Chapter 24

This was certainly interesting. A new twist if you will. He stood over the abandoned body of a so-called soldier and watched as the new speckles of rain dotted the syrupy puddles as it spread over the ground. It would be washed away soon. No one would know of what happened this night.

One less thing that needed to be done. He smirked, at the fortune of nature; it was blend of amusement and disgust.

“Bloody useless.” He chastised, but Riley only stared back in silence. A fly landed on his left cheek and the Councilman sighed, flicked the ever-present cigarette somewhere near the dead boy’s ear and pulled a cell phone from his pocket.

“We have a situation.” He paused, rolled his eyes at the clipped outrage that echoed across the wire. “No nothing that severe, our soldier apparently wasn’t up to the task… He did however manage to inject the rogue.”

The rain began to beat a little harder and the Englishman turned from the eviscerated body of his former collaborator. He listened for a few moments, pulled the worn black leather tighter across his gaunt frame.

Heavy steps beat a splashing pace away from the scene, a new strategy already forming; the fallen tool already dismissed.

“Don’t be ridiculous there is still plenty of time. Send a team. We’ll need to make a trip to the Summer’s residence for retrieval.” After another few moments he sighed again, snapping the tiny device shut he began making his way through the maze of graves and tombs.

“But first, I’m going to need a new puppet.” He stopped at the street, watched the sky streak with light for a hot and luminous second then turned in the direction of downtown. It was time to visit an old fried. “If you want something done right…”

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It’s been more than a day… and I’m watching my second sunrise without her. Sitting on this the roof of this ancient tomb, I feel as cold, as lifeless as the stone beneath me. That’s despite the warm orange rays that are bursting over the horizon, spilling a new morning across my city.

It’s another morning without her.

I wonder how long I will be able to go on this way. How long can I last without her… a month maybe two? I look at the destruction around me… watch as the two enormous, dismembered bodies dissolve on the ground below.

They sizzle.

And I’m crying, again. I don’t know if I’ve even stopped! The deep, body wrecking sobs abated a while ago… its just the tears that are left. They’ve run endless stinging rivers since... since it all happened.

And I still can’t believe it happened; can’t believe how I failed her… how I couldn’t see it! But Faith could…my mind keeps flashing back to last night. How the worry was in her eyes, but she wouldn’t voice it, because she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know if her concerns would be accepted or be met with contempt.

Still so afraid. And I didn’t see it!

I had been so sure, so absolutely certain that everything would be all right. As damn near everything in my life always was. I thought I could make demands of this life… deem who I wanted, dismiss who I didn’t, and all without consequence. I thought that maybe I was even BEYOND consequence.

And they call Faith the reckless one... But she had seen it.

I saw Faith and I as some beautiful destined fairy tale. Sweet kisses, happy endings. I believed it to the very soul of me. Faith had been right to have reservations, to worry; to be afraid of what this all meant. She knew the avoidance; the denial of possibilities can never bring you peace in this life. It would mean you’re always being chased.

Faith had said she was tied of running.

And here I was thinking she was just afraid of ‘love’.

God I’m such a child!

I had rushed through the front door, her still and broken body in my hands, her skin so wrong and pale under all that blood. Everyone had been hovering and I hated having to lay her down, at first on the sofa and then up to my bed when we realized she wasn’t waking up.

“God Giles, why won’t she wake up! What the hell happened to her!!” I was panicked, hysterical… I still might be. Giles had taken the needle that Willow thankfully had the presence of mind to grab as we had rushed from the cemetery.

One look and he knew.

“Dear God…” His tone was hushed, but dripping with rage. That dark Ripper-pitch that always sets my hair on end.

“Giles?” my heart was sinking and I could feel my knees beginning to go weak, I felt cold all over “Damn it Giles, please!”

“It’s the Council.”

I watched as Willow and Anya helped Xander sink down to a chair, she was holding an ice pack to his head… it was dripping on the floor.

“Riley… he-he was—.” I heard Willow make an attempt to articulate what my watcher had just told us… But she couldn’t even say it. “Buffy?”

And I couldn’t say anything at all. Not a fucking word, because the anger, the utter disbelief was choking me. He was working with them, to hurt Faith, and now he’s dead.

God.

“B-Buffy we should get her upstairs…”

I had blinked at Tara’s gentle voice, not understanding the words at first. Nothing made sense; just the unbearable weight of knowing, the rage that was so intense it felt suffocating.

There was this ringing in my ears. The muscles in my arms were jumping. I wanted to hurt something…

But then she groaned, made the tiniest of murmers and it was like I was suddenly awake. Pulled from that coiling dark hollow that was threatening to swallow me whole. And at first, for a single thrilling moment of hope, I thought she had been waking up… but then I had realized, and the grief that had hit me was almost more than I could stand.

And that’s when the tears had started.

I had lifted her, carried her upstairs to clean her up; put her so nicely into our bed where just the pervious night we’d spent in heaven, tangled so completely in the sheets; in each other. Filling so completely until exhaustion forced us to sleep. She looked like she was sleeping now…

I knew different.

But I had stayed with her, held her hand and talked to her… just anything to fill the silence, anything to keep me from losing it completely. Time meant nothing and everything all at once. It was like holding your breath, you stop living as everything moves around you… separate from the chaos, but you NEED to breathe.

Its like I can’t without her.

“Just open your eyes Fai’… please baby. I need to see you” The rain beating the windowpane had been my answer. I knew it was nearly morning even though it was still fairly dark… it seemed fitting that the sun wouldn’t be coming out.

“It’s not enough… not enough time.” I was to the point of pleading with her, with anybody who could just make this right… bring her back. And I knew they were all trying. Anya had taken Xander home to rest, but everyone else had remained downstairs… throwing themselves once again into the books, but this time it’s for Faith.

Just the thought makes me smile through the tears. They were doing this for her! Because despite all the history, all the bad stuff between them, they can see that she’s trying and she’s here to help… that its all changed.

“No…can’t.” Her voice pulls me from my thoughts again, and again, I hope that she might be waking up. Its been happening all night, she’ll murmer something, sometimes my name. I wish I knew what she was dreaming… if she was scared or hurting.

She apologizes a lot.

“I’m here, its ok Faith.” I stroked the hair away from her forehead, brought the hand I was holding up to my lips and kissed her bruised knuckles… It didn’t seem to comfort her, she was still frowning a little and her skin was damp. She was still running a slight fever.

Did she know I was here? Did she know I was dieing right along with her?

“Any change?” Looking away from her just feels wrong, but I do anyway and see my little sister hovering in the doorway. The look in my eyes, the tears that are threatening to spill again must have been answer enough, because she switches right into placating mode.

“Buffy, I’m sure this is all gonna be ok. We’re all working really hard. And Giles thinks—”

“Dawn please…” I cut her off. I know she’s trying but I can’t deal with the empty hope, with the platitudes. Not when Faith is lying on this bed, when I could be so close to losing her so soon. Not when I can’t fucking FEEL her anymore!

“No Buffy, that’s why I came up here, Giles found something!” She came further into the room, trying to make that forced smile believing.

“What?”

“He wants to talk to you, downstairs.” She’d said instead of answering me. Maybe there aren’t any answers.

“Can’t he come up here?” I turned my attention back to Faith again. She had made a little whimper sound. I stroked her hair; made sure the blankets were keeping her warm enough. “Shh, its ok baby…” I hate telling her lies

“Buffy, you need to get out of this room…” Dawn said at last, after a few moments of watching me. She’s kidding right?

“I’m not leaving her. I-I promised I wouldn’t leave her.” Why couldn’t she see that?! None of this should have happened! I couldn’t take this anymore it was all too much…

“Buffy, Giles thinks he—”

“I don’t give two shits what Giles thinks, I’m NOT letting her down again!”

She’d told me she loved me… she trusted me.

“Buffy if you don’t want to let her down, then go downstairs and find out what you can do to actually HELP her!”

Her words had caught me off guard, they had been so assertive; willing me to believe. But I need to be here, I need to be close to her

“I need to—”

“No Buffy. This isn’t about what you need! This is about getting Faith well!” She had stared at me, determined, until I had to look away. I turned my eyes back to Faith unwilling acknowledge the truth in Dawn’s words. Still running.

“Now, I’ll stay with her ok?” But before I had realized I had even stood; let go of Faith’s hand…she was guiding me by the shoulders, firmly escorting me out the door. “You go be Slayer now.”

And even though I knew Dawn had been right, had I known what was gonna be asked of me, I would have kept my ass parked firmly upstairs. He had closed one of his massive books when I entered the kitchen… the glasses came off too.

This might not be good.

But the look that Will and Tara are giving me, they look so hopeful, and more than a little tired. No one had slept yet.

“Dawn said you guys maybe found something?” My voice sounded cautious, raw from all the crying.

“Yeah Buff we have some really good news!” My best friend comes and takes my hand, leads me to sit at the table with all of them. Her eyes keep cutting to Giles, he doesn’t look nearly as chipper. “We figured out what was in the needle, and there’s a cure!”

“Ok… and anyone wanna give me the sugar-free version of that? I’m sensing a dangling ‘but’ here.” I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, I knew she was just trying to make this easier. But I don’t have time for drawn out and easy…Faith may not have time.

“Buffy you are right, there are two sides of this…” Giles sighs and I brace myself. “As we thought, Riley was indeed working with the Council. I made some calls and found that they’ve been tracking Faith for several months.”

“Right since she’s been out of jail… they sh-shot her. She told me the first night she got here.”

It seemed so long ago.

“Well it would appear that Riley was enlisted to assist in capturing Faith… a deal was made. One slayer in trade for another.”

“In trade for another?” Willow had questioned not fully grasping the implications of what my watcher had just said. She didn’t get it. But I did and the rage pulsing though every cell of my being… my muscles burned with it. My chest felt tight.

“The Council would get Faith, Riley would get me.” I stated flatly showing no outward expression of the hell that was raging just below the surface.

“Right…” Giles eyed me warily. And I suppose he was suspecting some sort of outburst. But there was none, because deep down I know I’d suspected something like this. Some organic part of me that’s purely instinctual, the darker part of my nature that I fight so hard… That Faith’s been trying to get me to embrace.

I had seen the looks Riley had been giving Faith, felt the insistent pull to go to her, protect her. I had ignored it, ran from it like always, and now I might be losing her forever.

“My sources tell me,” Giles continues and it sounds so far away. “that there had been authorization given to administer a certain formula—”

“We think it was the same stuff Giles pumped you full of! You know? For your birth…day…” My expression must be a bit more threatening than I had thought “Right, ok…so shutting up now.”

“It’s ok Will.” I tell her…even though its all so far from ok. I really didn’t need to be reminded of yet another betrayal in my life…the frailty of this life I trace my finger over one of the books spread out in front of me. “Death, its possible you know… we all die. What’s now or later really?”

I feel the delicate page bite back at my skin. A paper cut. I do it again.

I’m scaring them. All I can hear is the rain and none of them will look at me now. I’m really fucking losing it. They’re only trying to help.

“Sorry, guy’s I’m just…I might be falling apart…”

My eyes burn anew with new tears they pour down my face and across my lips. A more bitter flavor laced in anger. Different than the absolute despair that has gripped me all night. They’re hot, like her kisses but only serve to pull sobs from me… I can’t stop.

“I-if you need some time…” I gentle hand on my arm is the farthest thing from comfort, its not the right touch. And I try and pull it together…I wipe at my eyes and they sting

“No, Tara I-I’m fine… I mean I’m not…” I’m breaking completely, and I pull away from that warm touch, because Faith’s hand felt so cold. “But we don’t have time.”

I hate how they’re all looking at me. Tired eyes, brimming with pity and fear. Like I’m some beaten animal.

“W-we think the Council is still here, that they might try to get to Faith again.” Tara tells me and I’m grateful for the peace that the subject change brings… How sick is that?

“Right which is why we must obtain the cure as quickly as possible”

“Which is?” I ask my Watcher but my best friend answers me.

“It’s a simple spell, and kind of umm… anti-venom. It should work.”

What does that mean “Should?” I don’t need maybes right now.

“Buffy, the results have never been tested. It may very well cure Faith, but it also may have no effect. She was given a much more powerful concentration of the poison. And as you know the powers of the Slayer are directly affected. The hindrance of her capabilities might—”

“What are you saying here Giles? Could this ‘cure’ kill her?!” I can’t believe this…

“Well, that is doubtful. I believe NOT treating her would be more dangerous…” He sighs his non-answer and I just can’t take this anymore!!

“Then what is the fucking problem!!!?” I’m out of my seat, pacing… “Why can’t we just—”

“We think if we give her the cure she will wake up, but she w-won’t be the same… she wont be a Slayer Buffy.”

I just stare at Tara. Those words, it brought it all to stop. I should have stayed upstairs.

“Wh-what?! Are you sure?” I know they’re sure.

“Nearly certain of it. The ingredients—”

“Y-you have to decide what Faith would want…there’s still a chance she can f-fight this on her own. The Council obviously didn’t want her powers gone, if-if she wakes up she still could be fine”

Tara thankfully cuts through Giles’ bullshit, gives me my choice. But this shouldn’t be my choice! Not when this is my fault…

“She’s so weak…oh god” I press my hands to my head, but it doesn’t make the world stop spinning, doesn’t stop that distant roar that’s all overwhelming white noise. Oh god Faith.

“Buffy we may not have much time.” He tries to make it gentle I can tell, and something in me hates him for it, hates the world for it… that I could ever be asked such a thing!

“I-I don’t know!” Being the slayer… its so much to Faith she needs it like she needs air, wears it like a skin. And I’m realizing the same goes for me. This power, the force that runs though us… its what we were BORN for damn it! How can I possibly try and take that from her, make her live without it!? It’s her purpose OUR destiny!

But, to have her not live at all… Christ, I’m not that strong! “Giles I can’t let her die…”

“Willow, I believe all the supplies you will need are at the shop” I sit back down and everyone else stands up, moving immediately, putting into action my ruling. It all feels so final, so absolute. Like a tomb being shut. “Here take the keys.”

Her fate sealed, and I don’t know if this was the right choice, was it for her or for me?

“We should rest first sweetie… we’ll n-need the strength.” They’re gathering up their things, making plans. Should I stop this?!

“Yeah, I’ll get to the shop tonight, the spell shouldn’t take long…”

And I know, the rational, sane part of me knows that Tara is right… but how DARE they even think of sleep now. I swallow it, the indignant ridiculous fury; focus that rage it where it belongs.

“So, the Council? You think they’re still here?” its battery acid in my throat.

“They’re mission is not complete. Buffy… what are you planning to do?” It actually makes me glad to hear the guarded thread in Giles’ voice. It lets me know I’m in the right frame of mind. My voice reflected it. Flat, void, distant.

“I’m going back upstairs to Faith… and waiting for night fall.”

And the night came, as it always does. Every minute of my daylight had been spent in silent preparation…listening to Faiths quiet cries, watching the pain shift across her face. Letting the anger build, the darkness have free reign though me… letting my self FEEL it. I haven’t slept, because I see her face every time I close my eyes. So afraid, covered in blood. I had stayed awake and watched her instead, preferring the horror of reality to the ones I know would haunt my dreams. She’s so weak and so terribly still. I’ve never felt so helpless.

I sat unable to do nothing… Nothing in the light.

It rained all day.

But when the darkness came it stopped… as if the skies had made the night ready for me. And I was ready for the night.

I had left the minute the last of the gray light had sank into the earth. I was hunting now, letting that dark and seething rage be my guide. I wanted to find the Council but would settle for anything that came along…

My ribs hurt and I’m covered in dust.

The sharp ring of my cellphone is painfully loud in the darkness. I hit the ignore button for the third time tonight.

They were all worried, and they should be. One slayer down, the other on the verge of self-destruction… and a prehistoric evil rising in a matter of days. No, things were not looking good for the hell-mouth; for the world.

I hop off my seat, start to make my way out of the cemetery… I hope something else comes along.

---

I can feel things around me shifting I don’t know where I am, WHEN I am even… but I knew B was with me. Her presence was this surrounding all consuming calm. It dulled the pain, kept all these awful images from flashing through my head.

I hear waves crashing on some distant shore, but I can’t smell the sea.

She’s gone now, and getting further away… and I ain’t talkin’ physical presence here. I can FEEL her leavin’. It’s a connection that’s so much deeper than just the slayer thing, than just the sex and the physical.

Its this love thing, this need thing.

I can feel the anger, the pain and fear creeping up. She’s letting it take control letting it have the power, she’s losing her balance and she’s gonna lose herself.

I can’t stay here, I can’t let this happen to her. She NEEDS me damn it. And she may not have much time. I know better than anyone how quickly it all can overcome you… how good letting it all go can feel, how letting that dark half totally free can feel like being reborn.

And that’s a second before your soul dies.

I can’t let this happen to her… Somebody show me the fuckin’ door. Its time to get out of here.

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