PART 20
Boy this has been a shitty week so far. And Thursday’s halfway done already. It’s lunch and she’s not here. Max told me she ate outside. Just because we haven’t done anything or seen each other alone more than 2 minutes for the last three days doesn’t give her the right to bail on me like that. Damn. Reverting to her past habit like I’m not even here. Like it’s not hard for me too. It’s not my fault I had to cancel the weekend and all. But I know she’s mad at me. She didn’t say it but I could see it in her eyes, ‘Why didn’t you try harder, Buffy?’ Yeah, why didn’t I try harder?
Could I go against my dad? Of course not. He’s my dad. I guess it’s just a bad time but it will be ok next week. He will be pleased, mom will be pleased, Hell I’ll be pleased to see my mom finally, and then I’ll make it up to Faith. I’ll make her feel like she’s never felt before. I’ll kiss her like in the movies and I’ll touch her like I, only, can...
Ok, is this just about sex? Cause I'm hardly thinking of anything else lately. I miss her. I miss kissing her. I miss... doing it with her. It seems easier somehow to say I miss that than say I miss her. How weird is that?
It’s that whole slayer deal. This is what is wrong with me? This is what makes me act like that, I know that. This is not me. I couldn’t be doing those things with her. No, not me...
Just like last night, being so horny after dreaming of her and I, and it felt like I was guided by something else when I sneaked out to the darkest parts of town, just where THEY were. It’s like I was driven by that force, right to them, like I- like this force knew exactly where to find them. Then I didn’t have a choice but to fight them, but it wasn’t me, right? Cause that force enjoyed that just like it enjoys having sex... But it can’t be me... It’s the slayer, this is not me... It can’t be me.
Why do I miss her so much? I do. It IS me. No, it can’t be...
God dammit, where is she? It’s Friday. My plane is leaving in a couple of hours; dad is gonna pick me up right after school. I don’t wanna leave without seeing her. Hopefully I’ll see her for lunch. Or I’ll just let that new guy, Nate, hit on me again, that will teach her good. He’s cute like that, and funny. Yeah, she’d better show!
I feel better. She was here... finally. We ate with the others so not much for private talk, but we were sitting beside each other and she left her hand on my thigh practically the whole time. She’s not mad then. Hopefully I’ll be sure of that in a couple minutes. I’m waiting for this bunch of girls to go out of the restrooms. Faith went there, giving me that look as we were all heading out of the cafeteria. She told us all “later” but gave ME that look and I think I know her. She wanted me to know where she was heading and I’m pretty sure she’s waiting for me.
God I hope she is.
Oh. There they leave. Let’s go.
Big smile on my lips, one of the cabin doors is just slightly open. She must be in there.
Yes. God she’s so beautiful. I missed you, Faith.
“I hope so.”
“Did I say that out loud?”
She gives me that sensual smile, I guess I did. I do that a lot with her. Well, it’s so true; I’ve missed her. Face it Summers, you’re hopeless.
“And I’m gonna make sure you’ll miss me even more this weekend.”
I like that husky tone when she whispers in my ear like that, as she presses herself against me. I have no will at all. I’m just so totally hers when she touches me like that.
Ooo she’s undoing the button of my shirt and massaging my nipples already, mmmm. I keep my moans to myself. I’ve learnt to do that because of our rather frequent restrooms’ sessions. I can hold them within for a long time now... Until I can’t and then the world goes away...
Mmmm, sucking on my breasts. Yes. God I’m gonna miss her. I can feel her slender fingers tug on my skirt’s zipper on the side. That sound... She always makes it go down SO slowly... caressing my thighs at the same time... all the way down... and mostly up.
God she moves down at the same time, to her knees. If she does that, then I’m not gonna be able to hold back my moans very long; she knows it.
Oh yes, she’s gonna do that. My panties are on the floor already.
Oh God. Oh yes. God I’ve missed that feeling. God her tongue inside of me already...
“Mmm, Faith.”
“Sssh”
I know, but mmm, that’s too good. She’s licking me like an ice cream. God sucking now! God she’s like, swallowing my clit. I can’t help pulling her face deeper in me. It feels so good.
“Yes Yes. Faith!”
I’m too loud already I know that. So much for self control. I think she knows that cause she just got back on her feet.
God, yes, fingering me now.
Yes, better that way, we really can’t afford getting caught NOW, so she had the best idea and God I love feeling her finger inside. Yes! A second, mmm. Yes, I’m so close. She knows it. Whenever I thrust my hips forward that hard, she knows I’m close and she keeps thrusting harder, deeper, while keeping her palm as flat as she can and slamming against my clit.
God, God.
Kiss me! God.
Oh God!!!
I can barely breathe. I don’t want her to stop kissing me though. I never want her to stop kissing me... She made me come so hard again.
She looks at me now. She’s so beautiful.
“This way I know you won’t forget me once you’re there, bathing under the sun.”
How could I ever forget you?
I should probably tell her that but I won’t... I hope she knows by the way I’m looking at her and the way I’m caressing her face now...
I will never forget her... But I’ll never tell....
“Here, for you. You should probably start to eat it now cause it’s melting fast, Buffy.”
“Mmm, thanks mom.”
Vanilla ice cream with chocolate chips… lots of… mmm. Gotta admit, going out with mom, didn’t suck so far.
“You like it?”
“Yes, mom.”
“I know, movies and ice cream. For a reunion I could have done better, but I’m just getting everything put together here, so next time it’ll be the best.”
“It’s ok, mom. I don’t want to do extra stuff. I just wanted to be with you, you know.”
And this is true. I’ve missed her.
“I know honey.”
And every time she gently stroke my chin like that I feel like a little girl, only I like this feeling and I just want to let its ‘everything’s gonna be fine cause mommy’s here’ feeling overwhelm me. Yeah, that’s how it feels.
“So, tell me, Buffy, how’s life in New-York?”
“Err. Weird.”
She frowns.
“Weird how?”
What can I say, well first I rejected a handsome brilliant brunette boy because I could only think of a beautiful as Hell brunette girl, who I’m blowing off classes with and mostly, having mind blowing sex on a regular basis… Except for this week.
“Just weird. Different, I guess.” I think that version’s better.
“How about school?”
I’d be surprised dad didn’t tell her, but she looks really asking so maybe he didn’t.
“It’s fine, well, it’s a little hard these days, but it’ll get better.”
Again with the gentle stroke, AND the gentle smile. I like that.
“Daddy didn’t tell you… anything, then?”
She slightly frowns but keeps her smile. Good thing.
“No, but whatever it is I’m sure I can count on you to do your best. You’re a good girl. You’re my good girl.”
God she looks so… trusting. She looks a little sad now…
“Your father and I… haven’t been talking much… these days…”
“Really? Err I mean I thought, well, you told him about Danny.”
“Oh Buffy I’m sorry. I just mentioned him in one of our talks when you started in that school. I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“No it’s not. But then I thought, maybe you were talking, you know.”
She looks even sadder.
“Unfortunately not, I’m afraid your father and I have lost the ability to communicate other than by yelling at each other.”
Not really what I wanted to hear either. Not that I didn’t know that but I just hoped… Stupid…
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I shouldn’t have said that.”
I’m sad. I can’t help being sad though I should be used to it now…
“Anyway, let’s go back to this boy, then. I feel so bad for not being there. You’re growing up so fast now. You’re almost sixteen. And sixteen and boys; equals most often hard times. I wish I was there so that you could share this with me.”
Nope. No way.
“What are you thinking about, Buffy? You know you can tell me?”
“Err, yes, just that it would be great if you were. But I’m fine, you know.”
Oh, she holds my hand.
“Buffy, I want you to be sure I wouldn’t have let almost 3 months go by without seeing you if I could have done otherwise, you know that right?”
“Yes, yes I do, mom.”
“But I promise you, Buffy; I will find a way to get the money I need to open that gallery, and I will get you back here.”
“Yes. Yes I know, mom.” I don’t know if my tone’s hopeful or fearful. I don’t know what I want right now. And she let go of my hand. She smiles neatly, ooo she’s gonna ask.
“So, are you seeing him?”
“Who? Oh, Danny. Err, no, he’s just a friend.”
“Oh. What happened?”
She sounds disappointed.
“Well, wasn’t meant to, I guess. I think, I wasn’t ready, what with the new town and all.”
“How about now? You have friends, right? And there’s been no trouble so apparently they’re good friends. Don’t give me that look Buffy, I’m just teasing you… a little.”
Well, I don’t find that very funny.
“Alright I’ll stop. I know this is behind us, Buffy. Like I said I know that whatever you do, you’ll do the right thing. I trust you, Buffy. You and I we’re gonna make it right. Be together here and our lives will get back to normal, I promise, Buffy.”
God I want to believe that. Is it bad? Is it bad that I didn’t mention Faith at this weekend? Not even once. Just like she doesn’t exist. Like the slaying. Yeah, normal life. Guess that’s how it feels.
A normal life, here, with my mom. Could it be?
I wish I would just stop thinking about her. Or stop feeling guilty because I’m having a great time with my mom, pretending everything is fine and the rest doesn’t exist anymore. She doesn’t exist anymore. These feelings don’t exist anymore….
“Any other boy?”
I feel like smiling. And I don’t wanna feel bad about it. I wanna keep smiling.
“Well, as a matter of fact, the other day I was eating on my own cause Fa-friends, my friends weren’t there and this new guy, he just arrived like a day or so, comes in and asked if he could sit beside me. So I said sure and I smiled, and he smiled and we talked, you know. I think he’d be kinda… interested” Of course at the time I didn’t give a damn that he was but now “And maybe I’m interested too. He was kinda cute.”
She smiles. Why couldn’t everything be that easy?
