Chapter Twenty
Buffy blew out her breath in irritation as she got ready. She hadn’t wanted to go in the first place, and now she had to take a cab. That was just terrific, and for a second she considered getting into her pajamas, popping a huge bowl of popcorn, and watching stupid movies all night long.
She sighed again, wishing she hadn’t just given her promise to Xander. He’d phoned all breathless and excited, offering his apologies and suggestions:
“Sorry, Buffster, but it’s Will and Kennedy’s fault.”
“What is?”
“We’re downtown.”
“How can you be downtown when we’re supposed to leave in ten minutes?”
He sounded irritated:
“Well, Kennedy was visiting some friend, took Will with her, and then they got a flat tire and no spare.”
“And?”
“And they asked me to come get them, and since I still had to pick up my suit…”
“Okay, so tonight’s off then?”
He practically blew out her eardrum:
“NO! Tonight is still very much on.”
“Well don’t we have to be there soon? How will you guys have time to come home and…”
She heard a scuffle and then Willow was on the line:
“Hey, Buff. We’ll meet you at the restaurant, okay?”
“Yeah, but…”
“Kennedy and I planned on staying here until it was time to go, so we brought all of our stuff with us. We’re getting changed now.”
Buffy looked at herself in the mirror with a resigned expression:
“Oh, so we still have to go?”
“Buffy, would you stop acting like you’re on your way to kiss a slime demon? Yes, the night’s still on and it’s going to be fun.”
“I know, but…”
There was another fracas and apparently this time Xander won:
“Hey, it’s not every day yours truly wins a radio contest.”
“I know, but…”
“Dinner for four at the exclusive, expensive ‘Lakos Restaurant’.”
“I know, but…”
“And who did I invite to feast on the most delicious food in the whole city for absolutely free?”
“I know, but…”
“That’s right, my fine stable of lesbians…Ow! Will!”
“Xander, I know all of that, but…”
“Nope, sorry, you’ve reached your ‘but’ quota for tonight. Take a cab and just ask for the “Harris” table.”
“…Fine.”
He was distracted, she could hear Willow demanding that he hand over the phone.
“No, back off before I…Stop it, you big baby!”
“Xander, let’s just hang up. I’ll see you there.”
“You promise, Buff?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh no, no way is that good enough. I think this requires a Slayer promise.”
“Xander…”
“Let’s hear it, Buffster.”
“I said I’d be there, didn’t I?”
He snorted derisively:
“Buffy, I know what that tone means. It means you’re about two minutes from popping some corn and vegging out all night in front of the TV in your pjs.”
“No it doesn’t!”
She glanced at herself again, and this time she looked guilty.
“Please, you’re talking to a ‘Buffy” expert here, and I know what’s zipping around that beautiful noggin of yours. Now cough up the ‘Slayer’ promise.”
“Xander, I…Fine, I’ll be there. Slayer’s honor.”
“It’s gonna be big fun! Bye!”
He hung up and she stood looking at the phone:
“Oh yeah, the very biggest of fun.”
She got a dial tone and then hit “Memory # 9”.
“Alvin’s Cab Service”.
“Hey, Dave, it’s Buffy.”
“Hi, Buffy. We can have someone there in about fifteen minutes.”
“That’s perfect, thanks.”
“No prob.”
She hung up and took another quick look at herself in the mirror. Everything seemed in place so she turned on her desk lamp to make her return a little less lonely, grabbed some money for her cab fare, and then headed downstairs to wait for her ride.
*************************************************************
She became a little more excited about the evening as she entered the restaurant. It really was a beautiful place, she’d forgotten just how beautiful. The last and only time she’d ever been inside was when she and Faith had eaten dinner at the secluded table in the corner, about three and a half years ago.
She smiled almost against her will as her thoughts drifted back to that night. She’d had to hound Faith to get her to participate, it was the whole dressing up part that she was opposed to.
“B, come on. Let’s just go to “Joe’s”.
“We always go there. I want to go someplace nice.”
“Okay, ‘Wolfy’s” then.”
“I want us to get dressed up and go someplace fancy.”
Faith looked at her suspiciously:
“How fancy?”
“I want to go to ‘Lakos’.”
“’Lakos’? No fucking way! You gotta wear a dress to a joint like that.”
“So? You wear dresses.”
“Are you fucking nuts? No I don’t, not ever!”
“You wore one to my ‘Homecoming Dance’.”
Faith wasn’t budging:
“Yeah, okay…once. I wore one once.”
“And you looked great.”
“How the fuck would you know? You never even spared a look. Too busy tryin’ to shove it up Queen C’s ass to compliment your date.”
“But I didn’t know you were my date.”
“Well let’s see: I asked ya out, put it in a way you could handle, got dressed up, tried to play nice…well, ‘cept for the part when I tore that little bitch Scott Hope a new one, but when ya consider I wanted to break his scrawny fucking neck for...”
Buffy slid over on the couch and straddled her. She began nibbling along her throat and rocking her hips slowly:
“But baby…I was…stupid…back then.”
“Point is, you had your chance. I’m…”
“Don’t …I deserve…a second…one?”
“B…”
“Please? I want…to get…all…pretty…”
Faith was squirming, and she knew she was in trouble.
“You’re already pretty.”
“…and I…want…to see you…get all…pretty.”
“B…”
“I’ll make it…worth…your…while…”
Buffy’s hand drifted down, rubbing just the right spot in just the right way.
“Please, Faith?”
“…Okay, if it means that much to ya.”
She could feel Buffy’s smile against her neck:
“Thank you, baby.”
“You’re such a little shit.”
“True, but you love me anyway.”
“Fucking right.”
“Hmm…”
Buffy twisted her down onto the couch and then stood up:
“That sounds good, F.”
“What does?”
Buffy shrugged out of her clothes, and stood there wearing only a sexy grin.
“Fucking you right.”
Buffy tried to clear her head as she stood there waiting to be shown to Xander’s table, but it wasn’t easy. Their dinner that night had been so perfect. She had fallen even deeper in love with Faith, a woman who was so beautiful and loving, she’d had Buffy swooning before they’d even finished their meal.
“Ms. Summers? Right this way, please.”
She followed the hostess with her mind still lost in the past, only half noticing where they were going. It finally registered that they were entering the reserved section, or the “hoity toity” room as Faith had called it.
“Wow, the radio station is sparing no expense.”
The hostess merely smiled and gestured to Buffy to enter first.
Before she’d taken three steps into the room, she heard the familiar voice behind her:
“Thanks, Stace, I got it from here.”
Stacy left without a word and Buffy felt a gentle, but firm grip just above her elbow.
“What the…Faith, what the hell is this?”
Faith stepped around her so that they stood face to face:
“Lots of fancy names for it, but it’s a set-up, B.”
She looked so gorgeous; Buffy had to fight to get enough air to speak:
“A ‘set-up’?”
“Yeah, nobody else is coming. It’s just me and you, you know, like a date.”
“A ‘date’.”
Faith pulled out a chair:
“Here ya go.”
“And what makes you think I’m going to stay?”
“Nothing, I’m just hoping like hell you will. Least long enough for me to explain.”
They stood staring at each other for a long moment until Buffy sat down with more than a little reluctance.
“You’ve got two minutes, starting now.”
“Okay, thanks.”
Faith sat across the table from Buffy, clearly nervous.
“First thing is, don’t be mad at the guys. They didn’t do this for me, they did it for you.”
“Well why ever they did it, they are so getting their asses…”
“B, it’s on me. I kinda talked’em into it, didn’t really leave’em much choice.”
“Whatever. What are we doing here?”
Faith said nothing as she sat staring at Buffy like she was in a trance.
“Faith, the clock is ticking.”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, right. Sorry, it’s just…Jesus B, you are so damn beautiful.”
Buffy felt a jolt of warmth scorch its way through her, but she refused to let it make a difference.
“I think you’re down to thirty seconds.”
“Look…I’m just trying to do something nice for you, maybe swing a little happiness your way.”
“Because?”
“Because I love you and I want you happy.”
“Well excuse me if I find that more than a little hard to believe.”
Faith looked miserable, but she didn’t break eye contact.
“I know you do, and I’m sorry about that. But B, can’t we just share a meal together? It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just think of it as me finally paying off a bet I lost.”
Buffy thought back to the wager she’d won on that last happy night with Angel, staring off into space and eventually making Faith uneasy with her silence:
“B, is this time comin’ outta mine, ‘cause…”
That nearly made her laugh out loud, her eyes returning to rest on Faith’s:
“No, it’s separate time. How come no one else is in here when there are…five other tables?”
“I bought’em out.”
“’You ‘bought them out’?’”
“Yeah, wanted it to be just us.”
Buffy quirked an eyebrow:
“But this is a ‘no big deal’ date?”
“Not if you don’t want it to be.”
“You’re wearing a dress.”
“Yeah, but only ‘cause they got a dress code.”
Buffy bent down to look under the table:
“And you have actual dress shoes on.”
“Yeah.”
“And your hair’s up.”
“Felt like a change.”
“I see.”
Faith waited, giving her another minute to think it over:
“So B, could you maybe stay awhile?”
“I shouldn’t.”
“Maybe not, but would ya anyway?”
“No promises, I might leave at any time.”
Faith’s smile made her look even more stunning.
“Understood. Want a drink?”
“…Sure. I could use some alcohol.”
Faith signaled and the waiter appeared so quickly, Buffy wondered if he’d simply materialized into existence.
“May I start you lovely ladies off with something to drink?”
“Yep. We’ll have that wine I picked out earlier.”
“Wine? Faith, you hate wine.”
“Not that bad, and you...”
“Bring her a Sam Adams. I’ll stick with the wine.”
He nodded and left without a word.
“B, tonight’s about you. I don’t…”
“You choking down wine isn’t going to make me happy. If I wanted to torture you, I’d pick something a lot more painful.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Your dress is amazing.”
“You like it?”
“Of course I like it. Red’s always been your color, you look absolutely incredible.”
Faith blushed and began fiddling with her silverware as Buffy looked around the room.
“It’s beautiful in here, all of the flowers. I didn’t know they decorated with roses.”
“They don’t.”
Buffy looked shocked:
“You bought all of them?”
“Yeah well, I know you like different ones at different times, so I got some of every color.”
“God, Faith! That must have cost…How much did this cost?”
The waiter saved her from having to answer by arriving with their drinks.
“Ms. Lehane, shall we proceed with the meal you’ve planned out or will there be other changes as well?”
“That’s up to Ms. Summers. B?”
“…We’ll be sticking with Ms. Lehane’s plan, thank you.”
“Splendid! I’ll be back with the appetizers shortly.”
Faith smiled happily across the table at her:
“Think you’re gonna like the food.”
“I still might leave at any second.”
“Okay, I’ll tell him to bring a doggy bag with each course.”
Buffy laughed and an honest to goodness “Buffy” smile lingered close behind it.
“This doesn’t mean anything, Faith.”
“I know. We’re just two chicks out for a quick bite.”
Buffy shook her head, a smile still on her face:
“Damn, I’d forgotten how good you are at this.”
“At what, B?”
“Charming me.”
Faith sipped her beer before she answered:
“Not trying to charm you.”
“You’re not?”
“No, I’m trying to…Well yeah, okay. I’m trying to charm you. Is it working?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Gonna keep at it then.”
Faith made sure to stay on the light side the whole night. She talked about slaying, the new students, television shows, movies, music, clothes, Dawn, anything that would keep that smile on Buffy’s face.
It took about fifteen minutes before Buffy fully relaxed, and from that moment on, everything just got better and better. She spoke to Faith like she actually liked her, laughing at her jokes, teasing her gently instead of with a vicious need to cut her to ribbons, and smiling that warm smile that had Faith feeling like she was on top of the world.
As the meal wound down, they heard the band starting up in the other room. Faith took a deep breath and just went for it:
“B, would you like to dance?”
Buffy just sat there, the battle waging inside of her clearly illuminated on her face. Finally she shook her head in disbelief, and with a self-deprecating grin she answered:
“Why not?”
Faith dimples flashed and she was out of her chair before Buffy had finished speaking. She took her hand gently, pulling her to her feet as she led them a few steps from their table. Her own hands trembled slightly as they gripped Buffy’s, and then it was all perfection.
The song was slow, and they began moving in time to it. At first Buffy remained stiff, but as the song continued she began to loosen up, her body molding itself to Faith’s. They danced gracefully in a perfect rhythm, and it wasn’t long before the music became irrelevant. They were moving to something only they could hear, something that only made its presence known when they were together.
Buffy’s hands let go and her arms wrapped around Faith’s waist, pulling her closer. Faith responded by letting her own hands slide just under the fabric of Buffy’s backless dress, and the feeling of the warm, soft skin had her edging in even further. Her fingers began stroking with feather light touches, and Buffy moaned as she grazed her lips along the bare skin of Faith’s shoulder:
“Mmm…you smell so good.”
“So do you, B.”
Buffy’s mouth leisurely examined the column of Faith’s throat, and Faith couldn’t stop the tremor that shot through her.
“I love when you have your hair up. It makes it so easy to do this…”
Faith groaned as Buffy’s teeth scraped the sensitive skin just under her jaw.
“You’re shaking, F.”
“Yeah, well I’m about to dissolve into a puddle.”
“Because I’m doing this?”
Buffy pressed into her tightly, rocking slowly while her mouth continued exploring along Faith’s throat.
“No, because you’re Buffy.”
Buffy’s laugh was low and sexy, and Faith was suddenly glad she’d worn underwear.
“So I see you’re still trying to charm me.”
“Just statin’ a fact.”
“Wanna leave, F?”
“If you do.”
“Oh I do, I definitely do.”
“Then we’re gone.”
Buffy hesitated:
“Do we need to get the check?”
“No, I pre-paid.”
“Then let’s go.”
They left by the exit door in the hoity toity room which led into a small private parking lot. Giles’ convertible was the only car in sight, and it sat just a few feet away. Faith opened the door for Buffy, but she didn’t get in.
Instead, she ran her hand all the way from Faith’s shoulder down between her breasts, circling first the right one and then the left as she made her way back up to where she’d started from. She then walked her fingers down the bare length of Faith’s arm, and that sexy knowing laugh sounded again.
“Are you cold, F?”
“…C…Cold?”
“Goosebumps and perky nipples. What else could cause them?”
She slid into the car and Faith slammed the door closed, nearly running around to the driver’s side.
It took them fourteen minutes to get home, fourteen minutes in which Buffy touched, rubbed, pinched, and caressed every single area she could reach on Faith. When they finally arrived at their destination, the car came to a jerky stop, and Faith’s ragged breathing made it sound like she’d run all the way home instead of using an automobile for the journey.
She was out of the car almost before it stopped, and Buffy wasn’t far behind. Faith grabbed her, pushing her against the hood as she kissed her like a women who’d been driven to the edge, her hands roaming all over Buffy’s body until she had her moaning loudly.
They kissed and groped each other all the way up to Buffy’s room, and somehow they made it unseen. Buffy opened her door and walked in backwards, pulling Faith along with her…and then Faith stopped moving.
“Coming, F?”
“As close as you can get.”
“Then let me take you the rest of the way.”
Faith didn’t move, even though she looked like she wanted nothing more than to sprint into Buffy’s room.
“God, I want to so much, B…but I can’t.”
“Faith, stop playing around. Get in here.”
Buffy reached for her arm to pull her forward, but Faith dodged her grasp.
“B, tonight was so beautiful, ya know? I felt like I was in heaven.”
“And that’s what it’s going to feel like again if you’ll just...”
“I can’t come in tonight.”
“Are you kidding me?”
Faith shook her head, looking like she couldn’t believe it herself.
“It’s been a perfect night, and I can’t come in and let you fuck me. Tomorrow night, sure, whatever you want. But just for now, B, I just wanna enjoy how I feel. ‘Cause I feel close to you, like maybe I can some day get you back. If I come in and let you fuck me, I’m gonna lose that feeling, and that’ll hurt too much. Please… just let me have this for a few hours, okay?”
Buffy stood there with her mouth hanging open slightly, her expression reflecting her utter astonishment.
“Thanks for a great night and for staying for the whole meal. You’re absolutely amazing, the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
Faith took Buffy’s hand and raised it to her lips for a gentle kiss.
“Goodnight, B.”
And then she turned and walked down the hall to Angel’s room, looking back only when she had the door open. Buffy stood there watching her and Faith smiled:
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Then she was in the room with the door closed.
Buffy did the same, feeling bewildered. Faith…Faith Lehane had just turned her down for sex. She, Buffy Summers, was just shot down by her, Faith Lehane. She glanced out her window and felt a huge sense of relief when she saw no pigs flying by.
She undressed by habit, letting her clothes fall where they fell as she headed into the bathroom to remove her makeup and use the facilities. Her mind wasn’t even remotely on what she was doing, it was instead remembering the look on Faith’s face when she had declined to come in.
It had been a heartbreaking look, but a loving one. A grown-up look that had somehow made Faith seem like a little kid who was trying to be brave. Buffy’s pajama bottoms went on, but she had no idea she was sliding into them. Even pulling the white tank top over her head didn’t gain her attention.
She stood in the middle of her room and wondered what she was doing. The night had been perfect. It had stirred up so many emotions, so many memories, and Buffy couldn’t deny that all of them felt good.
They felt more than good, they felt right, and for the first time in forever, they felt like they belonged to her. She could feel herself coming back to life during the meal, could feel herself letting go of so many things, and she didn’t try to hang onto any of them. She just didn’t have the time or the desire.
She was too busy laughing, eating, drinking, and falling in love all over again. It was stupid, it was ridiculous, hell, it was even impossible, but somehow three months and a romantic dinner had managed to make two and a half years of desertion seem as if they didn’t really matter all that much.
It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t sensible, but it was how she felt. At this moment she didn’t feel angry or betrayed or hurt. What she felt right now was the warm and happy glow that Faith always made her feel. She felt loved and wanted, and she felt safe.
The woman at the end of the hall was everything to Buffy, and no matter what had gone on between them, that had never changed. Maybe it made her stupid, maybe it made her weak…God, it probably even made her wrong, but she didn’t care. She wanted to be with Faith.
She didn’t want to hurt her, not emotionally and not physically. She didn’t want to pay her back, she didn’t want to see her suffer. She just wanted to make love to her and then after they were done, she just wanted to be wrapped up together with her, right where they both belonged.
A voice shouted at her that it shouldn’t be that easy. It kept saying that Faith didn’t deserve another chance, that she couldn’t be trusted, but Buffy didn’t believe that. She never really had.
Because the truth of it was: Faith deserved a million chances, she deserved every break Buffy could offer to her. Maybe it shouldn’t be this easy, but it was because love was just like that sometimes. Messy, painful, crazy, and inexplicable, but love nonetheless.
Sometimes a pretty red dress, dark hair piled up on top of a head, your favorite flowers, your favorite food, and loving eyes that met yours with regret and sorrow and shame and passion and desire and every other emotion ever known to anyone, well sometimes those things covered the biggest of sins.
Sometimes a woman walking away so that she could remember the feeling of being loved, a woman who shook with desire but turned away anyway, well sometimes that spoke a truth that pushed aside every mistake ever made.
Buffy had no idea what it would mean if she just let it go and forgave Faith, but she did know she didn’t care anymore. She’d find out what it meant when they got there, and whatever was waiting for them would be okay because it would be theirs. They would be together, muddling through life the best they could, and there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with that.
She didn’t knock, she just walked in, locking the door behind her. She headed over to the bed and sat down, not uttering a sound. The moonlight streaming in from the open curtain revealed the tears on Faith’s cheeks.
“B…What are you doing?”
“I don’t know.”
“Look, I’m sorry. Wasn’t tryin’ to lead you on. If you wanna do it…you know, I can…”
“Shhh…I want…I need to be with you. Will you let me, Faith?”
“Buffy, please I can’t take this tonight. I know I got it coming, but please don’t do this to me. You wanna have sex, okay. But don’t pretend it’s…”
Buffy leaned down and kissed her gently.
“No more games, no more pretending. We don’t have to do anything, but would you just hold me tonight?”
“B, are you sure?”
“Yes. I want to be with you.”
Faith held out her arms and Buffy lay down inside them. Neither of them said another word as they stayed awake until late into the night.
It was Buffy who drifted off first, the tiny kisses she’d been placing right above Faith’s breast became slower, her lips making contact longer and longer until her mouth relaxed and her lips stilled. Faith kissed the top of her head, her tears still trickling out occasionally, and Buffy snuggled in closer, her hand coming up to rest comfortably on Faith’s breast.
That feeling of heaven was back, and Faith sighed contentedly as she felt herself drifting off towards sleep. She was surrounded by all things Buffy: the warm soft skin, the silky blonde hair, the enticing fragrance she would never get enough of, and she felt like she was home.
The snoring began and Faith let herself go with it, praying that when she awoke she wouldn’t find it had all been just a dream.
“Please…”
And then Faith was asleep
