Chapter Thirteen

What did I do? What the fuck did we just do? Well, we fucked, that's pretty obvious but…fuck! This can't be happening. It can't. Faith has a kid, and a very loyal, caring, loving boyfriend, and…oh God no! I've become my father's secretary! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is wrong. This isn't me. I don't do this kind of stuff. I don't just get caught up in a moment like that and do something so…so…euphoriant. No! I mean something so stupid, and dumb, and retarded.

“B you're shaking, what's wrong?” she asks and she sounds so sweet. Her voice makes me feel so happy, and sickened at the same time. Kind of like that time I ate too much cotton candy and threw up for two hours straight. “Don't freak out, ok? Just don't.” Just don't? What the hell kind of advice is that? I can really see that working out in a real situation. `Person number one: I'll do it, man. I'm gonna jump, and there's nothing you can say to change my mine. Hero of the day: Just don't. Person number one: Oh God, what was I thinking? How could I be so stupid? I need to go home and kiss my wife and hug my kids.' Yeah, I really don't see that happening.

“`Don't freak out'? Faith do you have any idea how hard it is to find out you've been cheated on? My mom cried for weeks after she found out my dad slept with someone else.” I can feel the tears start to come. I need to get out of here. I can't let her see me like this. “Get up, I have to go.” My voice sounds strained and my throat feels like it's closing up. She doesn't move a muscle, and I'm starting to get pissed off at her. “Move, Faith. Please just let me go.”

“No, B, I'm not. You're freaking out. I get it, but just take a breath ok?” No, I don't want to sit here. I need to go. I push on her shoulders, and knee her in the hip, but nothing is working. My limbs still feel like jelly so this is really hard. I just want to go. I look into her eyes and I see…everything I've waned to see. But it's so wrong. “It's ok, Buffy.” The tears win the battle and I start sobbing.

“Not it's not. It's far from ok. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Everything is so screwed up.” I can't talk anymore so I stop trying. I feel her get off of me, but I don't move. I just lie here, cold, exposed, and feeling completely naked. I know that sounds dumb because I'm not wearing any clothes but this is the first time I've ever let my guard completely down. I feel her grab onto my arms and she pulls me up. She pulls me into her lap, and wraps her arms around me. I bury my face in her shoulder and cry my fucking eyes out.

“I'm a whore. I'm a dirty, cheating whore.” Oh look I got my voice back. I've never felt so dirty in my entire life. I feel like the only way I'm ever going to get clean again is if I take a bath in boiling water. “I'm a filthy, stupid whore.” I start coughing really hard, and Faith starts to gently rub my back.

“You're not a whore, Buffy. And you could never be filthy or stupid or dirty. We can't change what happened tonight, and I wouldn't even if we could.” Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't say it! Please don't say it! “Just calm down, ok? And we'll go home, get cleaned up and tomorrow we'll figure out what to do. How does that sound?” Ok, thank God she didn't say it. If she tells me that she loves me I might be sick. I don't want those words associated with tonight.

I cry in her arms for another…I don't know how long. It could be ten minutes it could be five hours, but I'm so beyond exhausted that I've lost my perception of time. Anyway, after I finish crying, I don't get up right away. I nuzzle Faith's neck, and she keeps gently rubbing my back. I keep waiting for it to get awkward between us but it hasn't yet. It needs to because if it doesn't get awkward I don't know how I'm going to walk away from this.

“We better get dressed,” she says and all of the comfort she was bringing me dies like an old, sick dog. “Wouldn't want some vamp walking up on us and bragging to all of his friend about us.” That makes me laugh a little bit even though I don't deserve to laugh. I don't' care what Faith said, even if it was sweet, she' still wrong. I'm a whore. I let my hormones get the best of me and I killed a family. I should just never have sex again. It seems like every time I do something horrible happens.

I lift my head off her shoulder and just look at her. I want to ask her what we're going to do now besides just go home and act like nothing happened. I want to ask her how she really feels about me. But most of all I want to ask her if she's going to tell Tanner or not. If she doesn't tell him, if I'm nothing more then a dirty secret I don't know if I can stand to be around her. I'll definitely be going to an out of state school then.

I hold my breath as she slowly leans in and kisses me. This is definitely not like the other kisses we shared. Those were about control, and lust, and the slayers within us getting some satisfaction. But this is totally different. It's sweet, and tender, and…loving. I respond to it by adding some pressure and slightly tilting my head. I don't want this to deepen. We might get caught up in the moment or something. As much as I enjoyed what happened we can't do it again. At least not until I get some answers and see some changes.

She's the one that ends the kiss, and I whimper a little when she does. I must look like a total freak. I'm sitting here completely naked, face red and puffy from crying, and now I'm whimpering like a sad dog or something. Hmm, I've been comparing things to dogs a lot lately. If she thinks I'm a freak she's not showing it. She rests her forehead against mine, and gently rubs the tip of her nose on mine. I've never seen her act so touchy feely. Even with Sam she mostly wrestles around with her. Did I just compare myself with her kid? I need help.

She leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose and gives me a playful smile. I let out a small sigh and I just know the tender moment is over. I get off her lap and stand up. Now that all of the passion and…desire is going I'm embarrassed about being naked in front of her. I guess she can just sense that I'm uncomfortable because after she does the whole elevator eyes over my body she turns around. Well thank God for that. Ok, now where are my clothes?

It takes me a few minutes to gather everything up. Not because I can't find my stuff, but because I really don't want to leave. Once we get home everything will be weird. She'll be with Tanner again and I honestly don't think I can handle seeing that. They don't really show a lot of pda's, but whenever they sit next to each other they touch in some way. Like her hand will be on his knee, or he'll put his arm around her shoulders. I really don't think I'll be able to control myself.

Great, this is just perfect. There's dirt, and grass stains all over the back of my shirt, and jeans. I'm probably never going to be able to get these stains out. Faith's clothes are probably just as dirty. At least we can just say we got jumped by a couple of vampires. Except for the fact that we both smell like sex. We can't go home at the same time because we only have one shower. I guess it doesn't really matter. I don't think I'm ever going to feel clean again.

“We can't go back to the house together,” I tell her as she pulls her shirt over her head. She gives me a weird look and starts to put her pants on. “We both smell like sex, Faith. The best thing to do is for one of us to go back early and take a shower right away. I don't feel like going home yet. So I'll see you later.” I turn around and start walking away, but then she call out my name. I just want to go. “What Faith?” I turn around and she's buckling up her belt.

“Look, B, what your dad did to your mom is really shitty, but you're not like that. You don't understand everything about me and Tanner. So don't be thinkin' that you're a bad person, because you're not. You never could be.” Her words aren't exactly comforting. I don't say anything. All I do is glance down at my shoes. “I guess I'll see you at the house.” I guess she realizes I'm not going to say anything. I'm afraid if I try to say anything I'll either do one of two things. I'll either have another break down because of the very slutty thing we did. Or I'll get really pissed off at her and start screaming.

I know she was just trying to comfort me, but she got it wrong. I'm not comparing myself to my dad because of what he did to my mom. Yeah I'm in a relationship but we haven't even been dating for a week. Faith and Tanner have been together for almost four years. It doesn't matter how much we enjoyed what we did, or if she has feelings or not. She shouldn't have kissed me. She should have talked to me about it, and we could've come up with a solution.

No, instead she kisses me. How was that the better alternative? I really want to know what the hell she was thinking. I guess it doesn't really matter now. We already had sex on the ground, which was pretty weird. I've thought about this a lot and I always imagined our first time would be in my bed. She and Tanner would be broken up and one night she just can't get to sleep because she wants me so bad. So she comes into my room and wakes me up by softly kissing me on my lips.

After I'm awake she gets under the covers with me and she softly, and gently makes love to me. I never really thought about any of the details because I was never sure how two women make love. In my fantasy she was always on top of me, so I guess we were doing what we did tonight only not as rough. Why am I thinking about all of this now? I just had sex with somebody else's girlfriend, and I live with that somebody. When I got home tonight I'm going to see him, talk to him, and have to act normal around him. This is going to suck.

I stop walking and take in a deep breath. I left Faith back at the cemetery about fifteen minutes ago. Now I'm at the spot behind Angel's mansion that over looks Sunnydale. I come here when I need to think. At least sometimes I do. Other times I'll just walk aimlessly around town, or sit on the swings at the park. But I know Faith won't follow me here, and I know that if Willow and Xander were looking for me this would be the last place they'd think of. They think I hate him because of what he did, but I don't.

I sigh and put my hands in my pockets. `And here she stands the little lonely emo kid. Nothing in her life makes sense anymore' no. That doesn't sound right. `Everything in her life has gotten completely out of control. Everything she thought she knew about herself she's learned is not true'. Ok, I'll stop being dumb. I'm just trying to kill some time. I don't want to think about anything right now because I'll get too emotional. Like if I think about how I'm going to go home and sleep alone tonight I might start crying.

I never really believed that women get emotional after sex. I always thought that it was something guys made up just to have an excuse to leave, and be assholes. But now I know they're not lying. After my night with Angel things were different. Everything was so crazy, and he said all of those mean things. So of course I was emotional. But right now after what Faith and I did I just want her to come back and hold me, and tell me that everything will work out. Ever though that's all a total lie, I still want to hear it.

After about twenty minutes of just standing here and looking at the small town of Sunnydale I turn around and leave. It doesn't matter how long I stay out or how much I think about other things, I'm never going to be ready to go home and try to deal with everything. So I might as well just go home and get it over with. I won't bother with doing anything tonight. I'll just take a shower and go to bed. I'll probably listen to my walkman so I won't have to listen to Faith and Tanner talking. Even if they don't have sex they talk for at least an hour after they go to bed.

I don't think I can handle that. Hearing them talking about everything but nothing at all. I want that too. I want to lie in bed next to Faith and wrap my arms around her and talk about nothing in particular. I want to gently kiss her goodnight before we fall asleep together. I want to wake up and have her be the first thing that I see. I want her to feel the same about me. But none of this matters. Even after what we did I know we're not going to get a happy ending. Right now it's time to stop thinking about it. It's time for me to go inside and try to pretend like tonight never happened.

I slowly open the door and the first thing I notice is the lack of sound. The TV isn't on, I don't hear Sam wigging because she doesn't want to sleep in her own bed, and I don't hear my mom talking to anyone. It isn't just Faith that my mom has gotten friendly with. She and Tanner have some pretty long conversations. I hate that he gets along with my mother. You have no idea how much I just want him to go away.

I walk into the living room and I see Faith sitting on the couch. Her hair is still wet and she's in her pajamas. Well, Faith's version of pajamas. She's wearing black silk lounge pants and a gray t-shirt. Little Samantha is in her jammies too. A long sleeved button up shirt and matching draw string pants. Both are pink with little puppy dogs all over them. She wants a puppy so bad and she's so damn cute when she pouts that I almost start whining for one whenever she does.

“Hey,” I hear Faith say and it pulls me out of my little zone out. “You were gone for a long time.” I didn't walk straight home from the mansion. I wandered around town fro about an hour and a half. Time sure flies when you're avoiding something. “I was getting a little worried. Thought maybe a demon got a hold of you.” She was worried about me? I'm not sure if I should be flattered or offended.

“Well I'm fine,” I tell her and walk a little further into the room. I don't know if I should sit down or not. “It seems like ever since those vamps came into town there hasn't been a lot of activity.” I slowly sit down in the chair that's next to the couch. I don't want to seem needy, and I don't want to do something stupid. Distance is the key for that.

“It's like they're trying to put us out of the job or something,” she says with a little smile. So this is how it's going to be? We just go on like nothing happened, and be ok with it? I watch as Faith looks down at Sam. Her little girl is curled up in her arms and fast asleep. Faith is looking at her with this expression that only a parent can get. It's this mix of joy and pride, and just seeing her with that look on her face makes me smile.

“I don't know what I would do without her,” she says in a very low voice. There's something about her tone that's tell me I need to just be quiet right now and let her say what she wants. “I would still be fucked up, that's for damn sure. I used to do so much shit just because I could. But then she was born, and I looked down into those eyes and I just knew that she's why I'm here. Nothing else matters as long as she's safe and she's happy. She saved me from becoming a drug addict or an alcoholic. I just with my parents could see that.” Wow, that's the first time Faith's said anything about her parents. I've only asked her about them once or twice but she changed the subject and got distant. Maybe she'll open up now?

“What were your parents like?” I ask in a very soft voice. I don't want to wake Sam up. Once she gets to sleep she's out for the night. If she wakes up there's no getting her back to sleep. She'll stay up and either talk to her stuffed animals, or cry. Anyway, Faith gets a pained look on her face. She carefully covers Sam up with her little Rocko's Modern Life blanket. This is so cool, you have no idea.

“They were very Catholic,” she says and shakes her head a little bit. “They separated when I was little, and I stayed at my dad's on the weekends. My mom was too busy enjoying the drinking and passing out parts of life to pay attention to me. My dad had a new girlfriend every other week but as long as we went to church every Sunday to confess our sins everything was fine.” She gets a weird look on her face like the words left a bad taste in her mouth.

“My dad was really fuckin strict, and my mom didn't really care what I did as long as I got home on time. Tanner was the first person who really loved me. He didn't wanna control me, and he paid attention to me. He just got me. I stopped wanting to go home, and I was too afraid to tell my dad I had a boyfriend. So I would lie and tell `em I was just staying at a friend's house. His mom didn't care if I stayed the night as long as I slept on the couch.” Wow. I don't think my mom would ever let my boyfriend spend the night even if he stayed on the couch.

“What did your parents say when you told them you were pregnant?” She sighs and gets a really sad look on her face. She still hasn't looked away from Sam. It's almost like she's in a trance. I want to know what it's like to have that feeling, but I know I'm not ready to be a mom. I think Faith is the only slayer who's had a kid, which is kind of weird if you think about it. Teenage girls have babies all the time, all over the world, so why is Faith the only one who's a mother? Considering what she told me about the Council I really don't want to think about it right now. I am going to interrogate Giles about it though.

“My mom called me a whore, and sent me to live with my dad. My dad wanted me to give her up for adoption but I told him no. He freaked out. Thought the devil was taking over my mind or something. He called my mom and talked to her. They both took me to the church we went to every Sunday. They told Father Thomas that I was pregnant, and they thought the devil was stopping me from making the right choice. I tried to tell him that I just didn't want to give my baby up, that I couldn't just abandon it. He told us to wait, and he went upstairs where he lives. He came back down with a cup of tea. He told me if I drank it, it would purge my mind and soul of the demon inside of me and then I could decide what was right.

“I kept telling him I wasn't possessed, that I was fine but they wouldn't listen. They tried to make me drink that stuff but I wouldn't. I tried to get up and run but my dad grabbed onto me. He held me as tight as he could and Faith Thomas tried to force that tea down my throat. He kept saying `let the calamint purge the demon'. I let him put a bunch in my mouth but I spit it out. After a while they got tired and gave up. He told them to bring me back the next night and they'd try again.

“The next day I ditched school and went to the library. I looked up the word calamint in one of the big plant books that I found. I'll never forget the last part of the passage. It said: `In medieval times the herb was used to cure stomach ailments, as an antidote to sickness, and as a cure for leprosy. It was also used to hinder conception and to induce abortions.' I never went home again after that. I told Tanner's mom what happened and she let me move in with them.” Oh my fucking God. I thought the story was going to be bad but I had no idea.

“Oh my God. That's horrible. Did you call the cops? If he tried to give you that stuff then he could do it to other girls too.” She gets tears in her eyes and I know there's more to the story. I want to ask but I don't want to push. She's upset enough as it is. I can't just sit here and watch her about to cry. I get up and sit down next to her on the couch. I carefully wrap my arms around her so I won't wake Sam up, and she rests her head on my shoulder. I feel her hot tears drip down to my shoulder. I don't want to ever let her go. I want to protect both of them for the rest of their lives.

“I can't lose her, Buffy,” she says and her voice sounds strained, like she's hold back a sob or something. “I'm sorry but I can't lose her. Tanner won't just give her up, and I can't live without her.” Oh, that's what she's crying about. At least I think it is. “I'm sorry, but I can't.” I softly run my fingers through her hair, and she takes in a deep, shaky breath. It looks like I'm going to be a dirty little secret after all. I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it.

“Faith it's ok. I'd never ask you to do something like that.” I mean that. I'd never ask her to chose between me and her daughter. Even if she does have feelings for me it doesn't matter. Her daughter will always be the most important thing in her life, and I know that. I guess I'll just have to find a way to get rid of these feelings. “Let's just go to bed, ok? We can talk tomorrow when I get home from school.” She nods her head a little but she doesn't move and I'm glad. I'm not ready to give her up just yet.

Chapter Fourteen

I groan as my alarm clock goes off. It's not like I was asleep or anything. It just means that now I have to get up and start yet another stress filled day. I don't want to leave my room. When I leave my bedroom I'm going to go downstairs and see Faith talking to my mom and helping her make breakfast. All week long every time I see Faith standing at the stove in her pajamas, her hair messy and pulled back in a loose ponytail, I just want to wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her neck. I know I'm a freak, so sue me.

“Buffy it's time to get ready for school!” my mom yells as she knocks on the door. I don't want to get up. I know if I don't get up then she'll just come in here and treat me like a little kid, and I really don't need embarrassment added to the pile of crap I already have to deal with. So I get up, I take a quick ten minute shower, and I get ready. As I get ready I go over the facts. Fact number one: Faith and I slept together. Fact number two: Faith has feelings for me too. Fact number three: Tanner is a douche bag. Ok, so he's not but I thought I'd add that part.

Besides Tanner isn't a douche bag by any means. He's a cock block. Well he would be if I had a cock. But at least now I know that Faith wants me too. She doesn't want Tanner. She just doesn't want to lose Sam. I can't fault her for trying to be a good mother. That would be really fucked up. So I'm going to have a positive out look on all of this from now on. Faith can't be with me so I need to move on with my life. It's not a bad thing though. This way she gets to keep her daughter, and I get to keep my sanity.

My life isn't so bad without Faith in it. I have two of the best friends a girl can have. I have a wonderful mother who is more then willing to pay a ridiculous amount of money so I can get into a good school. I have a father figure who is always looking out for me, who traveled all over California looking for me, and who would give up his life to save mine. Plus I have a charming, funny, caring, sweet, and totally cute boyfriend who wants to take me to a concert in LA. Not to mention that we're going out on a date tonight. Life is pretty good for one Buffy Anne Summers.

Since I'm feeling so damn good right now I think I'll dress up a little bit. I want people to really notice me today. So I dress in a really nice skirt, and the top that goes with it. I put my hair back in a really cute bun, and I wear my new strappy sandals. I do my wake up perfectly, and I go a tiny tad heavier on my eyeliner then normal. Yep, there's no doubt about it, I look hot. Just looking at myself in the mirror is making me want to lift up my skirt, pull my thong to the side and get myself off. Ha, yeah right. You so totally wish.

I grab my backpack and make my way down the stairs. I can already hear Sam talking away as her mom and my mom make breakfast. I walk into the kitchen and I can't help but smile. Sam's sitting in her high chair with a bowl of Cheerio's on the tray. There's no milk in the bowl. She likes to have something to snack on while she waits for breakfast. Faith said she can eat as much as a horse and she wasn't kidding. Faith is at the center island scrambling up a bowl of eggs. They always make the eggs last so that means breakfast is almost ready.

“Good morning everybody,” I say as I walk into the kitchen. I don't know why I can't stop smiling or feeling so good but I can't. Oh, I don't know, maybe it's the fact that Faith wants me and not Tanner. Yeah, I think that could have everything to do with it. My mom and Faith both look up from what they're doing and I get a mixed reaction. My mom looks like she wants to tell me to go change, which is a typical mom response when her only daughter looks sexy at seven forty-five in the morning. Faith looks like she wants to slam me down on the counter and eat me for breakfast.

“Good morning,” my mom says in that disapproving motherly way. But then she notices something else about me. Something that I haven't been in a very long time. She can tell that I'm happy. So I guess that's why she's not saying anything about my outfit. A smile is breaking out on her face and it only makes me smile more. I glance over at Faith and unfortunately she's not rolling in the joy. She has a kind of sad look in her eyes and I know that look. I've worn that look a lot. That's the `I want her but I can't have her' look.

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Mom asks and the little timer on the coffee pot goes off. Before I answer I pour myself a cup, add the right amount of sugar and milk, and take a sip. Mmm, mmm. Perfection in a cup. I put the cup down and try really hard not to smile. I don't want Faith to take all of this happiness the wrong way. She did have a little break down in my arms last night. But, I don't know, I just feel so refreshed and alive.

“Because things are finally starting to look up.” I have to lie of course because there's no way I can tell my mom `I'm happy because Faith would rather spend the rest of her life with me and not the douche bag that just walked into the kitchen'. “I'm finally caught up on my school work, my grades are doing better then they ever have, and I have a date with Scott tonight. Everything is just peachy.” I watch as Tanner wraps his arms around Faith and gives her a little kiss on the neck. I have to beat back the jealousy to stop it from showing on my face.

“We're not too big and we're not too touch, but when we work together we got the right stuff!” Sam sings and giggles a little bit. I look over at her and she has a huge smile on her face. But the smile fades, and she puts her arms out in front of her and shrugs her shoulders which is the international sign for `I don't know'. “Why you guys still looking at me?” I have to bite back a laugh. She is just too cute. “What?” I shake my head a little bit and smile at my mom when she puts my plate down in front of me. I would say thank you but I'm already eating.

“Well someone's in a good mood this morning,” Tanner says and smiles a perfect smile. Yeah, douche bag, I am in a good mood. You wanna know why? I bet you wanna know. If he could just see what happened last night like it's a movie or something he'd probably come at just the sight of it. And if he would've been there to really hear all the sounds, and smell everything he probably would've passed out like a little sissy girl. “You've smile more this morning then you have all week.” Well the moment of your girlfriend's pussy rubbing all over mine will do that to a person.

“I'm just happy because I have a date with Scott tonight,” I tell him and take a drink of my coffee. I glace in Faith's direction and it wouldn't take a kinesics expert to figure out that the expression on her face is a mixture of jealousy and anger. But in a flash it's gone and it's replaced by a very fake look of happiness. She couldn't make that look more forced if she tried. Maybe I should bring my cheerfulness down a little. I watch Tanner leave a kiss on Faith's lips. Nothing much, just a little peck, but then she kisses him back and it lingers for what seems like forever. I look down at my plate as they pull apart.

“He's taking me out to that new club that was built in McCoy, so we probably won't be back until late.” Now my mom is giving me a look. I'm pushing it, I know, but I can't help it. I'm eighteen so technically she can't tell me to be home at a certain time. Luckily she doesn't push the issue. I watch, as I pretend to look out the window, as Tanner holds Faith from behind. She turns her head and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “He's coming over for dinner on Sunday so you guys don't have to stick around.” Faith gives me this challenging look, and raises an eyebrow.

“Tanner's taking me out on Sunday since he has the whole weekend, and Monday off. Tomorrow we're just gonna relax, maybe go see a movie. But Sunday we definitely won't be here.” She raises that perfectly plucked eyebrow just a little higher and I know exactly what she's saying. She's saying `ask me where we're going, I dare you.' Ok Faith, you wanna play `my boyfriend's better' then we'll play. Oh it is so on. I have to be careful though because Scott and I haven't been dating each other for very long.

“Where are you two going?” I'm only asking because she's practically dying to tell me. I could care less about the plans that they made for the weekend. He's probably just taking her out to dinner. And by `out to dinner' I mean the drive-thru at McDonald's. There's nothing like fast food ordered to go that let's your special someone know you love them. Ok, I'll stop being a bitch……for now.

“We're going to spend the night at the beach. We just bought this really big two roomed tent and we thought we'd try it out.” Oh, that does sound nice. Well, it's not like they can do anything sexual since Sam is going to be with them. “You mom offered to watch Sam for us so we can have some `us' time, ya know?” Yes I know. Fuck. I don't want her to have naughty beach fun with Tanner. I want her to have naughty beach fun with me. Ok, I can't let this get to me. I need to retaliate. Oh, I know.

“That sounds cool. It'll be nice for you two to keep some other people up for a change.” I give her a big cheeky grin despite the fact that my mom just did one of those disapproving `Buffy' things. “Next Saturday Scott and I are going to a concert in LA. It doesn't get over with until eleven, maybe even a little after. So we'll probably just get a hotel room and drive back in the morning and I just realized that is so not something I should've said in front of my mom.” Faith shakes her head no but she has a `ha ha' look on her face.

“And when were you going to tell me about this concert?” she asks and I give her a very sheepish grin. “I'll scold you later. You need to lave or you're going to be late.” I give her another sheepish look and a little pout but she's still giving me that mom look. I give her a kiss on the cheek before I grab my backpack and make a run for it. I'm eighteen I should be able to spend a night in LA if I want to. Alright I don't think it's the LA part that's bothering her. I think it's the whole `spending a night in LA in a hotel room with my boyfriend' that is buggering her. It's not like we'd do anything.

What the hell, why is Scott standing on the corner of my street with Willow and Xander? Either he's become a pimp and he's whoring Willow and Xander, or he wants to walk to school with me. I'm gonna go for the second one because the first one has a potential for a lot of disturbing images. As I get a little closer Scott notices me and I can't help but smile. He has this look on his face that's telling me he definitely likes what he sees. Well I'm glad. I want him to think I look good. He looks pretty hot himself. The shirt he's wearing is a little tighter then the ones he normally wears. I didn't know his arms were that toned.

“Hey,” we both say at the same time. Ok, I guess that word is another one of those really popular ones that maybe needs to go away. Anyway, I wrap my arms around him and give him a very warm hug. He hugs me back, and I can't help but feel like something is missing. It really sucks because I know what that something is. I just don't want to admit it. While his arms are still wrapped around me I lean my head back, stand on my tippy toes, and give him a little peck on the lips.

“I'm glad you're happy to see me,” he says and I furrow my eyebrows a little bit. “I wasn't sure if you'd want me tagging along or not. Plus we have a date tonight. I don't want you to get sick of me.” He has this cute little smile on his face and I can't help but give him another kiss. This one lingers a little longer. Not to be a negative Nancy, but has he ever heard of chap stick? His lips are all dry and rough and I have to fight the urge to pull back really fast. Faith's lips were so….Ok, I need to stop that thought. I'm not going to compare Scott and Faith. That's totally fucked up.

“If you two are done with the cuteness, class is going to be starting soon,” I hear Xander say. We both pull back from the kiss and I open my eyes. Scott's cheeks are a little pink now, and his breathing is a little shallower. I'm glad that all it takes is a little kiss and he gets a little turned on. I would probably be the same way if his lips weren't so dry. I smile one of those little half smiles that people love so much. He smiles back, and I'm about to hiss him again but Xander clears his throat.

“Ok, ok we can go to class,” I say and let go of Scott. He reluctantly lets go of me, but then he gently holds onto my hand. “So what did you guys do last night?” I know it's probably dumb to ask that, but I want to avoid an awkward silence. Xander is still kind of crushing on me even though he's dating Cordelia, and I know he's jealous of Scott. It would take an idiot not to pick up on the very bad vibes Xander is sending out. Great, now I sound like a hippie.

“My parents got home from their trip last night so we had dinner, and then I finished my homework,” Willow says. Even though what she said sounds really boring and I know her parents don't pay enough attention to her she doesn't sound sad, or bored or whatever. She sounds almost cheerful, and that's one of the things I love about Will. She doesn't feel sorry for herself because of her not so good home life. “What about you? Did anything interesting happen last night?” Ok, now it's time to lie. I feel bad having to lie to them but I have to.

“Oh, you know, just the same old stuff. Had dinner with Mom, did my homework, went for a walk because I started feeling a little cabin feverish, only without the nasty skin disease.” How gross was that movie? I didn't shave my legs for a week after I saw it. “What did you do last night?” I look up at Scott and he gets a sad look on his face. Ok should I have no asked that question? I give his hand a gentle squeeze and he looks at me with a sad smile.

“I went to see my grandma in the hospital.” Oh God. He looks so sad now. I totally shouldn't have asked. He probably doesn't want to talk about it. “She's really sick, and the doctor said it'll be any day now.” And I thought my life was fucked up. Here I was complaining about my feelings for Faith and a member of his family is dying. How selfish am I? He looks really, really sad now but I can tell he's trying not to show it. I see the school up ahead and I stop walking. Everyone else stops too and they give me a strange look.

“You guys go ahead, I'll be there in a minute,” I tell Willow and Xander. They both give me understanding smiles and leave us alone. I look at Scott and I have no idea what to say. “I'm sorry. I didn't know.” He shakes his head a little and he sighs. He gets this kind of guilty look on his face and now I'm confused. Why is he looking guilty? “What is it? You can tell me.” He scratches at the back of his neck and I'm trying not to freak out.

“I didn't want to tell you.” Um, ok? So why didn't he want to tell me? “It's just that everyone at my house is upset all the time and whenever I tell someone things always get really awkward. I don't want things to get awkward between us. But I don't feel right lying to people. I was taught to always be honest no matter what.” Now I feel guilty. But this isn't about me it's about him. I wrap my arms around him, and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me, and lets out a long sigh.

“It's ok. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” Hmm, I probably shouldn't have asked that. He probably isn't going to suggest sex, but he's a teenage boy so he's most likely thinking it. I lift my head up, and look into his eyes. He still looks sad but not as sad as before.

“Kiss me?” he asks with a little smile. Oh he's good. I tilt my head back and he leans down and kisses me. His lips feel just as dry as before, but I think I can take care of that. I softly suck on his bottom lip first, and run my tongue along the surface. His hands slowly slide from my shoulder blades, and stop right above my ass. I softly suck on his upper lip and he tightens his grip on me, and I can't help but smile. I gently flick my tongue against his and he lightly massages mine. I feel his fingers gently squeeze and I can't help but giggle. He pulls back and looks into my now open eyes.

“What's so funny?” You probably think he sounds mad, but he doesn't. He sounds very amused. I just shake my head a little and kiss him again. Now that his lips aren't dry anymore I'm starting to get a little turned on by this. His tongue gently flicks the rough of my mouth, but then he takes it away. No, I wanna play some more. He squeezes his fingers again, and again I pull back from the kiss so I can giggle. He smiles a little and licks his lips. “What's funny this time?” Should I tell him? It's nothing big, so yeah I should.

“I'm ticklish right there,” I say, and my voice sounds all breathless, and I'm panting a little. He gets this look in his eyes, this very mischievous sparkle. “Oh no, don't even think about it.” He gets a big grin on his face and a little bit of panic runs down my spine. If I don't want him to touch me there's not way he can touch me, but not knowing what he's going to do is leaving me in suspense.

“What'll happen if I do it?” He has this challenging tone, but it's playful. If he were being too serious about this I wouldn't let him keep his arms around me. Anyway, I get a playful smile on my face and pretend to think about the question. I already have an answer but he can wait.

“Well, I hate to pull out the big guns right away, but we have a date tonight and if you do tickle me on purpose I can guarantee there will be no second base for you. You'll probably end up staying in the dugout.” Yes I know what the dugout is, don't look so surprised. He gets a little smile on his face and moves his hands so they're just under my shoulder blades. “Too good to give up, huh?” I know I sound cocky but whatever.

“Kissing you is definitely a perk, but it's just being around you that I like so much. You're just so full of life. It's one of the things that caught my attention last year.” Wait a second, last year? Not only that but he is so cheesy. It's a good thing I like cheese.

“Last year?” I ask and tilt my head to the side. He blushes and it is possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen. Well, second cutest thing. Faith's dimples definitely take the number one spot. But I shouldn't be thinking about her right now.

“Last year our lockers were in the same row. I couldn't help but notice you. You have this…like this presence and even when you're not doing anything you still get everyone's attention.” All of the playfulness is gone from his voice, and he's dead serious about what he just said. “I tried to muster up the courage to talk to you but I was too chicken. Then I found out you were seeing someone.” Oh my God, how could I have forgotten about Angel? That night we shared together was so special, and I'm not even dating Faith and I sleep with her. It's like I pissed all over his memory or something.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bum you out.” I look up at him and I can just tell that he really is sorry. “I don't know what happened, and I won't ask if you don't want to talk about it, but I am a little glad that you're not with him anymore.” What the fuck did he just say? I'm about to get really mad but then he keeps talking. “Because now I'm with you, and it's the first time in a long time I can be happy about something.” Oh well, I can't get at that. Again with the cheese.

“I feel that way too. Everything has been so crazy for the last couple months but when I'm with you it all just kinda fades away.” Wow, I guess I'm made of cheese too. “I'm sorry, that was really corny.” I'm caught a little off guard when he presses his lips against mine. It only takes me a second to catch up, and when I do the kiss deepens. I swirl my tongue with his and explore his mouth like he's hiding diamonds in it. Yeah I know that was weird but it's true. The fire that was missing earlier is definitely here now. Wow, I'm glad I said yes to dating him.

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