Faith’s POV
Shit happens.
We all know this
Weird shit happens, we all know this too.
But in Sunnydale, weird shit happens just that little bit more.
I was patrolling the neighborhood around the Bronze one night, about a week after Buffy got her leg bit, and I ran into Willow.
I followed her down the street for a while and then snuck up and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped and turned around.
“Hey, Red.” I grin.
She sighs, relieved.
“Whatcha doing out so late?” I shove my hands in my pockets. It’s kinda nippy out tonight.
…Nippy?
“Hi, Faith.” She shrugs in a way that I’m sure she thinks seems laid-back. “You know, just hanging around, passed by the Bronze.”
“Right.” I nod. “So you’re heading home then?”
“Uh huh.”
“Cool,” I step in beside her. “I’ll walk with you.”
She seems grateful and we start up a slow pace.
“So what are you doing Friday morning?” She asks seemingly off-handed.
I knew it. Passed by the Bronze, my ass! She was looking for me. Oz is out of town, B is on some mandatory family-time with her mom and sister and Xander’s got enough family on his hands now too. Why the hell would she be at the Bronze?
“I’ll be sleeping off a huge hang-over from the night before, Freckles. You?” I play along.
“I’ll be at Buffy’s place with the rest of the gang, bar Oz and Cordelia, opening gifts. Many gifts!” She repeats.
Oh, please, bribes? Is this what it’s come to?
“Listen Red, aren’t you Jewish anyway? What does Christmas matter to you?”
“It’s not about religion.” She shakes her head. “It’s just about being together and-..”
She stops talking as she sees me roll my eyes.
“I know it’s cheesy and everything but…” She shrugs. “It’ll be fun.”
“Sorry, Red.” I shrug back. “Can’t do it. Just not my place, alright?”
And it really isn’t. I’d feel way out of place. Imagine me sitting in some weird-ass circle with Giles and B, Mrs S and everyone else… Opening gifts. Drinking cocoa. Fucked up, huh? I’d have to be drinking. … Alcohol, I mean.
“You really won’t change your mind?” She pleads.
“Doubt it.” I take out a cigarette and light up.
“Are those light cigarettes? Because when they say light, they don’t really mean light. I mean the amount of tar in them isn’t significantly reduced or anything. The amount of damage to your lungs is still trem-..”
“Red?”
She looks up.
“Yes?”
“Gimme a break? Besides, they’re not light.” I smile to let her know I just wanna enjoy my cigarette.
“Sure, yeah. Sorry. It’s just, it’s not healthy. You shouldn’t smoke.”
I chuckle as we cross the street.
“Yeah, that’s what Buffy always says.”
“Oh.” She says, suddenly quiet. “Well she’s right.”
She makes a sound as though she’s about to say something else but nothing comes out. We walk in silence for another minute or so.
“Did you find anything about that mind-reading thing?” I ask her eventually.
Remember that weird-ass training session? That wasn’t normal, boys and girls.
Willow nods and her eyebrows furrow in research-mode.
“Several things, actually. But it would really help if I had more specifics.” She admits. “Why exactly do you think she read your mind?”
“I told you, she said exactly the same thing I was thinking.” I shrug. It was just really fucking weird. She wasn’t just on my mind, it was like she was actually there. In my mind. Just kinda like a presence floating around.
“And that’s it?” She gives me a skeptic look. “What happened when you were meditating?”
I raise an eyebrow. …
“Uhh… Yeah, there was some weirdness there too.”
She nods, seeming suspiciously not surprised.
“Uh huh. What happened?”
“Just… I started thinking about weird shit.”
“Like what?”
Okay, now what would be the best way to say this?
“… Like ears, Christmas and pink.” I shrug.
She looks at me, worried.
“Hey, I said it was weird!” I attempt to defend myself.
“Well it certainly doesn’t sound very… normal.” She watches me strangely.
“No shit.” I shake my head as we near her house.
“Well, I’ll have to do some more research but I’ll let you know, okay?” She says as I walk her up to her door.
“Cool. Thanks, Red.” I nod and start back-tracking towards the street as she opens the door. “Tell your mom I said hi.” I wink and she laughs.
Her mom hates my guts. She told Red she’d be grounded if she hung out with me again. Willow surprised me though when she actually stood up to Mrs Rosenberg. I mean, I’m still not allowed in the house or anything, but go Red for not taking her mom’s shit. Well you know, not all of it anyway. I guess there has to be a balance in shit-taking.
“Will do, Faith. Bye!” She smiles and waves before disappearing inside.
I freeze in the middle of walking back towards the Bronze.
You know, Revello Drive’s not that far from here. I hesitate as I look from the direction of the Bronze to the direction of Buf-… I mean. Revello Drive. The Revello neighborhood. No specific house or anything. This is pure professional slayer thinking.
I’m suddenly aware of the fact that I’m not feeling the slayer connection.
Yeah, it’s been a while since I patrolled that neighborhood, I should probably check it out.
And with that, I turn around and walk in the direction of Revello Drive. Obviously, for purely work-related reasons.
Obviously.
Buffy’s been on my mind a lot. Again. Well although I hate to admit it, she’s usually on my mind anyway. But after Fangboy came back and… you know… I kind of pulled away. And I thought it was working, I really did. Cuz for a while there, I barely even saw her or talked to her or anything.
But now, we’ve been hanging out more again. And that annoying pull in my mind seems to have come back with a vengeance. Not even mentioning the strange pull around my chest area. Cuz that one’s a real pain in the ass. It messes up my breathing, my heartbeat, my thinking… everything.
And the fucker’s back and it sure knows how to fuck with me.
I fight the will to slap myself and instead settle for shaking my head. I fucked up bad this afternoon too.
After Cordy’s been so good to me, I’m such an asshole!
See, after that weird incident at my place last week, things were kinda strained between me and her. Not for long though cuz I went to her place the next day and… well I kinda convinced her to forget about it.
I can be very persuasive.
Maybe a little too persuasive. I shouldn’t have done it. But seriously, she jumped me! No, she really did, she admitted it! Anyway the sex was hot; wicked hot even. But afterwards… I dunno. It didn’t feel right. We’d be all over each other and then… just not know what to talk about.
Which is messed up because before we fucked, we never had that problem. And now we’d just end up fighting about something stupid.
After getting dressed again and sometimes not even getting that far, we’d fight. She’d be shrieking, I’d be shrugging, doors would be slamming and then one of us would go away. Just to meet up again some time later, rip each other’s clothes off, and start up the whole routine again.
Funny thing was though, that I never really knew what the hell we were fighting about. And I didn’t think Cordelia did either. That is, until this afternoon.
Since winter break had just started, the school was basically empty except for the few of us in the library. Red was tutoring me while Giles was doing whatever in his office.
“It’s a number.”
“… But you just said it was a pie.” I frown.
Willow shakes her head.
“No, I said it was Pi. Not a pie. Just pi. See?” She points it out in the book in front of me.
“Oh.” I lean back in my chair, disappointed. “Well then I take it back. There isn’t anything good about math.”
She giggles and turns the page.
“You’ll get the hang of it.” She assures me and continues to drone on and on about formulas and definitions.
For endless weeks and weeks, or more accurately; one hour, she makes me solve pointless problems, successfully making me want to shove a stake through my eye. And then she actually gives me a couple pages more for after she leaves.
I smile at her as she waves goodbye and walks out the doors. And then I quickly shove the pages between a random book and place it back on the shelf.
It’s a shame really, the destructive behavior of vampires. No respect, not even for homework.
Since I’m, regretfully, incapable of doing the given homework, I decide to train a little and I take out the punching bag. Definitely need one of these at my place.
Giles must be really busy with something because he doesn’t even complain about the noise as I repeatedly beat on the bag. It feels good to just punch something. Over and over and over again.
After a couple of minutes, I’m completely focused on the bag and my fists, forgetting everything around me. I grimly realize though, that a certain blonde is still somewhere in the back of my head, smiling obliviously.
Oblivious to how fucking hot she looks.
Punch.
Oblivious to how much I want her.
Punch.
Oblivious to the fucking chaos she wreaks.
Punch.
Oblivious to me.
I suddenly don’t feel like beating the shit out of the punching bag anymore and lean my forehead against it. It’s filled with sand anyway, what’s the point. My breathing is slightly labored and a thin sheen of sweat covers my skin.
No, forget about B.
Punch.
Forget about Buffy.
Punch. Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch.
“Feeling frustrated, Faith?”
I stop my actions as I hear Cordelia. I steady the punching bag in front of me and steady my breathing.
My breathing abruptly stops as I hear the sound of Cordelia’s stiletto’s coming closer. She lets a finger travel lightly across my neck as she walks up from behind me.
“Because you wouldn’t be alone.” She says quietly. Sexily.
I finally pull my gaze from the punching bag and look at her.
Big mistake.
She’s wearing the sexiest black mini-skirt, showing off her great legs. She looks at me from hooded eyelashes, making her intentions absolutely clear to me as she licks her lips and wraps her arms around my waist.
“I thought you were mad at me.” I say, and it comes out husky without my intention.
Damn. And I swallow hard. She’s fucking hot.
She hungrily looks from my neck to my jaw and then lips before looking me in the eye.
“Well I’ve decided to forgive you.” She flashes me a little grin and then kisses my lower lip.
I quirk an eyebrow. Forgive me? For what? I don’t even know what I did.
She smiles again as she sees the expression on my face.
“It doesn’t matter.” She says and kisses my neck.
Her perfume is intoxicatingly sweet and her neck is begging to be kissed so I oblige. She moans approvingly and pushes her body even closer against mine.
“Up there.” She gasps as I slide my thigh between her legs.
Uh… Ok!
You don’t have to tell me twice and I quickly grab her hand, checking that Giles is in his office as we rush up the stairs.
She takes control as we reach the tall bookshelves and she leads me all the way to the back, coyly leaning against the wall as she draws me nearer.
We grope and tongue each other for a couple of minutes but it’s getting harder and harder not to rip off her clothes. Which would be a very bad idea, considering this is Cordelia.
She moans deliciously and suddenly her hands are working on the buttons of my pants. She seems to have trouble though because her hands are shaking. She kisses and sucks on my neck as she pops open the last button.
“You make me so fucking hot, Faith.” She breathes out.
I grin and lower my hands to her butt. But then I freeze. A surge of energy and warmth suddenly wraps itself around me I involuntarily take a deep breath, the intensity of the feeling going straight to my core. Bright green eyes flash in my mind.
Cordelia notices my sudden change of demeanor and she pulls back slightly, her eyes searching for something in mine. Her eyes then widen and she breaks all contact, pushing me back.
I open my mouth, about to protest or ask what the problem is but her eyes are brimming with tears and I don’t make a sound.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” She says, accusingly but with a hint of sad resignation I hadn’t heard before.
I spread my arms a little, just as my heart starts beating faster and faster. My chest tightens in excited expectation as I feel her coming closer and closer. I shake my head at Cordelia.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I clench my jaws and attempt to stop my body from acting out without my permission.
The flash of hurt in her eyes is painfully clear but is quickly replaced by furious frustration.
“I’m so stupid…” She shakes her head bitterly before arranging her skirt and then briskly walking away.
I grimace as I realize I’ve messed up again. I button my pants in a flash and follow her.
“Cordy… What’re you-…I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I attempt to make her calm down as she rushes down the stairs.
“Good god, Faith! Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about!” She shouts, her voice breaking a little.
I’m about to follow her down when I see what my body was screaming at me for. Buffy is standing next to Xander by the library doors, looking stunned. I see Giles rush out of his office from the corner of my eye.
Great.
“Cordy-..” I try again but Cordy interrupts.
“You’d have to be blind and stupid not to see it for christ’s sake!” She yells and I clench my jaw even tighter.
Fuck, this is not good. If I had to make a list of people I don’t want to see or hear this; Xander, Giles and Buffy would be all the way up there.
“Cordy, would you calm down? Jeez, I mean…” I look to Giles and attempt to lighten the mood. “You’ll give the guy a heart-attack.” I smile weakly.
I think lightening the mood was the last thing Cordelia wanted me to do though because she just turns her back at me and looks at Buffy.
“Well…I knew it.” She sighs. She then looks at Xander. “Xander,…” She begins but stops.
Xander seems to understand though and gives her a small smile.
“Hey, I know; still friends, right?”
Cordelia sighs in relief and then looks at Buffy one more time before walking away.
Both Buffy and Xander look worried as she passes them by and walks out the doors.
Fuck, I’m such an asshole! How the hell am I ever supposed to make this right? I feel my shoulders slump and look up to find Buffy looking back at me. I turn away, her bright green eyes having much more effect on me than I’m comfortable with.
I wanna go after Cordy but I’m the last person she wants to see.
The sound of the double doors swinging quickly open and shut makes me turn around and I catch a flash of Buffy rushing out.
I massage my neck and grimace, not really knowing what the hell to think or do or say right now. Xander looks at me and shares my pained expression. At least he doesn’t seem pissed.
Giles looks from me to Xander, to the doors and back to me again.
“I don’t suppose I want to know?” He says, eyebrow raised.
Pretty fucked, huh?
And I haven’t seen Cordy since. She’s supposed to leave for Spain tomorrow, I feel like such a shit.
I kick a small rock away and sigh as I feel the by now familiar tingling and recognize Revello Drive in front of me.
It’s not like I don’t know what the problem is.
It’s Buffy. Or to be more precise, my thing for Buffy. My ‘feelings’ towards her if you will. Walking even nearer towards her house, I stop and close my eyes as I let the warmth envelop me again. It’s probably messed up of me to be doing this right now, after what happened, but I can’t help it.
Sometimes I get the feeling I might need Buffy.
I open my eyes again. Fuck that.
And I turn around, determined to get the fuck out of here. This is just too screwed up.
I hesitate though as I hear the rustling of leaves and I turn back.
What the…?
I see Buffy in her cow pajama’s hopping down the tree outside her window. She looks at me as she stands back up, smiling sheepishly.
I quirk my eyebrows and I can’t help smirk back. She’s just too cute.
My heart-rate speeds up and my senses intensify as we walk up to each other. Her hair is a bit messy and she looks even tinier than usual in her oversized pj’s.
“Hi.” She smiles shyly as she reaches me.
I smile back, very much amused with her unusually scruffy appearance. I notice a leaf in her hair and I reach out to remove it. Her big eyes shine brightly in the moonlight as she watches my arm reach over her head and pick out the stray leaf, letting it twirl down on the sidewalk.
“Hey.” I reply.
“What are you doing here?” She asks, her eyes large and questioning.
Damn those eyes. But I inwardly shake my head, refusing to get caught again. Instead, I quirk my head to the side and smirk.
“I could ask you the same thing, B.” I look at her bare feet and pajamas pointedly.
She looks down and for the first time notices her feet lacking of footwear.
“Oh.” She frowns. “Um. I like walking around with bare feet.” She shrugs.
Yeah, right.
But I stay silent and just give her a look.
“It’s fun.” She continues stubbornly.
“Dogs pee on the street, you know.” I tell her.
I see her cringe for a second but she quickly recovers, refusing to let up.
“It’s…nature.” She manages through nearly clenched teeth.
She can be so stubborn sometimes, even though she knows I know she’s bullshitting.
“Right.” I say in a tone that tells her I don’t believe a word she’s saying.
“I couldn’t sleep.” She shrugs. “And then I felt you in the neighborhood so I thought I’d say hi.”
“Missed me?” I smirk and she rolls her eyes.
“What are you doing here anyway?” She asks again.
Shit.
“I walked Red home.” I tell her. “Thought I’d give the neighborhood a once-over.”
Hey, that didn’t sound too bad.
She nibbles on her lower lip, probably annoyed at the plausibility of my story.
“Walked her home from where?” She asks.
“The Bronze.”
“Hah!” She points at me. “What would she be doing at the Bronze?”
I throw my head back and chuckle. I can’t believe her!
“Actually I don’t think she was doing anything at the Bronze.” I grin. “She was trying to get me to go to your Christmas thingamajig.”
She frowns, realizing I’ve got an airtight story on my hands. Or maybe because I still don’t want to go to her Christmas thing.
“Oh.” She says, deflated.
“I was hoping you’d still be up though.” I shrug.
Whoa! Where did that come from? Whether it was how cute she looked, or her sudden disappointment at my story, I suddenly felt the urge to say something.
But not something like that!
I don’t get to berate myself for too long though because at the sound of my words, her whole face suddenly lights up and she rewards me with a dazzling smile, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight.
And you know it’s impossible for me to be unaffected when she does that.
I smile back like an idiot, deliriously happy that I made her smile.
Uh-oh. That’s no good.
“Really?” She asks.
“No.” I instinctively answer, feeling more and more backed in a corner by her power over me.
And just like that, her face drops.
“I mean yeah!” I quickly exclaim, although frightened by the beauty of her smile, unwilling to see it fade away. “Of course! I mean, you know… yeah.” I finish lamely.
The corners of her lips curl up again in a cute little smile and she swats my arm.
“Good.” She says. “How was patrol?”
I shrug.
“It was alright.”
Would’ve been better with her though. But I don’t tell her that.
“Did you eat?”
I smile, cuz I know she’s thinking about the H&H’s. I briefly consider making some lewd joke but decide against it. Things have been going good between us, I don’t wanna scare her.
“Yeah, I stopped by Moody’s.” I tell her.
She makes a face.
“Eww, Faith. Moody’s is so unhygienic.”
“Meh… Slayer metabolism can beat salmonella any day.” I shrug and she frowns disapprovingly.
“I can heat up some left-over lasagna from dinner if you want.” She offers.
“Nah, that’s alright, B. Moody’s took care of the hungries for me already.”
“Right.” She says quietly.
“I better go though, cuz I’m not gonna get my itch scratched around here.” I grin.
But inside I’m groaning. Why can’t you just be gay, B?!
Her eyes narrow dangerously. Uh-oh. What’d I say?
“Whatever.” She says coldly.
Fuck, not again. I hate it when she does this. It’s all cool until something, whatever it is, happens, and then she does the squinty eye thing. And then I know I’m in trouble.
“Right.” I nod. “… Well I guess I’ll see ya then.”
She shrugs indifferently.
“Sure.”
I sigh.
Fine. Be that way.
I shrug back, making sure my face is even more indifferent than hers and her eyes narrow again. Whatever, man. Screw B and her mixed signals.
…I wish.
But whatever. So I turn around and walk away. Indifferently. Two can play that game.
“Have fun on Christmas, Buffy.” I tell her without looking back and I can practically feel her eyes boring into my back.
She hates it when I don’t react to her little mood swings. But what does she expect? That I fall on my knees and beg her to tell me why I’ve fallen out of grace and tell her I’d do anything to get her to not be pissed at me anymore?
Yeah, right.
“Oh, I will!” She calls after me.
The brat.
When I’m sure I’m out of earshot though, I can’t help but sigh.
That girl fucks me up bad.
Buffy’s POV
Argh! Argh, I say!
“Can you believe her?!” I ask Mr Gordo.
He just looks at me, wisely choosing to remain silent. I flop down on my bed and let out a big sigh as I stare at the ceiling.
Faith is like the queen of mixed signals. She says one thing, but then turns around and says something completely contradictory to her previous statement. She sends you one vibe, you blink, and she’s sending you another one. What is wrong with her? Is it some kind of medical condition I’m not aware of? Does she need some sort of treatment?
I doubt it.
She just sucks. I don’t even remember why I liked her in the first place!
I get up and walk towards my door. I need to wash my feet. Cuz, you know…Eww.
Faith sucks though. She sucks! She’s the suckiest person I’ve ever met in my life! Why did I like her anyway?
Out of habit, my eyes glance at the pictures on my wall as I open my door.
I sigh as I see the picture of Faith and me in the library.
Oh, right. That’s why.
But I mean… Why does she have to be that way, you know? I can’t believe I just jumped out my window in my pajama’s for her. I look down and blush. Oh, god. I’m wearing the one with the cows.
Ugh! I bet she’s just having a riot with that one.
‘Haha, cow PJ’s! …They’re-…you know…They’re cows.’
Fine, I’m not sure how she’d mock me but she would. She is.
I blame it on Cordy. Not Faith’s lame behavior. But my lame behavior. Her whole ‘she’s yours, you’re hers’-speech was in my head all freaking day long, it messed me up. And I mean-.. Who do you think Faith is going to right now? To ‘scratch her itch’ as she so gracefully put it.
Cordelia doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She just enjoys messing me up like this. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her. And now she’s with Faith. Doing things I don’t want even want to think about.
I sigh as I lay in my bed fifteen minutes later, staring at the ceiling. I need to be with her. I can’t keep doing this. So I need to go to her.
Not tonight though. I don’t wanna interrupt her if she’s with Cordelia. I feel my eyes tearing up just by the thought of Faith being with someone else. I have to stop sucking this much!
I grant myself a sniffle but decide to stop being such a baby and just vow to go to her place tomorrow morning and I dunno… Tell her. Whatever it is. I need to know what she feels. I need to hear her say it. What ever it is. .. That she needs to say.
My head is filled with pointless thoughts and my mind rants on and on about Faith and what I need to do in the morning as I fall asleep.
And let me just say right here: sometimes waking up sucks.
Since I forget to set my alarm, I’m already way too late by the time I get up. And I already have to go rushing to Faith’s before I even get to stop and re-evaluate if this is a good plan after all. So before I know it, I’m standing in front of Faith’s door, feeling very confused and flustered. And trying to come up with the best way to coax her into opening the door.
“I come bearing gifts.” I try.
No answer. Hmm…
“Gifts you can eat.”
Silence.
And then I hear the door unlock and it swings open slowly. Suspiciously, Faith peeks through the door and I roll my eyes, holding up the bag from the Espresso Pump.
Her eyebrows quirk up as she sees it and I smile.
I’m in.
She opens the door fully and steps back for me to enter. She can be so predictable sometimes.
I walk into the living room and frown as I see several bottles of Jack Daniels empty on the floor. I put the bag down on the coffee table and turn to look at Faith.
She looks at the three bottles. Three! And she shrugs.
“I was thirsty.”
Thirsty?!
I feel my eyes narrowing and I bite my lip to hold back from saying something too confrontational.
Instead I just go
“Oh?”
She raises an eyebrow at that.
“I brought Belgian waffles.” I gesture towards the paper bag on the coffee table.
She raises two eyebrows at that and her stomach grumbles on queue.
“Help yourself,” I shrug. “I already ate.”
She eyes me suspiciously as she walks over and sits down on her couch hesitantly.
Yeesh, like I can’t be nice!
I roll my eyes and pick up the three empty bottles before heading towards her kitchen.
I hear the rustling of the paper bag stop as she sees me cleaning up.
“Whatcha doing, B?”
“I’m cleaning.” I say matter-of-factly. “Eat.”
I actually hear her voice go ‘hungh?’ in confusion and I look up, to see her quickly hide her confused expression.
“Uh…Okay.” She mumbles and takes a bite of her waffle. I can still see she doesn’t completely trust the situation yet though.
The nerve!
I open the fridge to survey the contents and frown as I see she only has some leftover take-out.
“Don’t you eat fruit, Faith?” I turn to look at her as I close the fridge.
She’s on her third waffle already and she finishes it in two bites. She shrugs as she gulps it down, already eyeing the last waffle.
“I drink juice sometimes.” She says. “It’s good with vodka.”
She’s an alcoholic. She’s a friggin’ alcoholic!
She laughs as she sees my expression.
“I’m kidding, B, lighten up. I’m not an alcoholic.” She finally grabs the waffle.
Haha, very funny. I roll my eyes.
I continue to sort through the junk on the counter and open her cupboards, trying to organize this mess.
“So what were you and Cordelia up to last night?” I ask off-handedly.
Whoa, I’m not beating around the bush, am I?
I fight the urge to turn around and analyze her face as she tries to figure out how to answer that.
“I was… Well, drinking. To you know, quench my thirst.” She coughs. “And Cordelia was… I dunno. Packing I guess.”
I suddenly freeze but force myself to start moving again. So… They weren’t…
“You weren’t together?” I ask her.
There’s a short pause.
“No. She wasn’t with me. I’m not… with her, you know? I mean… We’re not… together. Although…”
Another pause.
“I do love her.”
I freeze again.
“She’s great.” Faith coughs.
Whoa. She loves Cordelia. And she said it too.
“But… It’s not like that with her.”
Okay, wait, give me a minute.
I turn around.
And I see her, and I wonder if turning around was a good idea after all. Because I don’t know what to say.
Faith looks at me, and she looks at me so openly. Which is very rare. And her big brown eyes just look at me and I melt but then she looks down. And she brushes her mouth briefly with the back of her hand.
“Anyway… Thanks for the waffles.” She mumbles uncomfortably.
“Any time.” I say.
Thanks for letting me in and see you, I think.
“I think I should go.” I say.
I swear, I’ll have to kiss her and hold her and god, touch her, if I don’t go right now.
She nods quickly and stands up.
For a moment, I think she’s glad I’m leaving, but something tells me there’s something else. Maybe the little blush of pink behind her ears as she avoids my eyes.
“Yeah, right. Cuz… Yeah. Busy, right?” She says as she walks towards the front door.
“Yeah…” I sigh. “Are you sure you don’t want to come for dinner? Or gifts tomorrow?” I ask as I follow her.
She looks down and smirks, opening the door slowly.
“I don’t think so, B.”
I nod. And try to squeeze by her to get into the hallway outside. But then she looks up and I freeze.
“I appreciate it though. … You know.” She gestures randomly with her hand and shrugs. “Sounds nice.”
I smile.
And kiss her.
I manage to not quite kiss her on the lips, I think I kiss her where her dimples show when she smiles. It’s brief and I quickly pull away.
God, I can’t believe I just did that.
She looks like she can’t believe it either.
“Okay, so-…” I look at her wide-eyed. “Um.”
I take her hand and shake it.
“I’ll see you.” I say and nod. And… shake her hand some more. “Around.”
She nods back.
“Bye.” I say.
And get this: I kiss her again.
No, on the lips this time. But just as brief. And pretty chaste. And probably ridiculous to Faith. Considering… Well you know.
But seriously, I thought I’d established that the first time was a mistake, and now I do it again?
Not good.
But I nod. Again. And shake her hand. Some more. Because I somehow feel that this is appropriate behavior right now.
Great.
“Bye, Faith.” I say.
And then finally let go of her hand and rush out.
Holy friggin’ god of gods and powers that be!
What the hell?
I don’t even look back as I nearly run out of her building and all the way back home.
I repeat: What. The. Hell?!
God, I hate it when something like that happens and then I run out, and then… Then I have to wait until the next time I see her until this gets resolved!
So. Not. Cool.
