PART 8
“Hurry!! Hurry it’s ringing!”
I’m not deaf I can hear it.
“Fucking keys, ok got them.” Run, Buffy!
“Hello, yes daddy, of course we’re here. We were watching TV,” Come on, Faith don’t laugh, please don’t, “No everything’s fine dad. You know we are, always. Yes we did. How is your meeting going? Did you get that deal?” Please, Faith, stop laughing, I know I don’t care about his deal but it’s always nice to ask. Damn I have to turn around or I’m gonna burst out laughing too.
“Huh huh, ok. It should be ok then. No it’s ok I understand, go back there, they’re waiting for you,” Damn I can hear her… I love her laugh. God is there something about that girl I dislike? I don’t think so. NYC eh? “Ok, dad, bye. Yeah, you too, bye.”
“Come on, you nearly made me laugh while talking to him.”
“It was a close shave,” She’s almost choking and she is still laughing.
“Yes, anyway, it was great. This time I didn’t make us fall which is a plus, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, well. You do bandages so well that it wouldn’t have mattered.”
Seems like she’s blushing. Oh well, it’s probably the fast run home that did that.
“But yes, you made great progress, you learn fast Buffy, it’s amazing actually, you skate backwards and all.”
“Well, I have to tell you I used to ice skate a lot.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before. It was obvious you would like skating and be gifted with it.”
“Anyway it was fun even if we almost forgot what time it was. What about the movie, did you understand the ending finally?”
“Yeah, yeah I did, at last, it was a good movie. It was great. I had fun, really. I’ve spent-,” I love when she takes my hand like that, “a really great day.”
She sounds so serious. I can’t help holding her hand back and taking the other in mine. It’s like we’re always pulled closer to each other, like an automatism, well, that’s how it feels.
“Hey you know what, it’s not over yet you know. What do you wanna do now? You said you were hungry, do you want me to order pizzas or eat pancakes, anything you want.”
“Thanks, that’s nice, I feel like so special with you, like, well, the guest I guess.”
We both laugh. She’s looking at me, ok I know I’m looking at her too, intensely. I don’t feel like letting go of her hands. And she doesn’t let go either. Alright now it’s becoming a little too intense. Weird... That feeling.
“So?”
“Huh?”
“Pizzas or pancakes?”
Cool, we both let go at the same time.
“Err… well do you still have melted chocolate?”
“Sure I do, and honey, strawberries and sugar…”
I think we both agree there.
“Pancakes!”
“Ok, that one was cool, better than the last one at least. Do you wanna watch another movie?”
“I don’t know,”
What is she looking at? Oh, the clock
“It’s getting late, don’t you think?”
“You’re not used to this sleepover thing, Faith; so let me just tell you sleeping isn’t the point of it, at all.” Ok and why am I blushing at the thought that just crossed my mind and hey! How come such a thought crossed my mind anyway? Ok, and she shies away too, what’s wrong with us?
“Well, maybe you’re right anyway, let’s go to the room.”
“It doesn’t mean we have to sleep, you know. I mean, err” damn she’s blushing “We can talk, that’s what I meant.”
Of course, what else could she mean? No, Buffy, don’t go there, it’s Faith, it’s a friend, a girl-friend, Ok I think I need a new brain without these kind of thoughts... I’m getting weird...
“Sure.” I need my ideas back in place. “Shower, first!!!!”
I have 10 minutes now to stop thinking what I’m thinking. I’ve never had such a hard time to quit my gaze off of someone. The worst is that she’s glancing at me like that too, I mean, not sure it’s like that but I swear she didn’t see more of the movie than I did earlier. Why can’t I be back to what I was, cause right now, I’m really not myself. It can’t be myself, right? Cause myself wouldn’t have thoughts like these of... another girl. If only it was just thoughts, but I’m feeling it everywhere in my body. God I’m even wet, I’m a monster, aren’t I? It’s not normal, it’s that slayer thing. It’s just like when I was a little wet after some slaying, it wasn’t normal too. At least that’s what I thought... I’m feeling so... bizarre.
Maybe I need to join the cheerleading team...
Yes, maybe that would solve it...
Ok, Buffy, time to go back, breath, smile... Let’s go
“Hey,”
“Hey, ok my turn, be back in a minute.”
“Ok.” Hey, has she removed her bra already? Ok, Buffy, stop that. I’m not so sure anymore this sleepover was a good thing.
“Ah, this was great.”
I’m glad she feels that way, she looks happy. She seems so content, arms under her head, staring at the ceiling, and she sighs happily.
“Really?”
“Yes, Buffy. Honestly, I’ve had the best day of my life. I’ve had some good fun in my life, fucking up and doing stupidities is what I do best and stupid things is usually fun B, I’ll have to teach you that,”
I can’t help but laugh, come on I’m not gonna scold her, right?
“So I’ve had some great times but the thing is, I never had a great time to share, the people I was doing this with, well, I wasn’t so close to them. Today it was…" She took my hand, “I just didn’t want to be anywhere else nor with anyone else, and that’s something I’ve never felt before. Like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, with who I was supposed to be.”
No, no, don’t look away, I like that, ok, do I tell her this? No, can’t do that.
“And I have no idea why I’m telling you this, B. I must be a little tired I guess, or maybe there's something in the air.”
“You feel that too?!” Ok, now she’s looking at me like I’ve grown horns. Of course she has no idea what I’m talking about. “Don’t bother. I’m tired too, you know.” Cool; she smiles. God I love her smile.
“Anyway, I’m glad you feel that way, and... that’s a shared impression.” She smiles even more.
I’d like to ask her this but… Won’t I cross the line, she said she didn’t want to talk about it, but it’s not really about it, right?
“Something’s wrong?”
“Huh? Oh, no, I was just thinking. Well, actually I’d like to ask you something, well, err…” She already looks less at ease; I guess she knows what the question is about.
“You don’t have to reply if you don’t feel like it, ok?”
“I’ll try if I can. I trust you.”
She does. I really can’t help but smile every time I think about this but- oh, damn, I’d forgotten about that..”
“What’s wrong, Buffy?”
“Err, no, I just remembered something. Err, well, we’ve been really honest with each other and I guess if I’m asking personal stuff to you then I have to be totally honest with you and there’s something I have to tell you first. Well, it’s-”
“It’s ok, Buffy. I know you and Danny are, well, dating, right?”
“No, God no…” She looks surprised, but still smiling.
“But I thought, err, I saw you two talking alone, several times, right? And you’re into each other, right?”
“It’s, yes, well, we went on a date on Thursday, just a movie. He walked me home.” Ok, she’s looking at me expectantly. “We kissed, just once! And no tongue! Why do you laugh?”
“You’re funny, Buffy. And also because I think I’m glad. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s free and you are too so don’t hesitate, he’s nice.”
“I know he is. But I don’t want to be with him, well not now at least. I was too focused on you to his opinion anyway. I mean, because you weren’t talking to me you know. I was worried, you know, that’s what I meant.” Stop babbling now Buffy. I love her smile.
“Ok.”
“So now you know everything, on to my question then,” I can feel her tense already.
“Well, you just told me, you know, about this ‘fun’ you were having, these stupid things you were doing and well, I was wondering, about the boys, you know. Well how, how do you do? I mean, isn’t it hard to sleep with them, I mean, after, damn I don’t know how to say it and-“ she’s smiling, a bitter smile though.
“It’s-” She is looking aside now, no, yes, back to me, “It would be if I was actually sleeping with them, having sex or whatever I say I do. But… I’m not.”
Ok, now I’m lost.
“What, what do you mean? Do you never do it? For real?”
“No. I haven’t let any guy touch me… Well, not that way at least.”
“But, but. I mean I do trust you, really and what’s more it makes more sense to me but, the others they, well, they talk you know. You’re like the female Casanova to them sorta, and some of the guys you supposedly slept with have big mouths too, I must tell you.”
“I know, that’s a good thing for me. It’s just locker rooms rumors you know, but it helped my rep. Most of the time they’re really drunk, they couldn’t remember even if we’d done it for real. It’s not hard for me to tell them they were great and then go home. As for those I brush off, well, with what they’ve heard it just makes them try harder to ‘get a date’ you know, and those I really brushed off for good just pretended they fucked me, you know how boys can be. And I wasn’t gonna deny anything so.”
I don’t know what to say, “I don’t know what to tell you, but I-I don’t think it makes you really happy that people think that of you.”
“Well honestly, Buffy, I don’t care. Honestly I don’t. I’m really used to it and to tell the truth the only thing that I don’t like in all of this is that I’m not doing it for real. I don’t mean to shock you.”
“No, no, don’t worry,” great, she let me take her hand too, “I’m just trying to understand.”
“Well, honestly I hadn’t planned on being like that. I wasn’t making much sense and I was screwed up when I arrived here, you know. Danny was the first guy I’ve been with after… after that. He was nice and I thought I could forget it all with him but… as nice as he was I could never let him go… too far, you know. I tried, I wanted to. Like, to erase all the bad but… I couldn’t. I felt helpless and powerless, he was the man hence him being ‘the lead’ and I couldn’t deal with that; it was beyond what I could stand. I felt bad, I wasn’t good at ease and I just kept on pushing him away. So after he broke up I told myself it could never happened, I could not let them dominate me. I know it wasn’t his goal but I couldn’t help feeling like that. I knew I could never feel otherwise. The only thing I wish now is to have power over them. You’re gonna think I’m crazy but I know if I had I would actually do all these things, it being bad or not I don’t care. I wish I could feel like I can ‘break’ them anytime. I don’t want to but I need to know I can. But the thing is, I can never have such power on them, on anyone.”
She’s really honest; it’s weird and somewhat scary. I understand why she insisted so much that I show her some fighting moves earlier in the park. But then maybe if she could learn a little self-defense she would feel more secure and wouldn’t need to feel that, maybe… maybe.
“I wish I could make you feel better about this. I’m sorry. I know it must be painful thinking about this and I wish I could help with that but… I can’t.”
“Yes you can, just being there with me, it helps. And I’m ok, Buffy, don’t worry. It’s better now. It’s just… I just don’t think I can ever let anyone, any man, touch me, you know. I wish I could, I’ve tried but… I can’t let them…”
I can’t help thinking about this, thinking about her, touching her; I’d like to make her feel safe. If I touched her, would she let me? I have absolutely no idea why I’m thinking about this but reason is so far in the very back of my mind right now, all I can think about is her smile, her hair, the piece of skin I can see of her stomach right now and I just want to touch her.
She’s staring at me. Does she know what I’m thinking? My head is spinning, it hurts inside so much I want to… Faith, I can’t do that.. But
“Would you?”
I said it out loud? I think I did, her gaze is so intense, it’s burning me, she’s not surprised, she’s not asking anything. I think she knows what I mean… what I want to do. She squeezes my hand.
What do I do now? God I want to…
Oh my God, her skin’s burning hot, or maybe it’s my hand. I don’t dare to move my hand anymore now; I could just keep it on her stomach, right?
“You’re the only one I trust, Buffy.”
Her voice was so low; I almost didn’t hear her so much my breathing is heavy at that moment. It really feels like her skin is burning my hand and it feels like I’m not in charge anymore. My hand’s slightly trembling I know that, but it’s moving on its own.
She’s been taking deeper breaths ever since I slid it under her top, her skin is so soft. I just, I need to be close… Closer. Her neck. My heart is pounding in my chest. I want to kiss her. I’m going to kiss her, I need to...
She closes her eyes; I’m so close to her face, God her lips, so soft. Everything seems to be so slow. My lips closing on hers, my hand, still moving up. I don’t know if I should stop it, don’t know if I can! God I feel her lips slightly part under mine, she lets me in, oh my God it feels so warm, so good. God I’ve never kissed anyone before, this is how it feels. How come it never felt that way with any boys? God nothing compares to the sweetness of her tongue and I can’t stop kissing her.
Was that a gasp? Oh God my hand’s on her breast, God what am I doing?! And I still can’t stop kissing her. God it’s crazy, I’m teasing her nipple, I swear I don’t control my hand. Did she just moan? God I never wanna stop doing this.
I need to let her breath, hell I need to breath too, God I don’t wanna break the kiss. I have to.
She’s staring at me so deeply, and I wish I could stop my hand from massaging her breast right now, feels embarrassing, but… she looks so frail right now and… yes, she wants it too. Her eyes, they tell me so much. I can’t help it, I need to feel close again, I need these lips and she needs me… I can feel that.
Her skin is so soft, my hand finally moves, I love her waist, she’s so thin. The taste of her tongue, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it. Her cheek, God her neck. I can’t believe I’m licking on her neck, is it really me? Am I dreaming? She tilts her head backwards, yes she needs me.
Oh my God, no, my hand, God I can’t help it, I’m moving it under her shorts. I feel her tense ever so slightly under my fingers’ trail on her body.
It’s ok my Faith, you know I would never hurt you. Tongue again, mmm, so good. Hey, my hand is moving up again, good girl. Yes, breasts, better, for now. They’re so firm, it feels good in my hand, I love her breasts, ok, can’t help this thought now. I wanna taste them. Let’s go down cause I just can’t help it. I hope she won’t mind. Damn I can’t lift her nightdress and- hey! She slightly lifted her back to help with it, so no; she definitely doesn’t mind I guess. God, wow, they’re beautiful, I never found my breasts ‘beautiful’, what is going wrong with me? I don’t care, I just need, oh God she arched her back at my suction, I love that reaction, it feels good. Does every inch of her skin taste so good? Can’t wait to find out… I think I definitely lost my mind, but it’s so good.
Yes, she moaned again, she likes it. Good thing cause I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. All I know is that I’m sucking on her breasts and my hand is heading south again. She’s breathing so loud now, or maybe it’s me. I’m scared, God I’m under her shorts again, going down. I need her, I need, is it her hand? Yes Faith I’m here, she pulls me to her face. God these lips. She gasped, God I’m there, I just, God I touched her there. I’m touching her, well, I think I am, it feels so different than when I’m masturbating. She’s moaning. I can’t help looking at her; her eyes are closed. I can feel her breathing on my face; I’m so close to her face, I know she feels my breath too. I can’t believe what I’m doing with my finger right now, my fingertip. I’m stroking her. What?- oh it’s just her hand, she grabbed my arm, oh she’s squeezing, is it really good? I mean, God I’ve never done that, except to me. Yes, I can feel her-, wow, yes, wet, she’s becoming wet, I just need to spread her lips a little, get a little more wetness up there, God she moaned louder this time. She’s beautiful…
“Buffy,”
“Yes,” Nothing. I think it wasn’t a question, “I’m right here, Faith.”
Her breathing is way louder now. I love that. My finger moves slowly on her clit and she moans even louder each time. She looks at me, God; Her eyes. Yes, Faith, touch me, her hand on my face gives me shivers. Her tongue, it’s like I can never get enough of her mouth. I need to let her breathe, God her pelvis is moving hard against my hand now, like she can’t control it more than I control my hand. My finger’s speeding up the pace and she follows, she’s sighing so loudly. I need to kiss her, but she’s getting out of breath, can’t kiss her too much. God her neck, it’s like I can’t get enough of her skin under my tongue.
“Buffy,” She’s out of breath; she holds me so tightly. I can’t stop kissing her everywhere, my God her legs are moving so frantically up and down, is she close? It’s like that when I am but… I’m not sure, how can I be sure?
“Ah!”
Oh, was it it? Did she come? I think she did but, how to be sure? She’s breathing so heavily. She just tensed for a second and held me so tight so I think, but I’m not sure. I don’t know, I’m still stroking her softly in case of, wow, she just jerked at the touch, ok then she did climax. God it was... I can’t believe we did that. It feels, oh my God her eyes, she’s looking at me. I swear I can feel tears in the back of her eyes. It’s like there’s a bowl clenching my throat so much I can feel thousands of emotions invading me…
I just smile at her, I want her to know it’s ok, everything will be fine now. I hope she feels this. I’m placing so many kisses, softly, on her neck and her collarbone. Maybe she’d feel better if I removed my hand from her crotch. Ok, done, it’s at the hem of her shorts, still under though. She takes her breath back. I hope she’s ok. I don’t want to stop kissing her.
“Can I kiss you?” Maybe it is dumb to ask now but… she smiles, it feels so good feeling her hand pulling my face closer to her, and these lips, I savor them. I just run my tongue on them, waiting, yes she’s the one asking for my tongue in and I get lost in the sweet texture of it… I love that. Oh yes, I love that so much.
Neck again, soft kisses, just a few, her breathing is slowing down, seems like everything is, her caresses on my head, my kisses, her breathing… It feels like peace; quiet is here now. I just want to... yes, she holds me… I’m gonna fall asleep on her chest and I’ve never felt so appeased in my whole life, and I’ve never seen her looking so quiet either….
Something wonderful happened tonight. Nothing will ever be the same…
I wonder what time it is, light is slightly piercing through the darkness of the night from what I can guess, I’m not sure I’ve really slept tonight. I guess I did, dozed off and on, but I’ve been thinking for the most part of the night…
Thinking of her, sleeping in my arms, her head resting on my chest, and every time I replay the images of last evening I can’t breathe…
It feels like it is big, it is grave, it is urgent, it is illicit and irreplaceable; it is everything at the same time… I can’t breathe again. Her skin, her burning flesh, I can still feel it under my hand, under my lips… Her mouth, her tongue, her breathing, her moans… Her pleasure… I never knew something like that existed…
I’m anxious now though, I wonder how she will react today….
