PART 25
I like this room. I wish my bed was a little larger though. I hope I can bring Faith here with me when I visit mom like that. She was so glad to see me again. Even I think I have too many clothes now. If she keeps compensating by buying outfits I won't need a higher education to live; I'll just open my own clothing store.
Anyway, I was happy today, with mom. I guess I like it here, from the streets to this very house, it's much warmer to me than daddy's stern apartment or New York’s anonymous streets. Yes, I like it here, but I admit I wish I was over there right now, at Jen's party; really not for the party, but because she must be there too. And I wanna be where she is....
Maybe I could tell mom and- tell her what? God no I can't... She will never... I can never.... I can't tell, it's not right.
I wonder what she's doing now.
I haven't seen her this morning. I usually come across her class once or twice on Monday morning, but not today. I must have missed them....
And I miss her... But I gotta focus, it's lunch time and I need to see... there he is! And he's sitting alone, that's just perfect.
“Hi Nate!”
“Hey Buffy! Wanna sit?”
I nod, he smiles, it is exactly the kind of smile I wanted.
“So what you're doing? Lame, I know.
“I'm not sure actually. Thought I was eating but I was rather trying to find out if this really WAS food, when you came.”
He smiles, oh don't forget to laugh, a little, boys like when you smile at their jokes, or attempts to joke.
“So, Buffy, err, I was invited to that party next Saturday, some guy from my class has his birthday party, so I was thinking, do you wanna come with me?”
Scored. “Well, that sounds cool. I might have some trouble convincing my father unfortunately. He’s kind of mad at me lately, and I'm kinda grounded for now,” Good thing; he's still smiling. “But things might change; hey I have an A minus to show him tonight, that might help.”
“You'll let me know ok?”
“Sure.”
“So I guess you can't go out after school next Wednesday then, right?”
It was definitely a good idea; he's the perfect candidate.
“I'd rather not test him but, you could come home with me, I mean, if you want to?” I say with my most ingenuous voice.
“Sure I'd like to, but your dad? Don't you think he'll be mad, seeing you with someone? I mean, you know.”
“Oh no, don't worry for that. He's mad for a very stupid reason, he'll be glad to see you, I mean; you're good in math right?”
“Yep.”
“So let's just tell him you're helping me with this. It might help for the party you know.”
“Then I'll be the perfect tutor.”
I'm not sure about that. I don't think tutors want to grope their 'pupils' so much which is definitely what I can read in his eyes. But then again; that's why I came to him, right?
I could've asked Danny but since he's still asking about me there and then he must have real feelings so I didn't. Ain't that righteous of me? Huh? Nate's different, he likes me but not that much, not yet at least so I can do this. No, it's not using him, it's just.... using him but not in that strictest sense... He's just gonna help me make dad move on from these thoughts he has of Faith and I. Makes him get over it and soon he'll really think he was paranoid and I never did any such thing.... He has to; I hate the way he still looks at me. I can't stand it.
I didn't see her at all today. I haven't seen her since Friday then, that's a lot. Hopefully I'll see her tomorrow.
I guess that's a good thing she wasn't at the cafeteria at lunch though. Nate and I stayed together the whole time. He's kinda funny. And he is cute... Alright, Dad is home, on to the next level now.
“Hi daddy.”
“Hi Buffy.” He still sounds so grave. It'll pass... I'll make it pass.
“How was school?”
“Good. Very good actually, check this out. Yay me!”
“A minus. In History? That's very good Buffy.”
“I had a real good average grades this month. Math's not that good but Nate is gonna help me.”
He flinched ever so slightly, but so far he's not asking. Damn, why is he not asking?
“And about that, Nate, this very good friend of mine,” too obvious there Buffy, “offered to help me with it, math I mean, so is it ok if he comes home with me on Wednesday?”
He hesitates, “That's a friend from your class?”
“No actually, he's in 11th grade, so he can really help me with it. He's a good student.”
“Alright, then. I won't be home late on Wednesday so I guess it's ok.”
“Great.” I sounded really enthusiastic there, didn't I?
I saw her briefly during the morning break but with the others around; we just acted casual. She was with them at lunch too and I was with Nate. I know she glanced at us. I hope she’s not gonna have the wrong idea. I have to do this. She’ll understand. The good thing is; daddy showed up very briefly, he hadn’t done this for a while and he chose just the right time cause I was sitting so close to Nate that we looked like we were dating, and if he checked Faith she was... well, she was sitting kinda close to Danny now that I think about it. That’s kind of weird actually. I hope he wasn’t asking about me again, poor boy, really has to move on.
Another day went by without much contact with her. It’s a good thing that I’m focused on my plan because otherwise, I’d really start to feel down. I hope I’ll be able to see her more today though.
It’s gonna work, I know that. Daddy seemed a lot less stern at dinner last night. Wait till he sees how Nate’s all over me. It’s the perfect plan and-
“So B? How’s your plan working?”
She startled me.
“Faith? Oh, hi. Err, yes, I’m working on it.”
“Do you really think he’s gonna fall for that?”
Damn, she understood.
“Or is it you that you’re trying to convince?”
What? “No, Faith. I’m doing this for us. It will work, it’s the only way.”
“Really? I don’t think so.”
“Faith, I already explained. My father’s cooling down already; soon he will be over it.”
“Till next time.”
“Till it’s time to-“
“To what? Graduate? Or, leave for Sunnydale? Then you’ll tell him, right? Not even.”
“Faith, what are you saying? I’m not leaving for Sunnydale...”
It’s like, she doesn’t believe me.
“Faith, I’m NOT leaving. I swear, give me, like, 2 weeks, this one included and I promise it will be like before.”
“Please?”
She seems to relax a little. I guess the situation is not easier for her than it is for me.
“Alright, I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well.”
She seems... She looks different to me. She looks... farther. I have a bad feeling in my gut, I don’t want to feel her that far away from me but yes; that’s what I feel right now, as she’s just in front of me. I have to make this work.
“Well, good luck with your plan.”
“Faith wait, it will work. I wanna be with you.” She slightly smiled, doesn’t she know it? It’s like she needed to hear it, like she doesn’t believe it.
“I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.” Yes she really needed to hear it. I’ve missed her smile.
“I guess we should go to class now.”
“Yes.”
I hate to part from her and that’s all we seem to do lately, but it’ll get better.
I’m not leaving for Sunnydale. Where did she pick up that idea? Oh probably during the hundreds of times I said I wanted to go back to my mom when we first met. But things have changed since.
Don’t I want to go to mommy again? Like, never again? No, of course I want to. I want to be there I think, but with Faith. I want to be with Faith. Why is it so complicated? I think I want to leave if I’m honest, but I don’t wanna leave because Faith is here, and anyway I can’t leave so I guess that makes the non-choice easier then.
“So that’s your apartment?”
“Well, that’s the door.” He still smiles. Be nice with the boy, Buffy. Alright let’s get in.
“Wow, huge. Your father was right to take the job in New York, I mean unless you had a place like that in Emery?”
“We had a house there. Do you really like it?”
“Yes, Buffy, look at the windows, view on Central Park? And it’s so wide.”
“You don’t find it, a little stern.”
“No, not at all. Well, maybe it’s... I guess it IS a man, a single man’s apartment, not really a family place, but honest I really like it.”
Good, dad will be glad cause I can’t stop criticizing this place and this whole city. He will like having someone on his side.
“Where’s your room?”
Already? Alright I can handle it, it’s not like he could make me do anything I don’t want to, right? But I didn’t think he would ask for my room right away. But actually, he’s really checking out the place so maybe he just wants to see.
“Here.” I opened the door. He checks in, makes me feel weird. Good he’s not stepping it.
“I like it.”
He’s looking at me; I hope I wasn’t staring at him.
“Oh I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t mean, I really just wanted to see it, I didn’t mean,” He put his hand on my waist, “I didn’t mean anything else. I’m not a jerk, Buffy. I won’t push you.”
He sounds honest, and he removed his hand from my waist. Where is he going now? Oh, living room’s table. Right! Homework. I can breathe again.
He is good at this stuff, and... I’m really not.
“Err, no, you forgot the amount carried there.”
“Told you, I suck.”
“No you don’t.” Oh what is he doing? Oh, just pushing my hair aside, and obviously caressing my face at the same time and it feels... Actually, it was kind of tender. Alright now I’m blushing, but it’s mostly because I’m confused there. Oh, he makes me look at him. I swallowed, why did I swallow?
My heart is kind of beating faster but I don’t know why really.
“You’re beautiful, Buffy.”
What do I do now? Oh right! Key in the door. He let go of my face. Daddy steps in.
“Hi dad. How was your day?” God I have to slow my breathing. I think I was scared, not scared-scared, but anxious. I don’t know what would’ve happened if... I don’t know what’s gonna happen? I’m not really sure where I can draw the line in this plan.... What am I gonna do if I can’t?
“Good, Buffy. Hi, I’m Hank.”
Nate had already gotten up and is holding out his hand, “I’m Nate. Pleased to meet you Mister Summers.”
Good, daddy shakes his hand nicely.
“So am I. So, how’s Buffy doing with math?”
Even Nate can’t lie, “She’s trying hard,” He’s nice, “And I’m hopeful she’ll succeed.” He’s too nice.
“Thank you for helping her. By the way, I have paperwork to take care of in my study, so I’m going to let you work again.”
Nate nods. Good, daddy seems to buy it. Well, actually we ARE working and I must say I almost bought it a minute ago... What does that mean? I gotta focus. I’m doing this for one reason only; Faith.
“Buffy?”
“Huh? Err, yes, back to work.” I’m not looking at him. Good thing he seems to take back where we left, no before that, at the school work I mean. Good.
He’s gone, but he’s coming back tomorrow and dad has a meeting, and I doubt he will be home early.
