PART 7
“Dad? Dad?! I told you he wouldn’t be home yet. I’m gonna call him at work to tell him. That way he’ll call your Aunt and confirm her that you’re staying here. By the way, I think your Aunt is cool.”
“She’s ok, I guess.”
She likes her, she doesn’t like most people but I know she likes her Aunt. She must be grateful to her for taking her away from there, at that time, she won’t admit it though. It’s funny, or not, the way she tries to hide the fact that she likes people. Or when she does, she looks… It’s like it feels weird to her to feel that way. Anyway, I just hope 'her liking people' will become something more common. And, well, selfishly at least I hope she will keep on liking me.
“Come here, put your stuff there.”
“’K, thanks.”
She looks a little detached right now, exactly what I was thinking earlier, but I guess there’s been maybe enough ‘revelations’ or at least ‘connection’ for one day for her. I prefer to let her take things the way she wants with the talking now.
I’m feeling a little peculiar right now; staring at my ceiling. I don’t feel like moving from my bed. She’s in the bathroom, *my bathroom*, taking a shower and I just can’t focus on nothing else than the sound of the water running, then stopping and running again… I have *weird* images going through my head that I prefer not to think about. I think something’s wrong with me.
Anyway, I hope she feels better. I think she’s a little embarrassed cause of how quiet she was while we ate and all. I cooked us chicken wings -ok I simply opened the package and put it in the micro wave, but still-. Anyway, I understand that she was silent, most of the time, then Daddy joined us. He was nice but he’s an imposing man I guess. I mean I think I would have felt intimidated too if I was in her place, even if I didn’t meet her as the shy type of girl. I’ve seen a whole new side of her today. It feels weird somehow when I think about it. I think about everything that’s happened to her, it makes me feel real bad but right now I mustn’t show it cause I felt her kinda ashamed about it, I mean, I noticed she was avoiding my gaze and all. I wonder why, it’s like she felt guilty. She’s absolutely not and I wish she knew I don’t see her like that but it’s like she feels like that. Maybe it’s normal, maybe it’s how people react in that case, or maybe I should get some information on these types of trauma instead of trying to remember the various things I’ve seen on TV about it.
Anyway, I’ll just try to make her feel good and spend a nice weekend. If she wants to talk then we’ll talk, otherwise, we won’t and that’s fine too.
She’s coming out and oh-, she’s - *towel* - *short* - *very short* - *wet* - *hair* -. How come I can’t form a proper thought? And God, Buffy how come you find her so attractive!… God what’s wrong with me?! *legs* come on, Buffy! Gaze up now! Oh no! Gaze down!
“Are you ok, Buffy?”
“Huh?” I don’t think I’ve ever sounded dumber in my whole life. I guess I must look the same cause she looks perplexed. God I really love her hair.
“Err, yes, I am, what about you?”
“I’m fine, why?”
Her tone is a little… she’s on the defensive, damn I shouldn’t have looked at her like that.
“Just asking, here’s another towel for you if you want.”
“Ok, thanks.” She sounded nicer this time, and there she goes with the embarrassed look again.
“I’ll let you get ready for bed, going to the bathroom now.”
“’K”
“Ok.”
Shower Buffy, now.
“I’m back” Wow, she’s staring at me, something’s wrong with my nightdress? No, that’s not that kind of gaze. She lowers her gaze, wow up again, no, aside. If I didn’t think it was impossible I’d say she just eyed me out. Maybe not… I think I’m really tired, this town’s exhausting my mind, isn’t it?
“If you’re still hungry don’t hesitate, there are plenty of snacks you know?” What? I had to find something to say.
“Thanks. But I’m not hungry.”
She smiles, that’s already something.
“Well, I guess it’s time to sleep now.” What else could have I said?
“Yes.”
Damn, I was hoping she wouldn’t say that. Anyway, let’s turn my bedside light off then.
“Night Faith.”
“Night B.”
Try to close your eyes, Buffy. Stop thinking about her just beside you. She’s moving. No. I wonder what’s she’s thinking. She hasn’t turned her bedside light off, wonder what she’s-
“Buffy?”
“Yes.”
Ok. Waiting now.
“No, nothing.”
Damn, “Ok” Ok?! That’s all I could say? I mean, “Good night.” Cause that’s better??
“Yes, good night.”
I’m stupid; that’s official. She wants to say something but… What do I have to say? I’ve never felt I had so much connection with anyone, and at the same time it’s like she’s another world and I can’t *get* her. And the worst is I feel like I MUSTN’T lose her.
“Buffy?”
Here’s another chance for me.
“Yes, Faith.” I think I sounded a little over expecting there, didn't I?
“I-I, well, no, in fact, it’s err,”
“You can talk to me, Faith.”
I thought I would scare her but I was wrong, she looks less hesitant now that I’m facing her, and she’s smiling, still that embarrassed smile though.
“I’m sorry.”
What? “Why?”
“For tonight.”
“What do you mean, Faith?”
“You know, with me being rather silent and… cold, a little you know. I didn’t mean to, you know.”
How come I find her so adorable? I can’t help smiling at her. It’s weird how much I want to comfort her right now, “It’s ok, Faith. You don’t have to apologize. I totally understand. I can barely imagine how tiring this day was for you with the letter and well, everything. I understand.”
“It’s weird Buffy the way I feel. I don’t understand. I feel completely drained right now about all of this and at the same time I… “ She trailed off.
“Tell me, please.”
“It’s… Well, it’s the first time I feel so close to anyone. It’s like I can’t hide from you. But I was used to doing that, you know. Pretending, acting cool. But somehow I can’t fool you and sometimes I just don’t know how to react towards this you know. I still have that tendency to want to protect myself, and it’s like you read through me sometimes, and when I can’t deal with this I react a little aggressively I guess, and I’m sorry about that.”
I’m still smiling. And she’s smiling too, a better smile. She never felt so close to anyone she said it, I don’t understand why but my smile feels like *permanent thanks to that*
“Well, I’m glad you feel that way. I mean, about the closeness part you know cause,” God I’m blushing, why am I blushing? “I feel that way too, Faith. And I think I understand your reaction. So I’ll just keep on being your friend, being there whenever you need me until you know you don’t have to protect yourself from me. I would never hurt you.”
“I know.” God she took my hand. She’s holding my hand, *tight*. I love that feeling. We’re staring at each other. She’s so beautiful. God I wish this slayer thing would just go out of me, I’m sure it’s what makes me feel things like that… Or maybe it’s really this town. Maybe both….
“Thank you, Buffy. For everything. It means a lot. It’s unusual for me, just being here, having someone beside me, someone I feel good about being beside. I’m not used to any of this. I just don’t want you to think that I’m not thankful, you know.”
“I know you are, Faith. But you don’t even have to be, you know. Because you don’t know what it means to me too, to have you here with me. You’ve helped me a lot to fit in this town, you know. So I’m the grateful one.”
Oh my God, I just caressed her cheek. God, I don’t even know where that came from. I hope she- she’s smiling. Ok, I can breath now. And smile too.
“Good night, Buffy.”
“Good night, Faith. Sweet dreams to you.”
“Yes, you too.”
I feel good, so much better. We’re in the dark now. Ok, turning on the other side.
“Buffy?”
It’s getting funny now, “Yes?”
She doesn’t reply, is she staring at me? I think she is, ok, turning back now and- oh my- Can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t talk, why did she do that? And, well, what did she- God she did? She really did just kiss me now before turning back on the other side very fast? She did, right? I didn’t dream of it, did I? I’m not sleeping yet, ouch, I pinched myself too hard. She really did and…. Why am I running my fingertips on my lips now… I feel stuck… I feel… happy… I like her.
I think I shouldn’t like what she did, but I do. I’m not even sure what she did in fact. It went so fast. I barely had the time to turn around, she was so close, God I know it was just a micro-second but it’s like I can still feel her face so close to mine, and her lips barely touching mine and yet I still feel warmed by them… What is happening?
Can’t really ask her now, right? She’s turned on the other side. Don’t know what she’s feeling, don’t know what she’s thinking? It’s probably just an affection move, NYC’s way I guess, isn’t it?
It must be. Let’s say it is, ok? Cause it is way too disturbing otherwise how good it had felt… still feels. Ok, let’s lay down again…
But, what if she doesn’t know if I’m mad or disturbed by what she did? I should probably show her that I understood it was just an affectionate kiss and I should probably reciprocate that affection, right? It’d be the least thing to do, wouldn’t it?
Ok, let’s try something. Here I am, God I don’t wanna scare her by being so close. She still hasn’t moved or said anything to my moving completely close to her. I don’t know if I should *touch her* I don’t want to scare her. Well, she knows it’s me, right? Let’s try gently. Ok, waist, she doesn’t flinch, my hand still slides, she doesn’t yell, doesn’t move, I’m holding her now but what if she doesn’t want me so close and don’t dare to say it? God she’s moving, I’m busted. Alright, not what I expected but definitely better. She just put her forearm against mine and held my hand holding her closer on her stomach.
I am completely lost in my own mind now cause… I’ve never felt better in my whole life….
I can close my eyes now… I feel so good.
Mommy, hum, no, NY, damn it’s so hot here at this time of the year and- oh, no, yes…. It’s her, I remember now. She’s over me; I can feel her head completely on my shoulder.
She’s still sleeping. I’m glad, she seems so peaceful. Ok, I know what woke me up, what is daddy doing to make so much noise? She’s awake now.
“Buffy?”
Barely awake, eyes still close, she’s beautiful. Ok, stop with that now!!
“Good morning, Faith.”
There, better, I can see her eyes, her intense gaze, still here. God I love the way she looks at me, it makes me feel, mmm. Ok, I should be locked in a nut house, now!
She frowns, yeah, she heard the noise too.
“What’s your father doing?”
“I’m not sure, I think he dropped something in the kitchen, a lid or something and, yes, I think he’s cooking, or trying to, which is weird cause he never cooks. He doesn’t know much about cooking; even I am better than he is. I really wonder what he’s doing.
“Maybe just coffee?”
“I don’t know.”
Oh, he knocked on the door.
“Yes, daddy.”
“Hello girls,” He looks smiley, well, he has a weird look though, ok that’s the - I’m gonna disappoint you look- . God I hope Faith can stay here.
“I went to the baker’s and brought you breakfast, a good one.” That’s really suspicious. Here he goes with the apologizing look,
“What’s wrong daddy?”
“Nothing’s wrong honey, just, well I told you I would be here, what with Faith being here but… I’ve been called and I have an important meeting, a deal that I have to get, it’s in Austin, my plane takes off at noon so I’m gonna have to leave you girls. I won’t be back until tomorrow evening. I don’t want to spoil your weekend so I trust you both to behave otherwise no more sleepovers, ok?"
“Yes.” We replied at the same time.
“I’m sorry that I can’t stay here with you, girls.”
“It’s alright daddy.” Oh yes it is. Damn I usually feel mad at him when he lets me down like that but not today. It’s gonna be great not having him around. I think Faith will feel more at ease too.
“We’re not gonna be in the apartment most of the time anyway.”
“About that, Buffy, I’ll be calling home at 8.30, I don’t want you two hanging around in town after dark, is that clear?”
“Yes, dad.”
“Alright. I have to leave you now. Breakfast’s ready on the table. Have fun and be careful. I left you some money for the meals for the both of you, Buffy. And I will have my cell phone on me all the time so don’t hesitate if you have any problems. Have fun and don’t forget your homework.”
He’s leaving, footsteps; she’s not talking either, like she’s listening too. Front door closed. Finally. Hey, great, she’s smiling just like I am. She doesn’t mind more than I do that he won’t be here tonight. It’s going to be a great day…
“So, what do we do now that we’re alone, B?”
If I didn’t know her, I’d say her tone was very teasing. Ok, what am I saying? It was teasing, and I do know her well. I think I’m grinning hugely. It’s really gonna be a great day.
