That awful scarlet had faded to black. Or more accurately gray. It was a color Faith knew all too well. But it wasn’t the calming tone of a cool overcast sky, and it wasn’t the warm comfort of that blanket she loved back when she was nine.
This gray was dirty. Concrete walls, framed by solid steel; corroded with the grime and anger only time could provide. Time like twenty to life.
It was all too familiar to Faith and it made her heart seize in her chest, a sudden stop from the racing tempo of just an instant ago. Was it just an instant ago? It felt like forever… how long had she been here? Faith couldn’t breathe she the stale air felt like ice as she tried to suck in one ragged breath after another.
She couldn’t be back here! Not in this box, not sitting on this rock hard mattress staring at the cracked and crooked mirror on the wall, the rusted out sink it was all just as she had left it. If she left it!?
How long had she been here?
Faith looked at her hands.
Her clean trembling hands. That just a moment, or, forever ago had been covered, drenched with blood. Buffy’s blood. God what had happened?!
She’d killed her, and the realization, the reality of it slammed into Faith with a force she’d never known.
Her breath hitched, she squeezed her eyes shut, and she tried to hold back the hot tears that were burning acid-hot in her throat. She failed and a harsh sob echoed off the gritty walls.
The stark sound was like a shock though. And Faith found herself sitting back up again, looking around, LISTENING around. Silence, complete and total.
And that just wasn’t right. At least, judging from Faith’s experience on D-block. Prison was never silent. There was always noise, someone screaming, someone crying, cumin’ or dying. But never silence.
Faith stood up, cautious, running her hand quickly across her damp eyes. She took the five quick steps that put her face to face with steel bars. If it wasn’t real she could just walk right outta here right? Her hands came up, wrapped around the metal and she pushed. They didn’t budge.
“What the fuck?” She asked no one, ‘cause no one was there.
Faith was fairly convinced now that this was a dream, or still a dream… new or the same, she couldn’t be sure. She didn’t care either. She just wanted out.
“Wake up… wake the fuck up…” Faith pressed her head to the cold rails that held her, mumbling the same words again and again. She was getting so accustomed to the sound of her own voice that she didn’t notice the other presence until it were nearly in front of her cell.
“Who’s there!” Her head snapped up and she squinted down the dark corridor in front of her.
“Hey baby…” It was everything Faith wanted to hear. Exactly what she didn’t want to see. Buffy, there, standing before her nothing but angel hair and glittering eyes. She was beautiful… and she was covered in blood.
“Oh god! Buffy! Y-you’re hurt you’re…” Faith’s arm slid between the bars reaching, desperate. B was just out of her touch.
“Yeah…” Buffy said softly, glancing down at her clothes. She looked sad, but not in pain, it was weird. She took a few steps closer, wrapped her sticky red fingers around Faith’s. And it was like a confirmation to the dark slayer. That she could do it. That she could fall… again.
“I’m sorry B. God, I’m so—” Faith’s voice was breaking; the rest of her was breaking too. She couldn’t believe she was seeing this, that she’d done this.
“Shh. It’s ok baby. It’s ok…” It was soothing, it was calm…way too calm for someone who should be dead. And it wasn’t ok! But this wasn’t real either.
“I killed you?”
“No…” Buffy leaned closer then, kissed the tears from Faith’s face, avoiding the bars and whispering the words again and again.
“What’s happening B?” Faith sighed, her eyes closed. She was getting lost in the endless gentle kisses. Heaven, she was sure.
“It’s not real… hasn’t happened yet baby.” And she said it so soft, so sad, and Faith could feel those lips brushing over the frown that was now marring her brow. Yet?
“What? No B… this… it’s a dream, I won’t—”
“Love you…” It was whispered against her lips, sealed between their mouths. And Faith sighed because it felt like peace.
But it still didn’t explain what B had said. Buffy’s eyes were still apologetic when she pulled away.
“I guess it was supposed to be like this.” And Buffy took a step back, looking again at the thick blood that was covering her small form, dripping off her. Sickening taps on the concrete floor. Tiny splatters of contrast in Faith’s gray world.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Why was B moving away? Why wasn’t she helping her get out of here? Faith could feel something inside her starting to flicker, it was like a light dying, and something desperate, like panic was replacing it.
Buffy just kept walking back. One step; then another... too far way!
“You hurt me. We hurt each other.” Buffy said it gently but still felt like a slap, like truth.
“No! No B it’s not real… It didn’t happen!” Faith pleaded, nearly frantic in her denial. She brought her fist up, slammed it into her cage. “Don’t leave me here! Please!”
“But it will.” And Buffy turned away.
“No Buffy please! Just come back… We—we can talk about it! Don’t leave me!”
“You know I’m right baby. Everybody leaves, it always ends with pain… goodbye Faith.” And she was gone. Buffy’s footsteps made a hollow sound… as empty as Faith’s heart. And she was alone.
She’d been up all night. Sneaking from the warm, safe embrace of her love to sit for hours on a cold hard rooftop. She loved it up here though, high enough to see the lights of her town.
Back in the beginning they would spend hours up here just talking, about things in the dark unknown, but mostly about nothing at all. Their eyes would catch fleetingly, shyly and then skip away. It was before she knew. Or was ready to know.
And to be wrapped in those arms now, would be so close to perfect…she had to do this alone though. It would be better in the end, better if she just leave now.
If she just got rid of her now.
Willow closed her eyes again, centered her energy on the pile of smoldering herbs, mumbled words in an ancient and long forgotten language.
Words of protection. They had all been hurt so much, years living in Sunnydale it couldn’t be avoided. Vamps and demons, possessions and ghosts, Willow had pretty much seen it all before she got out of high school. But that was different, SO different.
Why couldn’t they see it?
Faith had betrayed them. Had betrayed Buffy. She had made the choice to walk with the darkness and would no doubt do it again. Things don’t change that much on the hellmouth.
Willow could still remember the pain that ran rivers down her best friends face that night. Buffy had come back to her place, after ‘the setup’… after all their fears and suspicions had been confirmed. She had said she couldn’t stand to see Angel, couldn’t be alone either. So Willow had done her job, picked up the pieces.
It was what best friends were for.
She’d held Buffy, her Buffy as she cried. And even though she hated the pain, hated the bitch that caused it more… she loved the feel of Buffy in her arms, clinging to her. Willow had whispered every calming phrase she could think of, every platitude she knew Buffy wouldn’t remember in the morning. She had assured her that Angel still loved her, would never leave her.
“She kissed me, why did she have to kiss me?” It had been a soft whisper against the skin of her neck, and the words had shocked her even as they had sent shivers through her core.
And another suspicion had been confirmed that night.
“Don’t cry for her Buff… she-she’s not worth it… she brought it on herself?” She had tried and it had even sounded hopeless to Willows own ears. She had held Buffy’s face in her hands trapped by watery green, she had drowned in all those eyes had to tell her.
“No, I did. God, why didn’t I—” And Willow didn’t want to know, didn’t want to see that it wasn’t Angel her best friend was breaking for
“Buffy you can’t think this is your fault. We all make choices…” She pulled Buffy back into her arms. The eyes had been too much… they made her want things she shouldn’t want, couldn’t understand. “Faith made hers, we can’t change that.”
“She kissed me Will.” She had sighed again, and Willow knew any response to that wouldn’t be anything Buffy would want to hear. She gave her more banalities instead.
“It’ll be ok, just stay here, it’ll be ok in the morning.” All lies. Nothing close to what she really wanted to say. The things Buffy was making her feel at that moment. Jealousy, anger, want all meshed and swirled in a confused young mind.
“Just hold me Wills” And Willow almost had said…something, ANYTHING?! But she couldn’t. Instead they had lain on her bed then, Buffy falling asleep, Willow remaining awake, watching her.
A part of her hope had died that night. Something that she hadn’t had the capacity to realize at the time, something she didn’t even know she could want. It was buried before it could ever have chance to see the light. And Faith had killed it.
Willow blinked away her reverie noticing the candles were nearly burned away. She took a deep breath, calmed the surge of power, of ecstasy the spell brought about.
“Fear is made real, in dreams they’re revealed, haunt the vessel and hearts are healed.”
And the last of the ash finally burned away.
Faith’s been acting weird all day. Quiet and stand off-ish. I had woken up alone this morning, her spot in the bed still slightly warm. I had pressed my face into her pillow, breathed her in and this deep ache had suddenly enveloped me. It had crawled into my chest where it rested, heavy and right on my heart.
God, I had never felt anything that intense before. It was want and longing and desire and I just MISSED her. After last night I had expected to wake up in her arms again, wrapped around each other in our own little world. But I was alone.
I had left the warm sanctuary of our bed after a few minutes of waiting, realizing she might not be coming back. I wasn’t too worried, I could still feel her near.
And yeah, it’s definitely ‘our’ bed now.
I had found her sitting outside on the bench we keep in the back yard by mom’s flowers, her face turned up to the slowly brightening sky. She looked beautiful. The new golden rays had just started to creep across the horizon, bathing her skin with soft warm tones, highlighting the rivers of burgundy in her hair that I’d never allowed myself to notice. Not until now.
I watched as she sighed and closed her eyes, thick dark lashes making shadows across her cheeks. And I had no clue what to do next. Good thing I’m not the one running this show I guess. ‘Cause then her eyes opened, and they looked so, so deep catching the orange rays.
I swear I couldn’t breathe for a second.
“Checkin’ out the merchandise B?” She grinned, but it was nowhere near those beautiful eyes.
“Yeah, definitely.” I smiled back, wanting to go to her so bad. But something was telling me to stay. Give her some distance, she needed it. It might have been the tense set of her shoulders, or the small pile of cigarettes at her feet. I don’t know. I must have said the right thing though, because that smile finally did reach her eyes.
Sunrise was nothing compared to that.
“I missed you.” I told her. And I couldn’t believe how hard that little admission was making me blush, how shy I suddenly felt. Especially after last night! But it’s still all so new, all so much to feel. I’m guessing that might be why she’s out here. Got a little freaked, needed a little space.
I hope.
“Yeah?” She was standing up then, and I noticed she was fully dressed in her clothes from yesterday. Damn. I kinda felt a bit underdressed in just my robe, but my heart was beating faster all the same. All I could do is nod at her as she came to stand right in front of me, inches away. I wanted her closer.
“So you’re going somewhere?” I had asked instead of grabbing her.
“Yeah, I better. Gotta grab a change before things get started ‘round here.” She’s right, but I don’t like it. I like the idea of having her here…
And I think I’m about to say something really scary… yup, I’m gonna.
“Umm. Why don’t you, ah…ya know, bring your stuff back? Y-you can, ya know, if you want… maybe crash here? Till all this is done? Or maybe, just whenever?”
It sounded a lot cooler in my head. Really. But her eyes got really soft then, like I was maybe melting her a little.
“Ok.” Simple as that and I couldn’t freaking believe it! And thankfully she saved me from the incredibly Dawn-like squeal that was seconds from escaping
She kissed me. She cupped her warm, soft hands around my face and those full lips were on mine. It was soft and gentle and it brought my heart up to my throat. It made that longing in my chest go away.
My hands were sinking into her hair before I realized, my mouth searching for deeper access to hers. I felt her sigh and I got chills all over. She was just so warm against me… so close.
I wanted to tell her to forget about the meeting later. Forget about all this damn bad. I wanted to drag her back upstairs, back to our bed, back to our world. I tried to tell her in the kiss.
I wanted to convince her, something was telling me she needed to be convinced. I pressed in harder, let my tongue wrap around hers, pulled her tighter against me. And I got another sigh, and a bit of a moan this time.
God, does she even know what that does to me?! My hands slip down her back, over the delicious curves of her hips down to cup her ass and I can feel my lungs starting to burn but I don’t care. Who needs to breathe when I have Faith pressed so close to me, when I can feel her breasts pushing against mine, her heart pounding so fast?! Her mouth is so hot, so wet, and just seems endless… it reminds me of other places I’ve discovered.
And suddenly I want her. Now, and so damn bad I can hardly stand it. The kiss turns rougher… the aggression, the extent of my need showing itself in the messy slide my lips are making over her mouth, in the way were both starting to tremble, muscles straining and yet barely restrained.
God, I feel so desperate, desperate enough to take her, have her, fuck her right here on the soft grass in my back yard…I bet she’d look so good laid out with that green against her bare skin… But she pulls away then, gasping.
“B, fuck… what are ya doin’?” She was all breathless. I love her breathless. I’d love her more spread out naked on the ground and breathless.
“It isn’t obvious?” I ask the skin of her neck, it tastes so good. Faith flavored, I should call Ben and Jerry’s.
“Well I was sure you were goin’ for subtle.” She grins and my lips find the dimple that just appeared as I try and get my heart to slow a bit.
“Nope, not subtle, not me… I want you.” I had to whisper the admission, because I could hardly believe its true. I never dreamed I could want something like this, like HER. That I could want a body so soft and full and lush. That I could want to run my hands through long, infinite waves of brown. I can’t believe I’m acting this way! But Faith just makes me feel so uninhibited, inspired even… Before, I’d never let myself think about soft berry red lips or hard rose colored nipples, but now I can hardly think of anything else. And it’s the truest thing I’ve ever known.
“I want you so bad Faith, I need you.” I tell her again, and I kissed her again to prove it.
And my mouth was all over hers, lips tongue, teeth. I nibbled that bottom lip she likes to tease me with as one of my hands slid away from her ass and up under her shirt.
What happened to her bra? Why am I wasting time wonder what happened to her bra?!
I cup the soft curve of her breast, squeeze a little as my thumb passes over her nipple. And I’m still amazed as I feel it harden under my touch. Faith groans into my mouth and it vibrates between us. It feels so sexy, knowing that she wants this just as bad. Her skin is heating up as I play, rolling her nipple over my thumb… stroking the tip, and I finally pull my mouth away from hers. We should be doing this upstairs, should have started the second our eyes opened.
“I wanted to wake up with you…” I confess, watching her eyes flutter open, watching her mouth try and form words for a second
“Fuck B…ohh… I-I can’t think when you’re doin’ that!” Good, so she can’t think about leaving.
“Doing what baby?” I ask innocent, and tug her nipple gently, pinching it harder, giving her more of that pressure I know she likes. It’s not nearly enough though.
“Uhh… That! Ohfuck” God her voice sounds so dark. It gets me wetter than I already am, it makes me ache. I use the hand that’s caressing her ass to pull her into me and I grind a bit.
“I maybe thought we could stay in bed for a while longer, but you weren’t there”
“I-I um… a-ahh B! Damn you gotta stop that.” But her hips are moving too, unconscious little thrusts against the leg I managed to slip between hers. I ease up on her nipple some though and she sighs. It’s both relief and disappointment.
“I um… couldn’t sleep is all.” She finally manages, a tiny frown makes her eyebrows go all smooshy. I kiss it away and wonder what could have caused it. There’re so many things. I try and find the answer in her eyes but hers are focused on the strand of my hair she’s been playing with. I pull back a bit, and my hand slips out of her shirt, concern suddenly taking the forefront over horny.
“Baby, what is it?”
“Just night—I mean nothin’… I’m just stressed I think, no big.” And I wanted to think about what she started to say, but she grins and her eyes meet mine a second before she leans in and I feel her mouth on my neck
“Stress is bad…umm…m-maybe I can help you with that.” God what’s she doing to my ear?!
“Mmm you got no idea how good that sounds B.” I kiss her collarbone, suck a little. “Or how good that feels.”
“Then come back to bed…”
“The others are gonna be here soon.” She sighs and pulls away some and meets my gaze, pouting a little, knowing that she’s right and not liking it one bit.
“Its early.” I tell her bottom lip.
“So Giles doesn’t get up at the ass crack of dawn anymore?”
I smile and pull her back to me, slide my hand back into her shirt.
“Don’t care.” And when did my voice get so raspy? Her mouth lands back on mine in a slow deep caress, my tongue matching the strokes my hand is making over her breast. And it’s different now, not as urgent, not as demanding.
The need is still there though. I can feel it in the way Faith’s starting to rock against me again, in the way she’s panting against my mouth, making the air between us so warm and humid.
“Buffy…shit, B…makin’ me so wet.” She tells me and I swear I feel my whole body tense. Shit I love how she talks when she’s turned on. But I tamp down that urgency, I don’t want to rush it. I don’t want to think about time, or how everyone will be up soon.
“Can you show me?” I ask, each word a feather against her mouth and I feel her nod, feel her hands reaching between us slipping past the token barrier of my robe and god, then, they’re on my skin. They slide over my hips, hot and shaky, and make a quick rush up to my breasts.
“Damn, B… you’re so fuckin’ soft” She says it like she can't help it, rasping puffs against my neck as her fingers brush back and forth over my hard aching nipples. “So damn sexy… want you so much… You know how hot you make me B?”
God I can’t believe how gentle she’s being, I can tell she’s holding back can feel it in the way her hands are all trembles, the slow deliberate kisses she’s burning into shoulder. But it’s so good, I can hardly stand it. I gotta find a better place for this to happen… like, now.
“Mmm… Faith, baby… inside.”
“Oh god…Ok.” And she’s gasping and I feel a trembling hand suddenly between my legs, parting my slick folds
“No, baby…uuunnhh Faith!” I groan and feel her finger against my clit, pressing, circling, oh fuck she’s so good! “Inside the house…”
And now I really am desperate.
We make it as far as the kitchen, barely. Kissing, stumbling, groping the whole way. Her hand is still between my thighs when my back hits hard against the kitchen door.
“B… need you.” She whispers into my ear and I can’t believe how small it sounds almost like a question, just as she picks up the stroking over my clit again.
My legs feel like water and the rest of me feels like its gonna combust. I slump back against the door, try not to scream as she picks up the rhythm matching the deep pulsing in my clit. God she has me so close already.
“Buffy?” Its that tiny voice again. And I realize my eyes were shut tight. I open them, and fall right into the depths of hers. I bring my hands up, cup them around her face, show her what she’s doing to me. Its too much, too good. I’m gonna come, but I want her with me. I need it.
I still her hand with mine just as she started to slide in and out, then, as best as I could with the way my hands are shaking, get her pants undone and slide them down. She kisses me again, her mouth hard and reckless as she kicks her pants off.
She spreads her legs some, giving me better access and the instant I touch her, my hand is coated in her juice. I touch her slow my fingers part her, trace her every outline, she’s burning as she pours into my hand.
“Uuunnhh B!” It’s moaned into my mouth and I can tell she’s trying to hold back, keep her hand still inside me, give me a chance to catch her up… she’s not too far off though. I can feel her shaking against me. I let my fingers make a lazy slide through her pussy, drag lightly over her clit, and then away again, teasing. She so hard the slightest touch makes her whole body shudder.
“Fuck… so good…B, please…B, oh yeah.”
She finally breaks away from the kiss then, buries her face into my neck as her knees go week. She’s whispering the words again and again each one sounding a little more pleading than the last. Her hand finds the rhythm on my clit again rubbing those tight little circles that are taking me to the brink so fast. I do the same on her, a little harder, little faster every time and soon its nothing but muffled groans and whispered pleas.
I can feel her body starting to arch against mine, her hips starting to lose the pace and she’s making those desperate whimpers, biting her lip so hard. She’s about to come for me.
“B! Oh f-fuck… I-I can’t—” I slow my hand down, she’s right on the brink, but she’s fighting it… I can feel her clit making those twitches against my fingers. But she wants me with her too, and I try to tell her what I need.
“So good baby…a-ahh! J-just… more…oh god!” But she already knows what I needs, plunges two fingers up inside me and starts to fuck me.
“Yes!! Faith! baby!” And I’m moaning, we’re both moaning as our passion reaches fever pitch and Faith’s body jerks hard against me suddenly she tenses and I watch her face as the ecstasy sweeps through her.
“Buffy!” The sigh of my name as it falls from her lips is enough and I’m flying with her. Falling for endless moments and I feel the rush of her come coating my hand, the weight of her body as it slumps warm and safe against mine, the incessant spasms that rack both our forms. They’re slow to fade, intense after shocks keep us both trembling. And damn I don’t ever want to move again… I’m not sure if I’ll be able to.
After a while, our breathing finally start to slow and I pull back a short bit, just enough to see the sleepy smiley face she’s making.
“I love you.” I whisper, and her eyes flutter open like magic. That smile gets bigger.
“That was so…god B I don’t even know what that was.” Her voice is all raspy and her eye’s look like they might overflow…
Can your heart be breaking if you’re this happy?
“It was us.” I tell her with a sniffle of my own. And we stay like that, just holding each other, basking in each other until she finally sighs and pulls away. She pouts a bit at the loss of contact.
“I should really get going B… don’t want the kid wandering down here and seeing all this. Could damage her young mind.”
“Dawn is plenty damaged, little more wont hurt.” I argue.
“Plus I gotta go get my stuff, get back here” She puts on her pants. I hate pants.
“You suck. With all this being right stuff.” And I show her a REAL pout. She just grins bigger.
“It’s my curse.” Such a smart ass. I pull her back to me quick, catch her mouth again and let my hands roam to all the places her clothes are hiding, all the places I know I won’t be seeing for at least a while. I let my nails rake gently down her back and feel the prickle of goosebumps follow my touch. My other hand is back at her breast for only a second before she can pull away with a groan.
“Fuck…B, I need to go, now, or else I wont be able to… I’ll be back soon yeah?” Her smart ass smirk gone and she’s talking to the gap in my robe that is nearly exposing me again.
“Ok…” I grin, happy that now she’s still in the land of horny with me “Hurry.”
And she just smiled as she backed away. And I watched her stride out the door, cross the yard… that’s how she left, full of wanting and joy and peace. But that’s not what’s in her eyes right now. I have no idea what’s changed between then and now but the difference is like night and day. And I’m worried.
When she came back she’d been subdued and only gotten more so as the day went on. She’s almost down to single syllables…
Everybody’s here now, deep into the research of things. Last nights patrol had been really lucky. So we’re pretty sure where this Ancient vamp is bedding down, now all we have to find a way to kill sleeping ugly. Apparently a nice splinter to the heart or a good old-fashioned beheading just won’t do. Giles had informed us all, with way too much enthusiasm, that when you chop off one it’ll just grow another… he really needs a new hobby.
Faith had used a small portion of her apparent word quota to suggest fire, but Giles shot that down too. So that leads us to this again. Research.
Translating actually, which is even worse. I swear none of this stuff even makes sense in English!
I let Dawn skip a day at school and even Riley came over to help. We need all the minds we can get. But I really don’t like the way he’s been looking at me. Like a twisted cross between remorse and lust and satisfaction.
I have no idea what’s going on in his head, but he’s looking at Faith too. And there’s nothing but disdain then.
I don’t like it.
It makes me want to go to her, stand by her side and protect her. But Faith’s too caught up in her own thoughts to even notice.
At least Tara and Wills seem to be getting back to their usual sunshine selves. I had heard them arguing just after lunch. They had thought they had been alone in the kitchen. I had been passing by I really didn’t mean to snoop or anything. I didn’t catch all of it, but it sounded pretty heated, and of course had been about the magic. I didn’t stick around to listen, but it looks as though they made up a bit. They’re all moon eyes and hand-holding again.
I look over at my best friend just as her eyes flick away from where they’ve been locked on Tara. I can hardly recognize the girl I’ve known for so long under all that pain, but I can finally see hope again too. And it makes me smile.
Maybe things are getting better…
“I got balls!!” Or, maybe the world’s gone insane.
Now everyone is looking at Xander like he’s… well, nuts.
“Uhh… we all kinda know that Xander.” Tara says, turning an interesting shade of pink. And Xander’s eyes get big as he realizes what he’s saying. It doesn’t stop him from saying it again though.
“No! not balls, balls… um I got those too but… ORBS! Big glowing orbs!”
“I shouldn’t be hearing this…” My sister covers her ears, closes her eyes
“The stress is getting to him…” Anya sighs, uninterested.
“No! Look!” And Xander stands up!
“He’s gonna flash us!!?” Dawns eyes pop open and I stick my hand out to cover them. What the hell is wrong with him!?
“Xander no one wants to see—”
“In the BOOK!” He finally shouts. Oh, I knew that. “See! I think I translated it right… balls right?”
Then he holds up a page he’s been translating from. Giles is next to him in an instant reading over the lines.
“Oh bloody hell why didn’t I consider this before!”
“What is it Giles?” I ask and he hands me the page, like that’s gonna mean something to me. I raise an eyebrow.
“The orbs of N’stasis” Uh huh. Right. I raise both eyebrows.
“There a set of ancient crystals, forged about 800 years ago. For the specific purpose of dealing with the oldest of demons. There were about twenty or so originally.” He explains
“Originally?” Faith asks, suddenly interested. It’s almost disturbing that she didn’t say anything when Xander’s balls were about to come out.
“Yes well, if I remember correctly, each time one is used, it is destroyed as well as the beast it vanquishes. From what I can determine from this we will need at least two”
“Sweet. So how do we get our hands on ‘em?”
“Yes well the Council is in possession of several. However I’m sure they’d be reluctant to turn one over, due to their rarity… they would have to rule the situation to be a considerable threat.”
“It’s the first fuckin’ vamp ever created?! We’re talkin’ apocalypse how much bigger threat could they need!?” She stands up and the book she was holding goes sailing across the room. Her frustration evident in every line of her body as she stares my watcher down.
“Faith now there is no need for—”
“No Giles she’s right.” I cut him off, but stay seated. I reach out, my hand landing gently on the small of Faith’s back and she takes her seat next to me again. Tense as stone
"This is beyond serious. Call them and get what we need.”
“I think I might be able to help.” Riley says, breaking the stare down between me and Giles. “I have some connections… left over from the Initiative. There’s a lot of things like that just sitting around in storage.”
And he says it so casual, but there’s something behind that, in his eyes. I can’t quite figure what though. But hell if he can get these super balls for us…
“Really? You think you can find that out soon?”
“No problem Buffy. I can check it out before patrol.” He says with his best smile, with satisfaction, like he’s won something.
And I really don’t get what’s going on with him, but I finally feel like we’ve made some progress. That we actually have a chance to beat this thing and we’ll all come out of it ok… better even. And it’s my sister that seems to put my thoughts into words.
“This is great! We have the when the where and weapon. But what are we supposed to do now?”
Chapter 21
The kid asked a damn good question. And as far as Faith was concerned, she had the answer. She was outta here. Now would be the perfect time to make a little escape. When everyone was relaxing, taking some time off from all things end-o-times.
All the tension, the doubts the fears… they were crushing in on her. She had thought she’d had a handle on it, especially after last night. Why was she feeling this way? Things were supposed to be getting better!
It had seemed as though she was finally ready to move past it all, she had all she needed to right? She had her love.
Faith could still hear the words, Buffy’s whispered declarations as they made love. It had all been so complete and she had felt perfectly whole. But then the dreams, they had ripped it all to shreds. And now Faith felt like tatters blowing in the wind.
Faith had awoken lost, disoriented. She could still feel the hard steel under her fists; smell that stale and acrid air. It had been tinged with blood. God, it had been so much blood.
And even though Faith knew it wasn’t real, that Buffy really hadn’t been there this time the sight had was burned into her mind all the same. She had tried to close her eyes, block it out and find sleep again, but the tears only burned hot rivers on her face.
And she could still see it all. It was what she had been, what she knew she would always be capable of.
It had been all that darkness that had pulled her from the comfort of Buffy’s arms and she’d looked for the sun.
It had been ok this morning, been so much better when B had come looking for her, held her kissed her. But as she left the thoughts had started up again, and it had only gotten worse as the day wore on. Sitting there, watching them all… how could she possibly belong here?
Simplest answer. She didn’t. Right?
Faith thought so and she was just at the front door, hand on the handle and everything, but the voice behind her brought her to a stop.
“You running off again?” She said gently, and Faith swore she could hear a challenge. She turned around.
“Nah, just ahh… need a little air is all.” Faith tried to make it sound convincing, but she knew she couldn’t ever get anything past this girl.
Tara smiled at the attempt. And yeah, it was a challenge.
“It is a little tense around here… I could see how you’d have trouble dealing.” She came closer as she spoke so they were both in the foyer.
“I’m dealin’ ok I think.” Tara eyed the hand that was still gripping the door handle. “Ok, so maybe I’m not dealin’ all that well.”
“What’s changed? I mean last night… the graveyard… you and Buffy seemed, well… umm.” Tara gestured, the blush spreading across her cheeks
“Yeah last night…and this mornin’.” Faith couldn’t help but grin, blush a little herself as she thought about being in the other girl’s arms. But that was the thing… all that contentment that love it felt shaded, tainted by feelings she couldn’t understand
“Oh!? Umm…Right…” Tara’s blush had spread all the way to the roots of her hair by now “Anyway, now first chance… you’re looking for some ‘air’? What gives?”
“I got no clue Tara, it’s just…see I—”
And a near confession was cut short, as Willow stepped into the room, cautious, her eyes jumping between Tara and Faith.
“Tara sweetie, what’s going on?” She smiled, but it was a fake smile.
“I was just talking to Faith.”
“Yeah, I see that… why?” And Faith saw exactly where this was heading. She thought it best she make that escape before another round of Willow-rage like yesterday.
“Look Willow, its nothin’ I was just leavin’ and—”
“No Faith, you’re not…” Faith had made to grab the door again, but Tara had grabbed her.
“Well if she wants too...” and then Red had grabbed Tara. And it was just a little thing, a tiny sprig of something that Faith never would have noticed. It had fallen like an afterthought from Willow’s sleeve…
“Will? Baby, what’s this?" But Tara noticed. She picked up the frail looking branch from the floor and Faith watched the frown that made a slow creep across her gentle brow.
“Ginger leaf? You’ve been having bad dreams?”
It was asked gently, nothing but concern
“Ahh... yeah, its just a little something for sleep. Nothing hard Tara I swear.” But Willow’s eyes were nothing but worry.
“I believe you Willow, its ok. We talked about it remember? I know you’re giving it up.” But Faith didn’t believe her. And it sure as hell wasn’t 'ok'. In fact it was like a big ass piece in the middle of the puzzle just got filled.
“Hey T? You think me and your girl can talk a little? I wanna try and work some stuff out.”
Tara had smiled, looked hopeful, thankful at Faith before she turned and brushed her lips quickly over Willow’s. The small gesture had erased the contempt in the red-head's eyes. It was for only a moment though. Willow’s expression slammed shut like a vault the minute they were alone.
It didn’t faze Faith one bit. Not now that she knew.
“Ya know Red, a hell of a lot has changed since last time I was here.” She tried a smile
“Yeah, it happens. What’s your point Faith?” Willow only glared, and Faith knew it was time to drop the pleasantries.
“Well I just never thought you’d be the one to make a little trip to my side of the tracks.”
“What are you talking—”
“Save the shit Red. You might got you’re girl and all the rest of them fooled. But I know what’s the what. I know that little dark place that gets you all hot, how you can’t quit… I lived it. All that power the control that rushes through you it hooks you”
“I can stop when ever I want.” It sounded dry, without emotion. It was practiced. Faith knew that tone all too well.
“Yeah you keep tellin’ yourself that. But more than that… I know you’re fuckin’ with me.” She stepped closer, throwing the words, the truth at the other girl. But it was without venom, without malice. Just the truth. And faced with that Willow started backing away, shaking her head in denial.
“You’re still psychotic.”
“Depends on who ya ask. But it doesn’t change that I know.” And Faith felt a little bit of spite that time, a little satisfaction as Willow’s eyes widened in realization, but she forced it down, she wouldn’t go there again. “Don’t worry ‘bout it Red. It’s only fair right?”
“What’s fair?”
“I knew what the deal was with you, back in the day. With Buffy. I knew, and I didn’t like it and I fucked with your head every chance I got.”
It was raw, it was honest and Faith felt lighter for speaking it.
“It’s not like that any more. I love Tara.” Faith was at least glad she didn’t even try to deny it. Why bother right? Now that they both knew where they were coming from
“Yeah I know. Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t sting a little yeah? Especially now.”
“So now you win or something?” And Willow’s sigh sounded like defeat to Faith. “You’re gonna go tell them all how Willow is just as evil as Faith, show them really that you’re all of the good?”
And the witch didn’t realize how far off she was. But Faith couldn’t blame her. It was expected… was something she would have done in a heartbeat, back then.
“First off Willow, you can never be as evil as me. Like, not even close." She said it even though she wasn't quite sure anymore. Not after all she'd seen, after those dreams. She rememberd those black eyes...
"And second, no. I aint tellin’ this stays between you and me. But it ends, like now. Whatever you did to fuck with my head. Its over.”
“Fine.” And that was easier than she’d thought. But Willow's eyes still looked like ice. But Faith pushed on, knew she had to say this next part
“And last. And this is the part you’re really gonna love see, I’m gonna help you.”
“What?! You… what can… help?” At least that callous, frozen expression was gone. Red wore shocked and flustered a lot better anyways.
“Don’t bust a vein Red. See, Buffy she’s… she’s like, everything to me. And what you’re doin’ this magic, she’s worried, and hurt… and so are Tara and Xand.”
“They don’t understand. With all the bad we face, its been getting worse. And ever since her mom died, its like Buffy’s been looking for it… She can’t do it alone.”
“Your right. And she won’t have to… but losing yourself ain’t the answer either. Look I don’t think you’re wrong. I’m always down for a little more fire power, and if ya get a little tingly as a result, that’s sweet too. Just think about the source of it, that’s all I’m sayin’.”
Faith reasoned, she didn’t want to go the whole condemnation route. She knew first hand how much that DIDN’T work. She just wanted to give Willow something to think about.
“I’ll think about it, Faith.” See, and it worked!
“I’m gonna see if Giles has had any luck with Xander’s orbs.” Willow said then, just a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.
“Willow, tell me YOU didn’t just say that!”
“Things change Faith.” And this time Willow gave her a full smile.
“And not always for the worse…” Faith said softly, watching as the other girl left in search of answers. And Faith felt, at least for now they had reached some understanding. Almost instantly she began to feel the weight, the pressure of her doubts lifting. Her soul felt lighter, and instead of screaming out her fears, it was singing for her love.
Things were finally starting to look up.
Chapter 22
Riley stood uneasily by the door facing the slightly disheveled British man from across the room. To the ex-marine, he looked like some being that was not wholly of this world, something far more nefarious than anything that could be spawned of the earth. A shadow made real; clothed predictably in all black, the older man's image was emblematically evil, a sinister whispering of intent.
A sullen voice crackled distantly from the battered clock radio. A painfully soulful melody that clung to the decrepit walls and hung herself in the humid air, she kept company with rank smell of bourbon and cigarettes that draped the stale motel room like a shroud.
It was a fitting place for betrayal.
"You wanted to see me?" The door hinge groaned when he shut the door.
Though, betrayal wouldn't have been the term the ex-marine would have used. No, this was NOBLE work. Something they would all thank him for. Something Buffy would love him for.
Love him forever.
The man from the Council was seated at the small table by the window, early evening sun filtering in across his unshaven face. The wax-yellow rays only aided in making his gaunt form appear more haggard. Sinking his black eyes deeper in his skull, hardening the sharp planes of his face.
He fingered a small black velvet bag.
"Come in Mr. Fin, sit down."
Riley hesitated a moment before crossing the room. The heavily accented voice was unusually light. That crooked smile pulled at his features, deepening the lines of time.
Humor, of the most morbid since of course. They were here to discuss death.
Riley sat opposite the dark man with no name. Anxious. The endless seconds of silence only added to his discomfort.
A moth fluttered across his vision, landed on the window.
He shifted in his seat, beads of sweat formed above his lip, his left leg bobbed, rapid-tense. The man in black only grinned wider, seemingly nonchalant, but Riley felt scrutinized on a cellular level.
And now, to the point where he couldn't take it anymore, he was just about to speak when the Councilman slid the bag across the table. And there was another moment's pause before Riley was able to venture opening it.
"You have them?" He spoke in a surprised and hushed tone, gazing at the two crystal spheres that now lay exposed in his hand. They were small, both resting spaciously in his palm. They caught the sparse light and glittered colors he didn't realize existed.
"How?" Riley asked, awed. An exhale that was mostly patronizing crossed the table.
"Did you honestly think, Mr. Fin, that the Council wasn't fully aware of the situation here in Sunnydale?" That twisted smile, it called him 'Foolish boy' and for it Riley had no response.
"This is good." He said instead, cautious. "It's what we need to defeat the Ancient."
"Of course it is. It's what YOU will need. After tonight, the Slayer issue you will be moot. They will both be." He paused, lit a cigarette, and grinned smoothly "Incapable, as you know."
Riley watched the glowing, burning ash.
"Oh, tonight?" He hadn't expected this. Not so soon.
"Surely you wish the process to begin immediately, so that you may pursue your own plans. Your own. desires?"
And Riley thought about his desires. About how every day that past Buffy drew further away from him, closer to that slut, that garbage. The thought brought a hot rage to his chest. It flowed, branched out like creeping vines to every corner of his body, consuming him.
Grey smoke curled around his head, horns and whiskers; Riley breathed deep. Pleasure second-hand.
"Right. Sooner the better." His jaw set and any hesitancy felt was replaced by raw determination. He felt fierce, felt like he would win.
Certainty spread across his lips and his smile began to match the man seated across from him.
Two needles were slid across the table. Olive liquid swam thickly in the sparse light.
"What does it do?" Riley kept his hands flat on the cheep formica. His fingertips itched.
"A powerful, mystical formula. The smaller one is for the dark slayer. The dose will incapacitate her long enough for transport. The larger will rob Ms. Summers of her powers entirely. Permanently."
"Side effects?"
"Minimal, she may be incapacitated for a few days. After this is done you will return Faith and the crystals to my possession. You can do what you like with the other."
Riley thought about what he wanted to do with Buffy, to Buffy. And that hot rage swirled with something raw. The slow familiar creep of arousal filled his mind with deeds and images yet to be acted upon. He felt his muscles burn with anticipation, stir with longing... a hard throb in his pants.
The older man across from him smirked like he knew
"We will be patrolling tonight." He offered, ignoring that perceptive grin. He waited, hoping for orders. He needed a plan. A plan that would lead him, without fail, to his goal.
"I will be following with operatives." An uninterested sigh and a cloud of smoke was released. "Get the rogue alone and inject her. The affects will be nearly immediate. We will then collect and transport her to the remaining labs of your former employers."
"Right." Riley wondered briefly what would happen then. What would happen to Faith at the hands of the Council and former Initiative. Experiments of some sort he was sure. He knew of the disturbing things that would go on there.
But Riley Fin wasn't disturbed in the least.in fact, he couldn't care less.
And besides, what good is there in wondering? A good soldier, a right and perfect soldier doesn't ask questions. That was a concept his Buffy could never really grasp. She was just so silly in that way. So very inappropriate. He would be sure to fix that little flaw as soon as possible.
The thought of fixing her made him smile as he stood. He would make her perfect.
"I will see you tonight then?" Riley extended his hand. It was taken after a moment of snide consideration.
"Of course Mr. Fin. Until tonight." He didn't stand up.
The evening sun was a glaring contrast to the dank interior of the motel room and he had to squint as he eyed his prize, the tool that would set it all in motion. It was going to be a new beginning for he and Buffy. A chance to finally put Sunnydale, monsters and all that other nonsense behind them. Soon they would be Mid-west bound and never looking back to this freak show.
Riley could hardly wait.
As I make my way down the basement stairs the sound I hear makes me pause. It's loud, constant, and very familiar.
THWAP! THWAP! THUMP! Over and over.
It's the distinct sound of fists pounding into tight stretched vinyl. It's comforting in a way that's strange and violent in equal parts.
But hey, that's me right?
After my little chat with Red I had another conversation with Tara. And I so totally dig that chick! She's so. hell I don't know, solid, so stable. She grounded me some and it was just what I needed after all that wicked insecurity flying through my head all morning.
Turns out she and Willow had talked it all out. Well, more like yelled and screamed and cried it all out. She helped me understand what's going on with Red a little better. How she's afraid to stop the magic. How she thinks the minute she does, everything will fall apart. she's just scared. In the same way that we're all scared. The magic just gives her some sense of control, security.
It all made me want to find B. She was the one I should've been talkin' it all over with. And plus, I just plain MISSED her. Man that's so fuckin' crazy!
It's not a feeling I'm used to see. But it feels kinda good. knowing she's there inside me and I can finally go to her whenever I want.
Scary, but good.
So I had searched the whole house and the back yard too, lookin' for her. And now I find her here, amongst their collection of punching bags and training equipment. I guess after all the hours of research she needed to get a little physical. Plus with me being all with the quiet, the distant.
THWAP! THWAP! THUMP! Over and over.
I stop on the middle stair and just let the image of a hot and sweaty B run through my mind. Man that's nice. That's how its supposed to be. Not like earlier, with the bad and tainted thoughts, cursed thoughts. But I handled all that mess with Willow. I at least, I think I did.
Well. lets just call it an 'understanding'
I understand that she's pissed as hell that I'm gonna be stickin' around. She understands that I'm still gonna be stickin' around. And we'll both just deal. Yup.
Things are definitely lookin' up.
I hope at least. I hit the bottom tread and the energy that's spiraling around the room almost makes me gasp. I smile at the thought of B gettin' so worked up that she just had to go beat the crap outta something. Its frustration man! All the translating and stuff ended up giving us some real good news, but that actually makes it kinda worse. cause now see, we're ready for the action.
And I'm SO all about the action. But with it still being light out, there's only a few options left for gettin' with the hot and sweaty.
THWAP! THWAP! "Ugh!"
The constant pummeling is intermixed with scattered grunts and mumbled. expletives? Damn, I think she's pissed.
"So fuckin' stupid, ugh!" And I wince, actually feel for the heavy bag.
"Can't believe--ugh! All silent-I'm soooo broody-- raah! Fuckin' ugh! Make--"
THAWP
"Up!" THUMP
"Your!" THWAP
"MIND!!"
She shouts the last part and lays into the bag with a punch so hard it goes flyin' off its chains.
Double damn, I think she's pissed at me. Hmm. wonder if Giles needs any help with the books. No, I can deal with this.
"Gettin' the frustrations out B?" I ask gently, with a smile. Stepping into the room, into her realm.
"Yep." She doesn't even turn around to face me, just steps over the fallen heavy bag, and walks over to the dummy. She starts layin' into it somethin' fierce, and I feel sorry for its plastic blue head.
I know why she's pissed. Mixed signals as usual. All this back and forth stuff must be making her insane. This morning everything is roses then I went all moody detached bitch.
But it wasn't my fault! For once.
Damn, those dreams, just the thought cuts the air cold in my lungs. Red's spell or whatever it was, it fucked me up somethin' serious. Turned and twisted every doubt and reservation I thought was put to rest, everything that I know B saves me from, brought up all that darkness and reminded me exactly what it is I am.
A killer and a fuck up that should be locked up.
No, WAS. Damn it I WAS those things. See, it's still got me all wrong, feelin' so dirty, like that killer-craze is creepin' back under my skin.
I need my light.
"You pissed at me?" I ask her taking a few steps closer. I'm brave, officially within striking distance here. All she's gotta do is turn around.
I shove my hands in my pockets and watch as her back muscles tense and stretch, the sheen of sweat makes her glimmer. I try not to think about that skin covered in blood.
"You could say that." She backhands the dummy.
I'm really no good with this type shit.
"Listen, B, I didn't mean to-" But she cuts me off, spins around so fast, and now she's right in my face
"Didn't mean to what, Faith!?" She's breathing hard, skin flushed and I can almost hear the adrenaline speeding just below the surface. My heart is suddenly pounding. I can't help my eyes as they flick down to take her in. That tight body wrapped in nothing but a tiny pair of gray shorts and a thin white tank. I lock onto a bead of sweat as it travels down her chest, between her breasts. It disappears and I force my eyes back to meet hers.
I swallow, hard.
And as I stare into her eyes I realize she's not all that pissed. Her eyes actually look. kinda sad. And now my heart is doing something else all together. Like jumpin' up into my throat.
"Buffy." God I don't know what to say! Its like looking at her just blankets my mind. Fills my head with nothin' but her presence, nothin' but the knowledge of how right it is to be this close to her. How fuckin' wrong it is that she's hurting.
"I just wanna be enough for you." She fills in the silence and even though her whisper was directed at the floor it still feels like she hit me harder than she was going after the dummy. hell maybe I'm the real dummy here?
Damn it she can't think that can she?! That SHE'S not enough?
"You don't really think that, you know it's not true." I cup my hands gently around her face, fingers sinking into the damp strands as they cling to the nape of her neck. Wishing I had the words.I try to convince her with my eyes, she HAS to know!
But she's just shaking her head. Staring at where her hands are clutched in my t-shirt.
"Why are you shutting me out then? Being all distant? I mean, last night, then this morning. in the kitchen, I thought-"
"And you're right B! It was so. it was so perfect" I kiss her forehead, taste the salt, I feel her breath against my ear as she speaks.
"Then tell me what's wrong. Tell me why you can't look at me. haven't said more than three words to me today until now?"
And here is the decision. Whole truth or half. I settle for most.
And its not to protect Willow, and it sure as fuck isn't to protect myself. she already knows what I am. It's to protect B. 'Cause I know how bad it'll hurt her to find out how low her friend got, how easily she can loose someone else over to the darkness. B thought last night was bad, that Red's binge was as deep as it went. Knowin' Willow actually went after me with the voo-doo. that might tare them apart forever.
I just hope this is the right thing. just hope it's enough.
"It was a dream." I start. And it all comes out. About the rooftop, the Torak, and the knife. I tell her how her eyes melted my soul as the knife slid into her. I tell her about prison, being trapped in that damn cell again. Being so cold inside. I talk about her blood how its sticky warmth mocked me. And I tell her how she walked away, left me alone and desperate.
I tell her how I'm always alone.
I tell all but the source and pray that she can understand.
"Look at me baby." It's spoken softly and I didn't even realize I had closed my eyes. Guess it made it easier. The first thing I see is the tiny frown on her forehead.
"Why didn't you say anything this morning?" She asks finally, and I'm so glad there's no anger there. But what can I say when faced with all that concern? Christ, all that love?
I chose to look at the floor instead, step outta her arms a little, 'cause its just too much ya know?
"I just, its not something I'm used to doin'. the sharing. Never really had anyone to listen, to really even give two shits ya know? Why start now right?"
Ok. fuck. Please tell me I didn't say that. Real adult there, slayer. Why do I always fall back on that? Back on my past. all those old good for shit excuses! How can I ever expect her to understand if I can't even put it to words, can't even tell her how all this just plain terrifies me?!
I watch and feel helpless as she frowns a bit, shakes her head. God why do I even fuckin' bother!?
I try to step further away I gotta get out of here, but she doesn't let me, she doesn't say a word either, just runs her hands softly, slowly across my face.
It's quiets my soul, but makes my heart speed up all at once.
And in this moment, here in this tiny basement, nothin' else even exists. Just me and just her. With the soft rays of afternoon sneaking in through the only window to touch her flushed skin, its like she's glowing in my arms. And I can feel that light every time she touches me. Its melting away all that fear, that disgust that burns like heavy acid in my chest. she frees me from it, and its so beautiful. Her eyes follow her hands and I wish to god I knew what she was lookin' for. I'd give her anything she wants. Can she feel how fast my heart is beatin' right now? Can she feel it?
Her thumbs finally brush across my lips and I can't stop the little gasp it pulls from me. I can't believe how right this feels, how right she just made it.
"I was really worried ya know." She says softly, at last, just a whisper, choosing to ignore my minor freak-out. Her lips brush mine and I gasp again, wrap my arms back around her waist. Relief fills me as our lips part.
"I know." I sigh, I admit. "The funny thing is, I didn't tell you because I DIDN'T want you to worry ya know?"
"Yeah. Funny. I broke the heavy bag and almost decapitated Mr. punch-n-stuff!"
"I'm sorry B. I just. I've always dealt on my own. Just--just don't think you're not enough for me, ok? God, y-you're everything. you know that yeah? Back in the day I could hardly think of anything else. and now?! Fuck, B do you get it? Really, its like all I could ever- "
I'm really trying to make her see, tell her all that I'm feeling. but it's just so much to feel. And at my ranting babble the pout disappears, replaced by a funny little smile. I feel her hands tighten in my hair and she holds me closer.
She cuts me off
"Faith?"
"huh?"
"Shush." I shut up quick and she kisses my mouth briefly, too briefly. God it's such a soft heat.
"You don't have to hide from me ok? You don't have to deal with stuff like this alone... not anymore. I get you, ok? I love you."
And fuck, I know in my heart that it's true. All of it. she GETS me!
"Yeah, and I'm startin' to get that now." I grin and she smiles, but her eyes are so intense
"Good. Trust it Faith, I need you to trust this, to trust me." It's a low murmur, almost a growl; I feel it rumbled out of her chest and against mine, and then I feel those lips again. A slow pass across my lips, she sucks on the bottom one and I sigh. She's quick to take advantage, slidin' her tongue in deep, wrapping it around mine, and I try to push back, but her mouth is just in total control.
Nobody kisses like B. So aggressive and insistent, like a first kiss. or a last. She always gives me everything she has and demands it right back. So I just give it to her, my control, my heart, my fear my need. It's all in this kiss and it feels like freedom.
And I do trust her. I trust this.
It has me shaking, all gasps and sighs. she holds me closer, tighter as she takes it all. With soft plump lips and hot slick tongue. she takes it and keeps it safe. She gives me love in return.
God, her hands feel so good, one in my hair, nails scraping gently against my scalp the other makin' lazy patterns low on my back. Its heaven and I don't ever wanna leave. Even though my lungs are 'bout to burst, even though she's starting to pant against my mouth; even though I can hear those needy whimpers breakin' in my throat, her hands tightening around me, muscles in her arms tremble, slick skin glides across my bare arms.. Fuck I need this.
I pull away, barely a gasp. A second of escape.
But that's it 'cause god.she pulls me back so quick, she's kissin' me again. Harder and so deep it's getting outta control. she's losing control. It feels desperate, like she's desperate for me, it's a need so pure, so unquestioning. She's asking nothing but for me to believe. she's frantic for me to believe. her words, her heart. And I moan as she gives herself to me. It's messy and rough and I need to feel more of her. So much more.
I want to give her everything, want to give her my heart. I wanna take her how she's taking me. The thought has me on fire.
My hand slips over the clingy damp material of her tank, down to cup the firm curve of her ass. I squeeze and pull her to me tight, she starts suckin' on my tongue and I can feel my knees getting week. How can she reduce me to this? So wet I'm shakin' with the need, and every deep throb between my legs matches the strokes of her tongue, every eager twitch of my clit comes from the sucking pull of her lips.
I try and push harder into the kiss, press her harder against the wall, let her know exactly where she's pushin' me. where I need this to go. but she whimpers and finally pulls her mouth away. I'm left to gasp against the salty sweet skin of her neck, so hot it almost burns my lips.
I lick up to her ear, feel her shiver. Fuck, I want her so much. I wanna-
"So do you think it means anything?" She asks out of NO WHERE!
I pull back a little, but all I can look at is that mouth, wet and swollen and, God! She can't kiss me like that and then expect me to concentrate!
"What means. huh?" I pant. It's disbelief and awe in equal parts. What happened to the kissing!? I try and lean back in, catch those cherry lips again. My hands are playing at the bottom edge of her shorts... that blurry line between cotton and flesh.
"Baby." She kinda giggles, chastising a little, and pushes back some, which really doesn't help things here 'cause now I'm looking at the rest of her.
The rest of her that's still dressed in a skimpy tank that's damn near see through!!
But now all I'm holding is her hands. She swings 'em back and forth; she looks nervous, biting that lip.
Fuck, what's happening here?
"B?" I ask, trying to calm it some. Trying to really see her, blinking through the lust-haze. Her eyes are dartin' all over the place.
"The dream, I mean-- I wasn't really there this time, so technically it wasn't a 'Slayer' dream, but you ARE a Slayer so I guess every dream is a 'Slayer' dream, but-"
"B, you're makin' me dizzy here." She stops her babble, takes a breath and finally looks at me
"The whole j-jail thing umm, I wouldn't leave you-- ya know that right? You trust me not to hurt you? 'Cause things, they're different now right? I mean I know you don't still hate me or anything-I-I just."
She stops again and I sigh, try my best to look supportive. I stroke her hair and look in her eyes hoping I don't show all the worry that's rushin' up on me again.
"Just spit it out B."
And she does. Fast.
"What if the dream means that deep down you really still hate me for hurting you and that you want to hurt me back and it'll all go back to being bad with the hating and betrayal and the us NOT being an US anymore!?"
She takes a breath, finally, and I take the pause in the insanity to pull her back to me. I really couldn't stand the distance.
"Baby." She says again all flirty and I brush my lips over hers again. But just for a sec. I have to tell her somethin' because through it all its obvious she's more than a little worried.
I never thought that SHE would be so insecure about all of this. I thought we established that I was the one with all the reasons to be all about the angst. So I whisper the words in the inches between us, keep her eyes locked with mine. Enough of the bullshit, enough of the hiding.
"The dream didn't mean anything B. Nothin'. Just a lot of old loathing that still haunts me from time to time. And you're helping me through, saving me from all that. Every time you look at me with that smile, every time you kiss me, trust me. You know that right? You know how much I need you? How I've always needed you?"
She smiles and my heart flips. She's blushin' for me. But I know that's not enough. I know what she needs to hear, the words I've been so damn scared of speaking since I let it slip that first night.
"B." And her eyes are gettin' all big, shiny. She must have figured me out. It makes me smile as I say it.
"Buffy, I love you."
A bead of sweat drips from her ear, splashes on the back of my hand.
"Faith, baby." she sniffs back the tears, her smile is almost blinding. I say it again, my own voice a little tight.
"I-I love you "
Oh man. wow. Ok, don't freak.
And we just stand there for a moment. Holding each other, feeling everything that's melting around us. I'm trapped in her eyes and it's beautiful custody.
"I love you too." She whispers, sighs such a content sound. "And I'm sorry I kinda freaked, went all doubt-girl on ya." That cute grin is back again, and I feel her arms tighten around my waist.
"Forget it, the freakin' was justified. So we good then?"
"Hmm. I don't know. tell me again?" Oh now she's teasin', not that I mind.
"I love you B." Its getting easier, but still. wow ya know?
"Ok. Now we're good." She says and to prove it, she places a delicate kiss on my shoulder. "Just no more with the bottled up issues ok? I want us to be able to talk about everything."
Her hands are moving slow. All over my back, fleeting caresses down to my ass, then back up. Her fingertips sneak up under my shirt a little. Yeah sure, talk.
"Any time B." I just gotta grin at her, 'cause that spark is back in her eyes. I know what this means. I give her my bedroom eyes, run my tongue across my lip. She can't look anywhere else, those hands still movin'
"So, you feel like talkin' now?" I growl, pressing up against her even more. Oh man that feels good, she's so soft, the heat from her skin infusing me.
"Nope." She tells me, all flirty and that's fuckin' perfect 'cause now I'm gonna just lean in and-
Suddenly my feet aren't on the floor!
"Fuck! B!" I gasp, not shriek, no way did I shriek. My legs go around her waist on pure instinct. "Put me down!"
"Nope!" She laughs, and it's such a wild, pure and joyful sound as she spins me a couple of times before plopping me down on a low vaulting bench. I don't think I've ever heard her laugh like this, like the light and carefree chime of bells... seen a smile reach so far into her eyes, like its pourin' straight from her soul.
And I realize, in this simple but stunningly beautiful moment, that she's happy. That I made her happy! "Baby." She says quietly that unbelievable smile making my heart tremble "I want you to know that you're not alone in all this, in the pain. I won't leave you Faith, ever. I promise.ok?"
Everything I ever needed to hear. "Ok." I tell her 'cause I don't think I can say anything else.
She's grinnin' at me all victorious now, making her eyebrows dance the way I usually do. And I'm catchin' flies. Nothing has ever felt this perfect. and she SO got me. Good thing I love her, the little shit.
"So, all that trainin' got you feeling kinda aggressive B?" I finally recover with a tease, I'm tryin' to regain my pride here! I love how the mood is shifting, how I can almost feel the strength between us, a slow burn that builds with every touch.
She's eyeing me up now, like a kid with a new toy or somethin'. and I'm so glad she's wanting to play. Hard to believe just a few minutes ago she was feelin' all unsure about us.
"It ain't the training F, I just like the thought of sweeping you off your feet." And it almost sounds predatory!
Ok, I'm liking this side of her I think. She's finally startin' to embrace it.
She's standing so close, between my legs, runnin' her hands up and down my thighs, her nails draggin' over my jeans and I'm gettin' chills.
I can feel this heat radiating off her skin, this power that lies just underneath the surface. It has her muscles tense, anticipating; makin' her shake a little. And she's letting it rule her. letting it drive this moment and trusting me to accept it. I drag my mouth over the perfect column of her neck and feel her groan; whisper my name. My hands slip under that tank, hot damp skin prickles against my fingertips.
"So what's got you so worked up then?" I tease her more, whisper the words right in her ear, keeping that low dangerous rumble in my voice. I wanna see how far she'll take this.
I feel that shiver again, and she answers me by letting our mouths collide, letting her tongue make a wet lazy dance 'round mine before moving on. down my neck, tiny kisses before she sucks the skin hard, and I know she's gotta be marking me somethin' serious. The thought, the feeling of it shoots a thrill through me, and I feel my nipples harden, its almost pain but I love it.
"Jesus.Buffy." My back arches outta pure instinct and she just sucks harder-oh shit- bites a little, teeth pinching my flesh. She brings her hands up, takin' hold of my breasts and teasing me with touches that are barely there. The contrast of her mouth, her touch, its got me spinning.
She pulls her mouth off my neck, eyes locked on what she's doin' to me. Fuck, her eyes. she looks ferial. The spot where marked me throbs, my whole body throbs.
"You're so beautiful." She tells me, a single finger tracing around my right nipple. God that feels so good and when she says it, I almost believe it.
"Unhh. fuck, B.quit teasin'." I try and arch a bit more, get her to add just a little more pressure. I'm nearly frantic for it. And she must see the desperation on my face; feel the need coming off me because her hands make a quick slide under my top, straight to where I'm aching for her. Her fingers close around points that feel so, so hard. She pinches gently, strokes a little harder and oh fuck-fuck! That's so-- She's kissin' me again and I'm gettin' so wet. My hips jerk seekin' the contact where she's pressed against me, letting her know, letting her feel it.
"God. Buffy, oh god." I swear she makes me believe. She pinches harder, rolls my nipples between my fingers-shit-- laps at my ear between whispers.
"That good baby? Like this?"
She really doesn't have to ask. She knows.
"Y-yeah. Just like that." I tell her anyways and she sucks my neck again, presses her self harder between my spread thighs. Fuck, I'm gonna die.
"I can feel you." She tells me. "Love how you feel" And her voice is like hot, thick liquid sliding all over me, and she grinds a little, just a slow, so insistent push, but it makes all my muscles tense, a quick hard rush up to the edge, it surges through me and it's so jarring it makes me gasp in almost as much surprise as pleasure and.and -- Oh god oh--oh fuck!
"B?!" It's urgent, it's all I can say, my hands clench around her shirt holding on, tryin' to hold back-
God there's no way! But she holds still. So very still 'cause she knows. She knows how easy it is for me, when I'm with her. She lets me gasp against her quiet mouth, thumbs brushing my nipples in time, she's slowing me down. Waitin' for me to pull back, not so close to that point that has me trembling.
"Oh fuck Buffy." I can hardly breathe
"Not yet baby." A sweet whisper and a knowin' smile, but full of need and my voice is a dark agreement
"Yeah. slow."
It's easier said, 'cause god she almost took me there and my pussy is still throbbing and I really wanna get her outta that shirt, get her outta everything. see everything, touch. My hands sneak their way around to her front, fingers brushing over her stomach. And it's all warm damp skin. I feel her muscles jumpin' beneath by fingertips, I let my palms trace up slow, just the outsides of her breasts.
"Oh yes. yes Faith." Love how she breathes my name against my lips, how she's got one of my legs in her hand, lifting it up to wrap around her waist so she can grind RIGHT against me, oh Jesus, how she's kneading my breasts even harder. I cover her tits and feel her nipples burning against my palms. Her groan is surprised.
I wanna hear it again.
What I hear instead is something distant. something muffled "Buffy? Faith?"
That didn't sound quite right, but I kiss her harder anyway. I push my tongue against the slick warmth of her mouth, all the places I can reach and I just wanna go deeper, drown out whatever noise that's trying to bust through in the periphery, break into our world.
My fingers wrap around her straining nipples and play, teasing, stroking all in time with this kiss that feels so obsessive. fuck nothing else even exists right now.
"Oh god.ugh!" Now that's the sound I wanted to hear, all breath and need. Christ she needs me! I still can't get over it.I feel her wiggle a hand between us, between my legs. oh my god. Now it's my turn to moan to pant light-headed into the kiss, and now in time with the way she's slowly rubbing my pussy through my jeans.
"Buffy.Buffy." it's so incredible.
"Buffy?"
Shit what IS that?! I got a good idea, but I refuse to believe its true. B doesn't seem to notice."God, Fai I gotta feel you."
Yeah, she's too preoccupied with getting my pants open, slippin' her hand inside. fuck, stroking her fingers through my slit, taking her time.
"Baby you're so wet." It's an amazed whisper, her fingers gliding so slowly, so firmly over my clit and I'm watching her. Watchin' her face as she stares in awe at her hand moving over me, that flush spreading over her skin. it's so damn beautiful. My hips jerk tryin' to keep her pace, tryin' to let her lead this, not to give in to the urge that's thundering through me, demanding me to take what I want, what I need and have her on my terms.
"god I love you." she whispers it, still watching her fingers slip though me, watching my hips rock in slow time. The length of a finger drags hard over my clit. And I think she knows, she senses what this means for me, to give her more than just my body but my heart, my trust and control.
"mmf.fuck B, love you too" More than I can possibly say right now 'cause fuck, I can't take it. I need her eyes. I pull her face up, catch that dark ocean green a second before our mouths crash back together. My hand slips back down to her ass, squeezing, pulling her impossibly closer. She hisses my name when I pinch her nipple again, a little harder, little rougher. God I love this. love her.
"Want ya so much." Her eyes seem to flash at my words, glimmering fever-bright.she looks so damn wild!
"Yeah? You want me baby? You want this?" That voice was dark, shaky, barely restrained I can't believe how turned on she is. how much hotter its getting me, and her fingers are moving lower, through all the slippery heat that's pouring outta me, swirls just a fingertip around my entrance.so close and god I'm already clenching. Fuck I need her inside me so bad.
"Faith! Buffy!?" Fuck not now. I need this! But I think B must have finally heard, because her hand is slowin' down even more. My clit jumps against her palm, protesting the loss. Oh god I'm dieing here!
I feel the deep breath that shudders from her lungs. "Fuck" she mumbles and that wonderful hand quits movin' all together.
"Not quite." I groan, meet her burning eyes with my own, let my hands trip over her nipples again, reluctant to let go. Man I love how she nibbles her bottom lip, how her lashes flutter a bit. she's so pretty.
"Ya know." I whisper it, lips teasing her earlobe "There are just too many people in this house. I'm takin' you on vacation when this is all through." I really can't have this becoming a habit, my sanity is fragile enough as it is.
"I'm sorry baby." She sighs but she looks more pissed than sorry at the moment, gives the door a good death stare. We can both hear the footsteps now, getting closer and closer to our little world.
"Not your fault B." I catch her eyes again. "hey, love you.kay?"
And that sinister expression disappears like a blink, replaced by the gorgeous light of her smile. She kisses me again, and slides her hand outta my pants, has them all zipped and buttoned just as we hear the basement door creak open.
She's good. Too good damnit, I don't wanna let go of her mouth.
"Buffy!? FAITH?!"
But our lips come apart at the shrill noise coming from the top of the stairs. I try to resign myself to my fate, that I can't have her all to myself. every second of every day, that I can't touch her, kiss her where I want to right now, that I can't shut the world out forever.
"Riley just called he said he found the crystal things and. Oh god they're having sex AGAIN?!"
"What!?" And now Xander's trying to squeeze through the doorway too.
Shit, just keeps getting better. I sigh, slip my hands outta B's top, and just let my arms rest on her shoulders as I try to get a grip.
It ain't easy.
Not with all the tension that I can still feel in her body, with that thick heady scent of skin and sex hanging in the air, with how B's lips are resting like a feather against that spot where she marked me. reminding me how good it all felt.
Yeah, definitely not easy.
"Anya, we are not having sex!" Buffy shouts but its pretty much muffled against my shoulder. She's hugging me tight, not looking at them yet. I'm guessing she needs a sec to calm down too.
"Not yet." Whispered just for her, and she pinches me!
"Anya honey, lets just give them some privacy." Xander starts ushering his girl back up the stairs. Strangely, he's takin' his sweet time leaving.
"OW! An, I thought we agreed you'd switch to the other arm!" Anya's not stupid. She smacked him a good one that time.
Ugh, enough already.
"Oh for fuck sake chill Xand, no free show alright. There's nothin' to see anyways." I sigh. I feel B give me a discrete kiss on the shoulder her face was hidden in before she steps away.
There's the pout. I'm sure mine is matching. Damn her eyes look so dark.
"Nice hickey ya got there, Faith." Xander smirks and gets the glare from all three of us. I see the muscles in B's arms tense, the one in her jaw jump and I know she's grinding her teeth.
"Look Xander-"
"So what were you saying before Anya?" I hop off the bench, covering how weak in the knees I feel with a slow stretch, Xan will never know how close he just came to death.
Yup, I'm a real hero. A suffering hero, damn I'm surprised I can even walk!
"Oh !" Anya remembers her purpose at last "Riley called. He said he was able to find the two crystals."
"This is good, time for action." I say. Finally, best to settle for slayage variety if it's all I can get. I glance over at B, and damn, she's still lookin' all sexy and flushed, even more now that she's not just horny but a little pissed too.
"Yes! And Giles said that once you two finish having sex we can get ready to meet him for patrol."
"We weren't-"
"Sounds like a good plan. Hopefully we'll be able to take out more of those pesky Toraks, huh B?"
"Right. Then maybe I can get that other type of 'action', right F?" She smirks and smacks me on the ASS!, "I'm gonna grab a shower!" She hollers over her shoulder and makes her way quickly up the stairs, leaving two of us staring after her with our mouths hangin' open, and Anya nodding in approval.
"Yes! I like the way Buffy thinks. She understands me!"
Damn right demon girl and she understands me too. Read my fuckin' mind even.I'm definitely liking this side of B!
A while later they had all situated themselves about the living room, waiting for the arrival of the final member of the hunting party. Casual conversation wasn't forced, but not exactly easy in its flow. Things weren't perfect after all and Faith had no illusions.
But there was still the feeling of progress. And she was learning patience. It was almost easy to endure all the cautious glances from Giles and Xander and Anya, especially when mixed with happy ones from Tara, the ones so full of love from B.
What Faith couldn't figure was the eyes of the other witch. The one that had haunted her, afflicted and violated her dreams. There was still a lot of distrust there. On both their parts. Still too much hurt to ever hope to fix so quickly. But the blind hate was gone; all that icy venom seemed to have melted.
Maybe it had something to do with the way everyone was also looking at Willow the same way they looked Faith. Wary, and even a little suspicious. Red's binge last night hadn't been pretty.
It had been pretty fuckin' scary. And the rest of the scoobs didn't even know the half of it.
And now Red and Tara were speaking so softly to each other, the way their eyes would hold it looked like words weren't even necessary. Perhaps it was how Faith could almost feel the strength, the courage being interchanged.
It gave her an intense and sudden hope, for Willow, and for all of them. It made her take in a quick breath, squeeze Buffy's hand the second before the witch turned from Tara to face the group.
"Umm guys?" Willow spoke softly to everyone, held Faith's eyes for a moment as she stood.
The conversation had been primarily focused on the finest films of the 80's. Buffy had been holding firm to all those 'Breakfast Club' type movies, while Faith had been attempting to explain sociopolitical importance behind The Wall. She was getting a lot of blank stares, but it was Pink Floyd for fucks sake! But all that had come to a halt, the mood taking an instant turn to the somber.
"What's up Wills?" Buffy spoke, and it was obvious to Faith that she was feeling some of the hope too, but more of the fear.
"Not to get everyone all with the solemn, but I just wanted to say something. to all of you." The girl that was so powerful, capable of things she couldn't even quite perceive, looked frail at that moment.
"Go on Red." And Faith knew, she knew what this moment was like, what it could so easily become. Her own was just a few nights ago after all. And despite all the bad blood, all the pain between them she didn't want the script to be the same. "It's no pressure yeah?"
Willow's eyes looked grateful, and Faith was glad that she understood. She wouldn't forget their agreement. As long as Willow did her part.
"I wanted to apologize, to everyone."
"For your cracked-out of your mind act last night?" Xander speaks, and its cold, so cold from the boy so usually full of the good times and jokes.
"Right, that." Willow forgave him with a smile. It was clear that anger was born out of fear, out of concern.
"I've been in a really stressful place lately." The words floated on a sigh. "We all have, and not just with this bad guy. It's way more. I guess. w-what I'm trying to say is that things are changing.." Willow's eyes landed on Faith again, they looked sad.
"A lot. And its all been happening so fast and I guess the umm. the magic? It helps me deal."
"Will you gotta know-" He starts but Willow held up her hand, cut him off.
"Yeah I do know Xander, I've known this whole time. but it was easier than all the real. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm done with it. All the hard stuff, the dark stuff? It sends me to a place that I hate, that makes me do things, awful hurtful things. And I'm sorry."
The silence was oppressively thick for about five seconds. Until Buffy rose from her spot on the sofa and wrapped her best friend in a hug. Xander quickly followed suit.
"We're here to help you through this Wills, whatever you need, ok?" Buffy's muffled words came from the midst of the embrace.
"You bet. Anything, anytime." And Xander echoed the sentiment.
"This is all very touching." Anya sniffed at the site, eyes teary. "Better than a movie of the week!"
Faith for her part remained silent. Glad to see this start, seeing this first step she knew all too well. But she remained skeptical. Some things you just have to see to believe, and the truth of this moment could only be revealed through time.
Time, however it proved, was not something the group had much of. Before further things could be said, more amends extended, the front door opened, and the sharp hot beams of a setting sun followed a soldier over the threshold.
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