PART 21
“Welcome back darling.”
"Hey dad." Could I possibly sound less enthusiastic? Though he didn't notice apparently. I hate when he does that. Kiss me on the top of my head like a kid.
"It's ok, dad. It's not heavy." I can carry my bag myself.
"Alright. Did you have a good time with your mother?"
"Of course I did." Alright I really should try to be a little nicer to him now. "It was great. Thank you."
"I'm glad. Your mother called and she said exactly the same thing. Seems you really enjoyed yourself there. You'll have to do it again soon."
"Yes dad. I'd like that." I have to be honest and, well, I am.
"Going to my room now, finish some homework." He nods, you bet he's happy.
I guess I can't stay mad at him for trying to do what he thinks is best, right? But I'm still mad, I don't know... I guess I do but... It's easier to be mad at him for forcing me to go, than mad at myself for actually liking this weekend so much... Without Faith.
I barely called her on Saturday. Mom was waiting for me; we were going out to eat a pizza in a pizzeria downtown, so I didn’t have much time to talk. She said she understood but... Why is it so complicated?
I know I've missed her. I've missed her so much, but at the same time, I never mentioned her and I didn't feel that heavy. I mean, I was there, like before. Normal girl with her mom. And I liked that. How can I tell Faith that I've liked not being with her? That I've loved to pretend that none of what we're living was happening... What does that say about me?
It says I'm evil in the most evil way. Oh I'm so bad and no! Stop that. It’s not bad, it’s good. It is how things are supposed to be. Me and my mom, and ok, if daddy's not here anymore then too bad for him. Just me, mom and our normal life together...
It's things here that are bad. Just check out the weather; it's cold and all gray.
It was all sunny over there, just like I always knew the weather to be. And it made my life looked brighter too...
Everything's chilly and cloudy here. Weather has been like that ever since our weekend in the mountain ended and.... It had been so wonderful. God help me. I shiver just thinking about that weekend with Faith. It was so amazingly beautiful and breathtaking and... again with the shiver...
And this weekend with mom was shiny, it made me smiled.
Do I have to choose between smiles and shivers?... I don't get both. Why can't I get both? I want both....
Ok, ok, I gotta stop doing my head in and simply let things go. The weekend is over and I'm seeing Faith tomorrow. I want to see her. I miss her so much... I just have to not let her know how much I really did enjoy this weekend far from her and try to forget it myself and I'll be fine. Won't I?
God yes! Oh my! This is… wow, oh God “Faith,”
“How’d you miss me, B?”
So much, God so much right now, “God Faith. I-I’m com-“ God!!!!
Oh God that was so good. Gotta breathe... Gotta.... look at her.
I feel... I feel... She’s wiping her chin and getting up on her feet now, looking at me expectantly and I just don’t know what to say now...
It isn’t really the kind of ‘reunion’ I had planned, but it’s been actually easier than I thought it would. Well, probably cause we haven’t talked about it yet. It’s the morning break, well, it was, the bell rang about ten minutes ago but we were really too busy...
She was waiting outside my last classroom and just nodded and gave me the look and I knew where we were heading. I didn’t think she would jump on me first thing though. She didn’t ask anything yet...
Well, except just now...
Does this makes things easier or harder...?
Are we really just about sex? Cause if we are, maybe then it’s easier to br-, no wait what am I saying? I’m not-, I don’t want to-, I can’t not have her close. I lov- no, I... I just need her... I need to be.
I need a head check cause I’m really lost these days...
“So?”
She twists my hair. I love to smell her perfume when she’s so close, breathing on my face. I wish it was just sex...
“A lot. A whole lot.” I love her face; she’s so pretty, so thin... I love to touch her... I love her...
Why doesn’t that make me happy?
“What did you do there?”
On to the questions.
“Well, basically spend some time with my mom, basic stuff you know.”
“Like what?”
“Faith, you know we’re supposed to be in class right?”
“Screw classes. I’ve missed you.”
Wow, why did my heart felt like it just melt under that gaze? She’s so... honest. Like I’m not maybe? I DID miss her... But. “You missed me?”
And re-wow. She’s looking at me so seriously, intensely right now, “I’ve missed you every second, Buffy. I even think I might get crazy if you ever stay far from me that long again...”
I gotta breathe. I lack vocabulary there but in fact I’m... rather scared cause, she’s... her gaze... I can’t help thinking about what Sarah said. I can’t hurt her. I don’t want to...
“Faith I-“
“Yes?” She looks so expectant, God “I-I” I love you. I wanna be with you... All the time. I- I can’t tell you, I’m sorry. “I... think we should go back to class. I’ll see you for lunch, K?”
She SO knows that’s not what I wanted to say. But I can’t...
She smiles. Finally.
“Ok. Let’s go.”
“Hey guys!”
“Hey!”
Finally she's here, with Matt, Sophie and Danny. They finished their morning classes after us. Too bad cause now we're not sitting beside each other. Next time. She gave me a quick wink though.
Danny sat beside her.
"So, Buffy, I was thinking, about the party-"
"Huh what ?" I forgot Nate was talking to me. Yeah, he came in earlier and said hi. I asked him if he wanted to join us. He still doesn't know many people so...
"Jen's party, next weekend? She's in my class and she invited me."
"Oh, yeah, this one. That's great for you." Faith just looked at us, she seems very interested.
"And I know you're going to, so I was thinking that maybe, if you wanted, we could... go together."
Oh, he's asking me on a date, right? And she's still looking. Danny's talking to her too. I wonder if he's still asking about me. Poor guy, should move on now. Well, what about this one?
"Well, err, it's just... I'm not sure I'm gonna go in fact."
"Oh. That's too bad. Sounded like her parties were great."
"Yes, they are, but err, well maybe. I don't know yet. My father is a little tight regarding parties and such. I'll have to see."
"Ok, you'll let me know?"
"Of course."
Boy is nice, well not as nice as Danny was. I mean, Nate has this nice guy feel about him, but I can see when he looks at me that I would definitely have a hard time to keep him from kissing me if we were to go to that party, or anywhere else, together. He checks me out quite often. Like a 'guy'.
And Faith and Danny are still talking together. Hey, now she's whispering in his ear. And he smiles. I hope she's not telling any funny anecdotes about me. If this cafeteria was less crowded I could try to listen to what they’re talking about but I can’t even hear myself think much, it's so noisy here.
Anyway, let's finish eating.
I can’t wait to be this weekend. I think I just want to rest... and brood all weekend. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. Just 2 more days, though today’s not over yet.
I haven’t seen Faith, alone since Monday morning in the restrooms… She'd seemed really… enthused and then… nothing. I mean, we had lunch, and at least yesterday she was sitting in front of me. She played footsy with me just a little but she didn’t wait for me after school or ask me to wait for her like we usually do. Well, did, before my dad got his big freaking out issue with Faith and I. Maybe she’s just trying to make it easier so that he gets off my back and-
“What’re you doing?”
“Oh, Faith. I didn’t see you.”
“Weird, you usually feel me miles away. Whatcha been thinking ‘bout?”
“Well, currently, just that I’m searching for my math book in my locker though I know I left it at home.” Yep, better close my locker now.
“How about you? Haven’t seen you… often. And where were you at lunch today?”
She bends closer. I can’t help looking around, hope no one picks on us.
“Wanna go to the restrooms?”
She makes me shiver with that husky tone of hers when she whispers like that. But, as strangely as it seems, I don’t really want to. Oh don’t get me wrong, if I could be making love with her now, God I would but… no restrooms, no quiet, no hiding anymore. I’m tired of these ‘quick fix’. And… it seems that’s all we can have.
“Hey, B? Still with me? What do you say?”
“Err, well,” Yes! Saved by the bell.
“Dammit! Well we could skip this hour, B.”
“No, Faith, we were already late on Monday. It will be for another time.”
She smiles that wicked smile that tells me she has something in mind. Well, something ELSE than this.
“And I know exactly when Buffy.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“I don’t like surprises.”
“Well,” there again with the husky whisper, “seems to me you liked your surprise the other time.”
Ooo yes. God I still can’t believe we did this, and in a stolen car! But yeah it was good. More than good.
I know I’m blushing, and there’s this gleam in her eyes.
“But still, tell me.”
“No. But make sure your father knows you’re coming home Friday for a sleepover.”
“Faith he-“
“Come on, Buffy. You’ve done everything he wanted for the last two weeks. Tell him it’s just for Friday and then the weekend you’re all his.”
“Ok I’ll try.”
I really wonder what she has in mind. Can’t be that big if it’s at her Aunt's. But I admit I still prefer that than the restrooms. It doesn’t feel that good anymore. I mean, of course *it* still feels good but… it all seems too grimy somehow. And I wish it didn’t have to be but….
Too complicated…
It’d be nice to be in a more or less welcoming place, and in a bed. And waking up beside her. I’ve missed that… A lot.
Friday’s finally here. I’m tired. I have to be in good shape for Faith tonight though. Who am I kidding? I’m never tired for Faith…
Where is she about that? Well, apparently not in the cafeteria, again. I barely saw her yesterday. She just rushed in at the end of my last class to ask if my dad was ok with it. He wasn’t pleased about it, can’t lie. Luckily it was just the Friday. He couldn’t refuse it. But he’s really not thrilled every time I say the “F” word. Anyway, and now she’s missing again an-
“Buffy come on,”
“What?” There she is. “I thought you were not eating here today again.”
“I’m not, and you’re not either.”
“Oh? We’re eating outside?” Cool, it’s been a long time since we have done this.
“We’ll eat in the train.”
“The train? What train?!”
“The train we’re gonna miss if we don’t go now. Come on! Motor!”
“Faith, we have classes? And train for where by the way?”
“Screw classes. Come on it’s ok. I made two words of leave, signed by Sarah, and another one for you signed by your father. It’s cool.”
“What?! You forged their signatures?”
“So that we’re covered up for the absence. Your father won’t know, now come on.”
She drags me by the hand, “No, wait Faith! I’m not going anywhere.”
I don’t want to see her disappointed look either but I can’t lie to him now.
“Buffy please. I swear you won’t regret it.”
“I can’t.”
“Please. Come with me. We haven’t been… I need you… to come with me. You don’t want to be wit-“
“Don’t say that.” I can’t hear that.
“I just don’t want to mess up, that’s all.”
“And I want to be with you, Buffy. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“Come. I promise it’ll be fine. They won’t know and we’ll have the night and day just for us.”
God I like the sound of that. She smiles. I guess I just accepted then when I smiled too.
“Come on.”
“Ok, but where are we going?”
“Hometown.”
“What?! Boston?”
“That’s right baby. And if we’re not there too late, I’ll bring you to a quarry. Water’s too cold to swim now but the sight is still beautiful.”
“Ok. But this has better go well, Faith.”
“Don’t worry; it’ll be five by five.”
How come I have a hard time believing that?
Word *disaster* comes to mind right now.
If daddy finds out, it’s over. Everything’s over.
But I can’t let her go alone anyway. I don’t WANT to let her go alone…
