PART 9
Daylight has really taken the best this time as I can see. She’s moved several times but she’s never let go of me, even in her sleep, and it makes me feel awesome… I don’t know why…
I’m not sure she’s still sleeping now though. Her breathing is a little different, more irregular. Maybe she’s having the same thoughts I’m having, some doubts too.
Good, it feels good, yes she’s awake and no, she doesn’t seem to feel too bad. I like the way she caresses my waist with her thumb over my night shirt. She’s still resting her head on my chest and oh now she’s moving away and no, closer, mmm, God it feels good… Her warm breathing on my neck, oh God, I can feel my nipples hardening at the warm and wet touch of her tongue on my neck. Mmmm yes, under my ear. I can’t help it; I just tilted my head backwards like a reflex… She has such an effect on me…
This gaze again, staring at me, she’s smiling, the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. I love her hair, I can’t help it, I gotta run my hand through her hair and caress her face. She moves closer.
I can’t believe how much I’ve missed this, I realize that now. A whole night deprived of her lips on mine, awful, a past awful thought now though cause I can finally taste her again. I can’t help pulling her face closer and yes Faith don’t worry; I let you in, I SO want you in, taste me please, God I love kissing her. I can’t believe how much I hated kissing guys like that, ‘with tongue’ and how much I do now. It feels as if I want to, like, suck her mouth now….
Weirdly though our kisses are always gentle, deep but gentle and I love that so much. We’re both really savoring each other, that’s how it feels.
Oh, breasts, God mmm, yes, I know I just completely lost my mind, this I know, no need to tell myself this anymore, it’s not normal this desire I feel to scream to her to touch me, to keep on touching me there, everywhere, more… I just wanna hold her so tight right now that I could crush her… Mmmm God, she teases me so well… Kissing my shoulders, moving my nightdress’ bride down the most she can, it’s like I can read her, I can read this will of hers, this desire, she wants to free them and touch them as much as I wanted to do the same to her last night. God yes, finally, oh my God. Damn I’m already moaning at her suction, my nipple is so hard in her mouth and she’s teasing me even harder. God it’s so good…
Oh my God, I feel waves of panic going through me right now; her hand is going down. Breathe Buffy, breathe it’s ok… Let it go, let it go… I want to, I want her to touch me, God I’m scared… But her hand feels so soft on my thigh now that she’s caressing it. She’s moving it up again under my night dress, feels like forbidden but yet not wrong, not bad, so good, feels like it’s not really me and yet I couldn’t feel more alive than I do right now. I couldn’t feel more than what I feel now, me, Buffy. Oh my God, oh my, oh God. I’m not even thinking of it but I know I’m parting my legs now as she’s creeping through my curls, God yes, oh my God, groaning already. I just have NO self control. Oh boy, yes, she’s there, she’s really there, I can’t believe, oh good Lord Faith don’t kiss me now, I can’t breathe, God my head is spinning. It’s too much, she tastes so good. What she’s doing to me, God I’m so wet, I feel my juices flowing already. I wonder if it feels as weird to her as it felt to me last night to have her juices soaking my finger. A good weirdness though. She doesn’t seem too disturbed by that though, she’s stroking me so good, spreading my juices on my clit, everywhere and still kissing me. I think I could die just like that, just right now… It feels like eternal bliss.
“mmm” I can’t help moaning yes kiss me again, kiss me never stop. Come closer, yes, oh my, God what she’s doing. Jesus!
“It’s alright, Buffy.” She whispers so warmly in my neck, God! Oh my God, she’s inside of me, the whole world’s spinning around me this time, it’s not just my head, I feel hot, too hot.
“God, Faith,” Hold me, yes kiss me. She’s invading me, my mouth, my whole body, it feels like I’m hers totally… And it feels wonderful. God, I can’t help squeezing her arm and it turns me on even more cause I feel the movement it makes, in and out, in and out of… me. God, what’s happening?...
“God,” I can’t stop my legs, she’s going so fast now, I don’t know if she’s following the movements of my pelvis or if I’m following the move of her finger. God I can feel it so much inside. It had never felt so good before, I guess it’s really not the same when I’m doing it to myself.
God! I’m sure I hurt her! She doesn’t say anything? That’s ok then, she just hit my clit so hard with her palm that I jerked so much into her, and I thought I’d torn her arm apart so much I squeezed it. Good thing my slayer strength has a mind of its own, apparently, cause I didn’t hurt her… or she didn’t mind…
“Faith” I can’t help moaning. I feel myself leaving, oh God, oh God, oh yes, I’m coming, my God, careful, careful, don’t squeeze her, it’s too much. Ohh. God!
“Stop, stop,” God I can’t breathe, I can’t see her, I need to see her, yes my dear, precious Faith, I’m here, I’m fine. Her look on me is so caring, so concerned as well.
Yes you can smile; I’m alright, I’m more than alright, yes beautiful, kiss me, kiss me again. Touch me. I’m holding her so tight and I can’t break the kiss, I just never want to.
She finally breaks it, but she doesn’t stop, thank God, to kiss me; on my neck, my collarbone, she kisses me so slowly now. She took her finger out of me, it feels weird. I can’t believe the way she made me come. I never felt it that way with myself. It was awesome. Tender kisses, mmmm. I feel like sleeping again. I shouldn’t. We need to talk about this. What happened between us is…. Should be wrong… It shouldn’t have happened… right? Why does it feel like the best thing I’ve ever done, then? But I feel…. Well, right now I feel myself drifting to sleep again, mainly. But I know I also feel weird, awkward, I think we shouldn’t have… And what is she thinking now?… Mmm, her head on my chest, resting, she’s quiet, not moving anymore, just holding me… I’ll think about the rest later, I just wanna close my eyes right now…
Is that my stomach? I’m so hungry. Then yes I really am awake. And I’m not hungry, I’m starved. I wonder what time it is, the sun seems to be really hot out there, or maybe it’s just my thoughts keeping me hot. I have no idea what she’s doing. She moves, well, she moved a while ago, but I didn’t open my eyes then. What am I gonna say?
“Buffy?”
“Mmm” Damn even I could have thought I was really just barely awake. I’m a good actress. Ok, open an eye, she’s still beautiful. Why is she still beautiful to me? Damn. Ok, open the other now. She looks a little hesitant. I’m mad at myself for finding her beautiful and yet I smile at her like she’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen in the morning. Ok, she IS, but she shouldn’t be. I mean, I shouldn’t think that. Yet I keep on smiling, God I can’t help it, she’s so cute now with her shy-unsure smile.
“Hey.”
“Hey, I hope I didn’t wake you up. I just-, well…”
“No, no, you were right, what time is it?”
“Well, almost 2pm.”
“Wow!” Ok, I sit up now, slightly in front of her cause she sat against the headboard.
“It’s the first time I slept that late. I understand why I’m hungry now? Aren’t you hungry?”
“You bet I am.” She sounded enthusiastic but she shies away again. I guess I’m gonna start,
“Faith?”
“Yes.”
She looks expectant. I was right.
“Err, well,” not that easy after all, “How are you feeling?” Well, not a bad start.
“I’m fine. What-what about you?”
“Oh I’m fine too.” Ok, now we both look embarrassed, clearing throat, there you go again, “Faith, about last night…” she looks at me, her eyes are so luminous, I melt each time, ok focus Buffy, “Well, I. I hope I didn’t overstep the border, did I?” Ok, I sound worried, well, I AM worried.
“No, no Buffy, you did not. Besides… I was wondering about the same thing.”
“No, you didn’t, not at all.” We both smile, that’s a good thing I guess.
“I just don’t want to hurt you, with what you’ve been through, you know.”
“No, no Buffy, it’s… it’s totally different, it’s… I wanted it, it really is different… Last night was…”
“Special.” Well, she couldn’t find a word and this is the one that came to my mind. To me that’s what it was.
She nods, “Yes, special.”
“Special and unique.”
She’s giving me that weird look. Don’t ask me what I really mean by that I don’t know, Faith. Will it happen again? I don’t know… Should it? Probably not… But… When she looks at me like that, I just wanna kiss her…
“Yes, unique, I guess.”
“Well, I just meant… I don’t know exactly, I just know that you’re my best friend. What happened last night is… to me it was beautiful, it’s a little hard to understand but what matters is that it’s ours, no matter what happens now. We just shouldn’t be thinking about it too much and just keep on doing the things we were doing yesterday for example, I mean, you like spending time with me, right?” she nods “And I like that too, so why would we do our head in trying to complicate things, don’t you agree?” she nods again, but she doesn’t really seemed swayed, “Let’s just get up, have lunch and then we can go out, or stay in, watch movies and stuff, whatever you want, what do you say?”
Good, she smiles. I don’t really want to think about this. I liked last night. It’s special, but it’s not something I ever thought I would do. I just don’t know how to deal with it right now. So for now, let’s move on and we’ll see.
“What did he just say ?”
“Err, he asked him to err, hold the gun while he, err, goes, somewhere, I think.”
This is getting harder and harder, and as I see, she’s not more focused on the movie than I am. Going back to how things were yesterday is not hard, it’s impossible. Oh God I just touched her hand. I can feel her little finger ever so slightly caressing mine now.
Oh. Ok, this explosion gave us both a jump. Right, hands back to myself. I’m going to try harder this time. Is she looking at me? I shouldn’t look, yes, she is, well, she was, she looked ahead at the last minute. And God I can’t look away. Her lips, why are they calling me like that. I know, I know I’m crazy… Ooops TV fast, she saw me looking at her like that. Why is it so hard?
“That’s a good movie, huh?” I’m so lame, and this movie is horrible.
“Err, yes. Lots of action, doesn’t get you bored.”
Ok, focus, focus, I want to kiss her, no I don’t. Oh yes I do! Bad Buffy, bad. You don’t want to kiss her, you don’t, repeat again; I don’t want to kiss her shiny sultry lips. I- Oh God! Yes, I can’t help it but SHE started it, the feel of her tongue, God how I’ve missed this. I can’t believe that, she only just started to kiss me and my hand is already under her top, on her waist and my tongue’s battling with hers.
It feels so good… I just want to keep kissing her like that, forever….
I just checked at the clock, I can’t believe we’ve been like that for almost 45 minutes; kissing and groping each other. 15 minutes of kissage with a boy was the best I could last before. But with her; I just never wanna stop, her lips, her cheeks, her chest, everything. I’m kissing and touching her. And how willingly I let her feel me up, which I never did with a guy. My right hand has been dwelling on her left breast for the last 15 minutes. She just moaned in my mouth. I love the way she’s rubbing my nipple with her thumb slid in my bra.
God if anyone would see us, what would they say?
“You’re alright Buffy?”
“Yes, sorry, yes, it’s nothing.” I shivered at that thought and she noticed. I like that she did, but I don’t like the thought of anyone seeing us. Why does it feel so good to kiss her like that? I have to reassure her that I’m fine, God it seems like I wanna eat her alive so much I’m licking and kissing avidly on her neck, she moaned again…
Oh boy, she unbuttons my pants, my breath is already ragged, another button. I feel her fingertips slowly creeping underneath my panties, I lean towards her and pull one leg backward like an automatic gesture, letting her more space. I’m ashamed, I’m so wet already. I know she can feel that where she is now.
“Oh God,” I barely whispered in her ear, she shivered, a good shiver, this I can tell. Mmmm it’s so good. She’s stroking me again and I can’t believe how much I want this.
“Faith,” I just look at her; her smile is radiant, yes come closer, I pull her face even closer. Mmm those lips. This tongue. Oh! This finger… Such goodness should be forbidden. I love this.
“Oh my!!”
“Fuck!”
Fast, fast, gotta button my pants back, key in the door.
“Buffy? Faith?”
“Is it ok, are you done?” She’s helping me, how cute, not the time, Buffy? Dad’s home. Ok, breathe, I hope I’m not too flushed.
“Buffy? There you are girls?”
“Hey dad,”
“Hi mister Summers? How are you doing?”
“I’m fine, thank you, Faith. I had the opportunity to come home earlier, thought I’d take it and take you two out for an ice cream or anything you want before bringing your friend home, Buffy.”
“That’s nice, thank you dad.” He didn’t notice anything, I’m saved, thank God for slayer hearing, she didn’t understand why I pulled away at first but she did very fast, she’s got good hearing too. She’s smiling at me. How does she always know when I’m thinking about her? Ok, focus.
“How was the meeting? Did you get the deal?”
“Of course I did honey. You know your dad’s the best.”
“Of course, but, you didn’t wanna stay there to celebrate with your colleagues?” I’m being hypocrite there I know, but damn I’m so turned on right now, wish he’d stayed there longer.
“I wanted to celebrate with you girls, now come on, grab a jacket and it’s ice cream time.”
“Great.” It’s gonna be fun anyway. Maybe it’s better that way.
That’s it, she’s gone.
I don’t know what I really feel right now.
I’m staring at the ceiling. There are so many thoughts, so many images going through my mind right now and at the same time I feel empty of thoughts, I’m staring blankly. Strangely, the time with dad was fun, it wasn’t too awkward. Dad was very nice, nicer than he was with my friends in LA. I kinda had a lot of them back there so maybe that explains it. Anyway, it was fun, Faith and I laughed a lot, we were like, two girls having fun, two friends, 2 teenage friends. She’s 14, hear that, Buffy; 14 and I’m not 16 yet. Ok, she’ll be fifteen very soon but still 14... I know why I can’t focus on any thoughts, I’m afraid to pick one, I just alternate between being ashamed, feeling guilty and feeling amazed by what we did….
I roam my hand on my bed, and I can feel her skin under it instead of the sheets… It is printed in me. Forever.
How did something like that happen? How did it feel so natural, so obvious, and yet I’m scared about it, so much…. I don’t know if we’re supposed to feel something so intense, to share something so intimate.
I don’t know, I really don’t know what I’m feeling, what I’m supposed to feel. I’m afraid to look into said feelings. I’m afraid. I’d rather fight an army of vampires right now than having to put a name on it… and face it.
But I know it’s there, and I know I want to be tomorrow to see her, even if I’m anxious as Hell about it… I want to see her, always.
