I come down the stairs and the chatter that had been filling the air comes to a sudden and abrupt stop. And all eyes are on me. Its ok though. I’m showered and changed, squeaky clean with my armor gleaming. It’s a far cry from when I first walked through the door. It was like they had been counting the seconds. The door was barely open before I was slammed with a barrage of questions.
All about Faith.
I didn’t have any answers. I mean, what could I tell them? That she didn’t want me? That my love wasn’t enough for her? That I had walked home sobbing in the rain trying to put together the pieces of my shattered heart?! Yeah, that would have gone over REAL well.
I love the smell of melodrama in the morning. Seriously, I was a mess.
I had retreated to the sanctuary of my room, spent a good half hour bawling my eyes out, then, finally dragged my butt off the bed and out of that cliché high school moment. I was the Slayer I should be stronger than this. I kill things! Big ugly bad type things!
I had looked at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while. Still slightly bruised and cut, an interesting mix of greens and blues… my eyes were red and puffy. Damn I looked like hell. But I couldn’t help think, what was it that she wanted? After all this time, all that we had been through, we finally get to this place and it wasn’t ‘enough’?
Who the hell did she think she was anyway!?
I told her that I loved her… what more could she possibly want?!
Did that sound conceited? Well, so the fuck what!
I mean, SHE was the one who started all this right? She said it first! And she did SO much more than just that too!
She pulled ME into those crazy dreamscapes, showed me all her demons, and fears… let them flash before my eyes... I never noticed the how scared she was that night… not until I saw it all played back to me. Blood on her hands, tears in her eyes… I would have been fine NEVER knowing, but god, she just HAD to put it out there…. In the dream, she let me kill her, cause she thought that’s what I wanted…
But it’s NOT! I never wanted her to die, and I didn’t ASK for any of this! She didn’t have to come here! I know I told her about this big thing that’s on the loose…but, she could have said no right?!
Why would she risk it? Risk coming back to a place that holds so much pain for her where she’s HATED, just because we MIGHT have reached some kind of understanding? I mean, the Council was after her for fucks sake! Surely she realized they would look here eventually! Her arm hadn’t even gotten a chance to heal, and she runs back here?
Back to me?
And I SO didn’t ask for her to apologize for all the shit between us either! She just DID! I didn’t WANT her to bare it all the way she did on the train… It was like she put her soul in my hands. All her pain all her hope she just let me take it…she gave me everything and asked me with those deep beautiful eyes if it was enough….
She … Oh…
She said it FIRST…in a tiny whisper that let me know she hadn’t said those three words together in a very long time… like she was scared of them… and…
Oh my god it was SO much MORE than just that!
It was everything.
And it was like that realization had washed over me like a wave. All that she had done, all she had risked. It was for me! And what did I give her in return? Hollow words with no action to back it up? Ok the anger is gone and I feel like crap again… but for an entirely different reason.
God I can be so blond some times!
I can’t help but think about what she said to me in that dream… the hope in her eyes, just as they had been last night and god, this morning. Yeah I’m getting it now.
The girl is terrified. Maybe even more than I am.
She’s scared that I’m gonna let her down again… that she might mess up again It could all so easily go to hell… but it WON’T. Because they weren't hollow words. I just need a chance to make her see that.
I have to prove it to her. She’s more than proved herself to me. I can’t believe the determination that’s coursing though me. It was like back on that train… understanding. But the dilemma is less than ideal. How am I supposed to win her over in the midst of all that’s going on? I have not only a potential apocalypse here but all my family and friends to win over too?!
Talk about multi-tasking.
And then there is Riley. I can feel something inside me melt a little at the thought of him. I’m not naïve enough to believe that I love him, that what I feel for him could EVER possibly compare to what I feel for Faith. But still. He represents everything I thought I ever wanted in this life. Everything I was TAUGHT to want since I was a little girl. A princess wishes for her knight. He gallantly slays her dragons and they live happily ever after.
It’s supposed to be easy…And Riley fits so easily in that spot. With his ‘all American boy’ looks and attitude, he wants to be my prince.
And it does feel like a fairy tale when I’m with him… sometimes.
People see us holding hands as we walk across campus and they smile… my friends make those ‘awww’s when we kiss…we DO make an attractive couple after all.
A beautiful stereotype.
And I revel in those moments… Being seen as NORMAL for just a moment. I can forget then that I’m not… that I come home every night covered in dust and blood, thankful just to be breathing still.
And sometimes it actually does feel good to be wrapped in those large arms. And I don’t ALWAYS feel smothered when he towers over me. Sometimes I feel protected. But then I think about how I can snap him and the white horse he rode in on into pieces without even breaking a sweat.
I slay more than just dragons.
I’m not supposed to want another princess… God Faith would knock me half way around the world if I ever called her something so girly. This is gonna hurt Riley so bad. When we’re alone, he talks so much about the future… and I’m always a part of it. I’ve never thought further ahead than what it takes to kill the thing I’m hunting. Never about tomorrow, cause tomorrow I could be dead. But his tomorrows are filled with suburban houses and PTA meetings…. And those aren’t bad dreams… but they aren’t MY dreams. He deserves someone who can make them come true.
Lately I’ve been dreaming of her.
So I know what I have to do now. It’s not gonna be easy, I’m actually a little terrified, but thinking about all she’s done all she wants us to be, I know its gonna be worth it. SHE is worth it.
And now, my foot hits the bottom stair and the whole gang is looking at me. It’s ok though. I look around and see everyone but Riley. It’s probably for the best that he isn’t here… one step at a time and all.
“Not that I was expecting applause or anything guys… but a good morning maybe?” I think I’m gonna try to keep this light as long as possible…
“Ok… morning Buff” Xander starts cautiously, only to be interrupted.
“Yes, good morning. Now, what the hell is going on with that other Slayer?” Anya… well, you gotta love her directness.
“Umm honey, sweetie, we talked about that whole ‘tact’ thing, remember.”
“No Xander, I’d like to know what’s up too… I mean you ran after her last night and everything Buffy… and you DID kick Faith’s ass right? Or well at least give her a good hard questioning? Send her back on her way to wherever her way is? Like jail?”
Despite the babble there is nothing funny about Will’s expression… I can practically hear her teeth grinding from across the room. I already know she’s gonna be the toughest. Before everyone else can jump on the bandwagon though I stop it all right here.
“Listen guys, Its not what you think…” and I think it’s SO not what they think… but I can already see Xander rolling his eyes.
“Well that’s good ‘cause I was thinking murder and mayhem part 2… or is it 3?”
“No. It’s nothing like that. I…I haven’t exactly been telling you guys everything that’s been going on.”
“What do you mean Buffy?” Giles ask and he has that curious frown going on. I try not to be intimidated.
“I’ve been in contact with Faith…”
There I said it.
“What for? How long!?” Xander is getting more and more high strung by the minute… Willow is just seething quietly, and I’m losing control of the conversation… fast.
“The past couple of days. Slayer dreams.”
“Dreams? As of… have they been prophetic in nature?” Giles asks… and there go the glasses…
“Not as far as I can tell, but I can’t ignore the timing. Nothing for months and then, all of a sudden when this big bad moseys into town, with a all these ties to ‘The Slayer’ ya gotta wonder…”
“Yeah I wonder if she’s working with it to end the world!” And now he jumps to his feet… arms flapping and everything.
“No! Xander, will you just let me finish? We talked… about a lot of things, about everything. She’s here to help.”
“Help!? Buff you can’t be serious!” Arms still flapping… he’s gonna take flight any second now.
“Yeah I am, and so is she… Its all so different now.” I push on though. I have to make them see.
“Buffy certainly you’ve considered the consequences of this.”
“Yeah Giles I’ve been doing nothing but considering--”
“But she tried to strangle me!”
“You’ll have to excuse Xander. Seeing this Faith person was quite traumatic for him. She was his first lover other than Mrs. Righty and the whole experience last night has left him both terrified and aroused.”
“Thank you for that summary Anya, although I’m sure that’s more information that any of us will ever require…” Giles looks equally disturbed and annoyed. And I SO didn’t need the reminder of the whole Faith and Xander naked thing…. And whoa where did that flash of jealousy come from?
“You can’t possibly think that she’s changed? After everything that’s happened?” Xander’s insistent questioning pulls me back and I think only a couple of days ago the answer to that question would have been an emphatic ‘hell no’ but now…
“Yeah I do.” Simple as that. So much has changed. And I look around at my family as they all try to process it all. My eyes finally rest on Willow, asking.
“No.” Is her answer. And her voice is like ice. My heart plummets.
“I can’t do it again... go through that HELL she put us through…”
“Willow calm down..”
“No Terra I won’t calm down! That BITCH put all our lives in danger. Killed people!! MURDERD, lied and betrayed us… all for her own selfish, jealous vindictive--”
“NO! You don’t understand, you don’t know what it was like for her--”
“Oh and I suppose you do now? How do you know she’s not playing you all over again?”
“Its not like that…I just--”
“She raises a point Buffy, how can you foresee Faith’s motives to be genuine? This could be nothing more than yet another of her manipulations.”
“No… listen guys in these dreams… she showed me things, everything. And yeah she messed up, big time. But she gets it now guys. She sorry for it all… god that doesn’t even begin to explain it. She seriously regrets the choices she made, but she’s not looking for forgiveness. She’s just looking for a chance.”
“Right. And why should we trust her?” She like talking to a brick wall… Willow’s never been this way.
“I’m not asking you to trust her. I’m asking you to trust ME. Every damn night we walk a line, its on the knife edge of darkness. And Faith slipped. And you have no idea how easy that fall is, how accepting and GOOD it can feel.”
“But Buffy you’ve never crossed that line.”
“Yeah, because I have a tether to this side… to the light. I have you all, my family. Faith’s got nothing, no rope and no one to catch her. And all she wants now is a chance. A chance to do it right.”
And now they ALL have the thinking frown going, and I’m holding my breath. This HAS to work. Finally Xander sighs and sits down again.
“Ok I’m on board. But I’m not breaking out the ‘welcome back’ fruit basket.” He takes Anya’s hand and she too gives a nod of approval.
“That was a very nice speech Buffy. I found it convincing.” I give them both a smile, and then I look at Wills.
Fuck.
“You know this sucks…that its just total shit right?” I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Willow just said ‘shit’ so I don’t even realize she’s up and in my face until she’s talking again.
“I’m not going through it again.” And the ice… the venom that she puts in those few words is shocking.
And just like that she leaves. Walks right out of the kitchen and its not until I hear the door slam that I snap out of my stupor.
“Well that was overly dramatic.”
“Anya, sweetie… tact.”
I ignore the exchange I rush to go after her and my hand is just on the doorknob, but Tara’s hand on my shoulder stops me.
“J-just give her time… Seeing Faith again, it just brought back all those insecurities… It’s a lot for her to deal with…she’ll come around.”
“God do you think so?”
I feel desperate. I need my best friends with me on this… If Willow can’t even deal with Faith being back, how can she handle… well… all the rest.
“Yeah she’s been really stressed lately. She w-wants to help with this new bad… s-she’s been studying a-a lot of spells... umm… and do-doing some really umm… in-intense magic.”
“Intense? Like with making with the great balls of fire last night?” I question. And Tara looks around, nervous. And even though we’re alone in the foyer now she lowers her voice even more than normal when she speaks.
“Y-yeah like that… it’s… w-well it’s of… the black variety.” And this little revelation comes as a total shock.
“Black magic!? That’s…like, dangerous right?” I try to keep my voice down but I’m just totally blown away here… I mean, Willow? The black and evil arts?
“No! Well, not… not always. Umm… it’s s-safe…you know, in moderation.” And she says the last part a little funny. In a way that gives me a sinking feeling in my chest. But moderation is good right?
“Oh well, that’s alright I guess. I mean Willow’s totally ‘responsible girl’. She knows her limits right?”
“Right. Limits…” And there goes that sinking feeling again… but Tara smiles and its comforting.
“She just needs some time to deal. I-I’ll talk to her later.”
And with that I nod and we go back to meet the others. There seems to be a silent agreement just to give Willow a little space for now. Giles for his part is ready to take on the more pressing matters. He starts right in the second I sit down at the table.
“I’ve been doing some research, using the accounts of what everyone has told me about last night. It would appear what you faced last night was an ancient breed of vampire. The first children of the original…”
“Oh just fantastic. Momma’s brought the kiddies out to play.”
Giles ignores Xander’s nervous sarcasm and pushes on. We’re all worried we just have different ways of showing it I guess.
They are known as the Torak-han. They are the vampires that modern demons fear. Extremely powerful and resistant to most kinds of attack.”
“Right, when I tried to stake it, nothing happened.”
“Yes, you would have received the same result had you attempted to harm it with a cross or holy water. The Torak-han were created thousands of years prior to the first coming of the Christ. Thus making any kinds of religious relics obsolete… It can respond only to the most basic distinctions of good and evil. Darkness and Light.”
“I think they can sense dark forces and l-light ones… t-that might be why it was so afraid of Willow.” I think everyone agrees but I’m not so sure… I get another pang in my chest as I think about how that thing totally freaked when Willow started making with the mojo.
What could scare something that’s existed forever?
“So sunlight can kill it.” Anya concludes
“Right as well as fire, the incarnation of the sun here on earth.” Giles agrees
“Chopping off their heads works pretty wicked too.” The husky timbre of her voice resonates suddenly through the room. We were all so involved in the conversation we didn’t even realize anyone had entered.
“Faith!”
Yeah, what Xander just shrieked …Faith.
Jesus she looks unbelievable. She’s still standing in the doorway, the late morning light shining at her back. It just gives her this glow.
Her hair is a tumble of dark waves around her shoulders and she’s wearing… she’s wearing…shit I have to drag my eyes back up to her face to avoid suspsision.
But it’s a look that’s distinctly what I’ve come to know as ‘new Faith’. Jeans that look totally comfy and hotter than hell all at once. Torn and tight in ALL the right spots. And that shirt gives the ‘old Faith’ edge that just gets me wet in seconds. It’s just a simple tank, deep red of course. But God the way she fills it!
I hate that she’s wearing her denim jacket as well… its blocking my view.
Eyes on her face Buffy. Ok… no, higher… good. I have to swallow hard when I meet her eyes. My throat is suddenly so dry. She looks to fuckin beautiful… her eyes are painted up, all smoked out, and they just look bottomless but her lips coated in a clear gloss…and all I can think about is how they feel on my skin…
I’m using all my willpower to restrain myself and not jump across the table and have my way with her right on the kitchen floor. Its hard… like REALLY.
She takes a few steps into the kitchen, looking around. I can tell everyone is holding their breath. Including me. I was hoping for a little more warning. Maybe get her alone first… talk to her about all I’ve realized in the short time since I’ve seen her last. Her eyes finally rest on me and she raises an eyebrow. Damn that’s sexy…
Oh guess that was my cue.
“Hey Faith…I um. I’m glad you decided to come over.” Jesus I’m nervous, sweaty palms and all, but I get out of my chair and walk over to her anyway. Not too close… I’m only so strong
“I said I would B.” She looks right at me and she says it all soft like.
“Right, we were discussing what happened last night. Everyone knows what the deal is now… I um, explained everything.” And that gets me BOTH eyebrows and she actually looks a little panicked.
“Everything?”
“Well, almost…” I smile as I grab her hand. I feel her try to pull away but I hold on tight and lead…err… drag her across the kitchen to the table where we’re all gathered.
“Guys?” I give them all ‘the eye.’ Making sure they understand to be civil. That its not an option.
“Hi Faith… Really good timing.” Tara breaks the ice and I’m so thankfull for her. I could feel the tension rolling off Faith in waves but it’s just something about Tara that just makes everyone relax.
“Hey.” Xander says cautiously… not cold, but not exactly welcoming.
“Yes It’s nice to have you on board. If last night it any indication we will be in dire need of your assistance.” Giles makes a better effort
“Just here to help out… B told me some of what’s been going down. Figured you could use a little extra slay power.”
“Yes! She also convinced us all that you weren’t going to maim anyone this time. Buffy you should do your speech for Faith!” Anya suggests and I’m considering getting Xander a ball-gag for his birthday.
Ok REAL uncomfortable here
“You made a speech?” But it gets Faith to smile, and I feel her hand relaxing in mine.
“Well sorta…” I smile at her, and she smiles back at me and I suddenly have butterflies and goose bumps and all sorts of other tingly feelings.
“That’s cool. You were always good at the super girl thing.” And she goes and takes a seat next to Xander.
He doesn’t exactly look comfortable, but he’s not screaming in terror. It’s a start.
“Well Faith, I hope you’re looking forward to a day of decoding and allergic re-reactions.” Tara says, then, she tosses her one of the larger most dusty of books from across the table.
Faith raises and eyebrow.
Tara raises one of her own. And there is about 3 seconds of absolute unbearable tension.
Until Faith cracks, with a shake of her head and that dimpled grin, she opens the book.
And it was like that the ice was broken. We spent the rest of the morning huddled over piles of dusty books exchanging theories. Some progress was made but not nearly enough. My attention was split though. I was mostly just waiting and watching.
Waiting for an opportunity to get just a minute alone with her. Watching her every move. She would catch me once and a while, and I knew she was expecting me to look away, shy at being caught. But instead I would just meet her eyes… give her a smile.
I’m showing her you see.
I think it’s making her nervous. It’s not part of her plan. She thinks she can just tell me we can’t be together, that I’m not ready to be with her. She thinks she can say that, right after making love to me. And she expects me to do nothing… after she’s done so much.
She thinks she can hide behind MY insecurities so that I don’t see her own?
She told me it wasn’t enough… well Faith is gonna get more than she bargained for. I just hope its not more than she can handle.
I stretch my arms and lean back in my chair a little, and I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling. Faith’s eyes were totally all over me on that one.
“Guys… Isn’t almost lunch time or something?” I throw out, hopeful. I really need a break.
“Oh yes I do believe it is.”
“Yeah I can go for a break. Pizza?” Xander agrees with Giles, and my stomach definitely agrees with his suggestion.
“Sounds good.”
“Me and Ayn can go pick it up then…. Back in a few.” He calls on their way out.
“Right, I think I’ll take this opportunity to run to my place. I think I have a volume there that will be helpful.” And Giles is out the door too… muttering something, in Latin I think.
“I should go talk to Willow, she’s probably back at the dorm…”
And just like that, Faith and I are alone. That was easier than I thought. But something tells me that this conversation is gonna be far from easy. She’s standing all the way across the room from me. Leaning against the countertop… fidgeting with a spoon, nervous.
Sexy and unintentional.
“So, ya think something lit a fire under all their asses, or is it just me?”
“No, its not you, not entirely. They’re dealing. Its just gonna take some time. Everyone is on board here.”
“Everyone but Red, right?”
“Yeah, umm, she doesn’t really agree with my whole view on the situation.”
“And what view would that be, B?” she finally puts the spoon back on the counter and looks me in the eye. Its like a magnet and I’m up out of my chair and moving towards her.
“You know how I feel about you Faith.”
“Yeah, we’ve talked over all that shit this mornin” And her tone is dismissive. At least on the surface. Beneath all that façade I can feel her. She’s anxious, the tension rolling off her liek bitter liquid... it burns me.
She finally breaks the eye contact, like that could stop this energy that’s flowing between us. Liek she can just make herself stop feeling me. Not a chance.
“No Faith, YOU talked. You just made the decision, that despite how I feel about you… how we BOTH feel, that we can’t--”
“Right Buffy. We can’t. End of story.” I see her fists clenching at her sides. She’s trying to fight it… I’m not gonna let her.
“You think you can just make this decision for me? Faith I lo--”
“I know Ok! You told me!” She tries to back away from me but she’s got no where to go.
“Yeah I did… and you told me too. You’ve SHOWN me, so much in just these last few days. In our dreams… by coming here. You put it all out there, and now, its my turn”
I come to a stop in front of her, not too close. I don’t want her to freak out and bolt. But god, just a few feet away and I’m getting chills.
“Your turn for what?”
“I’m gonna show you Faith. I’m gonna make you believe it.” And I put every ounce of conviction I have into those words.
“Buffy it doesn’t matter whatever you think you can show me… It can’t work.”
And she just blows it off!
“You’re such a wuss ya know.”
“Excuse me, but fuck you Buffy, I’m trying to do the right thing here!”
Bull shit.
“Yeah? Well you’re still a wuss… we both are…just total cowards.” She just rolls her eyes and gives that dismissive shake of her head.
“You say you want to do the right thing? Well tell me then Faith, doesn’t this feel right? Don’t WE feel right?”
And that gets her, She knows it’s the truth because she feels it too. It’s the real reason she came back here.
“It’s… Its not about that.” She tries to deny it but her voice just comes out shaky
“Just let me show you Faith, what it can be like… I know you’re scared and--”
“I’m NOT scared!”
“Ok, ok, sorry. But, can you give me a chance… I just need a chance to show you.”
“Its not that simple Buffy there’s so much we--”
“Do you trust me Faith?” I have to stop all this avoidance. It all comes down to this anyway. What she asked of me and what I’m asking of her.
“What?”
“Trust me.” And I move even closer, right in her personal space.
“What… what if it all goes to hell again. I mean this ‘us’ thing… B, its gonna mess up your whole life!”
“Well that’s just it Faith, its MY life. And I want you to be a part of it…”
And she just sighs, and shakes her head again. I think I’m winning!
“I didn’t plan it to go this way ya know.” She says it low, with that little grin that shows her right dimple, and she’s looking at me through those thick dark lashes. The sight makes my breath catch in my chest because its almost… accepting.
“YOU had a plan?” I say it with all the cute I can muster. Which is a lot. Or so I’ve been told. But I cant help but turn up the flirting, because I can feel her relaxing, even though I’ve moved closer to her, even though she’s practically trapped as she leans against the counter.
Even though I can feel the heat radiating off her. God I want her so much.
“Hells yeah I had a plan! A good one too.”
And wow is that a pout? I think she’s flirting right back.
“I was gonna come here, help out with this bad… maybe settle for a while, get a new place. Just start slow ya know?”
“Wow Faith, that just sounds so… responsible!”
“Well, it was bound ta happen one of these days, yeah?” At that I just nod, but then I replay what she just said? Settle?
“Settle?”
“Yeah, kinda tried of running.” And now all I can do is hug her. My arms are around her waist and my face is pressed against the soft warm skin of her neck before I even realize what’s happening. And she lets me!
In fact, she slides her arms around MY waist too!
“This mornin’…” She starts, whispering in my hair. “waking up like we did… I never knew I could want somethin’ like that.”
“And do you still?” I ask just as softly, and I feel her nod. I squeeze her tighter… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go.
“Its gonna work out, you know.” My lips brush just behind her ear and I feel her tremble. God I want to kiss her.
“Won’t be easy though B, you sure ya think I’m worth the effort?
Ok, and now I HAVE to kiss her… just a little one, a brush against the corner of her mouth. I feel her smile against my lips.
“Definitely worth it F.” And then she kisses ME. And Faith doesn’t do little kisses. Her lips are sliding over mine, all warm and wet, but still just so gentle. It makes me gasp.
I feel her arms tighten around me first, then her tongue sliding over my bottom lip. Teasing, but asking as well. And I’m just about to give her anything she wants when I hear a door slam suddenly.
“Willow wasn’t at the dorm, but she left a no—Oh my GOD!” Tara comes to a screeching halt half way into the kitchen. And me and Faith jump apart but not anywhere fast enough.
“Oh shit!” Faith shouts, her eyes are cartoon-big as she attempts to push me back a little.
So now I guess is the whole moment of truth. Put up or shut up Buffy. Faith looks like she’s gonna bolt any second now. And Tara’s mouth just keeps opening and closing, I think her CD is skipping.
“It’s… umm. Tara, this isn’t what it looks like.” Faith finally manages to stutter out. All the while inching away from me. Trying to wiggle out form where I have her trapped between my body and the counter.
I make my decision. And it’s a hell of a lot easier than I thought.
I take a step back, a small one, enough to give Faith a little room. But I hold on tight to her hand as I turn to face Tera completely. And when I finally find my voice I know the words are the truest I’ve ever spoken.
“No, Tara, its exactly what it looks like”
Part 15
‘I can not be seeing this.’ It was the only thought that was circulating again and again through the confused witch’s brain. ‘I REALLY can not be seeing THIS’
It was beyond the realm of her comprehension, beyond all logical, mystical and physical reason. Buffy was kissing Faith?!
“E-exactly wh- what it… it looks like.” The blond witch shook her head, repeating the words of the slayer. Trying to wrap her mind around an impossibility, that was so evidently possible.
“Right.” Buffy said. Defiance in her eyes and determination on kiss swollen lips. And she said it like that was supposed to explain everything!
Tara looked to Faith then. Hoping, beyond hope some further explanation may come from her. Because ‘what it looked like’ had potential to be disaster. But those big brown eyes were just as lost, jerking back and forth between the two blonds in the room.
So it was up to her then.
“O-Ok so, what—what e-exactly is ‘this’?” Tara was trying to keep her stutter under control. And she usually could, all but in extremely stressful situations that is.
Tara felt justified in her impediment right now. It couldn’t get any more tense.
“Well…” Buffy started “This is… uh… well--”
“It’s nothin’ Tara!” Faith cut in, pulling her hand away from the death grip it seemed Buffy had her in. Panic was clear in her voice. “We were just messin’ around. And uhh--”
“Wh-what Faith, Buffy tripped and f-fell on your mouth?”
Tara folded her arms, set her jaw stiff. She was clearly bothered by the lame attempt. When Faith had come back this morning, she had gotten a vibe. A good one. One telling her to expect so much more than the stories she had heard.
“No, it’s not ‘nothing.’ I-in fact I think its pretty damn f-far from nothing. Am I right Buffy?” As the initial shock started to fade Tara’s tone became sharp, near demanding. Now she just wanted answers.
The blond slayer took a breath. An attempt to compose herself.
“Yeah. This… I’m not even sure what to call it. But it’s new. Like, less than 24 hours new, and neither one of us really planed this to happen but, God its so RIGHT Tara. I’ve never felt anything close to this and--”
“And Faith?” Tara cut Buffy off. If she didn’t the girl might have never stopped to take a breath. It was clear to her how the blond slayer felt. She was obviously in deep smit here. And more than that, the vibe… the clear and absolute waves of certainty that were pouring off her were almost jarring.
No, Buffy wasn’t where the bad energy was coming from, she wasn’t the source of the continuous ripples of uncertainty, of fear and pain.
Tara wanted to know what Faith was thinking. She wanted to know if she should believe the stories.
Well… Umm. Ok see we uhh—I-its like this Tar—we kinda…” And Tara thought she had the monopoly on communication problems. It was refreshing to see she wasn’t the only one. She stared hard at the dark girl watching her fidget and bounce on the balls of her feet. She tried to see beyond all that fractured energy… But Faith was like a cloud of smoke. So many layers… years of hiding, it was like she was permanently lost.
“I need to talk to you, alone.” Tara cut off the rambling, looking at the both of them.
“Tara, any thing you have to say about this you can say in front of Faith!” Buffy took a step forward. All bold and unapologetic. She even had her ‘hero face on’
Tara though it was cute.
“No Buffy, not you.” She walked past Buffy and grabbed Faith’s arm.
“Wait! Me? What?” Faith was looking from the stunned slayer to the hand that was now dragging her from the room. Her eyes pleading for mercy.
“You. Living room, now.” What choice did Faith have but to follow?
Once she was satisfied that they were out of earshot. Tara turned to face Faith. The so -called ‘evil slayer’ looked freaked. Tara looked at her hard again… hoping that if she focused enough she would be able to see the truth in the girl she knew so little about.
“Faith, tell me what you’re up to.” She said finally. She hated the air of suspicion that laced her voice but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t just dismiss all that she’d heard. All that they told her.
“Nothin’ Tara I swear it. Look I’m just here tryin’ to help with this whole end of the world thing.”
“Then what was that I saw in there?” She asked it gently now, instinct telling her that demanding answers was a sure way to get none from her.
“It’s just what Buffy said, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It is…”
“And it’s real to you.” It wasn’t a question, because Tara felt she already knew the answer.
“Shit Tar its everything to me.” The sincerity in her voice was nearly palpable. And just for a second, Tara could see beyond the walls. But it wasn’t enough, she had to be sure.
“Give me your hand.” The dark slayer gave it willingly. Her face open, wanting the other girl to believe. The second their skin made contact they both gasped. Faith, because she had never experienced some one seeing into her. It was personal... so intimate, and she had nowhere to hide.
And Tara lost her breath simply because she saw. All that the dark girl was and wanted to be. It wasn’t specifics, just feelings. So many in such a rush it was shocking. Fear and sorrow, joy and elation: all at war within her.
All this from the girl who Willow had said ‘feels nothing’. No, that was wrong. Faith could feel. And she felt intensely. Tara’s eyes fluttered open after endless seconds. And now, she didn’t have to look so hard. And there was more… Faith was more. More than her own existence. She was tied, completely intertwined with another.
It all made so much sense now.
“You’re purple.” She said at last, smiling.
“What?” Faith finally opened her eyes too, a small indent of a frown making itself known on her forehead.
“You’re aura… its purple, more of a lavender really.”
“Oh… lavender.” Faith made a face. And Tara figured it was the finding out she had such soft color spirit.
“Well what does it look like? What’s it say?”
“Just think of it as this ubiquitous energy. It surrounds you.”
“So like a blob.”
“Umm… yeah ok, blob is good. And it’s says everything that you are.”
“So I’m guessing that might be a bad thing?” She raised an eyebrow, but Tara knew she was anxious. She could see it.
“Nope. It’s a Faith thing.” And for that she got a smile, complete with dimples.
“So you believe me, that I’m tryin’ to make it all right here?” And to anyone else at that moment Faith’s voice would have sounded indifferent, as if she didn’t give a damn if she got a yes or a no. But Tara could feel the desperation flowing around the dark girl. The woman that was so very tired of the pain, the loneliness.
As answer, Tara pulled her into a hug.
“Yup.” She said simply. And then:
“But there’s more. You know she’s apart of you. I can see her… y-you’re tied.”
“Huh?” Faith seemed a bit stunned by the sudden show of affection. And it hurt Tara’s heart to know someone so unfamiliar with such contact. So when she pulled away she kept the Slayer’s hands in her own.
“Your auras, your souls. You know how you’re purple? Well, Buffy is kind of goldish. But there’s always been some purple hanging around her too. Now I know where it comes from!”
Tara was beaming, excited by her discovery, and Faith was just trying to take it all in, as the witch continued.
“And lately, these past few days, I’ve been noticing more and more of that other spirit hovering with hers. And now, I can see it’s the same for you.”
“That seems wicked heavy…”
“You’re matched Faith, more than any two people I’ve ever seen. You just have to trust it.”
“I do. At least, I think I’m beginning to.” And Tara could see the admission was hard.
“Good. Now go in there and tell her that. I’m gonna go pick Willow up from the library. The note she left said she’d be there.” She finally released Faiths hands, satisfied with her new knowledge.
“Tar… one more thing.” Faith stopped her, a hand resting on her shoulder.
“You won’t tell anybody about this yeah? Me and B aren’t real sure what we’re gonna do. And she’s got Riley still and--”
“I’m not going to tell anyone Faith. But I-I won’t lie to Willow. I can’t. They’ll figure it out eventually.”
“Yeah I know, Thanks Tar, for everything, ya know. For believing me.” And they shared a smile and Tara was gone and Faith turned towards her destiny…
The kitchen.
She found Buffy hitting the ‘end’ button on the cordless phone, and placing it back in its cradle. No, make that slamming it back on its cradle. The phone was actually lucky to survive.
“Damn it!” It was a harsh and frustrated whisper as Buffy ran both her hands through her hair.
“Pesky telemarketers again B?” Faith asked from the doorway, joking but visibly concerned.
“Wha?! Oh Faith, hey!” The pissed expression quickly turned into a tentative smile.
“So, how did it go with Tara? What did she say? Is she gonna tell?”
“It went, she said stuff, and no. You should really chill B.”
Faith smiled at the other girls nervousness, and walked further into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, started fidgeting with her lighter.
“What? that’s it? Chill?” With each word the blonds voice seemed to jump a whole octave.
“Yeah B, relax a little.” Faith winced as she pulled out her pack of cigs, placing one on her lip.
“Faith, please don’t smoke in here. And what did Tara say?”
The questions followed Faith out the kitchen door, onto the back yard porch. She kept Buffy in suspense. Lighting up and taking a good long drag. She enjoyed a smoky exhalation before turning to face her, a slight grin on her face.
“She said I was purple.” Simple, direct to the point.
“Huh?” Dazed and confused.
“I’m a purple blob, and you’re a gold blob and our blobs are mixed together.” Faith took another drag, nodding her head as she considered her words. Deep and philosophic
“Again, huh?” Or, not so much.
“B, I thought you were supposed to be the Slayer with all the know how about this stuff.” Faith sighed, rolling her eyes a little.
“Am I? I didn’t get that memo.”
“Our auras B, energies, or whatever. Tar can see ‘em.”
“Oh ok I get it! And she saw all good stuff?” Finally catching on, Buffy’s tone was expectant. And Faith felt something in her tare a little at the thought she might disappoint.
“Well, not all. There was bad shit too. Stuff that’s in me…”
“Faith, you’re not—”
“Whatever B its no big. Basically the stuff with us, all of the good. And she says she won’t go blabbin’ it to the world either.”
“Really?!” Buffy smiled.
“Yup.” And Faith smiled back, tentatively.
“Oh thank god! I don’t know what I would have done if this got out—”
“Don’t sound so fuckin’ relieved B. Guess its good you aint gotta worry about the rest of the scoobs fining out you’re bangin’ the psycho.”
And Faith didn’t even know why she had said it. But something in her had assumed the worst. Call it instinct, or doubt or fear, but they were all in flux in the dark slayers mind.
“What? No Faith that’s not what I meant. That totally came out wrong.” Buffy moved closer, standing in front of Faith as she leaned against the porch banister. “I just wanted to tell them myself first. You just drew the wrong conclusion baby…”
“Yeah well fuck you and your conclusions B.” Yeah, She was defensive like that.
“Damn it Faith why do you have to be so defensive?!” And B had her pegged right on. Faith deflated a little. She flicked her cigarette into the yard and took a breathe of clean air.
“Sorry, I just… it’s all kinda hard to get used to. This whole ‘caring’ thing? Its new ya know?”
“Yeah I know. But we’re gonna work at this ok?”
“Kay.” Buffy had just sounded so certain. She had wrapped her arms around Faith’s waist, pulling her into a gentle hug. It was the same position they had been in the kitchen, when Tara had caught them.
And Faith took a few moments just to bask. Let the indescribable sensation of the other girls warmth permeate her being. Being like this, feeling so surrounded by the other slayer, it was peace. It was the gentle rise and fall of her chest, the warm, moist breath cresting against her neck. It was the fingertips trailing, drawing little hearts on the small of her back.
It was the soft lips that were kissing her ear.
It made Faith gasp, and she heard Buffy sigh and push their bodies impossibly closer. She could feel the hard wood of the guardrail pressing against her spine, but only barely. The softness, the heat of the blond slayer against her front was overwhelming all her senses.
Not to mention the way Buffy was actually sucking on her neck now.
“Ummm wha? Uhh… ya sure we should be… ohh shit… doin’ this B?” Faith was trying to keep her voice steady, keep her own hands from moving lower to cup the firm swell of Buffy’s ass. She was failing at both
“There a reason why we shouldn’t F?” and she knew the other girl was smiling, she could feel it in the lips that were planting wet kisses over her jaw… breezing across her lips, and back down the other side of her neck.
It was getting Faith so hot.
“W-well… ahh… the others are gonna be here soon, and…oh… fuck!” And Buffy’s hands weren’t idle either. They were sliding over every inch she could reach.
“Yeah? Well, they’re not here now…” Another kiss, right in that spot behind her ear, and now Buffy’s hand was cupped around her right breast. “Are they?”
“Guess not…” Faith nearly groaned. As she felt the brush of a thumb over her painfully hard nipple. It was quickly followed by fingers that pinched softly, tugging a little.
“Guess right.” The words were spoken into her mouth as Buffy’s hands continued to fondle her breasts, stroke and roll her nipples to the point where all Faith could do was paint.
She could feel her knees start to give, Buffy was making her so fucking hot.
“B… I-I can’t—” She whispered. Her voice horse, strained by the force of her arousal
“I got you, baby. Won’t let you fall.” And Buffy kissed her again. Sealing the promise in the heated cavern of their mouths as one hand quickly slid down her stomach.
It wasn’t like the night before. There was no hesitation. Buffy’s hand dove straight into the dark girls pants… her fingers parting the soaked and tender folds
“mmm oh…god B… tha-that feels so good.”
“You like this?” But her voice was still timid, belying the confidence of her touch.
“Fuckin’ uhh… perfect B.” and Faiths hips jerked in agreement.
“This morning…” Buffy started, her hand still tracing gently, fingers timidly exploring the wetness, the heat. “What you did to me… wi-with your mouth. It was so…I-I want to…”
“Oh god B.” And just hearing those words from Buffy’s kiss swollen lips sent Faith’s arousal through the ceiling. She felt her inner walls clench, looking desperately for something to cling too, begging Buffy’s finger to slide lower, into her. She didn’t think she could get more turned on.
That is until Buffy pulled her hand from her pants, and brought those two glistening fingers to her lips. Faith watched in arousal-drenched shock as B’s eyes locked onto her own. So dark and heavy with lust, then, that pink little tongue slid from between her lips and licked every drop of her juice from her fingers.
“Fuck…B…fuck…” The sight had severely limited Faith’s vocabulary.
“Baby you taste so good…” And at the sound of that shaky, raspy whisper Faith had to have that mouth back on her own. She brought their lips back together in a fast and desperate slide. She could taste herself. It was all harsh breaths and searching tongues, and Buffy’s hand was between her thighs again. The blond girls fingers reached her clit instantly and started up that gentle, teasing, barely there stroking.
“Buffy… makin’ me fuckin’ nuts.”
More than that, Faith was going insane… Her back was starting to arch, her stomach muscles jumping, shuddering with every gentle stoke across her swollen bud. Her hips were moving desperately trying to get Buffy to give a little more pressure, stop the teasing, stop the torture, but never stop touching her.
She could hardly believe she was actually on the verge of begging.
But was so VERY good, and judging by the way Buffy was kissing her again, so hard and deep and desperate, it was only gonna get better. Yeah, the way she was pushing their bodies together, purposely sliding a thigh between her own those fingers slowly making their way lower, sliding though the ridiculous amount of juice that was spilling from her pussy… it was DEFINITELY getting better.
But the sound of the front door slamming brought it all to a screeching halt.
No! Nononononono NO!
“Tell me this isn’t happening B.” Faith groaned, biting her lip trying to get herself under control.
“Wish I could baby.”
“GUYS! We’re back! And we brought cheesy fatty sustenance!!” They heard Xander holler from inside. Buffy sighed and reluctantly pulled her hand from the warm haven that was between Faith’s legs. She gave a little pout of sympathy at the tiny whimper the other girl let out.
“Jesus B, you got me so ready…” Faith considered that an understatement. She was practically aching for more of Buffy’s touch. She felt so wet she was throbbing, so on the verge her legs were trembling.
Her words made the other girl blush though. Who would have thought Buffy could be so shy, especially when you consider where her fingers just were!
“It’s like I just can’t help my self Faith… I just have to touch you.” She whispered
“Totally know the feelin’ B.”
“Maybe we can finish this later?” And now she was getting the ‘cute look’ again, that one from earlier in the kitchen, that irresistible one. It caused a dreamy smile to spread across Faith’s own lips.
“Yeah… later.” Man she couldn’t wait ‘till later!
Part 16
Riley Finn was in the same position he’d been in the last 20 minutes. Sitting on the bed, staring blankly at his cellular phone. The connection had long since ended. In fact he had been the first to hang up. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the words that had just come from the device however.
Couldn’t understand who had just said the words… and why.
WHY!?
Hadn’t he done everything he was supposed to do? Hadn’t he done everything right? He was the supportive boyfriend! The quintessential emotionally available guy! And now?
“It wasn’t enough…”
Buffy’s words ran circles around his skull. He had given her everything… given UP everything. She had said it wasn’t him, that she just needed some space. Every cliché line you could imagine. Every line but the truth.
They were perfect for each other! She knew that! Everything had been going so well. All except the last few days that is. The days when she had started pulling away from him. Buffy had always been kind of distant, never totally open with him. But that was just her personality right?
He knew her well enough to know that… didn’t he? Of course she was closer, more open and giving with her friends, but that was only because she had known Willow and Xander for so long. It would have gotten better. Buffy would have eventually let him in. She would have eventually fit into his life… kids, the 3-bedroom house, Iowa, all of it.
Right?
It was only the last few days things had really changed. When she started pulling away from his touches, his kisses. And Riley knew exactly why.
Faith.
Buffy thought he didn’t know, thought he was clueless. He noticed how she tensed last night in the graveyard, the way she looked at the slut. Did she really think he didn’t hear her when she would speak that name in her sleep. And that had been happening for months.
She never said HIS name that way, even when she was awake. He hadn’t been with her, inside her for weeks. And she didn’t even come home last night.
“That BITCH!” The phone shattered against the opposite wall, victim of his sudden burst of rage. One night with Faith… that trash, and it was over for them?
No, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t let it! Riley had given up everything. His power, his life in the military… he had let that chopper leave without him. And he would be damned if he let it be all for nothing.
He opened up the drawer to his nightstand, removing the 2-karat solitaire from its long time hiding place in the back. He watched for a moment as the diamond glittered in the early afternoon light, before clenching it hard, tightly in his fist.
The rock cutting into his palm, the red drops spilling from his fist made him forget the clear one falling from his eyes. And he wasn’t sure how long he sat that way. All his hope, his dreams, spilling from the tiny stone in his hand. He imagined he could crush it away to dust.
Just as she had crushed him. But he wasn’t strong enough… would never be strong enough. Not like her, and not like Faith.
A sharp and sudden knock on the door brought his thoughts to an abrupt end. He rose on feet made of lead and walked across the room.
When he opened the door to a man he had never seen.
“Mr. Finn…” The guy had a British accent, was dressed all in black, he could smell nicotine on his breathe.
“Yes.”
“We believe you can be of some assistance to us. And we can help you as well.”
Is it later yet? I am SO ready for later.
Everything had been goin’ all right, well as well as could be expected. We all had been sittin’ around munchin’ on the pizza Xan got us. And it had been at least semi-comfortable small talk.
Then Red and Tara got back. Then things got tense. All that semi-comfortable chatter went to insanely UNcomfortable silence. Tara was looking between me, and Buffy and Willow, as if she was trying to figure it all out, read through all the tension.
Don’t look at me blondie, ‘cause I got no clue.
Red was busy throwin’ daggers at me with her eyes. Not literally, though, after her fire-starter act last night, I wouldn’t put it outside her skills.
And its all pin-drop quiet for about two minutes of eternity, then out of nowhere, Anya busts the silence wide open.
“This is all very awkward. Shouldn’t there be some yelling and throwing of things? If not can’t we at least talk about the end of the world. I’m getting bored, and my mind is starting to wander towards sex.”
I hold in my chuckle, but just barely. She’s a real piece of work. And besides, I can sympathize with her entirely. After what went down on the porch with Buffy, or should I say, ALMOST went down? Shit my mind’s wandering all over the place.
“Yes Anya perhaps we should continue our research.” Giles saves the moment from rollin’ any further down hill. And we all find a book or two to bury our faces in.
I cut a quick glance towards B, just at the same time her eyes fall on me, and I instantly feel myself blushin’. I can’t help it! Her eyes, they just feel SO good on me, it’s like I never want to look away form that sparking green. It’s just so intense. It’s where I’m supposed to be!
I hope nobody else notices though. B wants to keep it all on the hush. At least until this whole apocalypse thing blows over. I pull my eyes away from her and glance quickly at Tara. Yeah she knows. And I almost freak, but she’s smilin’ at me behind that long veil of silky blond.
Reds a lucky girl.
“So Willow, that was some pretty wicked mojo you worked last night!” I try and make nice, make some progress.
“Simple combustion spell.” She replies flatly. Damn. But then Tar says:
“Not all that simple, Willow.” And it woulda been a complement if she wasn’t frowning. And Red looks a little sheepish for a second.
“But that fight was some kinda rush huh?” I say trying to push things along. B smiles at me for making the effort, and I swear my heart is gonna beat right outta my chest.
“Yeah nothing like those life and death moments to get ya going, huh Faith.” Xander says all sarcastic like.
“You know me Xan.” And I give him the eyebrow wiggle.
“Yeah, a bit too well I’m afraid!” But he says it with that goofy grin, and an eyebrow of his own. Anya just smacks him on the arm. But it’s all in fun. And B takes the moment to bring them all into the loop. ‘Cause I really don’t see it getting anymore relaxed than this.
“Guys. Faith and I have been talking.” She starts. She comes around the table and sits in the empty chair right next to me.
“She’s thinking about staying here in Sunnydale. Settling.”
“What? You mean this out of jail thing isn’t temporary?” Xander asks.
“Dude, I’m on parole. What, you think I broke out or somethin’?” And he just looks guilty and shrugs his shoulders. I give him a smile letting him know not to worry about it.
“It wouldn’t be a surprise.” I hear Willow mumble. I know B heard it too. I feel her hand brush against mine under the table. This is gonna get rough. Quick.
“We’ve been talking a lot, working through things. It’s all still got a long ways to go, but I’m glad she’s staying. In fact there’s something more. Faith and I, we—”
And here I am thinkin’ this is it. The big moment.
“Buffy you can’t be serious! She’s evil!” But red cuts her off before she can get to the good stuff.
“Willow things change, they—”
“Oh they change? Like she can bring back the two people she murdered?!” She gets up out of her chair, and after that comment so do I. She has no idea what its like.
“I wish to god that I could Red, every fuckin’ day of my life!” I tell her.
“Oh please Faith, spare me! Once a killer always a killer.”
“No! You’re wrong Will.” B is at my side now. And I hate so much that this is happening. That her eyes are all watery and she’s fightin’ back tears. It feels like it’s my fault.
“She may have slipped a little back then but its different now. The good in her outweighs the bad. A-and… she makes ME feel good. Like I’m right.”
Oh my god I love her so much. I need to tell her that, like now. But I can’t. I should have said it this morning, or when we were outside. She’s so fuckin brave.
“Good?! Buffy you already ARE good, you’re not like her.” Willow insists.
“Yeah… guys, you may have seen a lot, been in all the fights. But you have no idea what it is to feel that darkness in you… to be made from it.”
And now B really IS crying. Silent tears and each one’s rippin’ my heat apart. But I still stay quiet. Red is her friend, and this is her battle. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces; I just hope it doesn’t go that far.
“You expect us to just give her a pass because she’s a slayer, because you supposedly have this darkness, this force that’s a part of you? Well wake the fuck up Buffy! Its called human nature and we all deal with it. We all have choices to make, we have FREE WILL!”
“She’s right. We all make those choices.” Tara says. But she looks at Willow as she speaks, not Buffy and me.
Oh god this is a disaster, cause now Tara looks pissed as hell too. And now I gotta wonder, what the fuck is going on with those two. Willow softens a bit when she meets her girl’s eyes.
I knew this was a bad idea. Comin’ back, telling her friends, all of it. I shoulda just stuck with running. Yeah that sounds pretty damn good right now.
“Looks, guys. This is all getting wicked outta control here. I’m just gonna moter and--”
“Good idea Faith. Get the hell out.” Red narrows her eyes and takes a few steps towards me and B, fearless. And I feel that surge, that power coming off her that I felt last night. But B seems totally oblivious. She’s too caught up in the pain.
What the hell is up with that?
“Right then. Fuck this.” I’m outta here. It’s all just too much. I turn, making my way to the front door.
“Faith, No! You’re not leaving.” B grabs hold of my wrist with both hands. And her voice is total desperation. God, if I look at her I know I’m done for. But I do anyway. And there’s no way I can deny those eyes.
“B, it’s all goin’ to hell.” I tell her and raise my hand to her face. I wipe gently at the trails on her cheeks.
“I need you here. I need you with me.” She whispers it. But I know they all heard. Fuck, like, ALL of them! I can’t believe she’s doing this. I mean, yeah she kinda told them we were workin’ things through now, but FUCK she just basically came out to the world!
And now she’s pullign’ me into a hug! Wrapping those skinny-strong arms around my waist, and bringing her body flush against mine.
“Please don’t leave me baby…” It’s spoken right against my ear, and I don’t know if the others heard that too, but I don’t give a shit anymore. Every doubt, every lame ass excuse I thought I had just shattered. It feels like my walls are crumbling all around us.
“Fuck B, never again Ok... never.” I tell her just as soft. And I can feel the tears in my voice. Shit I can’t cry in front of all of them! I hide my face in the sweet spot of where her neck meets her shoulder for a second and get myself in check.
And that’s when I notice, the complete silence that’s taken over everything. B finally pulls away. It felt like forever, but still not long enough. She has one of my hands in both of hers as we both face the group again.
I meet Tara’s eyes. And she’s actually smiling! Its cautious, but still, I’ll take all the points I can get. She’s the only one though. Xander’s jaw is practically on the floor, his girl is lookin’ at us like we’re under a microscope, slightly puzzled, mostly indifferent. Giles just looks British. Poor sap, I hope he doesn’t go and have a stroke or nothin’. The guy is gettin’ wicked old.
And Willow. Fuck. Nuff said.
I hear B sniffle. Getting rid of the last of her tears.
“Faith is staying.” She tells everyone. And her eyes may be red and teary still, but that face is nothin’ but The Slayer. It’s not an option. She’s lookin’ directly at Red as she says it and the tension is so thick it’s stifling. It’s a stand off and you can practically see the air crackling between the tow of them.
Fuck I so wanna get outta here. The only thing keeping me, grounding me, is the feel of her hands on my skin.
“Interesting…” Anya breaks the silence yet again, with all the grace of a sledgehammer.
“Buffy and Faith are bed-buddies now!”
Ok now I’m looking for that giant hole to come suck me into another dimension. Hopeless I know, but hell it’s the ‘Dale… could happen. Please? The silence is back for a moment until:
“She’s playing you Buffy.” It’s nothin’ but ice in Red’s voice. And now I gotta say somethin’. She is SO way off on this.
“Re—err… Willow. I’m not playin’ anything here. This isn’t some fuckin game to me!” I’m trying to stay calm. No really, I do.
“I came here to help. How me and B started all this… the dreams, all that. I didn’t plan any of it. But it got me here, where I’m supposed to be. I’m tired of running from this.”
And I take a deep breath, ‘cause this next part, it’s scariest thing I’ve ever done.
“I-I’m tired of running from her.” I look over at B, and she’s lookin’ back at me like I’m her whole damn world. I know she’s mine… has been for the longest.
“So you’re just gonna end it with Riley? For this? For her!?” Xander sounds as if someone just turned on a light. He also sounds a little hurt. It’s a valid question, one that I don’t think she even knows the answer to…
“I broke up with him right after you guys went for lunch.”
After all, they’ve been together for more than a year and all that history is…Wait, What?! Broke up with… WHAT?!!
My eyes must be tellin’ on me, ‘cause B gives me her sly-smile.
“Yeah…for her.” Fuck I can’t even breathe. I gotta say somethin’
“Buffy…I—” I was gonna tell her. I really was.
“None of you can see.” Red says in that ominous tone that’s just become regular for her now.
Then she looks at me, and Buffy even, disgusted. And she turns from us and heads for the door. After that I find it hard to even give a fuck if she leaves. ‘Cause me, yeah, I’ve been looked at like that my whole life. But eyes like that should never fall on B.
“Will don’t--” B starts.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Tara cuts her off, and follows her girl out the door. Not before giving both of us a smile though. I hear B sniffle again, find her eyes still locked on the door .
“Tara will make her understand B.” I tell her and I can’t stop myself from smoothing a few strands of hair away from her face. I just gotta touch her. I kiss her forehead.
Right there for all of them to see.
“I know.” She whispers. And then she looks around at the rest of the room. All the spectators of this little show we’ve been puttin’ on.
Ask me to define awkward. ‘Cause this is it.
She stalked through the streets of this quiet town. This place where she spent her whole life. She liked the picture perfect surface. The icing that was the pristine suburban homes with their well manicured lawns. The bundle of shops that made up the downtown promenade. The mall. It was serene. It was a lie. Willow knew this because she had seen it, because she had lived it.
Scratch the surface and the pretty picture faded to black. Beneath it all there was a whole lot of darkness in this town. You just had to know where to look. And Willow Rosenburg knew where to look.
She was seeking it now.
And it wasn’t for the nefarious purposes for which ‘it’ was created. She could NEVER see herself doing such a thing. It was for good. A greater good even! Yes, it was her time to step up, to save the day. Now that Buffy couldn’t.
Faith, that bitch, had her best friend so confused, so caught up and blinded that she couldn’t see through all those games, all those lies. No, it was up to her now. She would make Buffy see. She would make them ALL see. Then she would help Buffy fight this new evil. And they would win, and go out for pizza… or maybe Chinese. It was the way it should be, the way it ALWAYS had been.
And Buffy would be so PROUD of her. Be so grateful for showing her. Willow could picture it, see it in her mind. Buff would give her that smile. The one that only they shared. The one that made her heart beat so fast back in high school.
It was the one that said ‘I kinda love you’
And Tara made her heart beat fast now. Made her pulse race and her soul sing. Tara made her forget high school, almost. And she’d be so impressed! Tara would give her that coy smile before laying those luscious lips against her own…maybe wrap that curvy soft body around her and then…
Woo boy! And THEN! Willow couldn’t help but grin at the thought. Unbeknownst to the redhead, her entire face, entire being appeared to light up, to glow just at the thought of the blond witch. The thought of her love. She had left her standing on the doorstep of the summer’s house. Upset and confused.
She hated hurting Tara. But it was all going to be worth it in the end. It would make her happier, make all of them happier.
Sure it was powerful, but so was she, now. She’d been practicing, garnering her strength for over a year now. She could handle it. And the fact that it all felt so good was just a bonus. A BIG bonus. But it wasn’t like she needed it or anything. She just needed to set things right.
And it was with that self-righteous determination painted across her clear blue eyes that she turned off the main downtown boulevard and ducked into a side alley. The change in scene was like going from day to night.
Willow loved her perfect phony little town, the secretes it kept. Now, it was nothing but slick brick walls and overflowing dumpsters. She felt like the shadows were trying to surround her, but she pressed on without fear. What was hidden under the perfection, it was gonna help her. It was right, because she was good. It was simple as black and white, nope no shades of gray here.
She came to a spot, a seemingly empty spot, and held up her hand. The air wavered, it bent and moved and suddenly Willow was standing in a dingy apartment. Insence engulfed her lungs instantly and a slow raspy voice filled her ears.
“Hey there strawberry…”
“You don’t seem surprised to see me.” She turned to face him. This is when the dread always started. She told her self it’ll be worth it.
She thought of Buffy’s smile. Of Tara’s kiss.
“Baby girl I can feel you comin’ from miles and miles and miles…” He was high. His little explanation tapering off in near maniacal laughter. The rush making that southern bayou accent all the more distinct. His voice poured over her like motor oil. It made her feel as dirty and greasy as him.
“And how’s that?” Willow forced her self to question. Forced herself to stay there just that bit longer. Just until she could get it.
“Oh chere, don’t you know nothin’ now?” He trailed off again into that chuckle, as if he was trapped in his own private comedy.
It was tragic.
“I guess I don’t.” Willow made her voice sweet. Trying to ignore the way he was leaning into her, towering over her.
“You got… the ‘power’!” He whispered his little secret as if he were telling her something new. Like she didn’t know this already. But Willow just smiled at his glassy eyes and crooked teeth.
“So what brings my strawberry ‘round these parts?” He dropped down to the off-orange sofa and pulled a cigarette to his lips. Willow considered him for a moment. Her head tilting to the side slightly.
“You know why I’m here.” Her voice made him pause in lighting up.
“Maybe you should refresh me…”
“You know.” She was officially tired of his shit. “How soon can you get it for me?”
He sat up a little straighter.
“Oh, well it may be a while baby girl. And its gonna cost heavy, I--”
“No it won’t. You have it here. I want it. Now.” And she raised an eyebrow and her eyes weren’t blue anymore. He was off the couch in an instant, heading to one of the back rooms.
Willow smiled, satisfied, and her eyes were crystal clear once more.
“Well…” she whispered. “that was easy.”
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