Just trying to decide what to get Buffy and Faith for their wedding."
She nuzzles my neck and then buries her face in my hair.
"Mmm...find something?"
I smile as I close my eyes and start to drift off.
"Yeah...but they won't get it for another nine months."
Buffy's POV
"You can't have them both."
I'm suddenly awakened by the sound of the raspy voice in my ear. I slowly open my eyes and turn my head to the side slightly. I see Faith's sleeping form above me and I can feel her slow and steady breathing against my neck. She's deep asleep.
That's weird.
I turn back over and snuggle down into her embrace before closing my eyes to fall back asleep.
"You can't have them both."
There it is again. Only this time it's slightly louder and much closer.
I sit up half way and Faith's arm falls away from my waist. She lets out an inaudible mumble and turns over in her sleep.
I run my hand over my face and try to clear my head. I let out a little sigh and I suddenly feel a cold chill run down my spine...and that's when I see...it.
In the far corner of the room, I can barely make out the figure of a woman wearing a black robe. She's just standing there, staring back at me through the darkness.
"You can't have them both. You must choose."
I squint my eyes in the darkness and try to make out a face, but it appears as though there isn't one, just darkness hidden behind the hood of the robe.
"What? Choose...choose who?"
The figure doesn't move, just slowly lifts her arm and a white light flashes before my eyes...
I'm suddenly standing in the middle of a graveyard, only I feel...older.
I spin around quickly at the sound of my name to see Faith fighting off two vamps and yelling at me to take cover...and to grab...Emma?
Who the hell is Emma?
That's when I hear a cry. It almost sounds like it's muffled...like it's far away, but not really. I follow the sound to a nearby crypt and slowly peek in through the door.
The breath catches in my throat and I'm suddenly overcome with a feeling of relief when I see the baby lying on the slab, crying.
Weird.
I take a step into the crypt and a vampire comes flying at me from behind the door, but before he reaches me, I hear the sound of his jaw crack and Faith steps up behind me, pushing me towards the baby.
"Get our girl...I got this bitch."
She grins with fury in her eyes as she charges forward and lifts the vamp up by his collar, throwing him across the room.
"You wanna take my little girl?"
She jumps on him, beating his head against the wall of the crypt.
"You wanna fuck with MY family?"
She lifts his bloody and broken face to hers. She grins and wipes the blood away that has splattered on her face.
"Big mistake."
I watch with fear in my gut as she lifts the vamp with one arm and pins him against the wall. She reaches around into the back of her belt and produces a large knife. She presses it to the vamp's gut and slowly starts to twist. A dark river of blood starts to flow from the wound and the smell of dead, rotting flesh suddenly flares my nostrils, almost causing me to vomit.
And its not just the smell. I've never seen Faith like this before...so cruel...so...un-Faith.
The baby's crying is getting louder, so I rush over and lift her into my arms. She nuzzles into my breasts and instantly stops crying.
Faith finally dusts the vamp and looks over at me with a smile. She tucks the knife back in her belt and walks over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
She looks down at the baby in my arms and then places a soft kiss on her head.
"Looks like someone's hungry," she says with a chuckle.
The Slayer meets my eyes and smirks.
"You gonna feed her or what?"
I'm sure the look on my face more than says it.
"Feed...? What?"
Faith motions towards the baby with a nod.
"Emma...you know those bastards didn't feed her. Looks like she took after me in that arena."
She shakes her head with a laugh and then meets my eyes.
"Well? Feed the kid already."
I don't know why, but on instinct I open my shirt and the baby instantly attaches itself to my breast. It starts to feed and makes quiet little grunts as it holds onto my breast.
Faith leans over and kisses her on her head and then kisses me on my temple. She lets out a sigh and leans her forehead against mine. She places her finger in the baby's hand and her little fingers wrap around it.
"You know...I was actually scared this time. I mean, I was scared all those other times too, but I was mostly just pissed...but for some reason, this time I actually thought we'd never get her back. These were smarter than the rest. It's never taken me three days to find 'em before. Damn. I must be getting slow."
Okay. The weirdness of the situation is not at all lost on me...but for some reason I have the dreading feeling of comfort...almost like I'm use to this or something.
I look up at Faith and she's smiling down at the baby.
"Faith?" I say in a voice I don't recognize as my own.
She brings her eyes to mine and waits.
"Who is this? Where is this...I mean...what happened?"
She looks at me like I've just said something incredibly stupid and I'm starting to get the feeling that maybe I did.
"You hit your head or something B? You know...this is Emma...our daughter. We're in a dark, dank and extremely rank smelling crypt at the moment...and this was me kicking the shit out of the dumb fucks who took our girl...again. I swear, this shit is getting old."
She lets out another sigh and keeps her gaze on the baby in my arms...which I now know to be our...daughter.
God. When the hell...HOW the hell did that happen?
Suddenly the white light starts to emerge again and the scene slowly fades away, bringing me back to my place in Faith's bed.
"That is how it will always be. If you stay with her...your child will forever be in danger."
I look over at the cloaked figure with my throat dry and my heart pounding in my ears.
"My...my child?"
I can make out the faint outline of the figure's nod.
"Yes. Yours and hers."
I look over my shoulder to see Faith sprawled out on the bed beside me.
"But...but...how?" I ask in a low whisper.
"The witch."
I turn my head back to face her as the realization hits me.
"Willow."
Again she nods.
"Yes...but it would have happened eventually. She only helped the inevitable. The Slayer must have an heir, so it is deemed...but evil will stop at nothing to destroy her."
The figure steps forward into the small strip of light shining in through the blinds on the far window, and that's when I see her scarred and mutilated face.
"Nothing."
The sight almost makes me vomit. The figure chuckles cruelly at the visible sign of my disgust.
"Yes. Take a good look. If you stay with her...this is the face of your child. A mutilated freak, an outcast...a monster."
She pulls the robe from her head and I can see where the scars run from one side of her face to the other and all down her neck.
"Do you really want that for your child? A life of pain...of feeling like a hideous monster...of one day becoming that monster. Well..."
She stares deep into my eyes, and I can see the years of pain and torment behind hers.
"Do you?"
And with a bright flash of light...she's gone.
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, throbbing behind my eyes. My breaths are deep and heavy, my throat a constricted mess.
I slowly pull the covers back and place my hand gently on my stomach.
I knew it.
That thing earlier tonight...I felt it...I felt her.
When Faith...when she came inside of me...I knew something was wrong...but it was so very good.
And now...a child? A daughter...our daughter.
I look back over my shoulder at my lover's sleeping form. I trail my eyes down her body over her left hand resting against her chest, to her right hand resting by her side. Flashbacks of the moment in our future I just witnessed come flooding back. The images of her beating the vamp to a pulp...plunging the knife in his gut and grinning cause it excites her so...
Is that really the person I want to raise my child with?
I ponder the thought for a moment...when I hear her call my name in her sleep.
"Buffy..."
Such a deep and sultry voice that makes me literally drip when I'm aroused...but yet...soft and comforting when I need to feel safe, and she does...make me feel safe. So safe, so loved...and so home. Faith is my home...my life.
Could I really hurt her like that?
Could I enforce on her the greatest pain that a parent could ever know?
Can I really take her child from her without ever giving her the chance to be the father...the mother...that I know she can be?
And what about...Emma...I kinda like that...what about her? Could I really take the other part of her and dismiss it like it doesn't exist? Because Faith is the other part of her. I didn't do this all on my own.
Could I break both their hearts without even blinking an eye?
I hang my head in my hands and try to fight back the tears.
I'm so torn.
What am I supposed to do?
How can I keep Faith from her child? A child from it's mother...father...whatever.
But...if I stay with Faith...I know it will be just the way it was in the vision. I know that evil will stop at nothing to...destroy her, to make sure the Slayer's heir never sees a day of peace in her life.
Her life would be a living Hell...literally.
Faith rolls over in her sleep and reaches out for me, but when she only meets air, she instantly jerks awake and her eyes meet mine with a hint of fear.
"Baby? What is it?"
She lightly places her hand on my stomach...if only she knew...
I place mine over hers and bring her knuckles to my lips, placing a delicate kiss on the back each. I give her my best smile and shake my head.
"Nothing baby. Let's go back to sleep."
She nods sleepily and we lay back down, me moving into her arms.
As we lie there, her holding me close, breathing in each other's scents...I feel the tears quietly slipping from my eyes. I pull her strong arms tighter around me and I inhale her scent deeply, forever burning it into my brain. I want to remember her like this...in this bed...on this night...in her arms. For I know what I must do, and even though it will break my heart, destroy our lives, and tear my world apart...it's for the best.
It has to be.
Faith's POV
I slowly open my eyes as the light of the morning shines in through the blinds, warming my face and alerting my senses to another day.
Another day with the woman I love by my side...for the rest of our lives.
The thought makes me smile and I reach over to pull her into me...only to be met with the coldness of an empty bed.
I sit up and let out a yawn as I call out to her.
"Buffy...baby? Where ya at?"
When I don't get an answer, I pull myself out of bed and sleepily walk over to the bathroom, but she's not there.
I somehow manage to stumble into some clothes and groggily make my way down stairs, but still know sign of my B.
The sweet aroma of eggs and bacon fills my senses and I smile as I race into the kitchen, expecting to see my girl cooking the best breakfast known to man, only to be met with another empty room.
The light refracts from the glass of apple juice sitting on the counter and it catches my eye. I slowly walk over and see a plate of food sitting in front of the glass...and an envelope propped up beside the glass.
I reach out and touch the eggs, finding them stone cold.
I bypass the plate, for once, and grab the envelope.
I slowly pull out the letter from inside and fall back into the nearest chair as I start to read the words in my head...
"Faith,
I know that by now, you have probably figured out that I'm not there. I'm sorry that you had to wake up like that. You don't know how much I wanted to wake up in your arms..."
I take a deep breath and keep reading...
"...but I knew that would only have made this even harder. If you can imagine that. I also know by now that you've probably figured out what this is..."
Oh God...please...no.
"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that it has to be this way. I can't tell you how badly I wish I could have just married you, lived our lives of loving...living for each other...happily ever after. I wanted that so much..."
I feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.
"...but I couldn't. I can't tell you why. I wish I could...it breaks my heart to know I can't. I love you, Faith. I love you so much...it makes my heart ache and scream with joy all at once. You were my night in shinning armor when I needed you to be...you were my protector, my lover, my friend. You were and forever will be...my heart."
You're mine too B...and I feel you breaking.
"I'm sorry Faith. I'm sorry for the pain that I know this will cause you. I'm sorry for the nights that you'll lay there...wondering what you did wrong...what you could have done...but the truth is, nothing. On both counts. Please...please believe me when I say...this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'll always love you Faith. Until my dying day...and beyond. Please don't hate me."
I watch as a tear slowly falls from my eye and lands on the paper, slightly smudging the letters.
"I'll miss you forever, and I'll cry for you every night. But please, don't wait for me...we both know it will be for nothing. Please...be happy. Love. Live. Good bye Baby. You're in my heart...always."
I trail my eyes down to the closing.
"Yours forever, Buffy"
Beside her name is a heart with a stake piercing through it. Just like the one I drew on the window when we were juniors...on the first night I told her I loved her.
Only this time...the heart is breaking in the middle where the stake is protruding out and the irony is not lost on me at all.
I lift the envelope up and the engagement ring that I gave Buffy slowly rolls out and lands in my hand.
I just sit there for the next few moments, gripping the letter in my hand and staring down at the ring in the other.
Soon, the agony and realization of the moment set in...and I lose it
I suddenly bolt up with a rage I've never felt. My fists come down on the counter, smashing it in two...the food and broken glass going everywhere.
My fists are bleeding, but I just keep pounding the broken debris...tears burning my eyes...her words burning my heart.
I eventually stop and just collapse into a fit of deep, shaking sobs. I fall back against the broken and busted counter, the pain overwhelming.
I grip the letter tightly to my heart as I sit there in my kitchen, crying and broken.
I raise my palm to my eyes and see that the ring has embedded itself in my hand. With a painful wince and howl, I pull it from my flesh and throw it across the room.
I sit there, staring at it as the light refracts from the diamond, nearly blinding my tear filled eyes.
I clutch the now blood soaked letter tightly to my chest as I try to calm down.
When I finally do...I can't move. I can only sit here and stare off into the nothingness that is now my life.
Broken...and alone.
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