Chapter Six

Two more weeks passed before Faith showed up again. Buffy was stretched out on a blanket by the lake, having just finished her lunch with a bunch of the newer girls. They'd finally gone off to their mandatory assembly, leaving Buffy with at least two solid hours with nothing better to do than stare out at the water.

Hiya, B. What's shakin'?"

"Faith."

Buffy's tone was frosty, and Faith looked nervous. She picked up a rock and skipped it along the surface.

"Four skips, not so shabby, yeah?"

"Yeah, you're just great."

"Mind if I sit down?"

Buffy's non-response didn't matter, Faith was already down.

"So B..."

"So F..."

"You're mad."

Buffy turned to face her, forcing herself to ignore just how glad she was to see her again.

"Yes I'm mad, how could I not be?"

"Look, I know things got kinda carried away, but..."

Buffy could not believe what she was hearing:

"Are you really this stupid?"

The look on Faith's face seemed to answer that question in the affirmative.

"What're ya..."

"God, I'm not mad because of the sex. I'm mad because you've been gone for over a month!"

"But B, I told ya I go when I gotta."

Buffy stood up and walked off a few paces, staring out at the lake as she tried her best to stay calm and reasonable. It wasn't working out as well as she'd hoped it would, and she knew even standing on her head probably wouldn't make much of a difference.

"That's great, Faith, just fantastic. But you were gone for a whole fucking month! Not a word to anyone...Don't you care about me at all?"

Faith stood up and walked over to her:

"What the hell are you talking about? What's this got to do with you?"

Buffy shoved her, and before Faith could fully recover her balance, Buffy shoved her again. She hit the ground hard, her face stunned:

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"With me? Yeah, well I guess maybe that is the question, because clearly something has to be wrong with me since I keep putting up with this."

"I don't understand. If you're not mad about the sex, what the hell's got your panties in a bunch?"

"Tell me Faith, do you really not get it or are you just pretending?"

Faith stood back up, but this time she kept her distance:

"Why don't ya just clue me in?"

"You left and were gone for a month. I'm pretty sure if you asked a hundred random strangers, they'd all get why I'm mad."

"Yeah? Well good for them. I figured you'd be glad to see me."

Buffy counted silently in her head. She was fairly certain it would be far from reasonable if she drowned Faith in the lake like she wanted to. Still...

She struggled to keep her voice calm and level:

"I am glad to see you, I'm always glad to see you. But you were gone for so long and I was worried."

"Well shit, B. How the fuck was I supposed to know you'd be worried?"

As was so often the case, Buffy didn't know if it was the words or the attitude, but Faith's response made her see red. She said nothing, trying her best to get her temper under control before she spoke, but then Faith poured gas on the fire:

"'Sides, don't need a mother. Big girl here, in case ya ain't noticed, and I..."

"Oh, I've noticed. I notice everything about you, Faith, even the things you'd prefer I didn't."

Faith took a step back, her face frightened and vulnerable before she managed to get her cocky demeanor back into place.

"Not sure what you're gettin' at, but..."

"I'm getting at something you never want to discuss, but this time we're going to."

"B, this is nuts. Look, I'm sorry you freaked, okay? Let's head to your room and I'll make it up to ya."

Buffy said nothing and Faith edged closer until she was just an arm's length away. She reached out and softly ran her hand through Buffy's hair, then continued gently down her cheek and neck to her breast.

She closed the gap when Buffy hardened instantly at her touch:

"C'mon, B...I missed you, let me show ya how much."

Buffy melted into her as Faith's lips met her own, insisting until Buffy finally opened her mouth. Faith's tongue swept in demandingly as she pulled their bodies together forcefully. They both groaned when they felt the contact, and they both moved, trying to get closer.

Buffy felt lost. Lost in Faith, lost in love, lost in the moment, but she knew if she allowed this, allowed Faith to sweep everything aside with sex, they would never make it. She couldn't let it happen, she just couldn't.

"No...stop."

Faith's hand unzipped her pants and quickly found a new home that already had Buffy's hips moving to its rhythm.

"B...Mmm, you're soaking wet."

Buffy couldn't stop the moan as she felt Faith edging closer to entering her:

"N...No...stop."

Faith was nibbling all along her neck, her other hand toying with Buffy's breast:

"You don't mean that, B. You know you want it...It's been so long, baby...Just let me..."

So fast, that was all Buffy could think as she crossed the point of no return.

With just a couple of touches, she was unable to think clearly, to reason anything out. There was just the smoky voice growling in her ear, the knowing fingers ratcheting up her desire until she could barely breathe...and Buffy relented.

Faith kissed her as she entered her, and Buffy cried out, the sound muffled and lost in Faith's mouth. Her legs lifted, wrapping firmly around Faith's waist as she began thrusting against the fingers that were driving her insane with pleasure.

"You feel so good, B...all hot and tight..."

Buffy couldn't speak, she was past speech except for the moans and sighs and grunts as Faith lowered her to the blanket without stopping. Faith picked up the pace until she was almost pounding into her, her other arm wrapped around Buffy's waist to pull her closer while her mouth devoured her.

And then just like that, Buffy felt it again. It was coming from someplace so deep inside herself, she had no choice but to let it go.

"Please...Faith, please..."

She didn't know what she was pleading for, didn't know what she wanted. She only knew that if she came without it, she was going to be destroyed.

"Faith...please..."

Then Faith was kissing her again, out of lust or a desire to shut her up, there was no way Buffy could answer that question. But as she felt herself swirling, igniting and falling into the passion she would only ever feel for the woman possessing her, she got what she needed.

Faith jerked her mouth free from Buffy's, kissing her way up to her ear, and then Buffy heard the soft whisper:

"I love you."

And then all was chaos.

Buffy exploded into the fiercest, wildest orgasm known to humankind. A blinding flash of colors appeared, she screamed loud enough to startle a flock of birds from a nearby tree, and her body lifted up into a sitting position, all of her limbs wrapped around Faith.

She clung so violently, she would have injured anyone but another Slayer. Her nails sunk into Faith's back right through her shirt, her mouth clamped down hard on Faith's shoulder, and her legs tightened to an almost rib cracking intensity. The world just spun away and Buffy went with it.

When she eventually calmed down, she found herself lying on her back on the blanket. She knew when she turned her head she would find that Faith had gone again, and she had no idea how she was going to deal with that. She didn't think she could, and so she continued staring up at the clouds, wishing she was floating on one in all the peace and calmness they seemed to offer.

But that sort of tranquility wasn't for her. It never had been, it never would be, and she knew better than to try and pretend otherwise. She could feel the tears trying to fall, but she pushed them back and turned her head, prepared to see the empty space staring back at her.

Instead she saw Faith sitting cross-legged, slowly pulling up grass, one blade at a time.

"...Faith?"

"Amazing really."

"What is?"

"How I feel about you."

Buffy didn't move. Everything seemed too tenuous, like if she moved Faith would disappear in a puff of smoke, an illusion after all.

"I didn't want this, B. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry you love me, it's too wonderful."

Faith tossed some grass into the wind and watched as it blew away.

"Yeah, it is."

Buffy didn't like anything she was seeing or feeling, so she sat up.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this."

"Do what?"

The eyes that met Buffy's were filled with tears:

"Anything."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't be with you. Much as I wish I could, I just can't."

Buffy pushed back the panic that was threatening to overtake her:

"Why?"

Faith spoke as if Buffy never had:

"Can't be without you either...The big fucking cliché."

Buffy reached for her hand, but Faith avoided her:

"Tried to fuck somebody else last week. Pretty little blonde girl...She wanted me so bad, and I felt nothing. Made myself kiss her and I almost puked. She didn't taste right, didn't smell right, and her skin wasn't soft enough. Fucking eyes were blue."

"Faith, I know this is..."

"So I figured okay, chicks are out. Fine, I'd find some stud to do it with. Went back out, had me a guy in like five minutes. Real looker, had quite a tool hangin' there. Same deal, I felt nothing when he touched me...Tossed his ass ‘fore he even got a taste."

They sat quietly for a long time until Faith finally spoke up:

"Thought it'd ease up if I had ya, you know? Figured if I fucked you enough times, could get you out of my system. But it's worse now, B. It's like a fire burning me up from the inside. I'm never gonna want anyone else, never gonna get over you. You're just here forever, no matter what."

"I feel the same way. It's love and it's a good thing. It's not..."

"Yeah, for you, I guess it is. For me...Well for me, it's somethin' else."

Buffy managed to snag her hand, and this time Faith didn't try to pull away.

"It doesn't have to be. I know it's scary for you, but we can do it together. We'll..."

"Buffy, you're all light and good and everything I'm not. I don't know how to be in love, don't have the first clue, and I'll end up hurting you so much. Then you'll end up hating me, and I can't take that again."

"What ‘again'?"

Faith laughed:

"Well, figure stickin' a knife in my gut's not exactly a sign of true devotion."

"That was like ten million years ago, and I've never hated you, not even then."

"Not blaming you, B. Got what I deserved...but I couldn't live through that again."

"And you're not going to have to."

Faith pulled her hand loose, and looked into Buffy's eyes:

"You don't get it. You can't even imagine how much I don't want this. To me, love's not somethin' nice, it's ugly and it lies all the time. It hurts people and it makes them..."

Buffy interrupted her:

"Faith, it's just me, and I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You were there, you know how I felt about Angel. Well what I feel for you makes that seem like exactly what it was, a schoolgirl crush. I want you, I need you, you're everything to me. I know this is all new for you, so we'll go slow. We'll do it however we need to, we don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. We'll be flexible, give you all the time and space you need to get used to it."

Faith shook her head slowly in wonder:

"You'd do it too, wouldn't you? No way you could be a better person...You're so beautiful, Buffy."

"What are you talking about?"

Faith stood up, and Buffy felt the panic returning as she scrambled to her feet as well.

"No fucking way am I gonna saddle you with me. Not gonna make you run around and try to please some no good cunt who's so fucked up she..."

Buffy slapped her.

"Don't you ever talk about yourself like that again."

They stood staring at each other until Buffy spoke, her face full of emotion:

"Faith, I love you, all of you. I don't want you to be someone else, I just want you to be yourself. Whatever that means we have to do to make this work, fine. We can figure it out together."

Faith gently stroked Buffy's cheek with the back of her fingers, the smile on her face literally heartbreaking.

"I wish we could, B. More than you'll ever know."

"Please don't do this."

"I don't know what else to do."

"All you have to do is trust me. I know how to make this work and I'll show you. We'll just take it one day at a time, whatever you need...Please Faith, all you have to do is trust me."

"It won't work, you know that."

The tears began falling and Faith had to look away. Buffy grabbed her chin, forcing her to face her:

"If you go, you're going to break my heart. I'll never get over it, I won't, Faith. What I feel for you is too strong, I'll never be able to move on, there won't be anyone else for me. There will always just be you, and I'll never stop wanting and needing you."

"B, don't say that."

"It's the truth. I won't ever get over you, not if you don't even let us try. I'll always be waiting, always thinking today's the day you're going to come back home. Please Faith, don't do that to me, don't make me spend my life wishing for you."

Faith's own tears rolled down her face and she swiped at them angrily:

"Fuck, what do you want from me?! I can't..."

"One month."

"What?"

"Give me one month. We'll try it and if you can't do it, I'll let you go. No big scene, no trying to make you stay, but I need that month."

"'A month'."

Buffy was excited now, her smile nearly blinding. Her arms encircled Faith's waist and she looked into her eyes:

"We'll see if we can find a way to make it work. If it turns out we can't or you don't like it, then we'll go our separate ways...no strings, no drama."

Faith's dimples flashed against her will as Buffy quoted her back to herself:

"...Told ya, there's always gonna be strings."

"Yes you did, but I promise I won't try to stop you if you want to go."

"One month?"

"Yep, thirty-one days."

Faith brushed Buffy's hair back from her face, her hand lingering as if it couldn't bear to be anywhere else:

"Ya know, most people'd have said ‘thirty'."

"Well true, but I might need that extra day."

They stood silently, then Faith lowered her head to rest it in the crook of Buffy's shoulder:

"Okay."

"Really, Faith? You'll try it?"

Her lips grazed Buffy's neck like a delicate caress:

"Yeah, I'll do my best."

Buffy lifted her and spun them around, finally lowering Faith into a huge and passionate kiss.

"We can do this, you'll see."

"Hope you're right...Hey!"

Buffy took them both down onto the blanket.

"I am ...but for now, I just want to show you how you make me feel."

"Okay, but maybe oughta take it to your room ‘cause we're..."

"Oh, I see. You can take me right out here in the open, but when it's my turn, you want to be all shy and proper."

"Yeah...No...I mean, I got carried away before and..."

Buffy tossed her top and bra aside and reached for Faith's:

"To hell with proper. I want you, right here and right now."

She lowered herself until their breasts met, and Faith's eyes closed, her breathing already erratic and shallow.

"Besides, you know what they say, F..."

Maybe she did, but as Buffy undid her pants, Faith found she couldn't speak.

"...'Want, take, have'. It's a good philosophy, one I'm going to put into practice."

"B..."

Buffy's head lowered, her mouth stopping less than an inch from Faith's:

"Faith?"

"...Yeah?"

"I love you."

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