PART 27
Wednesday. I need to tell Faith about the party. I can go. I’ll be able to see her. Logan’s house is so big, like it has wings or something. Last time he hosted a party Faith and I just locked ourselves in one of the room, that was cool. I wish it was tonight already. I need her; I miss her so much... I will be able to tell her, show her how much I’ve missed her next Friday. That is if I find her of course. I haven’t seen her since last week, where is she? She’s never at the cafeteria anymore, nor in detention so at least that’s a good thing I guess.
Oops, detention, I talked too fast; there she is. I need to walk home, straight home, daddy knows Nate is at the stadium with his little brother right now cause they talked about it for dinner last time, so if I don’t come straight home he’s gonna know... something. God she’s so beautiful. I miss her so much... She looks somewhat... I don’t know... harder, I mean she’s always looked tough to everyone but me. It’s like I only saw the fragile and sensitive girl behind these walls, but right now it’s like I have everyone else’s eyes...
It’s probably just an impression. Alright it’s Damian, let’s try,
“Buffy? It’s been a while.”
“Oh no, err, I just, can I just say a word to-“ he gestured me to go. I don’t even need to say it; he knows who I’m heading to.
“Hey,”
“Hey, where have you been?”
“Around.”
“Haven’t seen you. Well, anyway, the party Friday I’ll be there. You’re going too, right?” She seems hesitant; no I’d say she seems even embarrassed.
“Faith, you have to go.”
“Yes, yes I’m going, I’ll be there. Buffy you can’t stay here.”
“I know, just wanted to tell you. Oh, mister Taggart’s missing tomorrow, so I’m free before lunch. It’s your free period too, right? Maybe you could meet me in the restrooms, or the closet?”
“Err, I... I already have plans for tomorrow.”
Plans? Plans not involving me? “What plans?”
“Something I have to do for school, sorry, didn’t know you’d be free. But I’ll see you on Friday evening then."
“Alright.” Damian’s looking over here. I know I have to go, “I miss you.”
“Miss you too. See you on Friday.”
“Alright, bye.”
“Thanks.” I say as I pass by Damian and leave discreetly.
Thank God school is over. Thursday’s such a boring day. Every day without seeing Faith is a boring day anyway. Nate is working on a school project with his classmates. So right now I’m really bored. I can’t believe he actually keeps me entertained. That sounds harsh. No, actually he makes time go by really fast, well except when he’s kissing and obviously wanting more, but otherwise I admit... I have nice times with him and-
“Hey Buffy!”
“Oh hey Danny. How are you doing?”
“Fine, actually I’m really great lately.”
Yep, he looks good, “So what’s up?”
“Well, actually I wanted to talk to you. Since Faith is like, your best friend, you know.”
?µ%*£, huh “Faith? Why do you say that?”
“Well, she didn’t want to say anything yet, since you and I had this little thing I guess, but I know you’re gonna be there tomorrow, at the party I mean, and I know you’re with Nate now, so I thought it was better to tell you,”
“Tell-tell me what?” I feel panic taking over right now.
“About Faith and I... back together.”
“What?” I fall apart. I think I’m on the ground, am I not?
“I meant to tell you sooner but-“
“Sooner? What, when did this happen?”
“We kinda hooked up at Jen’s party but mostly the week after that.”
But no, it’s... No, Faith is... mine, and Danny was hooked on me, right. He was?! She can’t do that. What did she do?
“How-“ I don’t even have words.
“Yeah I know, I had lost hopes I admit. I’ve asked her to give it a chance quite a few times over the last months, in case of, but she always turned me down, well, more or less,”more or less? “and at the party she was WAY more receptive and we’re back together, ain’t that great? Are you ok, Buffy?”
“Yes, great...”
“Alright I gotta run, Buffy. Faith got me really late for my school work at lunch.”
“Lunch...”
“Yep. Well, see you on Friday.”
So I guess HE was her ‘plans’ for today’s lunch break. All these times he kept asking her and she lied, she said he was asking for me...
What was she doing? Keeping him to have him to hand in case of...
Does she want to punish me for... no. It started before I even kissed Nate... Why? Why is she doing this to me? What did I do wrong?
Everything I do is for her? Can’t she see that? I can’t... God I need to go home before someone asks me why I’m crying cause I would just burst, not sure if it’s into laughter or anger though. I’m really not sure of my feelings right now...
“What’s wrong honey?”
“Nothing.” How come he’s home again tonight? Doesn’t he have a job anymore?! God I hate everything?
“If it’s nothing then why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying.” Maybe I am, but I don’t want him to see it, or ask about it... How could I possibly tell him why? It’s HIS fault after all!!!
Or is it really?
“Is it Nate? Did you two argue?”
Is it everything he’s concerned about?!
“No, he’s fine. We’re fine.”
“Good.” I can’t believe that, I’m disgusted.
“Going to my room.”
“But dinner will be ready soon.”
“Not hungry!” I said as I slammed the door. And doesn’t he dare come in now! I just want to be alone right now, and cry till I die....
I think it was one of the worst nights of my life. I’m not even sure I managed to sleep. But I pulled myself together. I have to know. I need to talk to her. There must be something, an explanation. Maybe she’s trying to help, simply, making it more believable. Or maybe this is for her Aunt, but then, Sarah never really had a problem with me being a girl, so I don’t understand... I shake my head now. I should not think about any of that until I’ve asked her. I need to be sure.
Guess I’ll know tonight.
I’m so scared right now, anxious. I can’t help squeezing Nate’s hand so much I’m anxious.
“Are you alright, Buffy? Look we don’t have to go if you’re not feeling up to it. You look really tired.” God I so don’t want to go... Just the thought of seeing her with him, it just makes me sick. But I gotta know.
I’m wondering suddenly if this is what she felt when she saw Nate and I in the corridors or the cafeteria. But I have a good reason: her. What’s her reason?
I need to know why she’s doing this.
“No, I’m fine. But we might not stay too late though.”
“That’s fine by me.” Please no, I’m really not in the kissing mood. Or maybe yes. That’s all she deserves! No, no, stop that, Buffy. Explanation first. There must be a totally valid explanation. It’s Faith. Faith and I. It’s just too strong...
She’s not in there, but then, there are so many people.
“Hey.”
“Hey Buffy, Nate! Beers over there!” Logan’s always loaded up on beers and alcohol of all kinds.
“Alright, I’ll get you a drink, Buffy.”
“Soda for me.”
“I’m on it.”
Alright, I need to sit. I feel so tired. Let’s find a place between this couple and that one; damn they really have no shame, his hand is totally on her crotch, yep, Max never was a shy girl, just like my Faith. Except that she pretended to! She’s not supposed to be with him or anyone. Where are they?
“Logan? Did you see Faith?”
Alright, when he’s done cleaning up the ear of that blonde girl I don’t even know the name of, he might actually reply to me.
“Err, she was, here,” he’s drunk. It’s barely 8.30 and he’s drunk already. Pity.
“I think they went upstairs.”
They? Upstairs?! Why what huh? Oh my God, she’s coming, they’re coming. They probably were in the restrooms, I mean separately cause she can’t do *that*. She just can’t, I know that.... And she doesn’t want to anyway and why is she smiling at him like that? And God he’s holding her by the waist and oh my God they’re kissing... It’s not kissing, it’s face cleaning there too!... I’m gonna be sick. God I think I really am.
I really did not push Danny that hard on purpose. He was on my way to the restrooms upstairs. Damn I’m really sick. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday lunch so I tried to have these little snacks before going there tonight but... seeing her, luckily I reached the bowl.
“B? B, you in there?”
Where does she think I am?
“Buffy, open the door.”
“Minute.” Let me wipe my face. Alright, I open the door now,
“Did you drink or something?” How does she dare?
“No Faith, I didn’t drink. Something else made me sick.”
Oh now she looks embarrassed. About time. “Were you planning on telling me, anytime soon?”
“There’s nothing to tell, B.”
“Oh no, sure there’s not. Why are you doing this?”
“Don’t make such a big deal. We hooked up just like that. I didn’t plan this.”
“But why? You don’t need this.”
“Well, maybe I do. It’s not like you’ve been around that much.”
“Now you’re saying it’s my fault? I’m trying everything I can and you just date Danny, besides you lied about him asking about me.”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to hurt your pride.”
“Why are you acting like that, Faith?”
“I didn’t see the need to tell you he was asking me out because it was pointless anyway.”
“Not that much I guess since he finally got what he wanted.”
“Look it’s no big deal. Passes the time and all.”
“How can you talk like that, Faith?”
“You know me.”
“Yes I do.” I took her hands, “and I don’t recognize you.”
“Really?”
She looks like the girl she pretended to be when I first arrived, but she’s not that girl. She can’t do these things anyway, God I hope she can’t.
“Buffy?! Buffy?!” Bad timing.
“Logan told me you were sick.”
“Yep she is, Nate. You should bring her back.”
“That was my plan. She wasn’t feeling good all day long.”
She lowers her head, means she still cares. How could she not care? I don’t understand what’s going on? How could things have changed that much? They can’t have, right? It’s just a bad time...
“Let’s go, Buffy.”
Guess I won’t have my explanations tonight. Cause that, wasn’t explanations at all, it was... It has no meaning...
Another sleepless night. And I hate that. Daddy saw me crying last night when Nate brought me back, and he knows Nate has nothing to do with this. He looked so concerned poor boy. Dad brought him back to thank him for bringing me home, after I was in bed pretending to sleep of course. I just didn’t want to see any of them.
I tried to call her cell phone but it didn’t reply. I’ll try tomorrow.
Sunday evening, she still hasn’t called me back. The only one who’s left messages is Nate. Didn’t see him this weekend, said I was still sick, caught a bad cold or something. I’m not in the mood for him. I just spent the whole weekend in my room, got Daddy to worry even more.
I’m trying to figure out what went wrong? Where? When? Where was I? How did I not see anything? Did I do that?
She can’t ignore me? It can’t be over? God I can’t live with that idea.
She’s just... confused, and yes it was hard and she just tried... Yes, passes time as she said...
I need her so bad right now and she’s not here...
We need to talk; we need to have some time to ourselves to REALLY talk.
