PART 15
My God she’s so hot and God so horny. That gaze she’s been giving me all the way home on the bus. Yes, we were only just 1 mile from her place and she made us take the bus because she was so impatient!!! Without paying of course, I think it excites her even more when things aren’t *legal*, or so it seems, she’s just freaky like that and yes, I love that. I’ll never tell her though. Wow that smile to me. I think it’s even too much the way she seems *lusting*, yes that’s the word.
Here we are, in her room. God I love her hands on me, touching me, undressing me in a rush yet it always feels like her hands are sculpting my body the way she does it, I couldn’t explain it if I wanted to. I feel in a swirl, I know the effect of alcohol isn’t gone yet. I feel like everything around me is slow. I felt like I was sinking into the mattress when she laid me down on it and she’s already on top of me now. I feel so hot I don’t even feel that I’m naked. I’m hot, I think the alcohol… not so good for me, or maybe it’s her hand down there doing things to me I could never tell… how much I love ‘em.
How much I love he-, no, I can’t go there, I can’t.
God, she makes me feel so good. Yes, there, inside of me. It feels like I’m floating now.
I hear sounds, I think it’s me moaning but it seems far… Very far. I feel on fire, my skin is burning; she set me on fire. I can’t let go of her, she’s kissing me again and again, I can’t breathe but I’m not letting go of her face more than she does of my lips, and her hand never slows down… Sometimes I wonder; she’s almost as fast as I am and she’s never tired… I should be much stronger and have more endurance than she does but she never weakens, she never ceases to amaze me so much she loves pleasuring me. Yes she loves it… She loves m-, no, don’t go there either. I don’t wanna put words, I don’t.
God, I’m falling… I’m coming, I’m dying….
Mmm, feels so warm, I love waking up in her arms like that, ouch, my arm is stuck, there, better, oh no she pulls away, damn she knows I’m awake. Is she gonna pull away every time now? I wish she hadn’t asked this yesterday, I wouldn’t have had to answer that then. Ok, I know I’m a hypocrite. Why can’t we just be… what we are the way we are now? No need to put names on it and such. Alright NOW I’m a hypocrite, before I was just being a moron. I know it’s not a question of naming it. Alright now I can’t sleep anymore, well done Buffy…
She’s so beautiful… It’s weird when I manage to catch this gaze of hers, this unsure, fragile gaze. Her look was so wondering right now, but then she immediately looked away and now I have the cocky grin again…
“Hey, you fell asleep right away last night. Damn I was good.” She’s proud. Well, yes, it was damn good. But I can’t help feeling bad that she’s hiding her worries, but then if I ask her…
“Faith?”
“Yep.”
“Are you still mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
She knows why, she’s not looking me straight in the eyes. I wish she would.
“I’m sorry Faith. I didn’t mean to sound…” I can’t find any words.
“It’s alright B. I’m not a kid.”
Technically yes, you are Faith, but she’s gonna be mad if I tell her this.
“You’re not my mother B. You don’t have to wear kid’s gloves to talk to me, well, not that my mom ever did that but… I think that’s what they say, right?”
I feel even worse now, thinking of her mom, what happened and what we had/have… I don’t want to lose that.
“Lose what?”
“What? Oh, I said that loud.” Damn I keep doing this.
“Ya”
Ok, I’m caught then, she smiles, she’s so pretty when she smiles at me like that, I can’t help smiling back. Her hand feels so warm and so soft, I can’t help holding it.
“I think, you see, the other time you said I wasn’t scared at all when these guys attacked us. You thought I was strong and wasn’t afraid, well, you see I’m not like that at all in my life. Certain things I can handle but… I think other things scares the Hell out of me more than words could say… What I feel for you… I mean, what I feel, what’s going on with us… I just…. I really don’t want to lose it but I can’t…”
“It’s ok, Buffy.” Now SHE’s taking my hand, the way she looks at me makes me feel better, comforted.
“I understand. Let’s just stay together the way we are… I understand, we don’t need anything more right now. It’s alright Buffy. Don’t worry.”
I love this girl. Oh my God I said it… Well, not out loud… I can’t tell her now… Not now, not yet.
I wanna make love to her right now. It seems like we’re connected, she can read my mind because she let me move on top of her though she mostly prefers to be the one on top, but she follows this time, she let me take the lead. She can feel I want to, I need to.
Her tongue, how come a tongue feels so soft, so good? I love her mouth, kissing her, touching her and feeling my body sink into her. Feeling her moan in my mouth and feeling her hand clenching on my back… Yes I love it… I love….
2 more days and it’s the weekend, finally. Not that I’m complaining because these past weeks have gone by so fast. I can’t believe it’s November already. But anyway, we’re going camping with her aunt and some friends of hers this weekend so I’m extra impatient. She told me her Aunt Sarah does that every year with some of her somewhat hippy friends. They head north to celebrate ‘the end of Summer’. I pointed out summer was long gone and they should rename it ‘the end of Fall’ instead but Faith told me she never wanted to hurt her Aunt’s feeling, then she smiled at me and we just laughed. Anyway, it’s gonna be fun and it’s actually still a warm fall weather around here, very warm for that time of the year. I can’t wait to be there. We’ve spent so much time together and yet it never felt enough, it’s weird. We haven’t argued once since that talk on the *us* factor. Being with her makes me feel so great. I feel awesome all the time when I’m with her.
I feel bad for daddy though, I haven’t spent much time with him and I think he wasn’t really glad about this weekend. It felt weird the way he reacted. It made me feel as if he would have said no if it hadn’t been directly from Faith’s aunt asking him on the phone. He was acting weird all week long, but anyway. Talking bout acting weird, Danny and the others are strange too, it’s like they’re not even saying hi. But I can understand them, we haven’t spent a single evening with them and they invited us to three parties. We barely ate with them twice. Now that I look back at it, it seems like we spent a lot of time together, it could seem too much, it should but again, it still seems not enough. I don’t understand but I just can’t, absolutely can’t, recall a time I’ve felt more connected to anyone like I am with her. I just never want her away because then… I don’t feel really complete. How does something like that exist? It must be New-York…I’m sure it wouldn’t happen to me in LA…
I should probably get up now, if I’m late again they’re gonna start calling here and it’s the last thing dad needs…
Ah finally, the weekend. It’s cool that we only had one class this afternoon, well I did; Faith just skipped gym class again. She told Sarah her teacher was sick. I don’t think Sarah really believed her but what the Hell, that trip is only once a year. And we kind of have a couple hours of drive before arriving to the chalet, so in the end she didn’t say anything.
Here she is, hey green hair this time, oh, is there some blue too? No I think it's violet.
“Hi Buffy.”
“Hi miss- Sarah. How are you doing today?”
“We’re going camping so let me assure you that I’m very fine. Faith isn’t out yet?”
“Not yet. She’ll be there soon I think.”
“You bet she will, she was so excited about the whole weekend, I bet she didn’t get more sleep last night than I did.”
“Oh yes she told me you had this client at like 1 or 2 am, right?”
“Unfortunately.”
“That’s weird.” She nods, her job is kinda weird, massage therapist, didn’t know one could live from that but she did it on me once and yeah, it’s kinda good. She does some rich people, even some musicians that she doesn’t want to tell the names of dammit, and anyway, it does pay kinda well. She can do a lot of things. She’s really cool.
“Aren’t you too tired to drive for several hours like that?”
“I can take the wheel if you want to!”
Here comes the devil. I love her wicked smile.
“You know we’re any closer to the day I’ll let you drive my car, Faith or any car as a matter of fact.”
“It was worth a try.”
She winks at me. This is gonna be an awesome weekend.
“If these ladies are ready?” Sarah opens the car’s door… Ooo yes I’m ready!
“We’re so ready Aunty!”
“You so do not call me like that in front of my friends and I won’t let you starve, are we cool?”
They’re funny, sometimes they act like sisters, or how I picture sisters annoying each other..
I can’t wait to be there.
“And don’t worry Aunty…” she really likes to tease her, “we’ll sing all the way to keep you awake.”
“I knew I just should have dropped you in a movie theater somewhere with food and pop corn!”
“Hey! We don’t sing that badly!!”
When Faith laughs like that she looks like a little girl… Well, officially she’s not very old so… But when we’re together… it is so intense, it’s hard to believe it when I think she’s 14, alright 15 now and I’ll turn 16 in 2 months… Who said nothing was serious at our age huh? Ok, did I just say Faith and I were -serious-? I meant… Oh and the Hell with it, she started singing already! Let’s just forget about the rest and sing my lungs out!!!
“Girls. Hey girls!”
“Huh what?!”
Faith just resumed my thought there. What’s going on? Wow, Sarah is looking at us funny.
“Look at that. And these,” she’s pointing at us, “were supposed to keep me awake? Let me laugh.”
And she does. Kinda mocking us now. I can’t believe we fell asleep; it’s not even dark out. Faith gives me that -you-could-have-stayed-awake- look but if she feels like I do she’s probably more ashamed that she didn’t stay awake on her own. We were so peppy and suddenly… Well, car drives tend to make me sleep so I’m not too surprised but damn I fell so deeply asleep.
I dreamt that Faith and I were slaying. How weird is that? Faith – Slaying. No way. But it felt so real. And it wasn’t me dragging her to a patrol, it really was us both slaying like I do. Really weird but it felt good… Don’t know what it means… Maybe that I should tell her but I don’t think so cause one, I don’t wanna slay no more, well, supposedly. And two, it could never be like in my dream cause I’m the slayer and she’s not… it would just endangered her. It’s probably just one of these weird dreams of mine I guess…
“So come on sleeping beauties… Help me get our stuff out of the trunk.”
Oh my. I didn’t even realise we'd arrived already. That dream was powerful. Faith is really quiet now. Hey what’s she doing?
“Hey let me carry this, it’s too heavy for you.”
She gives me that weird look now, I really should shut up sometimes.
“Like it’s not heavy for you?”
“Err, yes it is, well, just let me help then.”
“It’s ok B. I gotta wake up, like really. I still feel droopy by the sleep. I had the strangest dream ever.”
Really?
“Err, what kind of dream?”
“Honestly I can’t tell you cause you’ll have me locked up in a nut house. But it was weird.”
“I swear I won’t say anything.”
“It was just the two of us, you know, doing a bunch of stuff… It felt so real actually when I have no idea what to call what we were doing… See, you’re looking me like I’m crazy already. I won’t tell more.”
“No no I don’t think you’re crazy at all.” I just think that I dreamt too strong. Is it possible that I gave her my dream or something? Maybe cause we were sleeping beside each other, or maybe cause we’re kinda… close. God I have to stop thinking about slaying. I admit I’ve had dreams of slaying, more and more and I kind of miss it. I was glad when I managed to stick out of the apartment on Monday evening and came across these three vampires, I felt relieved somehow, felt good staking them. I missed it but I CAN’T miss it cause see? Now I’m getting her into my world… No way.
Ok, let’s help Sarah. Seems like her friends are there already… It’s supposedly s’mores tonight!!! Mmm, let’s start the party!
