FADE UP
INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - DAY
Everyone minus Xander and Anya are gathered in the living
room. Buffy and Faith sit shoulder to shoulder on the floor.
Dino sits in between Dawn and Elle. Willow boredly rests
her head on her forearms next to Giles. Sylvia stands in
the middle with all eyes on her.
SYLVIA
That's what I know.
WILLOW
(British accent)
Smashing tale.
Giles nonchalantly pulls a hair out of Willow's head. It hurts.
GILES
(to Sylvia)
Thank you for informing us. It
should be extremely useful.
FAITH
We don't know if mystery girl is a
bonafide starter or just a bench-
warmer. How is that useful?
SYLVIA
I'm sorry--starter, bench-
warmer...I don't speak that sort of
analogous English.
FAITH
(murmuring)
At least I speak English.
BUFFY
What Faith is saying--and correctly
pointing out--is we don't know if
she's a slayer or just a potential.
We're looking for some girl who may
or may not be on our side. No
offense, but your information-
gathering in this case stinks.
SYLVIA
Thank you for your honesty. I
admit the book on our girl is thin,
but she was listed as a priority in
the watcher's files.
(pause)
They do not use that label often.
Beat.
FAITH
You mean they don't use it ANYMORE.
I'm still cryin' over that by the
way.
(to Buffy; fake desperation)
Hold me.
Buffy does so, digging Faith's face into her chest, patting
Faith on the head and back.
GILES
(to Sylvia)
We all mourn the dead. Really.
SYLVIA
In any case, I appreciate your
attention and hopefully we can work
together to bring this issue to a
peaceful and positive resolution.
Everyone stares.
DAWN
'Kay.
SYLVIA
Well, I'll take my leave. If you
need me, I'm staying at the
Waterfront Hotel.
DINO
What water?
SYLVIA
There's a charming little fountain
in back.
BUFFY
The only fountain I've seen there
is for DRINKING.
SYLVIA
And it is quite charming. Good day.
Sylvia nods to the group, aims an extra-long look Giles' way
and heads out.
BUFFY
Raise your hand if you don't trust her.
Buffy, Willow, Dawn, and Elle raise their hands. Faith
raises Buffy's other hand. Giles gives them a stern look.
DINO
I'm giving her a chance...'cause I
wanna do her.
GILES
Besides that, she knows things only
someone who worked for the council
would know. Also, I consider
myself a fairly good judge of
character. I don't feel she is a
threat or here for nefarious reasons.
Buffy's dumbfounded.
BUFFY
Guys, can you give Giles and us
some privacy?
The others exchange weary glances. Willow stumbles out of
her seat and goes upstairs. As she does:
WILLOW
Me, Buffy, Anya, and Sylvia...I'm
going to sleep.
DINO
(to Elle)
Home. Lunch.
Dino yanks Elle to her feet.
ELLE
Can Dawn come?
DINO
Family lunch.
Elle's a bit disturbed. She looks over at Dawn who feels
the same way. Elle waives at Dawn before being dragged out
the door. Dawn lingers for a moment. She slowly heads for
the kitchen, stopping briefly when Buffy grabs and
reassuringly squeezes her hand.
FAITH
(to Buffy)
I get to stay?
BUFFY
This is slayer business.
(to Giles)
You have a feeling?
GILES
I do not like the tone of that
question.
BUFFY
My seriousness bothers you?
GILES
It FEEL it was condescending.
BUFFY
It wasn't. With all due respect to
you and the others, excluding
Dino...it's the super people who
have to clean up the monumental
messes that build up in this town.
The hardcore physical work is OUR
work. So yes, I have to question
you on this.
GILES
I don't impose my will on you much
these days. I'm certainly not
trying in this case. Mainly
because with every new day I trust
you to run this operation more than
the day before. I thought you
still held that same level of trust
in me.
BUFFY
You know I trust your judgment as
much as anyone, but I won't--and I
definitely can't--leave it that.
History, downright common sense
tell me we have to be suspicious
and skeptical of this lady.
GILES
What do you propose we do?
FAITH
Ain't gotta be nothin' major. Low-
level intelligence-gatherin' and
shit like that. She's got a past--
some kinda record. We won't touch
her unless we gotta, G-man.
BUFFY
Giles, there's no room for
recklessness in this situation.
Buffy grasps Faith's hand. Giles knows she means business.
BUFFY
Or any situation from here on out.
Not if it can be helped.
Giles concedes her point.
GILES
Of course you're right.
(beat)
I think I will catch up on some
reading. Enjoy the rest of your
day and I will see you tomorrow.
Giles heads for the door.
BUFFY/FAITH
Bye.
Giles exits without looking back.
BUFFY
Of course I'm right. Did you see
the way he looked at me?
FAITH
Don't fret babe. They all come
around eventually.
BUFFY
The last thing I need--I WANT--is
to be on bad terms with the men in
my life.
FAITH
Technically, I'm the guy in this
relationship and, well, I'm doin'
pretty damn good.
Buffy smiles and gives Faith an eskimo kiss.CUT TO:INT. DEAN HOUSE - DAY
Elle walks in with Dino behind her.
ELLE
Supremely trippy stuff, huh?
DINO
Like a vacation in North Korea.
ELLE
Can you believe Xander...taking
overreactions to a level unheard of
in human history.
DINO
Oh, I don't know...I can see where
he's coming from.
ELLE
Considering he's your friend and he
shamed you in front of others, I'm
not surprised.
DINO
No no--I can see it because I've
used a similar set of eyes that he
has. In fact, I'm using them right
now.
ELLE
What the hell are you talking about?
DINO
What's going on with you and Dawn?
ELLE
Obviously, you're implying
something. I know she's not having
lunch with me.
DINO
This ain't a time for kiddin' around.
ELLE
Do I look entertained by my own wry
wit?
DINO
Are you and her...?
Dino gestures around with his hands. Elle narrows her eyes.
ELLE
She's my friend.
DINO
That's it?
ELLE
We're also study-buddies and lab
partners, but I don't like to brag.
Dino silently crosses his arms.
ELLE
Do you EXPECT more and just wanna
hear me say it, or are you
genuinely curious?
DINO
Both.
ELLE
All right, you wanna hear an
answer--grow some balls and ask the
question.
DINO
Are you and Dawn a couple?
ELLE
Finally!
(beat)
To respond: that's none of your
business.
DINO
(stunned)
None of my--none of my--
ELLE
--your business. My love life is
none of your damn business.
DINO
LOVE LIFE? You're a fuckin'
teenager--you have no fuckin' love
life!
ELLE
Maybe I do...maybe I don't. No
matter what--it's none of your God
damn business.
DINO
(angrily)
No, nuh uh--you don't bring that
shit with me. After EIGHT YEARS of
making YOU the focus of MY life--
ELLE
(appalled)
--don't you dare throw that in my face!
DINO
Shut up! I was FOURTEEN when I
took you in. Got you out of that
shithole, away from those monsters.
I've had to be more than just a
brother to you--father, mother,
you're entire fuckin' family along
with being your friend. Ya think
it was easy braiding your hair and
buying your bras? Find the right
schools, doctors, and all that crap
that's supposed to be for ADULTS?
Everything you ever needed I gave
you on top of so much you wanted.
I gave you the best life possible
by bringing you into mine. I've
never regretted it.
(pause)
This isn't me throwing it in your
face. It's stating a history. One
that I think means I've earned the
right to know if my sister is a
fuckin' lesbian!
A long silence. Elle shakily holds her ground.
ELLE
And here I thought that kind of
love was unconditional.
That stings Dino.
ELLE
But I guess nothing ever is.
(beat)
I'm not hungry.
Elle's eyes water. She turns hastily and races upstairs
leaving behind Dino to bang his head against the wall. CUT TO:INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT - DAY
Xander shuts the door behind him and leans against it. He
releases a heavy SIGH. Moments later, the door opens
knocking Xander to the ground. Anya marches in.
ANYA
Oh, so you're filled with so much
angst that it's floored you?
XANDER
If angst is a blonde with a
limitless sex drive, then yes.
ANYA
You have a lot of nerve reacting
that way.
XANDER
You knocked me down!
ANYA
Your earlier outburst. Could you
be more of a hypocrite?
Xander gets up.
XANDER
Excuse me? Maybe I didn't hear
correctly from my possible head injury.
ANYA
Xander the Hypocrite. That's you.
How else to explain complaining
about your friends keeping you in
the dark about something important
when YOU did the exact same thing
with our engagement over a much
longer period of time!
XANDER
Are you still dwelling on that?
Anya takes a swing at Xander. He ducks.
XANDER
I have always apologized for how I
handled that situation. I was
wrong then, but it's totally
different from this one.
ANYA
Sure, YOU would think that.
XANDER
I wanted to keep that a secret
because I wasn't completely
comfortable with the idea of
getting married. Whether or not
you think that's a good reason, you
have to keep sight of the major
difference between then and now.
ANYA
And what's that?
XANDER
We didn't discriminate! Nobody
knew about us. Everybody knew
about Buffy and Faith...
(pause)
...except me.
ANYA
There were signs. If you had taken
the signs seriously instead of
simply attributing them to your
horny male testosterone-laden
imagination, you would've known.
XANDER
That's all it was for you? The signs?
ANYA
Well, that and Faith admitted it
the day after I slept with her.
Xander does a double-take, his eyes threatening to bulge out
of their sockets. Anya is mortified.
ANYA
I mean, YES--it was only the signs.
Xander is pissed. Anya smiles nervously before jetting out
of the apartment. CUT TO:INT. SYLVIA'S HOTEL ROOM - EVENING
Sylvia talks on the phone.
SYLVIA
It is not necessary to inform me of
my responsibilities. I will do
what I came here to do.
(pause)
My funding is adequate. And I do
mean ADEQUATE.
A KNOCK at the door.
SYLVIA
(loudly; to the door)
Just a moment please.
(into phone)
I'll call you tomorrow.
Sylvia hangs up the phone and goes to the door. She opens
it to reveal Giles holding a bottle of wine.
GILES
I finished my reading sooner than
expected and decided to take
advantage of having as company
someone my own age.
With a gleam in her eye, Sylvia smirks. CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, WILLOW'S ROOM - NIGHT
Willow boredly fiddles with her hair on the floor. There's
a KNOCK and the door opens giving way to Dawn who enters
with a large bag.
DAWN
Busy?
WILLOW
I'm flexing my hair.
DAWN
Good for you, keeping those hair
muscles in shape.
(beat)
I got something for you.
WILLOW
You're not old enough to buy alcohol.
DAWN
No, but I am old enough to buy...
Dawn shuts the door and pulls out a box. She displays the
front to Willow. Willow's interest is heightened. The
picture on the box is of a checker board with filled
shotglasses on the squares. The name: SHOTGLASS CHECKERS.
DAWN
I figured if you're gonna drink,
you might as well have fun doing it.
WILLOW
What, they didn't have Keggerland?
DAWN
Keggerland? Get real, Willow.
Dawn takes a seat across from Willow and opens the box.
DAWN
You doing okay?
WILLOW
I could be better. I could be
worse. I've been both. Overall,
not terrible.
DAWN
That's a big step above "terrible".
You'll hit "pretty crappy" in no time.
WILLOW
Thanks. And thank you for earlier.
DAWN
What did I do?
WILLOW
Your scrum with Anya woke me up.
She's a nice fantasy, but not a
real-life scenario I want to deal with.
DAWN
A nice fantasy? Geez Louise, we
haven't even started the game yet.
Willow CHUCKLES.
DAWN
Can I ask a certain type of
particular question?
WILLOW
As long as you don't phrase it like
that.
DAWN
What's it like to--um, uh...
(pause; whispering)
...kiss a girl?
WILLOW
(whispering)
Is that all? You don't have to
whisper your curiosity about...
(loudly)
...what it's like to kiss a girl!
Dawn flails at Willow.
WILLOW
I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.
It's nothing to be bashful about.
Buffy knows, right?
DAWN
Yeah...
WILLOW
Why don't you ask her?
DAWN
Buffy's not really a lesbian.
She's a...Faithian. It's not like
she's going around shouting "gay
now!" in everyone's face.
Willow's not amused.
DAWN
Not that when you did it was stupid,
annoying, and/or an unconsciously
desperate way of convincing
yourself you are, in fact, gay.
Willow nods stoically.
DAWN
Are you gonna shatter these
shotglasses over my head? Look,
I'd go to someone else 'cause you
don't need this kind of sophomoric
burden, but it seems like God is
hellbent on keeping you as
Sunnydale's token lesbo.
WILLOW
Sophomoric burden?
DAWN
Sorry--all that reading is
improving my grammar against my
will.
(beat)
If you don't want to answer 'cause
of bad memories--
WILLOW
--NO. It's okay.
Willow looks pleasantly thoughtful.
WILLOW
Those aren't bad. The kisses were
always wonderful. Sent a special
shiver down my spine that I never
wanted to stop. Thing is Dawnie,
and Buffy understands this--you can
get that from anyone you care about
in a romantically special way.
DAWN
Sounds easy, but she's still a GIRL.
WILLOW
Look at the feelings you have for
her, see them on her face...and
that concern will disappear.
Dawn thinks about it for a moment before a soft smile snakes
across her lips.
WILLOW
(sly)
It helps that a girl's lips are
silky smooth with a velvety tongue
that she knows how to use.
Dawn bursts into GIGGLES and so does Willow. CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, BUFFY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Buffy listens to the wall as Faith shimmies on the bed.
FAITH
Seriously B, your sis and Red
aren't gettin' it on.
BUFFY
How do you know? Can you see
through the wall?
FAITH
No. But I can see the wall by
lookin' through your ears.
BUFFY
Willow's been so down recently
and--
(realizing)
--HEY! Are you calling me--
FAITH
--adorable? You read my mind my
pretty little Bumble B.
BUFFY
Stop that! You don't pull it off.
I'm worried about them both.
FAITH
They're not gonna get naked with
each other 'cause they got problems.
Not everyone's susceptible to a
sympathy fuck.
BUFFY
It's more like erotically mutual
comfort.
FAITH
Whatever ya say babe. Why don't ya
tell me more as you slowly take off
your clothes?
As Buffy mindlessly removes her clothes to Faith's delight:
BUFFY
I don't know. I guess it is stupid.
But it's so not easy to stand by
and watch them hurt when...
(pause)
...when you and me are good.
FAITH
That's bad?
BUFFY
(emphatically)
God no! But considering where we
were 36 hours ago, it physically
pains me to sit by and feel
incapable of helping two people I
love. You and I got through our
troubles.
FAITH
And they'll get through theirs.
You worry too much about people not
named Buffy.
BUFFY
So I shouldn't help?
FAITH
You should, just don't be so fuckin'
obvious about it.
BUFFY
Did you see Dawn's face when Dino
literally dragged Elle out of the
house? Dino doesn't treat his
sister like that. Willow...well,
Willow's...
FAITH
...knockin' down bottlenecks like
we knock off vamps?
BUFFY
Bingo. She's a few Buds away from
meeting Bill W. That's an
experience no one should have to go
through.
Faith crawls off the bed and over to Buffy. Faith places
her hands on either side of Buffy's face.
FAITH
You LOVE. You CARE. On a level
that makes ya think it comes from
slayer power. But it don't--it's
part of who you are. You let it
control you though. Take it from
someone who thrived on anger for
half her life--it ain't a great way
to live. How can you feel good
about yourself when you're busy
feelin' bad for everyone else?
Buffy deeply considers that. Her hands cover Faith's.
BUFFY
When did you get so wise?
FAITH
It's always been there. Just
needed enough inspiration to bring
it out...such as Naked Buffy. Hey,
can I shave you? I always wanted
to snuggle into a smooth, bald--
BUFFY
--FAITH!
(looking at her nude self)
When did my clothes come off? CUT TO:EXT. STREET/ALLEY - NIGHT
Xander rages down the street.
XANDER
Calm down Xander. Things may suck
royally now, but the suck has hit
only an individual level. It's not
a royal family suck. Nope--no
matter how many chicks your
girlfriend is into, the suck is not
unbearable.
Stay on the street as Xander promptly reaches the entrance
to an alley and suddenly gets pulled into it.
ALLEY
Two vamps hover over Xander, one pinning him to the wall.
VAMP 1
Since you don't mind the suck...
Vamp 2 LAUGHS.
XANDER'S POV
Vamp 1 headbutts him and CACKLES. Xander GROANS. The scene
gets blurry, then finally fades to black.
Moments later, there's a WHOOSH. The LAUGHS and CACKLES
turn to torturous SCREAMS. A SCUFFLE, GRUNTS, CRASHING and
SLAMMING.
Moments later:
FEMALE VOICE
Aloha! Hellooo. Waaaake uuuuuup.
Eyes flutter open, coming into focus, bringing into view the
smiling Female.
FEMALE
I have to admit--you do look good
enough to eat.
The Female grins. Xander can't believe his eyes.
END ACT THREE
Act Four |
