Chapter Twelve

I've got the radio blaring, a kid buckled in the backseat, and a massive hangover. How's that for a not so typical Sunday morning?

I can see Teresa in the rearview mirror, sipping at the juice box Gravis gave her this morning before we left. She's hiding behind his Ray-Bans that are forever going to be on loan. Hiding. I know she's disappointed and upset, but she doesn't let her true feelings show: She just hides them away from me. Clever. She gets that from both of us.

I can hear the familiar sound of the juice box being emptied over Jakob Dylan's cynical voice and I just know that Terry and I will be due for a pit stop. Fifteen minutes after our initial departure.

"Mommy…" She starts as I steer the car into the parking lot of a roadside diner.

"I know."

We walk in and I notice the sign that says Washrooms for paying customers only. Meh, I need some caffeine anyway. So we find the women's washroom, use it, and find ourselves a table by a window. Terry's sulking, and I know why, but I pretend not to.

"You hungry, Kiddo?" I ask as we wait for the server.

She sways her head left and right vigorously.

"Okay." I whisper, looking down at the small breakfast menu. Truth is, I'm not hungry either, but I know that if I don't get something in my stomach soon, I won't be a happy person.

All the words on the menu sort of blend together as my mind inadvertently rehashes last nights conversation

.

I let myself sink further into the couch as she looks at me in anticipation.

"So?" She says in a soft, husky voice.

I nod. This is it. The moment I've been waiting for. Here goes nothing.

"Where did you go?" My first question of the night. First of many, I suppose. "I mean, after you left."

She smiles painfully towards the window and blinks rapidly a few times. They say a person is lyingwhen they blink a lot or don't look you in the eye. And it's true. I see it everyday with the kids that come to see me. The blinking. The staring at the stupid objects that clutter my desk. But with Faith… It's the complete opposite. Go figure.

"I went to L. A." She sighs. "I was hoping to find Angel, but I didn't. I don't really know what I would've told him if I had seen him, but… I felt like he would've known what to do."

I nod, encouraging her to go on, and she does, still staring out the window. There's a chair outside, and for the first time, I notice the balcony.

"So I called Rob. Told him I was coming. Council paid for my flight and a few days later, Giles assigned me to lead the Special Ops division. Was nice, but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to protect her. So he partnered me up with Manny, some rookie Watcher, and gave us all the skinny he had on the prophesy."

As she pauses again, I simply stare at her. I don't nod or anything. I'm too afraid of fucking this up to even move.

"So what happens is that Manny reads and researches, and sends me away to look into things." She says, finally turning away from the window. She lands her eyes into mine and for a split second I feel like an idiot. I'm not quite sure why.

"There's always some new shit that comes up. I haven't really stopped since I started."

"Well, Terry's never been in any…" I bite my tongue before the word danger escapes my mouth,' cause I know Faith knows. "So I guess you've been doing a bang-up job."

"I know." She whispers.

And it makes me smile. There's the cockiness I've missed.

"So you get your weekends off?" I ask, suddenly feeling at ease.

"Yeah. Come back here on Friday afternoons. Work for Gravis when I want to. Leave Monday mornings."

"Sweet deal."

"Yeah." She agrees softly, but there's something in her voice that makes me wonder if she means it.

The bill comes up to $5.75. Tessa's homemade lemon meringue pie. Try it! is printed at the bottom, right next to You have been served by: Tessa. I look up and catch Teresa smiling for the first time this morning.

"Time to go?" She asks, placing the enormous Ray-Bans on the bridge of her little nose.

"Time to go." I smile back.

We get up after I leave 8 bucks on the table and down my lukewarm coffee. Ter catches my hand with hers and squeezes it gently.

"Next stop?" She asks as she jumps into the now oven hot car.

"Next stop, home."

"Home." Terry agrees, and I'm sure it sounds way corny, but it makes my heart beat a little faster.

"D'you really give Gravis that scar?"

"What do you think?"

"Either you let him off easy, or he got lucky, escaping with just the scar."

"It's a pretty massive scar."

"Yeah."

"Never thought we'd end up living together."

"Do you love him?"

"…"

"He loves you. It's obvious."

"Roll your window down, Ter."

Stupid, finicky, air conditioner. Of course it chooses the hottest of days to go on the blink. There isn't a cloud in the sky, and the sun's hotter than I ever remember it being. Record summer heat is seriously overrated.

"Can I have a popsicle?" Ter asks, staring at the passing highway poles.

"When we get home." I answer, getting the front windows down and the sun roof open. "Maybe Daisy'll want to come over for lunch."

"Maybe." Terry answers dejectedly, and I know who she'd rather have over for lunch.

The night is warm and nice. Even from the fifteenth floor, you can hear the crickets buzzing around on the ground, fussing about the heat. The stars are out and the sky is clear. There's no moon. We're sitting on the balcony, sharing a bottle of beer that was just supposed to be for me.

Faith is sitting on a deck chair, with her feet lazily propped up on the patio table. I'm doing the same.

She pulls a worn out Lucky Strike pack from out of nowhere and takes one out and props it into her pursed lips. She then throws me the pack and I do the same and light up with my own lighter.

"That pack's been at war and back." I notice as I throw it back. "Maybe you should get a permanent one. Metal."

"Don't wanna do that. I'm down to three a day." She says, expelling a thread of smoke into the night.

Of course. It's the missing piece that makes me look like trash. Faith trying to quit smoking. I hope to God it's the final piece.

"How long you been sober?" I ask, chugging down the remnants of the bottle. "I mean, before tonight."

Faith sighs and reaches down and comes back up triumphantly with another bottle.

"Seven months and thirteen days." She shrugs as she twists the cap off and takes a swallow before handing me the bottle.

"And you're just breaking that? Like that?" I ask, swallowing my own share. "Why?"

"Figure tonight can be an exception." She shrugs again, placing the cigarette in an ashtray before locking her eyes on mine. "Something like this doesn't happen every day."

It's the Oldies show on the radio, and The Bangles are belting out Manic Monday out on the airwaves. It's a sad moment when you realize that songs you grew up with make an appearance on the Oldies show.

Teresa has fallen asleep behind her sunglasses and her Pals'n'Gals Double Digest, leaving me humming alone. Wish it was Sunday / That's my fun day / S'just another manic Monday.

The sign on the road up ahead informs me that I've got 16 miles to go before I reach the outskirts of Lenwood. We're making good time, and we'll be home before noon. Which is of the good. I can't imagine myself in this car any longer.

Traffic gets heavier as we slowly approach the boonies of the boonies. Church goers going back home.

Manic Monday finishes softly and is replaced with something I've never even heard of when my mobile starts to dance along the dash. I smile when I read off the caller ID.

"Hey Uncle Al." I answer, and smirk when I notice Teresa waking up at the sound of Xander's nickname.

"You know, everyone's calling me that now. Even Giles. It's creepy."

"What's up, Xand?" I chuckle as I swerve past some random road kill on the side of the road. I push the speaker phone button and prop the mobile into the cup holder. "How's Madagascar?"

"I'm actually in Nepal with Ry. Helping Will out with some things." He says. "Just thought I'd check up on my favourite girls."

"Uncle Al!" Terry hollers from the back.

"Hey Pumpkin!" Xander acknowledges. "Am I on speaker phone?"

"Yep." Terry giggles.

"Don't tell me Dawn called you." I say.

"Dawn? Dawn who?"

"Xander." I warn.

"Fine." He sighs. "She told me everything. How did it go?"

It takes me a moment before I find an answer.

"It was… nice."

"Did you sleep with Jo?"

"Who?"

"The Stetson wearing sister." I say, finishing another bottle, and peeling off the label.

"You met her?"

"Briefly."

"Take it you don't like her, huh?" Faith says, and off my steely gaze, she explains herself. "She came on to me when we first met, but… I couldn't do that to…" She doesn't finish and I take it upon myself to do it for her.

"To Gravis."

"To you." She whispers. "I couldn't do that to you."

And that's all it takes for my heart to leap into my throat.

"Faith…" I feel like I'm going to be sick. For doubting her? Or maybe it's the beer.

This time she's the one asking the questions.

"Do you ever think of you an' me?" She asks, lighting up her fifth cigarette of the night. She's gone way past her three.

All the time.

"Sometimes." I lie.

"Really?" She says, like she's surprised. "Does Terry ever… Does she ask about me?"

I stare at her, and suddenly realize what she must be going through. Here's a girl who never had anything, and when she finally did, she didn't know what to do with it. So she did what she thought was right.

I smile and nod and she gladly accepts that as a valid answer. She hands me another bottle and I just stare at it, wondering how she can drink so much.

"Remember how I used to be? Well, turns out I'm kinda the same." She says with a small smile, as if reading my mind. "I haven't changed, B."

"What do you want for lunch, Ter?" I ask as we drive by the grocery store.

"I dunno." She says. "Something cold."

I laugh and catch my eyes in the rearview mirror. They're happy. Terry smiles and kicks her feet against the back of the passenger seat.

"Are you happy, Mommy?" She asks softly.

I take my time to answer. I think about Xander's phone call. About Gravis. About Dawn. About Teresa. About her.

"I think I might be, Ter." I say, and she nods in approval.

"Good." She says wisely. "Do we have any orange popsicles left?"

We only have grape and cherry left, so I make a turn and drive into the grocery store's parking lot.

"Why'd you kiss me in the washroom?" She asks, slowly looking me in the eye.

"Same reason you kissed me this morning." I answer, turning away to face the night.

"Maybe you give me something that I can believe in." She says, still staring at me, and I suddenly feel naked. "And that's more than I can give to you."

"I still love you." It comes out soft and under my breath, but she still catches it.

"Dunno why." Faith responds as she gets to her feet, somewhat unsteadily. "Should be the other way around. Somehow."

She collects the bottles and places them in a row by the patio door.

"What do you wish for?" I ask as she leans her back against the glass door.

She takes her time answering, checking her nails, running her hand through her hair, flicking the patio lights off.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you wish for?" I try again.

This time, she doesn't hesitate.

"To be free… From you."

I turn the key in the lock and Ter and I are greeted with a wave of cool air. Thank whoever it is I should thank for A/C. Ter runs inside and goes straight upstairs into her room.

"Ter? You gonna go see if Daisy'll come over?"

"In a minute."

I put our things away and make my way into the kitchen to prepare lunch. Are you happy, Mommy? Yeah. I think maybe I am. What do you wish for?

I grab the portable phone and dial.

"Tatooine Pizzeria."

"Andrew. It's only funny the first time you do that."

"Hey Buffy."

"Hey. Is Dawn around?"

"Actually she's gone to the grocery store."

"I was just wondering what you guys had planned for next weekend."

"Is that an invitation to come over?" He wonders and I can just picture him stroking his chin lightly.

"Maybe."

"I'm pretty sure we can make it. I'll get Dawn to call you back to confirm."

"Thanks Andy."

I hang up and stare out the window. What do you wish for? Are you happy, Mommy? Are you?

My watch says it's just a little past six o'clock and I stifle a groan. A pounding headache, three hours of broken sleep and a tongue that feels like cardboard. Great.

Terry tosses and turns and finally opens her eyes.

"Morning." I manage, trying not to scare her with my horrible morning breath.

She doesn't say anything. She just sits up and jumps off the bed. She slips her feet into her sandals and sits on the floor, patiently waiting for me.

I run my hands over my top to smooth the creases and fix my hair up lazily with one of Ter's hair elastics.

"We should go." I tell her, and she doesn't say anything, she just opens the door and makes her way out of the room.

We get as far as the kitchen before we're caught.

"You heading out?" Gravis says and I catch my breath when I see him.

He's wearing sweats and no top. Good God. He finishes a glass of orange juice and wipes his mouth slowly with the back of his hand.

"Yeah." I whisper. "Think maybe it's better if we do."

He nods and leans against the fridge. Then he thinks of something and heads over to what I'm assuming is the pantry, because he fishes out two juice boxes and two granola bars.

"For the road." He explains.

I nod in thanks and usher Teresa to the door. He opens it and squats down to his knees to give Ter a hug.

"Your sunglasses." Ter says, handing them over.

He smirks.

"It'll still be sunny out there." He says and she smiles.

"Ter, why don't you go ahead and press the button for the elevator. I'll be there in a sec."

She nods and gives Gravis another smile before running down the hall.

"Have a good talk last night?" He says, shifting his weight to his other foot. "I didn't hear her come to bed."

I give him a small smile and look into his eyes. "Yeah."

He nods and smiles.

"You know Teresa is welcome anytime."

"I know." I manage as I reach down to grab our bag. "Thanks."

I'm half way to the elevator before I hear his voice again.

"Buffy!" He calls out, and I stop, but don't turn around. "There's only one she'll ever love, and I'm a fool for pretending it's me."

My head lowers down and I stare at my shoes. I hear the closing of the door, and try to hold in the tears that are threatening to spill.

"Mommy!" Teresa calls out. "The elevator."

I look up and give her a small smile. My grip on the bag tightens as I walk towards her, feeling myself lighten with every step I take.

Epilogue

Gravis hands me the drying towel before plunging his hands in the soapy dishwater. His sleeves are rolled up clumsily, and his short hair has a few pillow licks. He looks horrible. I guess he took the break-up pretty hard.

I have to admit I was quite shocked when he appeared on the doorstep with red eyes and a bottle of wine. His feeble "Can I crash for dinner?" was weak and uninspired. He didn't say anything else until the middle of dinner when he abruptly announced that he and Faith had broken up. Dawn choked on a piece of broccoli, Andrew spat out a mouthful of beer, and Teresa just stared at him in disbelief. I don't really know what my reaction was like. I guess I kinda knew all along. Knew that something wasn't right. I mean, what can you say or think when your ex's boyfriend shows up unexpectedly, all disheveled like? Especially since I only met him a few weeks ago.

So right after we finished dinner, I urged Dawn and Andy to take Terry out for some ice cream, to give us some time. I guess doing the dishes is the best way to talk, since he started towards the sink right away.

"Youbrokeher." He states, scrubbing a plate weakly. "No dishwasher?" He mumbles after that, looking down at the cupboards.

"I—what, sorry?" I ask as I wrinkle my nose involuntarily.

"You broke her." He says again, this time with more clarity. He stops washing and stares out the kitchen window.

I did what now? Break her? When the fuck did I drop her? Don't get me wrong. Gravis is a nice guy. The kind of guy you bring home to meet your parents. The kind of guy who'll give you the shirt off his back if you ask him to. The kind of guy you don't stumble across everyday. The perfect guy. You broke her. He just doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd blame someone else for his problems.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like a… It's just…" He says, casting a glance to the time on the microwave. "Ever since you guys talked she's been acting…" He starts as he places a plate in the dish rack. "She comes home in the middle of the night, most of the times, drunk, she doesn't tell me where she's been, smokes more than ever, sulks when she's not killing the equipment in the gym—" He explains, and I stop him before he can go further.

"Stop." I say as I lay the towel on my shoulder, and lean against the counter. "All of that… well maybe not all of that, but most of it is kinda normal for her."

Gravis stops washing and lands his eyes into mine. Like he's trying to read me, but not succeeding. He gives me a tired smile and sways his head slowly in slight amusement as if he doesn't believe me.

"Without all those things, Faith is like an Oreo cookie without the creamy frosting in the middle." And I really need to ease off of the cookie references.

"So what are you telling me? That really you fixed her?" His head falls into a stray of light and I can see how exhausted he really looks. He hasn't shaven in awhile, he's got bags underneath his eyes and the tip of his nose is flaking with dry skin. There's a sudden pang in my gut that's urging me to comfort him like I would've liked to have been when the same thing happened to me.

"And I'm trying, you know, to like, eighty-six it from my mind, but it's like… like I can't." He says, renewing his washing effort with some gusto.

"Did you move out?" I ask, drying a few forks and knives.

He sways his head before sighing. "No." He brings a finger to scratch his nose, and leaves a trail of dish soap by his mouth. "I just can't seem to."

"Oh." None of this is making sense to me. Tonight started out just fine. Normal Saturday night dinner with Dawn and Andy. Dinner and a movie. Why can't anything ever just stick with the plan? I don't need any more deviance in my life, thank you very much.

News that Faith is single again and in a sinking ship isn't the best thing that could happen to me. Fuck Faith. Why'd you have to go break his heart? He loves you. Just like I did. Like I do. I mean, what does this mean? That she'll be running the bars before landing another Gravis-type? Or worse—a Buffy-type?

"You should go see her." He says, nodding. "Yeah. That's what I think you should do." He says, agreeing with himself.

"Should I now."

"Isn't that what you want?" He asks in an innocent way, scrubbing away vigorously. I don't think he even realizes what he's implying. "Want for Terry?" He adds.

Okay. Maybe he knows what he's saying.

"Look. Gravis." My hand has somehow found itself on his right shoulder, and I affectionately give it a slight squeeze. "After that weekend, I… I figured out that I could be happy without her. It took me five years to figure it out, but I finally did. And I am. Happy, I mean. And now… Now you come over with this…" I break off as I try to find the word I'm looking for, but he beats me to it.

"This opportunity to make you happier." He finishes softly, giving me a sad smile.

There's only one she'll ever love, and I'm a fool for pretending it's me. Oh, Gravis.

"She's not happy, Buffy. I can't stand seeing her this way." And I'm not the one who can fix her. "And as much as I hate saying this, I'm not the one who'll make everything right as rain again."

There's an awkward silence as we both absorb what he just said before he starts wiping down the counter top with the dish rag.

"What's in it for you?" It's so soft; I don't even think I said it out loud. But he heard it 'cause he's swaying his head in despair.

"Bring her home." He says slowly. "Come with me and bring her back home."

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision that night. Wonder if it was for the best. Wonder what our lives would be like if I hadn't done what I did. And then the wondering stops. Because it could never be as good as it is now.

Terry just smiled when we walked through the front door. She smiled and Faith started to cry. Only the second time I had seen her cry. And it was beautiful. Ter's smile turned into laughter as she jumped into Faith's arms and wrapped her arms around her neck lovingly. And then I started to cry. And Ter laughed harder.

"Mommy. Don't be silly." She said. I still don't know who she was talking to. But I don't care. Mommy, don't be silly. Never. Never again.

Continue to "86'ed"