Chapter Eight

“Shut up.” I look at Xander an’ raise a brow. He just stares at me. “If you’re lying to me it will make the baby Jesus cry Faith.” An’ who wants that huh? I just smirk at him and gesture the bartender for another round. He takes Xander’s empty pint glass away an’ refills it before givin’ me a look and makin’ me another Shirley Temple. Wha? It looks just like rum and coke.

“Not lyin’ Xander. I really do believe she loves me.” Yeah that’s what we’re talkin’ about. God I feel like such a girl. I sip my drink and he grunts with a nod. I’m not sure what that means but I think he’s pretty happy about it. Then again, I knew he would be. “Not sure if things will be okay just yet but it’s different. This time maybe I can see more than bloodshed in our future.” If we have one. A future that is.

I stare in to my drink an’ watch the ice cubes bob up and down. “Faith.” I turn to look at him an’ he’s smilin’ his ass off. “Thank you.” What? What the fuck is he thankin’ me for? Both my eyebrows practically crawl in to my hairline. “I know you don’t think you did anything but you came here and you listened and that makes me happy. I was kind of afraid we’d lose you for good this time.” He was afraid huh? Of me. That’s kinda how it goes with me.

“Xand...” I don’t wanna lie. Not to him. We don’t lie to each other. We just don’t always say everything we know. But I don’t wanna hold back anything right now. He deserves better’n that. “I dunno that this is gonna work out. Me an’ B, we’re just real used to fucking each other up. An’ if this goes South you’ll never hear from me again.” That’s not what he wants to hear. I can tell because he’s already shakin’ his head all pissed off like. “Xander.” Sayin’ his whole name gets him to look at me. “I don’t want this to get fucked up. I don’t wanna leave ya again ‘cause this right here...” I make a gesture to include me an’ him. “This is just as important as me an’ B.”

Aw shit. I think he’s gonna cry. Xander flings himself at me in a hug an’ I blink tryin’ ta figure out what to do here. I guess huggin’ him back would be okay. Bet he wouldn’t have done that if I was a dude. Well. Maybe. It’s Xander. “I love you Faith.” It’s always real weird hearin’ someone say that. “Get used to hearin’ it.” What? He can read my mind all of a sudden? I pull back and blink at him. “Okay okay no more professing my love. I get it.”

I hope he doesn’t mean like. Love love. ‘Cause. I only got room for one person in my life for that kinda love. “Thanks Xand.” He gives me a nod an’ I give him one back. We’re back ta bein’ us now. “Besides. I like havin’ ya around ‘cause ya always know when ta feed me.” That makes both of us laugh. Honestly I probably would be a fuck of a lot crankier if Xander didn’t keep finding food for me everywhere we go.

“Well if I didn’t feed you, you’d start eating the weaker Slayers for breakfast and that would make Giles irritated.” I give him a look and smirk.

“Only plan on eatin’ one.” Xander turns red and looks at his beer with a nod. Heh. That’s what he gets for teasin’ me.

“Eyeah. So I noticed this morning when you slammed the door in my face. And can I just say...ow!” He rubs his nose gingerly an’ it makes me smile.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean ta put your rugged good looks in danger.” He gives me a glare but I know he’s just fuckin’ with me. “An’ anyway there was no eating goin’ on.” Not yet. It mighta got to that point eventually though. But I’m kinda glad that it didn’t. Yeah. Imagine that. Me kinda glad I wasn’t gettin’ lucky. Well luckier.

“Are you trying to tell me you and Buffy were not having sex when I knocked?” The disbelief in his voice is kinda funny. I just smirk and sip my drink again.

“Never said that. Just said there wasn’t anything eat worthy goin’ on.” God. I have got ta stop hangin’ out with B so much. I’m soundin’ like her again.

“Okay enough sharing. It’s just weird for me to think about you and Buffy and...” His eyes glaze over and I laugh. Yeah like he’s really weirded out right now. “I’m sorry what was I saying?”

I roll my eyes. “Nothin’ Xand. Just somethin’ about how much ya like dick.” He blinks at me clearly thrown by that. Heh. Now that’s what I call entertainment.

“Wha?” Hrm. “I do not. I mean. Besides my own. Not that I’m overly loving of my man bits. Er. I’m not making this any better am I?” Nope. He sure ain’t. I just give him a grin and finish off my drink.

“C’mon. Let’s get outta here.” He nods and finishes his beer quickly. I pay the tab ‘cause I owed him a drink or two. Or six. Xander slings an arm around my shoulders an’ I let him ‘cause honestly...I don’t mind so much. It’s kinda nice. But I’ll never admit that to anyone. Not even B. Of course the second we step outside it’s rainin’ like a motherfucker. I’m okay with that too but Xander shivers. “S’matter? Afraid ta get wet?”

He gives me an annoyed look an’ I grin. “No. I just don’t want to catch a cold. What if some hot young thing wants to make out and I can’t because I’ve got tonsils the size of tennis balls?” Yeah right. The look I give him says enough an’ he tries again. “Or what if I’m about to ask a girl out and I collapse because of a raging fever and everyone thinks it’s because I just passed out. How smooth would that be?” I shake my head and smile.

“Gee I dunno, some chicks think swoonin’ is kinda hot.” If they’re the one doin’ the swoonin’ that is. He gives me a hopeful look but I laugh and his face crumbles. Yeah I know. I’m a mean son of a bitch. I pat his shoulder an’ start walkin’ real fast so that we can get under cover quicker. I don’t exactly wanna look like a drowned rat in front of B either. Xander keeps up an’ we’re quiet all the way up to the castle. Hard to talk over the roar of rain anyway. Plus. Sometimes me an’ him don’t need to talk. Once we’re inside Xander shakes himself like a big furry dog an’ sends water flyin’ everywhere. It gets a few of the newbies squawkin’ so I shake off my water too.

More screams and mutters. Heh. I know they won’t confront me on that shit ‘cause they’re scared of me. “Jesus Faith do you think you could remember that you were not raised in a barn.” I look up at the kid and smirk. How does she know I wasn’t raised in a barn? Before I can ask she tosses a towel at me an’ one at Xander. “I saw you two walk in from the tower. You’ve never heard of umbrellas before?” Oh she’s funny.

“Yeah but I like it when the girlies squeal when I get ‘em wet.” She gives me a look an’ I just smirk at her. She knows what I mean. Satsu’s eyes narrow but she ends up laughing. That confuses me a little bit but I think that was her intention.

“I bet you do Faith. I bet you do.” I dunno what that means but I’ll go with it ‘cause I’m in a good mood. “Got a minute?” Huh. Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t gonna be a barrel of monkey laughs? I nod and punch Xander lightly in the arm.

“Save me some smoke will ya?” He grins and heads off an’ I follow the kid. She takes me around a blind corner an’ I start to get nervous until I realize we’re headin’ toward the training room. I frown but don’t say anything until I’m sure no one is around. “So...what’s up?” Why do I feel nervous? Like I should apologize for bein’ all up in her girl this morning or somethin’.

Satsu fidgets a little bit and settles herself against a wall. “This is awkward but...” Here it comes. I blink an’ wait. “Can you show me that three hit combo you used on that big vamp last night?” That wasn’t what I expected. I guess I dunno what I really expected but that sure as hell wasn’t it. I raise my brows at her an’ she shrugs. “Not that I don’t still think you’re insane but it was a good move and it’ll make me a better Slayer to know it.”

Huh. Well she makes a good point. I nod and pull off my wet jacket an’ toss it to the side with my towel. “A’ight. It’s only really good for close fightin’.” Ya can’t be too far from your opponent when ya use it or they’ll recover too quickly. She squares off an’ I shake my head. “Nah that won’t work. C’mere.” I think for a second she’s gonna say no but she walks over an’ waits. I turn so I can push her back against the wall. “Ya gotta get ‘em good and pinned. Lefty or righty?”

She blinks. I almost ask her again but she holds up her left hand. Huh. Just like me. I smirk and nod. “Lefty.”

“Good. Use your left arm to hold ‘em back like this, right over the side of the neck an’ part of the chest, then pop ‘em two good jabs with your right hand.” I don’t actually hit her but I do hold her up an’ raise my fist. I hope no one thinks I’m beatin’ on her. “Then when they don’t have time ta think about it you bring your left elbow back and crack ‘em right in the nose.” I move and show ‘er how it’s done. “Got it?” She nods. Good. “Good. Giddy up cowgirl, show me how it’s done.”

I’ll give her one thing. She’s a fast little fucker. She gets me backed up pretty quick but I ain’t that easy. A grin slides across my face as we go toe to toe. For a second she hesitates an’ I use it. It’s only one second but it’s enough. I lash out with a wicked uppercut that sends her flying. Shit. B is gonna kill me. I start ta step up an’ help her but she’s back on her feet with a sweet lil leg swing. I’m gonna hafta remember that one. “How’m I doing badass?”

Heh. “Not bad pipsqueak. But ya gotta pin me before ya get all cocky.” She growls at me. Yeah no shit. Growls. I think I pissed her off. Satsu almost gets me in a corner but I twist easily. It costs me though ‘cause she gets in a few good rib shots. Fuck they hurt. I laugh though an’ I know that startles her. Like she thought it’d knock the wind out of me. “That kinda tickles.” I shake my head. “Told ya not ta get cocky. This room is only big enough for my cock.” Ha. I’m a funny motherfucker. But I think it was that last lil dig that gets her riled up enough to actually get me backed against the wall. If she wasn’t as quick as she is she’d never have gotten her arm against me hard enough ta hold.

Satsu raises her fist an’ I look at it for a bit before I raise a brow. Well? She doesn’t hit me though. But she does get right in my face. “If you so much as look at her sideways after she says no again I will break your goddamned face.” Uh huh. So the kiddie’s got balls. I smile at that an’ nod. “Are we clear on that Faith?”

“Crystal.” She backs up slowly an’ finally lowers her fist. I move and sweep her legs before tackling her down the rest of the way. “Make ya a deal Sush. I ever touch her like that again you get ta finish it.” Her dark eyes go wide like she wasn’t expecting that an’ she struggles under me but I hold her tighter until she gasps with pain. “I’m not fuckin’ around. If I hurt her you take me out, no talkin’ no warnin’ nothing. Just do it. Now...we clear?”

“Crystal.” Good. I get up an’ lean down to hold out a hand for her. She debates it but takes it an’ lets me haul her up.

“Glad ta see we’re on the same fuckin’ page. We done here now?” I gesture to the room and she nods. I sigh and pick up my jacket before leavin’ the room. Man I really need some Xander time now.

I’m late. Well not late late because we didn’t actually have a time scheduled to hang. But I’m later than I thought I would be. Mostly because I totally fell asleep when I was supposed to be reading up on baddies. Willow said I didn’t have to help but then I had nothing else to do so I put on my brave face and hit the books. But then I fell asleep reading something about psycho invasion. Wait. Psychic invasion. God I’m a retard sometimes.

My steps lead me unerringly toward Faith. Now that things have started to change between us it’s like I’m more sensitive to her. I know where she is all the time. Or at least I know the general area of where she is. Before she got here I wouldn’t have known if she was in town while I was up at the castle. But today I knew. I could feel her that far away. And it felt wonderful. I felt warm inside. I wonder if she has that same feeling. Maybe it’s because we’ve been touchy feely with each other.

Or maybe we’re just being more open to each other. God I want to be open to her. Er. Well. Yeah. I lean on the wooden frame of the door and cross my arms over my chest to watch Faith and Xander getting rowdy. They’re playing some video game or another. One that’s very violent and very Faith and Xander to play. “Yeah bitch! You’re goin’ down!” Uh oh. Xander gives her a snort and hunches over his controller, eyes on the huge screen.

“In your dreams. You might be the baddest of the bad on the streets but I am the King Baddie of Soul Caliber.” King Baddie? I have to bite back a laugh at that. Xander and King Baddie do not belong in the same sentence. “Oh yeah oh yeah, who’s the bitch now. Look out here I come...ooooh.” Wow. That sounds oddly sexual even though I know it’s not. Faith snorts and the controller jerks in her hand as it vibrates.

Xander squeaks at something happening on the screen and Faith cackles. “You’re still the bitch an’ I’m still the bull.” I had better stop this before it turns in to something uglier than it already is. Before I can even put one foot in the room Xander is crowing like a rooster.

“What’s my name?” Oh god. So not what I ever wanted to hear out of his mouth.

“Fuck. A’ight you got me this round but your name is still Bitch.” This time I do chuckle. Faith and Xander spin around looking like little kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. “Hey B.” Faith puts the controller down and gets up so easily it looks like she just rose from the floor in one swift move. I look around Xander’s room and raise my brows. Yeah. It’s totally a place Faith would feel comfortable hanging out in. She’s such a guy sometimes.

“I’m not interrupting anything am I?” Faith shakes her head no immediately but Xander looks like he’d like to argue.

“Nah. We’re done. Right Xand?” He nods once but still looks peeved that I’m taking his playmate away. I could just go and the words are on the tip of my tongue but Faith’s hand reaches out and tugs me close to her. God she smells good. Granted her leather pants are still wet from the rain. That can’t be comfortable. But hey she smells good and she’s reaching out for me. Who am I to complain about that? I lean in to her body and smile up at her. She's looking at me but she’s talking to Xander. “Rematch tomorrow. I’m totally gonna kick your ass so ya better get ta practicing.”

“Ooh I’m sooooo scared.” She turns to give him a look and flip him off but I wrap my hand around that finger and shake my head. “I think someone has laid prior claim to that Faith. Better be careful or Buffy might just snap it off.” I look around her shoulder at him with a raised brow and flip him off myself. Xander laughs and throws himself on his bed.

“Lets get you out of those pants Faith. They’re soaked.” I should have known better than to say that. It just came out and I so wasn’t thinking it in a dirty way but I can tell by the way both of them are snickering that they took it there. “Perverts.” I give them a wry smirk and walk out sure that Faith is following me. Her boots are heavy on the stone hall as she walks along behind me. I turn so that I can walk backward and watch her. It’s the next best thing to walking behind her. “Did you have fun with your boyfriend today?”

Faith laughs and gives me a slight nod. “Yeah. Went to the bar, got him a lil drunk, walked home in the rain, played a lil slap an’ tickle with Sushi, an’ then lots of time playin’ games with Xand.” Slap and tickle? With Sus...damnit...Satsu? Both of my eyebrows come up at that part. It better not be what it sounds like. “Relax B, it was all about my ass kickin’ expertise. She’s not bad. Fast too.” Well. That’s. That’s something I don’t even know how to say. Good I guess. They’re getting along at least. I hope they are anyway.

“So you sparred with Satsu in wet leather pants? How did you not get Satan’s own wedgie?” Because I have worn leather and while comfortable for fighting it’s not so comfy when you get sweaty. Less comfortable when you get wet. She laughs with a sound so natural it makes me tingle all the way down to my toes. She’s happy. Right at this particular second she’s happy. I think I might pass the hell out. I grin at her as I’m walking backwards. “Well? Are you going to tell me or keep laughing at me?”

The second I ask I feel nothing under my foot. Oh shit. But I don’t even have to panic. Faith is already there, arms around me and smirking. “Uh uh. No eatin’ shit off the stairs.” I have the good grace to blush at my clumsiness. But note that I’m not unhappy with the fact that I have to cling to her like limpet to keep from falling.

Faith pulls me away from the edge easily and shakes her head. I can’t help myself so I run my fingers through the tangle of waves in her hair. Uh. What were we supposed to be doing again? Oh. Right. Going. “You still haven’t answered me.” She grins and takes my hand to lead me down the stairs and around the corner to where our rooms are.

“I just don’t.” Her shoulders come up in a graceful shrug before she pushes in her door. “Not that it’s easy ta get ‘em off when they’re like this. But I’ve never had a problem with wedgies.” I wonder if that’s because she doesn’t wear underwear most of the time. I snort at that and push her door closed before making myself at home on her bed. Which for me is flopping on to my belly and tucking my hands under my chin. Makes it easier to watch. Faith turns to the bathroom to get a towel before pulling off her shirt.

Buh... I blink. And then blink again. And as soon as she starts struggling to pull the pants down I think I start drooling. It’s takes me a herculean effort to not body check her to the floor and rip those pants off of her. But I do get up and move behind her, hands on hers and help her tug them down. Of course now I’m on my knees behind her which puts me eye level with her bare ass. Hrm. I have the urge to bite. So I do. Faith jumps and lets out a little squeal that I can’t help but giggle at. “Sorry.”

Not so much really. “You’re evil ya know that?” I beam up at her and reach around to untie the laces on her boots. She wasn’t smart enough to do that before she started to pull her pants off. I have to back off now or we’re going to end up mauling each other. Not that it’s a bad idea but I don’t want this thing we have between us to be all about sex. And really if we do have sex I’m okay with that. I just don’t want it to be the first thing that happens when we see each other.

Faith starts wiping the water off her body with the towel while I go back to laying on the bed. “So you walked home in the rain huh? That mean you’re calling this home now?” I know it sounds a little nervous but I feel kind of nervous. I don’t know if Faith meant it that way or if she was just saying that. I can see her slow her movements as she thinks about it. “You don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry.”

“B.” I look up at her voice but she’s not looking at me. Faith clears her throat and moves over to sit on the bed near me towel still in hand. “Buffy...this whole thing is fuckin’ weird. I don’t know what ta make of it ya know? Actually I don’t know much of anything right now ‘cept maybe that I missed Giles. I missed gettin’ ta fuck around with Xander in our tree. An’...I missed you. Been missin’ you a long time B. I don’t know if this is all gonna work out but I know I’m not ready to just leave without tryin’. I don’t know what home is but if that’s it then yeah. I meant what I said.”

I think that’s the longest speech she’s made on the subject. I sit up and run my fingers along her jaw so that she’ll look at me. “Faith, you aren’t the only one that’s unsure about things. But I will tell you what I’m sure of. I’m sure that I love you. I’m sure that you love me. And I know I want this. I want you. And I will fight to keep you.” Faith looks down, not moving her head but glancing away. I don’t like when she does that because it means she’s hiding from me. “Faith look at me.” She does and I’m absolutely stunned in to silence. I know when she has strong emotions her eyes go dark but they’re practically black right now. And full to bursting with so many things. But fear is a big one. “I’ll be your home.”

“For me home has always been a place to run from not run to.” I know that. I don’t know all of her history but I know she didn’t have it easy. “I dunno if I know how to change that.” Oh Faith. I let out a breath and kiss her chin, along her jaw and behind her ear.

“I’ll run with you where ever you go. I promise.” Just please stay with me. I don’t add that part but I want to. I want to beg her to stay. Faith nods and turns pulling me in to her arms. My legs straddle hers so that I can look at her face. Too many emotions cross her features for me to pick out one but when she’s done thinking it through she looks...different. Vulnerable.

“Take me home?” I can do that. My smile must be as bright as the sun but I kiss her gently and move off her lap to shed my clothes. Faith’s breathing hitches and I almost laugh because I haven’t even touched her yet. But I want to. Oh yes I do. I push in to her so that our bodies are pressed together and I let out a tiny sigh.

“You’re cold.” Probably from the rain. She nods.

“Always.” And then I see it. I see everything we’ve ever been through flash in front of my eyes. There’s been so much it’s like it’s two different people. “I don’t wanna be cold anymore.” Me either.

I nod and kiss her, deeply. Searching every part of her mouth, every part of her soul with just that kiss. I swear if I could breathe warmth in to her body I would. I’d do anything, and when I say anything I mean anything, to make her feel safe. Her hips move against mine as we rock together with a gasp. I nudge her legs apart and she hesitates. I don’t think she likes not being on top so I stop and look down at her. “We can stop if you want to.” It’s up to her. Faith thinks about it and shakes her head no, spreading her legs for me in silent invitation.

My lips brush over her smooth skin in kisses and nips. Her nipples harden under my touch and I smile around them. Faith’s skin is starting to warm up and I know she’s enjoying this because she groans and lets out a tiny whimper when I move away from her body. It’s not that I don’t want to be there but I want more. I want to have more of her skin, her scent, her body. I just want more of her. My fingers trail over the scar I left on her. It’s smooth and shiny and just touching it takes me back to that night. It was me or her. I look up in to Faith’s eyes and I’m so close to crying I’m afraid to blink. “Don’t Buffy. It’s done. We made our choices ya know.” Yeah I know. I know I chose Angel’s life over hers. I know I chose hate over forgiveness. Bad choices.

“It was you or me and I chose me. I’ll never forgive myself for that Faith.” Never.

Faith pulls my hand away from her scar and holds it against her chest just over her heart. I can feel her strong heart beating against her skin. “I chose you too.” I blink. And then I think long and hard about the look on her face before I sank that blade in to her. She had time. She knew what I would do. And she let me. Oh god she let me stab her knowing it would probably kill her.

“Why??” It’s strangled because I don’t think I can manage to get anything past the lump in my throat.

“The world needs a hero B, an’ that ain’t me.” I feel ill. I am not worth that much. Not worth her life. I open my mouth but she rolls us over and stops me with a kiss. “No more tears B. Not over that. This is now.” I nod but it’s hard to make my heart believe my brain. I guess it’s good that Faith is here settling between my legs and sliding a hand between us. I gasp when she strokes me. “I love you.” And she slides in to me in one smooth stroke.

I gasp and arch in to her body. Oh god. My body clenches tightly around her but god she feels good. Every thrust is deep and slow and I know she’s purposely controlling herself. Purposely keeping me safe from that dark part of her. I tangle my hands in her hair and lift her mouth to mine so that I can kiss her, drink her down like I need her soul to touch mine. Honestly it’s not going to take long to get me to that point. I was wet from the second she touched me in Xander’s room, and the intensity of her look puts me that much closer. “I need you...” I can’t even finish that because she adds another finger filling me tightly. I cry out because I don’t know what else to do. How does she know me like that? How can she know what I need from her.

My hips rise up to meet her every time and oh god oh god I can’t hold on anymore. I grip her fingers, drawing her even deeper in to me. As deep as I can possibly get her. Faith moans and the rough sound of her voice breaks me. I come in a rush of heat and I swear I feel her heartbeat matching mine. Something clicks in to place then. Some...feeling. Something. It just clicks and when I look at her I know she feels it too. I touch her cheek and she leans in to my hand. We’re quiet now, just breathing and watching each other. “I’m so sorry Buffy. So fuckin’ sorry for everything.” I have to stop her.

“Don’t. This is now. And I’m here.” Faith smiles a little at her own words used against her. “Nothing can touch us here Faith.” Nothing. I won’t let it. I’ll never let anything take her from me again. Never.

Next